Tips for No Contact after a break up?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by NottsBound, Jan 7, 2012.

  1. NottsBound

    NottsBound Active Member

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    I just broke up with my girlfriend. We argued and she broke it off. She says she doesn't care about the argument anymore because has a lot of work to do so she says she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. She has a lot of exams coming up.

    My chasing her up and apologising has caused her to delete me off facebook and my number. She said she wants to try again in the future but I'm not giving her a reason.

    I still have her email and I know her number by heart. I have gone 2 days without contacting her but it's ruining my life. I can't enjoy anything at all. Even going out, eating and video games aren't fun anymore.

    I don't have a job but I start school in a month or so until then I have a lot of free time.

    Do you guys have any tips on how to cope without contacting her?

    I miss her so much but she doesn't bother to contact me since she's so busy and stressing over her exams. I've been trying to meet other girls/guys to forget about her but it doesn't work. I just want to be with her.
     
    #1 NottsBound, Jan 7, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2012
  2. PerfectlySexy

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    Find things to do that you enjoy to fill your free time. It's a big world, lot's to do, I prefer exercise (gym, yoga, walking), creative pursuits (writing/playing music), and social activities like hanging out with friends and going out to shows. It's an opportunity to try some new things. As someone who's recently been on the opposite side of this equation, nothing is more of a turn off than someone who's got nothing else going on in life. Enjoy your life and good things (and people) will come to you.
     
  3. NottsBound

    NottsBound Active Member

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    I've been going out with friends but I haven't been enjoying it at all. Can't stop hurting over her and thinking about whether she will ever give us a try.

    I'm thinking about learning a new language and playing the guitar...would those be good options?

    1. I don't drink and go clubbing. I hate that stuff now.
    2. I need to save as much money as I can for when I go back to studying.
     
  4. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this suffering. It's called a broken heart. It's hard to know exactly what you should do at this point since she says she doesn't want to be in contact. Perhaps you need to just pull back yourself and experience the pain of the situation. I know this seems very difficult but it's important for you to take care of your own emotional health first. We can't make other people feel what we want them to feel. Also it may take a while for you to learn to deal with this situation. A broken heart doesn't heal overnight. Try to hang out with girls and guys who you consider friends and also attempt to talk to others about your suffering. No good friends would turn away from you. You obviously need emotional support from your friends now that you're hurting so much. All the best!
     
  5. NottsBound

    NottsBound Active Member

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    Thank you Jon!

    Thing is my closest friends have graduated from college as have I. We all live far away from each other. My local friends aren't really good at relationship advice or understanding, which leaves me to feel even more like crap when I'm out.
     
  6. PerfectlySexy

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    Those sound like great options. The problem is that you need to stop thinking about her, and friends can be a problem here in that they do not give you significant distraction for one reason or another. But guitar and languages are great because they are intellectually demanding (for most people anyway). Even if you pick up guitar and start writing songs about how you're feeling, it can get you out of the negative thought cycle you're in. I've done that many times. Lots of good creative work comes from difficult times in our lives. I try to see such situations as an opportunity for self-improvement - do you want to be the person moping around the house watching tv or the person who strives to improve himself in the face trying times. I know which I would choose.
     
  7. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    This ^ was gonna be my answer...

    Think about something for me.... do you feel that right now, at this moment you are obsessing about her?

    try googling "obsessing over broken heart"
    there are some good tips for you there....
    One is "Getting over a broken heart" at buzzle.com
    Another good one is "How to Heal a broken heart-5 ways to survive heartbreak"


    Tell yourself "this too shall pass" as all things do.... part of life is taking the bad with the good... and it happens to everyone; whether it is love, financial instability, loss of employment, disability, or a laundry list of terrible things that happen to us.

    It is ok to cry ... but not ok to cry forever...
    at some point you must tell yourself to get over it and start living again.

    It is ok to be angry ... but not ok to take revenge.
    That serves no purpose at all and only makes you feel worse.

    Well, ok I will stop and let you read... I'm starting my own information source (haha)

    wishing you peace... and a restful night..
     
  8. NottsBound

    NottsBound Active Member

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    I'm thriving to improve myself and she knows I am now. Before she said she hated my life was going nowhere but then I changed that but she still doesn't want the stress of a boyfriend. I love this girl so much but I can't stand the fact she doesn't wanna talk to me right now. It's killing me.
     
  9. ColonialBoy

    ColonialBoy Member

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  10. NottsBound

    NottsBound Active Member

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    I would like to get over it but there is no doubt in my mind that I want her back. As a couple there was nothing wrong with us, just the stress of her studies and 1 argument we had.
     
  11. rob_just_rob

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    Remind yourself how many other women there are out there.

    Then sleep with some of them.
     
  12. NottsBound

    NottsBound Active Member

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    I just want her back so bad..
     
  13. rob_just_rob

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    Look, I don't know you...

    And yet, I do. You sound like the 20-year-old me, who was convinced that the girl I was in the process of losing was "the One". That I could never again find anyone as great as her. That no one else could ever understand me the way she did.

    It is possible that the woman of whom you speak is in fact, all these things to you. But in all likelihood, she's not. She's one step on a long road. Someone else's Ms. Right. And there will be other, different, exciting women in your future.

    Easy for me to say, I know, but when you figure this out, you'll feel better.
     
  14. D_Dick_S_Lapp

    D_Dick_S_Lapp Account Disabled

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    I second that ^^ wish i were at that place right now. Commenting here on weirdness helps though. Find something you've never done before and learn it or as much as you can about it.
     
  15. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    Read between the lines.

    I think a lot of women here know that school/work or 1 urgument isnt going to stop loving the love of your life, it's obvious it's something else and the reasons given are reasons she's giving you because she doesn't want to sound like a bitch.

    Sparing your feelings is what's happening here because you seem to not be able to handle the truth.

    As for the truth no one knows but her but by your actions and threads I see a pattern of obsession and trying to fix everything external because it used to be perfect.
    Well it wasn't. People in relationships don't wake up one day and say fuck u im breaking up. There's a period of time where people walk around with the idea of breaking up and then even some more getting the courage to actually do it, and you were not aware in all that time.

    Her reaction is based on what you have become.
    Just for the fun of it ask one of your friends to call you text you email you poke you every few hours just to see how that makes you feel.

    A relationship is about equals, and you have placed yourself at the bottom.

    I'd advise you to learn about the alpha male post above but take it as a guideline and not as a rule as you are still you and the alpha male theory is someone elses view on how to live life which would contradict on what you should be doing. BECOMING YOUR OWN MAN.

    As of right now you hit rock bottom, and you should not contact her again untill you are on equal or higher grounds.
     
  16. NotSoDumb_Blonde

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    I didn't read that you'd been contacting her every few hours. If so, then yes, that's not going to help is it? You have to know that.

    You said you're alone, no school, no job, and she's at school, doing finals...so she's busy. Very, very busy. Give her space. So, she said she wants to break up, but maybe you can get back, is this the deal? Could her words be a reaction to stress, not eating right, not sleeping...all that goes into finals. If so, see that and give yourself some hope. Maybe I'm going to be blasted for saying that, and okay, so be it...but, if you love her, and she loves you, then maybe she simply needed this space to succeed. Maybe I've only got part of this story, and so my advice is crap. But I'm a woman, I've been stressed before, and needed my space. True, I've never shut someone out, but...I'm not her. All I can say is live your life without regrets, but also try to keep in mind her world in this moment. How she is feeling, stressed out and so on. Heck maybe just send her a real honest to god flowers with a note that says you know she'll do well on her finals. I dunno. I'm a romantic.

    If it does end though, there has been some great advice on here. You can't make someone feel something they don't. It's as simple as that. If it's not there for her-- if it's gone -- nothing you say or do will make it better. Sorry, but life has these terrible moments, doesn't it? Breaking up is never easy. Breaking anything is never simple. You've got to take care of you. Try running. Walking. Go outside. Do something different. Get a part time job until your real one starts. Something to keep your mind off it and yes, sadly the pain will lesson and you will at some point realize you can't even remember what the exact color of her hair was....
     
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