Tips On Bottoming

zaynmlk1626

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i'm 29 and i have dated with over 20 guys in my life. i consider myself as a bottom but i was never really into anal, mostly due to the fact that i used to feel more pain than pleasure most of the times i tried it. i did enjoy it a few times with guys that had a normal sized penis but when i met guys with big penises i had a big difficulty in having sex with them. i remember a couple of them got tired of trying to get it in and fuck me and they left me. i watch all these porn videos where the bottom gets fucked really hard by these big penises and i am thinking that something might be wrong with me. maybe my hole is too small for anal sex or i am not made for anal sex in general.

a few days ago i met with a really cute guy, we went on a date and then home to have sex, i really wanted him to fuck me and he had a very nice normal sized penis, i did take it in but i couldn't keep it inside me for long enough to make him cum. we did use protection and lube, i felt minimum pleasure and mostly i could feel some pain on my hole and stomach, like the lower part of my belly, i'm not sure why. i am thinking that it makes me a bad bottom this is why most of the guys won't contact me again. i always listen nice comments about my oral skills on the other hand. i don't think it was the guy's fault, he didn't force me or hurry to fuck he was very patient.

so what is wrong with me? is it true that the more often you try anal sex the more pleasurable it becomes? is it true that if you don't have anal for a long time our hole gets tight again and it's hardrer to have anal after that? what if a guy fingers you but his nail scratched your hole even with lube? i think this is what happened to me the other day cause i felt some pain while he was fucking me on the hole.

do you have any tips and tricks or any advice to make me a better bottom? thanks
 

ilovenothing

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I understand your feeling.

I thought I was more of a bottom - couldn't satify my hung boyfriend - and I felt very stupid about it. I enjoy oral sex so much, and rough sex sounded hot too, but I just couldn't do anal as a bottom. He got tired of oral in the end, and I get it.

It's still frustrating nowadays. I might be able to bottom with small guys (and if I am drunk & feel like it), but not with others : I do not find any physical pleasure. I just ended up being a top : the kind of top that turns me on and I satisfy somehow my bottom desires by inflicting to other bottoms what I would have loved to actually & physically enjoy: which means fucking hard and being dominant.

Somehow, I like it now. Maybe you could just become a top. Otherwise I suggest training with a toy regulary to get used to it or finding a BF willing to be patient & try every now and then with poppers.
 

krupnik2

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i'm 29 and i have dated with over 20 guys in my life. i consider myself as a bottom but i was never really into anal, mostly due to the fact that i used to feel more pain than pleasure most of the times i tried it. i did enjoy it a few times with guys that had a normal sized penis but when i met guys with big penises i had a big difficulty in having sex with them. i remember a couple of them got tired of trying to get it in and fuck me and they left me. i watch all these porn videos where the bottom gets fucked really hard by these big penises and i am thinking that something might be wrong with me. maybe my hole is too small for anal sex or i am not made for anal sex in general.

a few days ago i met with a really cute guy, we went on a date and then home to have sex, i really wanted him to fuck me and he had a very nice normal sized penis, i did take it in but i couldn't keep it inside me for long enough to make him cum. we did use protection and lube, i felt minimum pleasure and mostly i could feel some pain on my hole and stomach, like the lower part of my belly, i'm not sure why. i am thinking that it makes me a bad bottom this is why most of the guys won't contact me again. i always listen nice comments about my oral skills on the other hand. i don't think it was the guy's fault, he didn't force me or hurry to fuck he was very patient.

so what is wrong with me? is it true that the more often you try anal sex the more pleasurable it becomes? is it true that if you don't have anal for a long time our hole gets tight again and it's hardrer to have anal after that? what if a guy fingers you but his nail scratched your hole even with lube? i think this is what happened to me the other day cause i felt some pain while he was fucking me on the hole.

do you have any tips and tricks or any advice to make me a better bottom? thanks
Talking from a top perspective with a normal dick, I can say that it's super common
From my experience the key is to cmmunicate
It's harder with one night stands, but easier with longer term relationships
Talk, let him know the hardships
Communicate your desire to please and try exeprimenting
Sometimes using toys before helped
Sometimes long foreplay was helping
Sometimes it's all about the position
When you communicate and work together you'll find the point where you both enjoy
There's nothing wrong with brother
 

Infernal

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It may be that anal sex just isn’t for you. It sounds like you’ve had ample opportunity to try different things and nothing seems to be pleasurable. Have you tried topping someone? If you don’t think that’s an option then maybe get some toys of different styles and play with them. Once you know your own body really well then it might go better for you.
 

seattle_unicorn

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First of all, please don't feel inadequate just because you are struggling to bottom. Anal sex is very tricky, and there are so many other ways to achieve sexual pleasure.

I'm curious as to what sorts of things you have tried to help you bottom. I had similar problems to you for a long time, but now I take big cock with ease. Here are some tips I have:
  • Regular stretching - get some smaller toys to play with, and use them frequently. Once you start to get used to them, you can then get some slightly larger toys and get used to those, and just keep upgrading until you can comfortably take a large cock.
  • Breathing - I find this is often not talked about enough. Taking really slow deep breaths helps your whole body relax. We have a tendency to tense up when something enters our anus, and I imagine your anxiety over not being able to bottom well could contribute to this. Perhaps try some yoga - I do this a lot. It will just help you learn how to really relax your muscles. Your anus is designed to open up quite a lot to let out waste, so it should be able to do the same to let something in.
  • Poppers - have you tried these before? I know a lot of guys don't like them, and you do have to be very careful not to overdo them, but I find a hit of poppers as I'm starting to bottom goes a long way to opening me up.
  • Position - try riding the cock. This helps you be in control and generally just makes it easier to take a cock.
  • Trust - you have to really trust the top to be able to relax
  • Foreplay - generous amounts of foreplay helps. Yes, part of this is warming up the anus (fingering, rimming), but part of it is just building up your sexual desire so much that your body naturally feels relaxed. Remember to never rush into anal, really take your time building up to it.
I hope this helps!
 

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i watch all these porn videos where the bottom gets fucked really hard by these big penises and i am thinking that something might be wrong with me. maybe my hole is too small for anal sex or i am not made for anal sex in general.

Some really good advice here but for me this ^ is important.

Porn is not the same as sex.

Porn has a lot to answer for and is not always a good guide to sex between people. Don't measure yourself against it.
 
D

deleted972421

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First of all, please don't feel inadequate just because you are struggling to bottom. Anal sex is very tricky, and there are so many other ways to achieve sexual pleasure.

I'm curious as to what sorts of things you have tried to help you bottom. I had similar problems to you for a long time, but now I take big cock with ease. Here are some tips I have:
  • Regular stretching - get some smaller toys to play with, and use them frequently. Once you start to get used to them, you can then get some slightly larger toys and get used to those, and just keep upgrading until you can comfortably take a large cock.
  • Breathing - I find this is often not talked about enough. Taking really slow deep breaths helps your whole body relax. We have a tendency to tense up when something enters our anus, and I imagine your anxiety over not being able to bottom well could contribute to this. Perhaps try some yoga - I do this a lot. It will just help you learn how to really relax your muscles. Your anus is designed to open up quite a lot to let out waste, so it should be able to do the same to let something in.
  • Poppers - have you tried these before? I know a lot of guys don't like them, and you do have to be very careful not to overdo them, but I find a hit of poppers as I'm starting to bottom goes a long way to opening me up.
  • Position - try riding the cock. This helps you be in control and generally just makes it easier to take a cock.
  • Trust - you have to really trust the top to be able to relax
  • Foreplay - generous amounts of foreplay helps. Yes, part of this is warming up the anus (fingering, rimming), but part of it is just building up your sexual desire so much that your body naturally feels relaxed. Remember to never rush into anal, really take your time building up to it.
I hope this helps!
All very good advice. On the topic of Poppers.... do NOT use poppers if you are using E.D. drugs such as Viagra or Cialis (or their generics). Combining poppers and ED drugs can lead to dangerously low blood pressure and even the possibility of death.
 

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Some really good advice here but for me this ^ is important.

Porn is not the same as sex.

Porn has a lot to answer for and is not always a good guide to sex between people. Don't measure yourself against it.


This is it exactly. Porn is not reality. Porn actors do it for a living. They have experience, and know what their bodies can take. They also shoot multiple scenes in a day so a bottom that just sucks in a massive cock without any foreplay may have already been sitting on one. Don’t measure yourself against that kind of standard.
 
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Fishsqueezee69

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i'm 29 and i have dated with over 20 guys in my life. i consider myself as a bottom but i was never really into anal, mostly due to the fact that i used to feel more pain than pleasure most of the times i tried it. i did enjoy it a few times with guys that had a normal sized penis but when i met guys with big penises i had a big difficulty in having sex with them. i remember a couple of them got tired of trying to get it in and fuck me and they left me. i watch all these porn videos where the bottom gets fucked really hard by these big penises and i am thinking that something might be wrong with me. maybe my hole is too small for anal sex or i am not made for anal sex in general.

a few days ago i met with a really cute guy, we went on a date and then home to have sex, i really wanted him to fuck me and he had a very nice normal sized penis, i did take it in but i couldn't keep it inside me for long enough to make him cum. we did use protection and lube, i felt minimum pleasure and mostly i could feel some pain on my hole and stomach, like the lower part of my belly, i'm not sure why. i am thinking that it makes me a bad bottom this is why most of the guys won't contact me again. i always listen nice comments about my oral skills on the other hand. i don't think it was the guy's fault, he didn't force me or hurry to fuck he was very patient.

so what is wrong with me? is it true that the more often you try anal sex the more pleasurable it becomes? is it true that if you don't have anal for a long time our hole gets tight again and it's hardrer to have anal after that? what if a guy fingers you but his nail scratched your hole even with lube? i think this is what happened to me the other day cause i felt some pain while he was fucking me on the hole.

do you have any tips and tricks or any advice to make me a better bottom? thanks

I am going to talk to you from the perspective of an experienced top.

It sounds to me like either you haven't met the right top or you need to think about trying to top a guy first before you let him top you.

I will tell you that there are a lot of really bad tops out there who think they are the shit. Sex is complex. Anal sex is really complex. Lubing and sticking it in is not all there is to it. You have to be atuned to your partner. You have to play with them etc.

Another thing I will suggest is for you to take it easy. Dont just have sex the first date. Get to know the guy. See if he really makes you bend over. Do you trust him? Does he care for you? The biggest myth ppl have is that a good top is a rough guy who fucks the brains out of his bottom. No. A good top listen to his bottom, he cares and he seeks only to give pleasure to his bottom. I think of my mans needs first 90% of the time and rarely go for quickies because of that. But to be honest, if I have sex with a one night stand, I dont give a shit and will fuck him for my own pleasure. So again, you really need to be in a committed relationship to make your ass work for you. ;)

Wish you the best.
 

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I am going to talk to you from the perspective of an experienced top.

It sounds to me like either you haven't met the right top or you need to think about trying to top a guy first before you let him top you.

I will tell you that there are a lot of really bad tops out there who think they are the shit. Sex is complex. Anal sex is really complex. Lubing and sticking it in is not all there is to it. You have to be atuned to your partner. You have to play with them etc.

Another thing I will suggest is for you to take it easy. Dont just have sex the first date. Get to know the guy. See if he really makes you bend over. Do you trust him? Does he care for you? The biggest myth ppl have is that a good top is a rough guy who fucks the brains out of his bottom. No. A good top listen to his bottom, he cares and he seeks only to give pleasure to his bottom. I think of my mans needs first 90% of the time and rarely go for quickies because of that. But to be honest, if I have sex with a one night stand, I dont give a shit and will fuck him for my own pleasure. So again, you really need to be in a committed relationship to make your ass work for you. ;)

Wish you the best.
^ you're sooooo romantic :kissing_heart:

I tend to get an idea of what they want before we've met, meet, fuck 'em explosively and move on to the next one.

Y'know, unless you're very good. ;)
 
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NudeDude71

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There's nothing wrong with you... anal play takes some warming up - both emotionally and physically.
A couple of key points to remember, as a few replies have alluded:
1) ample lube
2) ample foreplay
3) take it slow until your body adjusts and can fully receive his cock (it takes a little time for the sphincter to stretch and accommodate)
4) practice with a few dildo sizes to get used to penetration of varying sizes
5) communication with your partners for a patient approach
 

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^ you're sooooo romantic :kissing_heart:

I tend to get an idea of what they want before we've met, meet, fuck 'em explosively and move on to the next one.

Y'know, unless you're very good. ;)

As I said, thats my attitude if its a one night stand but once I am on it for the long haul, its all about pleasing my bottom ;)

But yes, I am a romantic guy overall lol
 
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Messy Elliott

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This is it exactly. Porn is not reality. Porn actors do it for a living. They have experience, and know what their bodies can take. They also shoot multiple scenes in a day so a bottom that just sucks in a massive cock without any foreplay may have already been sitting on one. Don’t measure yourself against that kind of standard.

In addition, porn actors do quite a bit of prep before their scenes. The movie may just be two guys talking on a bed then fucking, but the bottom has probably prepared himself before filming, maybe takes breaks during filming, etc. None of that stuff is included in the final product because viewers don't come to porn to see the sausage being made.

I second the comments that warn you about comparing your sexual performance to porn. Aside from everything else, it will just cause more anxiety and thus make it harder for you to relax.

Finally, yes getting your ass ate feels amazing and it's fun and you should give it a try. It may help you loosen up.
 

Stephenmass

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You also may be one of those guys that can't relax and probably won't unless in a relationship. You would be well served to be getting into a mutual versatile relationship. You also may be one of those guys that simply doesn't like to bottom. Sometimes the right guy is the one that can make you relax enough if it's something you want to do however. Sometimes a simple position change can do the trick (no pun intended)!
 
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If you want to bottom, you're 90% of the way there. Most of the issues with bottoms is not wanting to bottom. If you really want to, then the rest of it just takes patience and time. A lot of guys are REALLY tight when they start out. Thats just how it is. When I say time - it can be MONTHS before you are ready to take anything nearing average. Just work with fingers to start, then slowly work your way up. LOTS of lube.

Also a note on lubes. Use something that does NOT contain spermicide. That can cause irritation. Also anything that MIGHT contain propylene glygol can irritate. [Skin irritation caused by propylene glycols] - PubMed Use something like baby oil or something similar to start with. Its NOT compatible with condoms BTW. Also certain condoms can also cause irritation. Most condom manufactures produce condoms with spermicide. Again - something that can cause irritation. Personally I prefer Uber Lube or Elbow Grease.

Also one thing to remember - tearing. A 'tear' can be small enough not to bleed but to cause a LOT of discomfort. Fingernails should be clipped and filed down to be SURE they are smooth.

I actually know this from personal experience. It took me a long time (maybe three or four years) before I could take something comfortably, and years longer to learn as a top what to do with my bottoms.

Just remember - if you want to bottom you're 90% of the way there.
 

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I'm definitely following this thread because I've had somewhat similar experience to the OP. I want to bottom. I've done it in the past, and I like the feel of cock in my ass! But it also hurts.

Only one poster on this thread has brought up the issue of tearing which seems to be my problem. I tear and bleed regularly just from a solid bowel movement. I've tried gradual stretching with small dildos and moving on to larger ones, but even the small ones that do nothing for me in the way of pleasure leave me bleeding.

Does anyone else have this kind of trouble?
 

deine_huendin

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Make sure you are well cleaned out, sometimes that can derail the experience. Also, work on regular stretching, it really helps.
regular stretching !?
you hear that often here.
but where is the limit of stretching?
i want to be penetrable without too much pain. but my top also tells me very clearly that it likes it very tight. I want to avoid being completely open and worn out at some point