To all homosexuals... how do I shoot you down politely?

[modestlyhung]

Hi, I'm a straight man who has no qualms with homosexuals whatsoever. In fact gays rights is something I feel strongly about, even though I'm not gay myself. The thing is I find myself getting hit on by gay men somewhat frequently and I don't know how to tell them I'm straight but be polite and not offensive, also hoping nobody gets embarrassed. Some of you guys are really forward and persistent! lol (Note: I get hit on by a lot of girls too so I don't think I seem overtly gay)

A story I'd like to share... I was at an outdoor concert and a drunk, though hot, girl planted herself right in front of me and was trying her best to get down and dirty right there. That particular concert wasn't the place or time for that and frankly I just wanted to watch the show. I ignored her for a long time and eventually a friend of hers pulled her through the crowd.

Some guy must have thought that meant I was gay and tried the same thing, he was not nearly as obvious as the girl but WAY more persistent. He just stood in front on me and kept trying to back up and get right up on me. I tried to give him signals that i wasn't interested like putting out my elbow so he'd back into it. I put my bag in front of my crotch so he couldn't get close. Eventually I had to put my hand on his back and push him to arm's distance (then he got the signal). What should I have done? What should I do in general?

 

[badger2395]

Get his attention, and then say, "Hey, I appreciate it, but I'm straight. Thanks, anyway." Show a polite smile when you say it.

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

Hi, I'm a straight man who has no qualms with homosexuals whatsoever. In fact gays rights is something I feel strongly about, even though I'm not gay myself. The thing is I find myself getting hit on by gay men somewhat frequently and I don't know how to tell them I'm straight but be polite and not offensive, also hoping nobody gets embarrassed. Some of you guys are really forward and persistent! lol (Note: I get hit on by a lot of girls too so I don't think I seem overtly gay)

A story I'd like to share... I was at an outdoor concert and a drunk, though hot, girl planted herself right in front of me and was trying her best to get down and dirty right there. That particular concert wasn't the place or time for that and frankly I just wanted to watch the show. I ignored her for a long time and eventually a friend of hers pulled her through the crowd.

Some guy must have thought that meant I was gay and tried the same thing, he was not nearly as obvious as the girl but WAY more persistent. He just stood in front on me and kept trying to back up and get right up on me. I tried to give him signals that i wasn't interested like putting out my elbow so he'd back into it. I put my bag in front of my crotch so he couldn't get close. Eventually I had to put my hand on his back and push him to arm's distance (then he got the signal). What should I have done? What should I do in general?

Your approach, in both cases, was not direct and to the point. Your mixed emotions toward the chick came through to her. You can't expect people to leave you alone unless you give them dirty looks and say
NO loud and clear. If that turns some people on or they are too drunk to care, you say "I am serious. I am not interested in you, move on."

You don't really want to initiate any kind of physical contact with anyone. It can be mis-interpreted in oh, so many ways and most of them are not good.

 

[Industrialsize]

Quote Sarah Palin:

"Thanks but No Thanks"

but mean it

 

[MuscledHorse]

Quote Sarah Palin:

"Thanks but No Thanks"

but mean it

then quote Nancy reagan and "just say no." Of course after you quote all those Republicans, the guy may be sure you're a closet case if your next stop is the men's restroom

 

[nudeyorker]

Same thing I say to woman, other gay men and supposedly straight men who hit on me:
"That's very flattering, thank you ,but I'm spoken for..but thank you, have a great night."

 

[Leche por mi cafe]

The nicest way is the direct and to the point way. I agree, there are a lot of guys out there that can't take the message, but that has nothing to do with you. As a gay man myself, I too have to deal with those guys. I usually just look at them right in the face and I shake my head in a "no" motion. If they don't get that message, then I just say, "Thanks but I'm not interested." I have had to raise my voice a few times by saying"Look dude, it's not going to happen!" I've never had to reach to the physical.

 

[B_Nick8]

Guys are guys and for a lot of them it's in their nature to be persistent. I hate having to be really direct but if they can't take a hint I'll smile and say "I'm really flattered, but no". No one's ever pushed beyond that.

 

[101754]

"Sorry I'm heterosexual actually, but thank you." And if you want to be really polite, "Also I'm voting to allow gay marriage."

Great question.

 

[B_hugetripod]

Do as exactly you would do with an agressive straight female you are not interested in. Unwanted advances are the same regardless of who is making them. Unwated advances show disrespect for a person. Doesn't matter if it's str8/str8, str8/gay gay/gay.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Guys are guys and for a lot of them it's in their nature to be persistent. I hate having to be really direct but if they can't take a hint I'll smile and say "I'm really flattered, but no". No one's ever pushed beyond that.

Yup, what this man said :biggrin1:

 

[sam_solo26]

Is it so hard for people to say no? I mean, there's being respectful (many of the posters' suggestions for what to say are perfect, if you also have the accompanying tone), and then there's the passive-aggressiveness that you seem to have a pattern of based on your story. Now if you were in a life-threatening situation or if it was one of your friend's friends hitting on you, I could understand being less up-front, less aggressive with your feelings. But you weren't, and they weren't. So grow a pair and assert yourself as an adult who deserves respect when he voices discomfort. If they can't take it, that's their problem, not yours. Good luck!

Btw, I want to dispel this notion that only guys are persistent when it comes to relationships. I've had quite a few girls not get the signals either, and I was just continually throwing them out there. Women seem to rationalize rejection just as much as men. They might or might not get the hint, forget about it, and continue on. As a previous poster mentioned, it's a self-defense mechanism that humans have.

 

[rickygNOLA]

I would hope that a "Thank you very much, really. But I'm straight." would do it. If he persists after that, don't be as nice.

 

[8060]

Is it so hard for people to say no? I mean, there's being respectful (many of the posters' suggestions for what to say are perfect, if you also have the accompanying tone), and then there's the passive-aggressiveness that you seem to have a pattern of based on your story. Now if you were in a life-threatening situation or if it was one of your friend's friends hitting on you, I could understand being less up-front, less aggressive with your feelings. But you weren't, and they weren't. So grow a pair and assert yourself as an adult who deserves respect when he voices discomfort. If they can't take it, that's their problem, not yours. Good luck!

Btw, I want to dispel this notion that only guys are persistent when it comes to relationships. I've had quite a few girls not get the signals either, and I was just continually throwing them out there. Women seem to rationalize rejection just as much as men. They might or might not get the hint, forget about it, and continue on. As a previous poster mentioned, it's a self-defense mechanism that humans have.

:hail:

 

[B_theOtherJJ]

Thanks guys, IF I ever get hit on, now ill know what to say ! :frown1:

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Why do you even have to say you are married or straight? No thank you should be sufficient. If he keeps on pushing, have him sit on the mop bucket for a toilet and pull the handle hard.

 

[nudeyorker]

Why do you even have to say you are married or straight? No thank you should be sufficient. If he keeps on pushing, have him sit on the mop bucket for a toilet and pull the handle hard.

Then there is the subtle approach!

 

[D_Portelay Porquesword]

There are times when people can be inappropriate no matter what their sexual persuasion is. I firmly believe when you view these kinds of things from that perspective, the need to make a post that draws attention to the fact that you are an otherwise attractive man or to reassure yourself by making this kind of statement: " (Note: I get hit on by a lot of girls too so I don't think I seem overtly gay) "

Come on! What is OVERLY straight, OVERLY gay or OVERLY anything? Either you are gay are you are not, bi or not. People are not living their lives according to your personal taste level, just as you are not living YOUR life in that manner. The use of the word OVERLY is a bit limited and makes you look a bit foolish in my estimation. It gives off the signal of over compensation for something.

Common courtesy is just that, COMMON COURTESY not matter what situation you are placed in, that's why it is COMMON.

The next time something like that happens say "Excuse me!" or "Would you please move up off me dude?"

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

Hey folks!

"Sorry, no," "I'm flattered, no," "I'm str8, no," "Thank you, no," "Thanks, but no Thanks (*the* most dysfunctional of them all!);" **every one of these** give a mixed message.

You *do not* apologize to someone you want to get rid of!!! Why? They only hear the apology. They don't hear the NO! This is especially true for an alcoholic (modestlyhung's 1st example).

The only way someone hears the NO is if the NO is all you say.

Never, ever, try to be polite or Mr. Nice Guy when you are dealing with someone who you want to get out of your face.

Better they call you an asshole and walk away than you have to explain what you mean, over and over again.

An example, in a gay bar if you say, "I'm str8, no," you may get "Are you sure? I'll bet I can change that in 5 minutes" or, "I'll bet you won't be str8 if I buy you a beer," or "too bad, you're cute," or, "I do str8 men too!" These dudes think they are being cute and sweet but they have no idea how annoying they really are. An hour later they might accidentally bump into you and it starts all over again. Women can be just as obnoxious. Get the point?

No, means NO. You owe no one any other explanation or any other reason than to just say NO.

The 1 and ONLY 1 exception is to say "What part of NO don't you understand?" when they don't accept your NO in the first place.

 

[StrictlyAvg]

No thanks, but hey, if you have a really cute sister?? :wink: