To Announce Bisexuality Or Not Say A Word

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Hey guys

So a question on if it's necessary to announce to the world that you are bisexual or rather say nothing and continue to project myself as a regular straight guy.

Not dating anyone at the moment and while looking for guys and girls online in the same site, one of the guys I matched with and had a completely platonic conversation with turned out to be friends of a friend of mine.. who then came to me asking if I am gay...

Do I take this as an opportunity to announce to my friendship group that I am bisexual or should I brush it off as it was me looking for friends and nothing more...

Do people need to know my sexual preference or not? They will most likely continue to see me with members of the opposite sex at gatherings and nothing will change in that regard

My same sex exploration's are just that.. random and occasional.. and will most likely remain like that.

Any advice?
 

Tommy56

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It's a dilemma for sure and no one answer is perfect for everyone. I've let a few people know myself and certainly if the relationship passes from platonic to romantic. I've referred to the 13 classifications of bisexuality to help understand where I am. Outside of intimacy, it's really nobody's business. Good luck!
 

halcyondays

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Do not announce it. Nor should you "continue to project yourself as a regular straight guy" if it's not being yourself. I don't even know what a "regular straight guy" is. How does one tell? How does one tell if someone's bi unless one sees them date both sexes over time?

What does a "regular bi guy" look like? What does a "regular gay guy" look like?

Do people need to know your preference? No. Tell them to mind their own business. This may sound harsh but if your friend knows you date women and suddenly asks if you're gay when he discovers you matched with a guy it proves how small minded he is. He's still living in the black-and-white world where one is either straight or gay with nothing in between.

Alternatively you can use it as a teaching moment to educate him that sexuality is not either-or, that you have dated both and will continue to do so. If you're lucky maybe he'll start thinking outside that particular box. He might even admit he's the same.
 

Blkgymrat

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I guess it depends on what your goals are. The world needs more out bisexual men but most men who are bisexual aren’t willing to bear that cross publicly, myself included. One could argue about the merits but that’s where the facts lie. For some, the costs are higher than others. In short, consider the consequences to yourself and others then proceed with caution.
 

bkbll2010

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I don’t announce it, but some friends know and some don’t (or at least I haven’t told them). I’ve always said if I ever get in a relationship with a guy that is serious enough then that’s when I’ll let more know. Or if I get in a relationship with a girl it’s only fair to let her know as well. I had a girl ask me recently (we dated for awhile) I told her i was. She’s supportive and we are probably better friends now. Do it if or when you are comfortable. If someone asks me I’ll be open about it.
 

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You don't have to share it with anyone if you don't want to. Unless you're going to date someone, it's best to let them know. It's only fair to them. If they can't handle it, you know it wasn't meant to be. However, there are advantages to coming out to close friends. In every case involving my friends, our relationships grew deeper. It leads to you getting closer to being who you truly are. It's scary but it's very rewarding.
 

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Coming out, or not, is your own business.

That said... the world needs more out queer people. When you're a bi person with straight-passing privilege, the freedom you have to live your life that way is built on the backs of those of us who a) don't pass as straight, b) are out. Plus, research has shown that the #1 pathway to queerphobic people growing the fuck up is, y'know, knowing out queer people and finding out that we are just people.

Also, 'regular straight guy'? Ugh. We're all regular.
 

Nick Briggs

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Hey guys

So a question on if it's necessary to announce to the world that you are bisexual or rather say nothing and continue to project myself as a regular straight guy.

Not dating anyone at the moment and while looking for guys and girls online in the same site, one of the guys I matched with and had a completely platonic conversation with turned out to be friends of a friend of mine.. who then came to me asking if I am gay...

Do I take this as an opportunity to announce to my friendship group that I am bisexual or should I brush it off as it was me looking for friends and nothing more...

Do people need to know my sexual preference or not? They will most likely continue to see me with members of the opposite sex at gatherings and nothing will change in that regard

My same sex exploration's are just that.. random and occasional.. and will most likely remain like that.

Any advice?

I'd say it comes down to whether or not you want to openly date a guy or not. If you're romantically attracted to guys... its gonna come out sooner or later. Better it be on your terms...

If you're only into guys for the sex and women are the romance side. Then it's entirely up to you but no where near as beneficial since you're not gonna be seen "in public" with men if that's the case.
 

CollStorm

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I don’t understand why anyone bisexual has to declare anything.

At this point I think totally straight people should have to come out of the closet, because at this point they’re the minority.

“Mom... dad... I’ve been keeping a huge secret from you... I’m straight.”

:: Dad looks at mom and frowns.::

“He gets it from you.”
 

flooble

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I don’t understand why anyone bisexual has to declare anything.

At this point I think totally straight people should have to come out of the closet, because at this point they’re the minority.

“Mom... dad... I’ve been keeping a huge secret from you... I’m straight.”

:: Dad looks at mom and frowns.::

“He gets it from you.”

Nobody has to declare anything about their sexuality. But as I said above: more out people means better lives for every queer person, and everyone who isn't out but takes advantage of their freedom is doing so because of those of us who are out.
 

thongboy

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Telling friends you trust is fine. In many cases they'll know already. And they will respect your privacy. What's not okay, unless you're a totally reckless idiot, is to declare it online where secrets cannot be kept.
When it comes to your own relationship, it's more honest to tell your partner. It's been easy for my gf and myself since we're both bi and don't keep secrets from each other, but I know it can be tougher in other situations
 

Massey56

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In my experience this question is rooted in giving something up. revealing something to others without getting anything tangible in return. Information that, let's face it, could perhaps be used against us. In the rare occasion that I have the presence of mind to realize that I am operating as a result of that concern I immediately reveal. For in my case, obscuring and veiling is deadening.

As a white male in our particular time in history and the North American experience, I have the widest possible array of opportunity in maintaining a position as the straight white guy. Every time I lie to myself to do that I am reinforcing that structure. Now perhaps I want to. Perhaps I find security in maintaining my position on top.

But many of the challenges that I have faced as a man have been rooted in this knee jerk desire to maintain the status quo.

Life, to me, requires something much more daring and dangerous. It demands my letting go of power and control; and allowing the current to take me.

I was fortunate to ride horses as a youth. Learning to ride a horse as a 10 year old boy. They are big animals. It is a HUGE mistake to think you are controlling the horse. You are riding the horse. The horse is doing most if not all of the work. You have to learn how to be a tiny object that the horse decides he/she prefers to have along and then after 'knowing' you becomes attached to your being on board, I fell off a lot less when I 'sat' in the saddle in that way...Life is ridden too.

So I was given awareness of my same sex attraction. My attempts to control that can be awkward to my actually living life fully.
 
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1222288

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Hey guys

So a question on if it's necessary to announce to the world that you are bisexual or rather say nothing and continue to project myself as a regular straight guy.
Just be you.

People don't need to announce who and what they are all the time. If someone asks, it is your choice to tell them. If you are yourself, people will organically notice you seem to be attracted to certain people.

After a while you will become more secure with your sexuality. Right now, you are in the coming out stage of being bisexual. I was in the same boat when it was new for me as well, and I made announcements for the first little bit. What I discovered was that it was more a big deal in my head, than for other people. It took a bit for me to relax, but it happened. Now it's not a issue at all. People that are attractive to me will know that they have my attention, without the need to wear t-shirts stating my sexuality, or making bold statements.
 
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mineaminea

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In my experience this question is rooted in giving something up. revealing something to others without getting anything tangible in return. Information that, let's face it, could perhaps be used against us. In the rare occasion that I have the presence of mind to realize that I am operating as a result of that concern I immediately reveal. For in my case, obscuring and veiling is deadening.

As a white male in our particular time in history and the North American experience, I have the widest possible array of opportunity in maintaining a position as the straight white guy. Every time I lie to myself to do that I am reinforcing that structure. Now perhaps I want to. Perhaps I find security in maintaining my position on top.

But many of the challenges that I have faced as a man have been rooted in this knee jerk desire to maintain the status quo.

Life, to me, requires something much more daring and dangerous. It demands my letting go of power and control; and allowing the current to take me.

I was fortunate to ride horses as a youth. Learning to ride a horse as a 10 year old boy. They are big animals. It is a HUGE mistake to think you are controlling the horse. You are riding the horse. The horse is doing most if not all of the work. You have to learn how to be a tiny object that the horse decides he/she prefers to have along and then after 'knowing' you becomes attached to your being on board, I fell off a lot less when I 'sat' in the saddle in that way...Life is ridden too.

So I was given awareness of my same sex attraction. My attempts to control that can be awkward to my actually living life fully.

Wow, this! This right here! It's not only the ability to acknowledge it to yourself, which requires introspection, but to acknowledge it to others.
 
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