To be open about your sexuality at work

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

What do you think about being open about your sexuality at work?

I'm in college and work with a bunch of college kids. The guys always go on about their girlfriends and girls they think are hot. I mostly just avoid going into details about my personal life or who I think is hot. I'm not ashamed. I am out to close friends but I don't want to create an uncomfortable environment at work.

 

[hung]

Kurtis,

I would recommend that you evaluate your work situation. If you can be accepted for the person you are, then discuss your situation openly. If your job is on the line because of your sexuality I would not discuss it. Unfortunately that is the situation, but your lively hood is also important.

I wish you well.

 

[Florida Boy]

Seems to me you already know the lay of the land in your office or your would have started mentioned significant personal things without screaming 'I'm gay.' It is really bad if you hear gay jokes and gay put-downs.

Good Luck.

 

[catman]

I am a widowed bisexual man. I also teach college level. I leave my personal life at home and my professional life at work. I do have an 'easy out' being a widow (I think) if anyone 'ask' I simply say I am a widower....Seems to stop that type question. This is also why I don't do online pictures- I have very online savvy students from ages 19-40+.

 

[Brick7]

I've posted about this before...
I am friends with some of my coworkers (we see each other in social settings outside of work) and I am out to them. I don't keep it a secret at work. There are employees in other departments at my place of business who also know I am gay but it doesn't really impact my professional life. We're all there to do our jobs.
I don't out myself to clients but if they find out somehow, it doesn't matter to me. I do my work, make the client happy and move on to the next client. It's called being professional.
As for you being out at work, you are the best judge of your coworkers and the atmosphere at your workplace. I would think that of all age groups, college-age workers would be the most accepting of gays and bisexuals. But again, you would be the best judge of that at the moment.
At my workplace, if someone makes a comment like "Angelina Jolie is hot" I might say something along the lines of "Yes, she is but Brad's not too bad either".
You don't have to be Super Out Guy if you're not comfortable with that. But in my opinion, life's too short to live in the closet. Be proud of who you are.

 

[malkavian_astraga]

To each their own I'd say just don't get urself in trouble with anyone who would twist it to sexual harassment. Personally, I am relatively open about it. I tell people if they ask but I am not very flamboyant about it. I discuss men and women with co-workers. But they all know I am gay

 

[SpeedoMike]

standing up at work and shouting "I am gay" is like standing up in church and saying the same. better know how the congregations swing before you open your mouth. Coming out at work may or may not affect your job, but be pretty sure it won't before doing so.

as an employment manager I've counseled guys to keep their mouths shut until they get the lay of the land. (I always wished I could have the lay of the land before somebody else got him!)

 

[uncutblond34]

I've been very lucky. Once I figured out the office climate, if you will, I knew I'd be okay to let people know,and one by one, I did so. Everyone in the office knows, and not only are they okay with it and joke about it ( it took them awhile to figure out that I'm not easily offended...lol ), but they embrace it, and make sure that I get to help our gay clients ! I couldn't be more comfortable. I've never hidden my sexuality, or lied about it, but I don't wear it on my sleeve/bang the drum/wave the flag, etc. But everyone has been most supportive and friendly.

 

[petite]

It's sad that it's still necessary to be careful, but unfortunately it is.

I'm with everyone else. Take some time to feel out the culture at the company, and then decide what to do about being open or not. You may find that you want to just trust a few people, maybe not, but it takes a while to figure out who to trust, too.

I wish you luck and I'm sorry that this is something you and others here have to deal with. I wish you didn't.

 

[D_Eddie Withagun]

Coming out at work may or may not affect your job

And NOT being out at work also may or may not affect your job.

 

[petite]

And NOT being out at work also may or may not affect your job.

Really? I'm not disagreeing with you, I just can't think of a single situation right now where this would be the case. Could you elaborate on a situation that explains what you mean?

 

[VeryHung]

Keep your personal life personal.

 

[B_RedDude]

With your narrow little mind, this topic is none of your business.

Keep your personal life personal.

 

[earllogjam]

I think it's a good idea for people to get to know you well as a person, good guy and productive worker BEFORE they know you like to screw around with other guys. You are less likely to be vicitimized as an outcast that way. People will figure it out or suspect you are gay eventually.

When you tell one person you are gay the chances are the whole office will know in less than a week so keep that in mind.

When you are out at work be professional about it. Your sexuality and sex are not topics to discuss at work straight or gay. Don't flaunt your sexuality in everyone's face. Unfortunately if you work with others, you need their cooperation to do your job and the easier you get along with these co-workers the smoother and less of a headache your job is gonna be.

Give good thought to coming out at work. The freedom is great but don't be naive to think gays are immune to employment discrimination even in this day in age.

 

[D_Eddie Withagun]

Really? I'm not disagreeing with you, I just can't think of a single situation right now where this would be the case. Could you elaborate on a situation that explains what you mean?

I think anyone who's ever felt the need to hide his/her sexual orientation could give you many examples that highlight just how damaging it is to be in an environment where closet status is switched to 'IN'.

-Having colleagues of the opposite sex hit on you because they don't know.

-Not being able to bring your partner to company functions/parties.

-Unable to talk about what you did last night without obscuring the truth.

-Putting up with homophobic jokes and even feeling that you have to make them yourself, in order to cover the fact you're gay.

-Moderating aspects of your personality that are deemed 'gay'.

-Having to fabricate an interest or attraction towards the opposite sex.

These are all very damaging to the psyche. It can often lead to anxiety, depression and feelings of worthlessness. All of which can be detrimental to productivity in the workplace.

Very few people have the reality of working in a place where 'business is business, and personal life is personal'. Therefore, in order to maximize workplace productivity, it is wise to implement anti-discriminatory systems in the workplace.

 

[B_RedDude]

-and even feeling that you have to make them (homophobic jokes) yourself, in order to cover the fact you're gay.

-Having to fabricate an interest or attraction towards the opposite sex.

Why are the above things necessary to not being "out" at work? It's all about discretion, not outright dishonesty.

These are all very damaging to the psyche. It can often lead to anxiety, depression and feelings of worthlessness. . . .

I guess the above could be true if you don't have a heathly self-esteem that does not depend on the opinions or feelings of others. Actually, that's why it's called SELF-esteem.

Very few people have the reality of working in a place where 'business is business, and personal life is personal'.

It is the individual's right to keep their personal life as private as they want, no matter where one works. Why are you depending on an environment's or someone else's level of self-disclosure to determine what level is appropriate or comfortable for you?

Some gay people whine too goddamned much (and I am gay).

*

 

[iluvbigheads]

...my take on the matter is simple..the workplace isn't the place to be telling people your gay. You're there to make money and earn a living, sexuality has nothing to do with it. However, I know out in the "smoking section" people talk and I suggest using discretion so you are not the next gossip piece.

 

[D_Eddie Withagun]

Some gay people whine too goddamned much (and I am gay).*

You'll find it's the whiny fags who have fought long and hard for your god-damned rights to even be in work.

My post that you quoted was simply a response to Petite asking in which situations NOT BEING OUT could affect you in a workplace.

But it's great to see you have such prior understanding before being a complete jerk-off-cum-dribble.

Lemme get the tissue for you. Oh there we are!

 

[B_RedDude]

I think it's your type that need the tissue, but hey, if you want to be a whiny faggot, please, be my guest.

Just don't seek a job where I work.

You'll find it's the whiny fags who have fought long and hard for your god-damned rights to even be in work. . . .Lemme get the tissue for you. Oh there we are!

 

[D_Eddie Withagun]

I love you really