To Date Somebody you work with....

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GreenEyes: or not?

That is the question.

All I know is there is some guy at work that I am attracted to and I know he is with me, however he is so vague and that is driving me bonkers.

The working together part isn't helping either.

So what is your take on the subject?

 

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ORCABOMBER: I'd do it if I was in your shoes.

 

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GreenEyes: OK why would you do it if you were in my shoes?

Again he is vague and sometimes I think somebody being so aloof can drive a person away instead of getting them closer. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks for replying.

 

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ORCABOMBER: Okay, the reason why, is if I suspected someone fancies me then I would try to get to know them, I don't aim to go straight for their pants, but y'know, just generally talk about stuff, ask him for a drink, any sports he's into.

If he's confortable with you, then you're onto a winner.

Knowing from how I behave, I don't really let on too strongly about my feelings, I couldn't judge his personality, but at least if you get to know him, if he's not for you, it's safe to back off.

I'm not sure why I'm the one giving advice to be honest, I'm good at getting friends, not lovers, that's YOUR job.

Good luck.

 

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GreenEyes: Again thanks for the advice.... ;D :-*

 

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longtimelurker: Also be careful of how closely you work together. Someone on a different floor is a whole different ballgame compared to your closest work colleagues. Also it is generally a bad sign if he is your boss (or, indeed, if you are his).

 

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Tender: he could be 'aloof' for the very concerns you are expressing here.
maybe he thinks it will hurt the job?
or what if it doesnt work out?
what would others there think?
maybe he thinks YOU are the aloof one, so he is keeping a reservation about himself so as to not get hurt or disappointed, embarassed ect.
who knows.
its all part of the game....
time will tell.
just let yourself be available if you want to try it....
Tender

 

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GreenEyes: Thanks...No neither one is the other boss or in the possition of power over the other. Same job but yes different part of the building.

I am open to share any information about myself to him. He on the other hand has been pretty vague.

You do have a point there about the concerns and holding back. That is what I felt too.

Thanks again to those that have posted something on the subject.

 

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Tender: how old is he,
and what has his past relationships been like?
of course you dont know that,
but it could be that as he is getting older he has sort of 'given up' so to speak.
or maybe he has had some very bad past relationships, makes it hard for a guy to trust again....

 

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GreenEyes: 34
one love died on him
never was married
rumor is he is living with another
He has said he isn't
Thinking he has a girlfriend (aloof part into play)
However he has been hanging with several others and me to all hours of the weekend.

Is that enough information.

Again another thing I was rattling my brain over...meaning another angle towards his aloofness

 

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Tender: hm yup sounds strange.
well im a country kinda gal.
i guess i like to wait for HIM to make any major moves.
although as i get older ( ah gee 26? older? ) i see life as shorter, so i wouldnt mind putting a move on a guy.
but really id rather he was a little more participatory and not leaving me guessing.
so if he were being aloof to me, i think id wait it out.
wait on him.
his call.

well good luck, hope it works out for you one way or another.

Tender

 

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longtimelurker: Well seeing that you work in different parts of the building I'd imagine that your professional contact is minimal. In that case, you've got a situation more akin to a guy that you regularly see down the pub, or similar.

I've known a couple of people that have gone out with, or even married, people that work in the same company. I think that as long as you're not on each others backs the entire day then there's no problem.

Good luck, girl!!!

 

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GreenEyes: Again thank you Tender and Longtime....

The thing is the aloofness is going to make me loose interest if that makes sense.

I suppose when I want to get to know somebody I want to get to know them without the feeling of a wall in between.

The whole work thing does worry me. Like what happens if I become a stalker or vice versa. With any relationship one goes in with that little bit of fear of getting hurt. I would think working with that person if things dien't work out would make it difficult.

I do think that there is something I need to learn from him. Some of you understand that concept that some people are in your lives at times for you to learn a life lesson. Well, that is how I feel with him.

 

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mindseye: [quote author=longtimelurker link=board=99;num=1066011179;start=0#11 date=10/13/03 at 11:35:23]I think that as long as you're not on each others backs the entire day then there's no problem.[/quote]


Hmm, that would be a very strange position...

 

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awellhungboi: You never can tell, Green eyes. He may be being aloof because he's shy, he may be oblivious to the fact that he's being aloof, or, worst case scenario, he may have something to hide. I don't know. But I wouldn't think you should automatically assume the worst. Many guys have a hard time making the first move, believe it or not, even if that's the socially decreed role they have.

I hope it works out for you! I've had work romances before and they've been fine, so I know they're possible.

Anyway, let us know what you decide!

 

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Tender: well if hes being aloof and doesnt realize it, he may not be the smart pup for you.
you know some things are obvious and then a guy doesnt pick up on it, well.... im not into the dense type, ya know?
aloofness really is a turn off....
Tender

 

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GreenEyes: Do you think me telling him he is vague clear enough?

His response is I will learn things as time goes on.....

I am the type of person that will usually share information on what another wants to know right away without the riddles....

Monstro those thoughts have crossed my mind. Is it that he is shy? Dating another? Serious with another? (than why did he kiss me on Friday) Protecting his heart from past pain? Worried also about the working thing together? et al?

Hmmm another idea since I am writing this here maybe he is in the large penis group and is worried... or to the opposite extreme. Shrugs.... (ok this part was just meant in jest)

 

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awellhungboi: well, let me just play devil's advocate here for a second, Green Eyes. Is it possible you're just thinking too much? Maybe he just wants to take things slow? If he kissed you that doesn't sound very aloof to me. (Although I don't know the whole story, of course.) For what it's worth, I say go for the gusto--ask him.

 

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GreenEyes: Monstro I do not like it when I can't read a person. Basically I never have that problem with others. This guy I have problems with figuring him out.

Geez I always think a lot.

However it was like kissing for an hour. The next day in an area with other co workers so akward and just doing the hang out thing with no physical contact.

I have asked but he does the old diversion thing with a twist of the philosophical thing.

Difficult to explain.

Thank you for listening to me vent and the input.

Basically I think it would be difficult to date somebody you work with.

 

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Tender: i think youve answered your own q here.
he wants you in private,
but he doesnt want to acknowledge publicly that he is 'seeing' you of sorts?

thats the way i am reading this....
a huge NO
red flags everywhere....
i mean if hes 'in' to you enough to kiss you for an hour, he should have no trouble at work being friendly in a relationship way, yet keeping VERY low key, as it is work. ya know?
peraps he has trouble difining between the two.

Tender