To Date Somebody you work with....

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rainfletcher: I can't really add anything to what Tender and LongTimeLurker and others have said with regards to your specific situation.

However, in my personal experience, I've only tried this once, and it was an epic, legendary disaster. I think it might have had a better shot had we not worked together. But the fact that we WERE working together absolutely doomed it.

I know others have made this work, but I think the pressures are unique. I know for many people, the time at work is sort of like 'down time,' and it's and important time apart. I know also that trying to mix the stresses of work and the stresses of maintaining a relationship can be too much.

Just my experience....

 

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gigantikok: I wouldn't date him. There are many men in the ocean, and I'm sure you will be able to catch more. Judging from my personal experiences, dating within productions (plays) has been disasterous. Especially since we broke up before the end of the show. Even though he is in a totally different part of the building, he is STILL in the building and you WILL run into him eventually. You won't want to have to try and avoid him, or hope not to see him. Plus, whenever you break up with someone in your work area, you start seeing them MORE after the break up. It's almost like whoever's pulling the strings is having a laugh at our expense. It happens to the best of us. I don't suggest it.

 

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GreenEyes: Again thank you Tender...in a way I don't know how to handle it either. I suppose the fear of gossip and then if things do not work out I am placed in an akward situation. I do know I like him and am attracted to him however him being vague and feeding me bits of information at a time drives me crazy.

Hugs Gigant... and thank you Rain also for input and sharing experience.

Some are able to make it work others can't make it work. I guess time will tell where I am going with this one.

 

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GreenEyes: Ok update and venting....

Happy Hour again last night .. enjoyed the time with colleagues and hanging out with him, however he had mentioned something about not doing what we did last week.

Here is were his vagueness comes into play...I asked why and if he had a girlfriend. He doesn't come right out and say yes but more of a nod. When I ask how long they have been together he doesn't answer because he more or less says it doesn't matter.

So here we are several times in akward situtions. The sexual tenstion can be cut like a knife. At one point I had some wine on my fingers and he said I would suck on your fingers if I could. Again in reference to that he is attempting to be faithful.

In a way I would loose respect for him if he was in a relationship and we allowed things to go futher. If anything did develop with us what would stop him from doing to me what he did with me with her. If that makes sense.

So the agreement is friends but I know he wants me as much as I want him. Oh well such is life.

 

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Tender: sounds like his relationship with the gf is less than his desires...
why does he stay, do you know?
i know a dumb q.
probably wont get us anywhere lol

Tender

 

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GreenEyes: Not a dumb question Tender.. probably one I have asked in my mind.

Who truly understands why others stay with others. It is an ingrediant I suppose I haven't figured out just yet.

Again his inability to come right and say what is is makes things difficult. I mean he wouldn't even tell me how long they have been together without a quick response like does it really matter. He dodges things but when we are alone or dancing he opens up the floods gates and lets his guard down.

Again the sexual tension was there with us. I know he is attracted to me but my assumption to the problem is how I look at it also with relations to work and all. It complicates things to start and it is not like somebody you just meet some place and can disappear if it gets too complicated. Maybe my thinking can be a problem. Can't help it part of my nature.

I did tell him last night there is something I need to learn from him. I am a true believer that people that come into our lives has something to teach another. We are in agreement that we are friends and to make sure we don't cross over that line. He was so proud when he left saying to me that all we did was dance even though afterwards we almost got into the whole kissing thing. I assume clear conscience.

Then minutes later we where about to kiss he was like ok this is the last time. It made me question the last time until next or the last time he will come out to happy hour cause he can't control the attraction. So friends until this attraction fades or we do something about it because he is completely single.

What sucks for me is that unless I go out and fuck somebody I don't have an outlet. I mean I have friends that would help me if I offered, however if he has this s/o he has that sexual release.

Basically a small lessons to others is don't be so vague. Come clean with the thoughts. It doesn't avoid disappointments but complicates things.

I have figured out some of his core and that he is protecting himself for certain reasons. Heck we all do that.

OK thanks for reading my vent and input.

 

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ORCABOMBER: I think it's a bit weird that he is so vague with you, especially if he's willing to be open with you when it comes to his attentions to get into your pants.

 

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GreenEyes: Good observation. It is like he is and isn't attempting to get into my pants. Giving inneundoes and a touch here and there and then pulling back. I just take it now as guilt on his part and will leave it be. I am not the type of woman to go after another's.

A conclusion I had is he is vague so he can always say I didn't do or say this. It is funny when we have danced or flirted he will at some point be like you are thinking of doing... the last time I more or less said don't say what I am thinking cause it is obvious you are the one thinking of it. When I asked he had said I am not answering that based on entrapment.

Realize he is being coy and all that with a twist of flirting and what not. He was the one originally several weeks said, "I think we should take a walk outside". I still think he is a good guy and there probably could have been a chance for dating or relationship but I need to let this one go and just keep it as friends or casual. Again the whole working together makes things complicated as it is without throwing in sexual frustrations, uncertaintity, and if we crossed the line unfaithfulnees.

Something about Karma.

 

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Tender: well he sounds like bad news.
i think you will do good to leave him alone, as you say.

yes, i worry about karma as well...
perhaps that is why i have a hard time.....with stuff.

Tender

 

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GreenEyes: Hugs Tender.

I suppose I have learned and still need to learn not to worry so much about things.

Again in his defense he is a nice guy. Him and I ...we both did the flirting and kissing.

He is vague and I understand some of the reasons as his protective device from things with his past. Yes, conversations we have had with drips and drabs coming out but nothing fully divulged.

Tender again thank you for your input and allowing me to vent. Best all around is to leave it be. If I haven't mentioned it before it sucks cause I had no outlet for the sexual frustration.

Well, I could have but then what kind of trouble would I get myself in.

 

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Tender: well, if your luck's anything like mine....

more touble than i could get myself OUT of lol !

:-/
Tender

 

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JoeWide2: I just came upon this topic and know I have thoughts to contribute - but first I'll read all the postings and post only if I have something good to add. Meanwhile, Hang in there, green . . .we are pulling for you.

 

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GreenEyes: Thanks JoeWide for the support (from one Nyer to another)... but like that one Kenny Rogers tune goes you have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them. Something like that.

When I go out for happy hour I truly need to make a valid effort to talk to people outside of my circle of friends. I enjoy hanging out with the people I work with but it's not going to allow me to meet single men. Funny thing is when one of the women in the group starts talking to a guy about four of my co working men surrounds them. Shrugs. Talk about having protective older brother types about.

 

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inquiringmind: Miss Scarlett,
I done tole you about covortin' with those no count fiel' han's! It t'ain't fittin' ,It t'ain't fittin, it jes ain't fittin' !

Mammy

No, seriously Green eyes it really does sound like a "Danger! Will Robinson" situation. PLease be careful or stay clear....