to the Alpha go the spoils

Discussion in 'Fictitious Stories' started by lakerman24, May 11, 2009.

  1. lakerman24

    lakerman24 New Member

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    Lemme know if you like where this is headed and I can add more…

    Jimmy hated college bars. Always full of obnoxious, collar-popped frat boys and their fake bake Jersey trash girlfriends. But Jimmy would do anything to avoid a fight with his stunning girlfriend Amanda, and thus, off to the local college hangout they went.

    Jimmy is your typical 20something, working an entry-level business job waiting for his big break. He’s 5-8, 160lbs soaking wet, and maybe (MAYBE) 4.5 inches fully hard. His girlfriend Amanda, a leggy brunette with a tanned and toned body to die for, likes the local college watering hole for the attention she gets from all the younger guys. Which is the exact same reason Jimmy hates it.

    Tonight started out like any other night, pregaming at Jimmy’s house and then heading to the bar with some of their friends. Amanda usually spent most of the night flirting with the various college studs (Jimmy would never dare to confront her about it), but tonight she seemed to be spending an inordinate amount of time talking to the same guy. The guy, a blonde surfer-looking dude, was the antithesis of Jimmy. Mike stood 6-3, 230lbs. His physique looked like it was chisled from granite. Jimmy couldn’t help but be a little sexually threatened, watching helplessly as his girlfriend flirted with such a stud. The next thing Jimmy knew, Mike confidently took Amanda’s hand and led her out to the dance floor.

    Amanda slowly explored Mike’s chisled frame while the two grinded to the beat of the music. Mike would periodically lean in and whisper something in her ear, which caused Amanda to coo with delight. Jimmy was boiling with rage, especially since Amanda was doing this in front of him and all his friends, but instead of saying something he drank another cosmo and struck up conversation with the bartender.

    About 20 minutes went by, and Amanda and Mike approached Jimmy. It was getting late, and last call would be fairly soon. “Hey Jimmy, this is Mike, “ said Amanda.

    “Oh, he…hey bro, what’s up?” said Jimmy, trying his best to look cool and stay calm.

    “Hey bro,” said Mike, without making eye-contact with Jimmy. Jimmy held out his hand but Mike looked like he had no interest in taking it.

    “Listen Jimmy, let’s get out of here and go back to our place for drinks,” said Amanda.

    “All three of us? Are you sure?” said Jimmy

    “Yeah we’re sure dickhead,” said Mike, with a tone of dismissiveness in his voice. Jimmy, instead of staning up for himself, went out and got the car.

    As the trio arrived home, Amanda suggested that everyone get in the hot tub. She left the room and returned wearing a delicious black bikini, which accentuated her 36c bust. Mike suggested she come and sit on her lap, and she cooed with delight as she sat on the jock stud’s lap, crossing her legs.

    Jimmy could hardly believe what had transpired. His girlfriend brought this stud to his house, and now she was sitting almost naked and sitting on his lap! Mike stood up to get undressed and get in the hot tub. As the dominant male took off his shirt and pants, Jimmy panicked while looking at his physique. He didn’t have a speck of fat on his entire body! Jimmy would never admit it, but he secretly was hard as nails watching this cocky buff jock show off his perfect body in front of his girl.

    The most unbelievable part was, Mike had a bulge in his boxer briefs that looked like he had a boa constrictor inside! All this was almost too much for Jimmy to take. Jimmy had never had these homosexual thoughts before. He was no fag! He dated one of the hottest girls he’s ever met! In a totally out of character display of fortitude, Jimmy lunged himself at Mike, attempting to throw a punch at the stud.

    Mike casually slipped Jimmy’s punch, bending his arm backward and forcing him to the ground. Mike then let out a fury of aggression on Jimmy, landing punch after punch to his face, stomach, back, and kidneys. Jimmy thought he was dead as he laid defenseless at the feet of the dominant male, who had defeated him soundly. Mike, laughing at Jimmy’s pathetic display of manhood, leaned down over Jimmy and spat in his face. Amanda giggled with glee and clapped her hands as Jimmy strugged to his feet.

    What ensued next would be burned into Jimmy’s memory for the rest of his life. As he began to come out of his punch drunk state, he sat up to see his girlfriend of two years on her knees in front of Mike. She slowly took down the alpha male’s boxer briefs to unleash the biggest penis anyone in the world could’ve possibly seen. Amanda looked at the gigantic tool with both fear and admiration, and looked up at Mike with lust in her eyes.
    “Whhaaaaa, WOW!” said Amanda. “That’s like, the biggest dick I’ve ever seen in my life! You’re fucking huge, and you’re not even hard yet!” Mike looked down at her with a smug look of dominance.

    “You can touch it if you want, “ the arrogant jock said. Amanda wasted no time in jerking Mike towards his full length. Even in his current semi-flaccid state Jimmy estimated that Mike was at least 8 inches long, and as thick as a fire hose! As Amanda contined to jerk Mike, she dropped down under his penis to lap at his enormous scrotum. Mike let out a dominant moan as he ran his hand through Amanda’s hair while she serviced him.

    Jimmy thought for a moment what this must feel like for Mike. Mike, a stud to begin with, picked up a beautiful girl at a club, physically dominated her boyfriend, and was now enjoying her licking and jerking him, all while the defenseless boyfriend watched. Mike had taken over, and there was no question as to who the alpha male was in the room. The thing that bothered Jimmy was, he was still hard as nails thinking about it.

    Keep going?
     
    #1 lakerman24, May 11, 2009
    Last edited: May 11, 2009
  2. MrGoodDate

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    hummm, I think Jimmy could have Mike arrested and put in jail. Sounds like a clear case of assault.
     
  3. StevenRhysCann

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    Definately keep going.
     
  4. B_Mister Buildington

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    Jimmy attacked Mike. Mike had to put him down, as he feared for his own and the girl's safety.
     
  5. Oaksolid

    Oaksolid New Member

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    This is mostly correct. Legally, all that is required for self defense is a reasonable apprehension of imminent bodily harm. Apprehension in the legal sense doesn't require the person to be afraid. In this case, it doesn't matter that the muscle-bound jock doesn't actually fear the wimp, he still has a right to defend himself from physical battery.

    Back on topic...the story is a good effort. I must confess I'm usually more of a fan of the wimp being the hung one and making the jock look like an ass, because it's a little less predictable. Nevertheless, I think your story could work nicely if you were a little more nuanced and spent a little more time developing the set-up before jumping straight into the action. For instance, it seems unrealistic even for a top notch jerk to simply barge into someone else's home, punch him out, and start fucking his girl within minutes, unless he was a rapist or something. Consider, for instance, working it so the insecure boyfriend tries to intimidate the jock by boasting about his own salary or the vacation he plans to take his girlfriend on, etc, until the jock just gets fed up and shows him what makes a "real man." Something like that might read better.

    At any rate, good stuff, keep it up.
     
  6. ghostycrow

    ghostycrow New Member

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    Jimmy could always pay off "witnesses" to testify.
     
  7. lemont77

    lemont77 Member

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    Honesytly, I'm ready for one of these stories to end with the "wimpy limpy" husband/boyfriend shooting the "hung jock/stud" in the crotch. After the beating Jimmy took, self-defense is no problem. All he has to do is not shoot the whore. Excuse me...girlfriend.

    Sorry, it's well written, but I fucking hate these stories.
     
  8. ghostycrow

    ghostycrow New Member

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    Lemont: I agree
     
  9. wallyj84

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    I like these kinds of stories, but I do think that would be an awesome ending to one of these stories. haha
     
  10. lemont77

    lemont77 Member

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    He, no worries! I'm not condemning anyone who likes them. I just want an honest ending, for once. I don't know of any guy who'd actually bow out gracefully in the presence of a bigger cock.

    I'd probably take his balls (to paraphrase "Fight Club").
     
  11. BigDallasDick8x6

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    I think you understand men better than women. Both of the male characters are believable. I'm having trouble believing Amanda would act that way if someone punched her boyfriend. I think it would be more likely that if she was really into Mike she would have either dumped Jimmy at the bar, or given Mike her number and played with him on the side. I can believe Jimmy lunging at Mike and I can believe Mike kicking the crap out of Jimmy. Both those characters are very well drawn. Amanda is more fuzzy. I don't understand her being happy watching her BF get beat up, nor her motivation for staying with Jimmy instead of leaving him for Mike. Hopefully both will become more clear in the next chapter, which I look forward to.
     
  12. blackbottom2

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    Flippin Eck you critical lot

    ITS A SEX STORY FOR FUCKS SAKE GIVE THE WRITER A CHANCE

    and i think its quite good really, makes for some dominance issues with good graphical descriptions of large penis etc which after all was the whole idea behind this flippin website

    NUFF SAID, SOZ IF I UPSET ANYONE BUT I THINK WEVE GOTTA BE CAREFULL NOT TO INTIMIDATE FIRST TIME WRITERS OFF THE SCENE, ITS TALENT AND THOUGHTS AND DESCRIPTIONS THAT FORMULATE THE BEST OF A STORY, THE WAY THATS ITS WRITTEN CAN ALWAYS BE CHANGED.
     
  13. B_Mister Buildington

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    There are those of us who legitimately think that a bigger cock means a superior, manlier man.
     
  14. lemont77

    lemont77 Member

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    Well, I'm not one of them. Genetic luck, nothing more. For me (with an only slightly longer than average, much thicker than average), being a man means I can be counted on when the chips are down.

    Our forefathers are pretty good examples of that...hell, they wore wigs and face powder, and still told the Brits to fuck off (no offense to our British members...I still love you!:biggrin1:).

    Be clear, though...I am not bashing anyone else's feelings. Just stating my own.

     
  15. ghostycrow

    ghostycrow New Member

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    blackbottom2, we aren't saying it's a bad story. It's called "advanced critique." Oh, also, I'd like more of this story.
     
  16. wallyj84

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    I would also like more. I think it is a good story.
     
  17. BigDallasDick8x6

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    The best thing you can do for a writer is give them some constructive feedback and that's what I attempted to do. I told him his male characters were very well drawn and that I looked forward to reading the rest of the story. Hopefully he is not so thin-skinned that the suggestion to give more of the girlfriend's motivation in the next installment will be taken as an indictment. Why is she squealing with glee about her BF being beat up? Did he humilate her some way recently and this is her revenge? It plays well into the whole power scene. I think it will add a lot to the story for us to understand what that's all about. Hopefully the writer appreciated the suggestion, as well as the compliments.
     
    #17 BigDallasDick8x6, Jun 9, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2009
  18. blackbottom2

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    AWWW SCOOZ ME

    DIDNT REALISE thoust were winner o one of't "pulitzah praize"

    :confused: Sorry
     
  19. wallyj84

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    So.. no chance of this story being continued?
     
  20. ThinInLA

    ThinInLA New Member

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    You've got my interest, I want to read more.
     
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