kudo451
Experimental Member
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2005
- Posts
- 73
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 2
- Points
- 153
- Location
- California
- Sexuality
- 99% Gay, 1% Straight
- Gender
- Male
I suppose it would be best if you define first what boyfriend means to you. Are we talking first fuck buddy? I was 8 and he was twelve. I was very curious sexually and he was freaked out at just starting puberty. He really was the boy next door. I taught him not to be afraid of his development and what to expect next and he let me "experience" that with him. Friends turned to curiousity and curiousity turned to sex. We where both loners at the time. For the next four years we kept getting together like 3-4 times a week "experimenting" with sex. It didn't feel like a relationship until the day I told him my family was moving and we couldn't get together anymore. We had a real fight and he was furious. It really felt like a break-up. It didn't dawn on me until that moment that we where more than friends.
I wouldn't come out until I was 35. Once I could handle the idea of who I really was (VERY religious family). Not that I didn't continue to have sex that whole time but I just kept lying to myself that gay sex for me was just a fetish. But any offer from a guy to go further than just sex with a relationship I shut down and got lost immediately.
I wouldn't actually begin dating until I met a great guy who decided he wanted to just take me out and get to know me better. We didn't actually have sex for about a week and strangely enough it was terrible!(lol) We only dated for about 3 weeks, the sex got better but I broke up with him because even though I was out, I was raised str8 and holding hands and kissing in public still freaked me out. Not to mention his overwhelming masculinity (which is exactly how I like my guys), but it forced me to question my own, if he was all man who the fuck was I? Later I would realise that I was just being an idiot and jealous of his great looks and the long time he had been out and comfortable with himself. By the time i realised my mistake he was dating someone else and it was too late.
I suppose I have said all this to point out one thing that a lot of gay guys miss. A lot of the reason we don't find and or keep boyfriends is because we spend too much of our lives being more homophobic about our sexuality than even the world around us; regardless of whether we are in or out of the closet. Which is to say if you are still a virgin and you don't have a boyfriend it may be because somewhere deep inside you don't want one yet.
It can be really scary. Which can put you in a place where you spend years trying so hard to find Mr. perfect on the first go around that you miss out on a lot of great guys and fail to develop socially. I have had many boyfriends since my two most memorable ones. I have met some online and some in public. I met most of them when I was just being myself looking or not.
In the end that is what everyone is looking for, someone to accept you for who you are. However, the first step is for you to accept who you are today. In or out of the closet has never really mattered when it comes to relationships. But the inner you will always catch more guys than that tired old shell you put up when you go out. I am not a great looking guy and I would not say i have a great personality. But I met a lot of guys who would like to date me because when they meet me they meet me, not some stereotype they have seen 1,000 times before.
Good luck and good hunting!
I wouldn't come out until I was 35. Once I could handle the idea of who I really was (VERY religious family). Not that I didn't continue to have sex that whole time but I just kept lying to myself that gay sex for me was just a fetish. But any offer from a guy to go further than just sex with a relationship I shut down and got lost immediately.
I wouldn't actually begin dating until I met a great guy who decided he wanted to just take me out and get to know me better. We didn't actually have sex for about a week and strangely enough it was terrible!(lol) We only dated for about 3 weeks, the sex got better but I broke up with him because even though I was out, I was raised str8 and holding hands and kissing in public still freaked me out. Not to mention his overwhelming masculinity (which is exactly how I like my guys), but it forced me to question my own, if he was all man who the fuck was I? Later I would realise that I was just being an idiot and jealous of his great looks and the long time he had been out and comfortable with himself. By the time i realised my mistake he was dating someone else and it was too late.
I suppose I have said all this to point out one thing that a lot of gay guys miss. A lot of the reason we don't find and or keep boyfriends is because we spend too much of our lives being more homophobic about our sexuality than even the world around us; regardless of whether we are in or out of the closet. Which is to say if you are still a virgin and you don't have a boyfriend it may be because somewhere deep inside you don't want one yet.
It can be really scary. Which can put you in a place where you spend years trying so hard to find Mr. perfect on the first go around that you miss out on a lot of great guys and fail to develop socially. I have had many boyfriends since my two most memorable ones. I have met some online and some in public. I met most of them when I was just being myself looking or not.
In the end that is what everyone is looking for, someone to accept you for who you are. However, the first step is for you to accept who you are today. In or out of the closet has never really mattered when it comes to relationships. But the inner you will always catch more guys than that tired old shell you put up when you go out. I am not a great looking guy and I would not say i have a great personality. But I met a lot of guys who would like to date me because when they meet me they meet me, not some stereotype they have seen 1,000 times before.
Good luck and good hunting!