*To the gay guys* Your first boyfriend.

kudo451

Experimental Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2005
Posts
73
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
153
Location
California
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I suppose it would be best if you define first what boyfriend means to you. Are we talking first fuck buddy? I was 8 and he was twelve. I was very curious sexually and he was freaked out at just starting puberty. He really was the boy next door. I taught him not to be afraid of his development and what to expect next and he let me "experience" that with him. Friends turned to curiousity and curiousity turned to sex. We where both loners at the time. For the next four years we kept getting together like 3-4 times a week "experimenting" with sex. It didn't feel like a relationship until the day I told him my family was moving and we couldn't get together anymore. We had a real fight and he was furious. It really felt like a break-up. It didn't dawn on me until that moment that we where more than friends.

I wouldn't come out until I was 35. Once I could handle the idea of who I really was (VERY religious family). Not that I didn't continue to have sex that whole time but I just kept lying to myself that gay sex for me was just a fetish. But any offer from a guy to go further than just sex with a relationship I shut down and got lost immediately.

I wouldn't actually begin dating until I met a great guy who decided he wanted to just take me out and get to know me better. We didn't actually have sex for about a week and strangely enough it was terrible!(lol) We only dated for about 3 weeks, the sex got better but I broke up with him because even though I was out, I was raised str8 and holding hands and kissing in public still freaked me out. Not to mention his overwhelming masculinity (which is exactly how I like my guys), but it forced me to question my own, if he was all man who the fuck was I? Later I would realise that I was just being an idiot and jealous of his great looks and the long time he had been out and comfortable with himself. By the time i realised my mistake he was dating someone else and it was too late.

I suppose I have said all this to point out one thing that a lot of gay guys miss. A lot of the reason we don't find and or keep boyfriends is because we spend too much of our lives being more homophobic about our sexuality than even the world around us; regardless of whether we are in or out of the closet. Which is to say if you are still a virgin and you don't have a boyfriend it may be because somewhere deep inside you don't want one yet.

It can be really scary. Which can put you in a place where you spend years trying so hard to find Mr. perfect on the first go around that you miss out on a lot of great guys and fail to develop socially. I have had many boyfriends since my two most memorable ones. I have met some online and some in public. I met most of them when I was just being myself looking or not.

In the end that is what everyone is looking for, someone to accept you for who you are. However, the first step is for you to accept who you are today. In or out of the closet has never really mattered when it comes to relationships. But the inner you will always catch more guys than that tired old shell you put up when you go out. I am not a great looking guy and I would not say i have a great personality. But I met a lot of guys who would like to date me because when they meet me they meet me, not some stereotype they have seen 1,000 times before.

Good luck and good hunting!
 

Altairion

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2005
Posts
1,488
Media
0
Likes
6
Points
258
Location
Seattle, WA
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
The first person I came out to became my boyfriend a week later (he sort of was the reason I realized that I was gay). Anyway, I was 22 (same for him) and for us both our first time happened about a month after we got together. It was a little rough for him, but it was still a fun time.
 

davidjh7

Expert Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2006
Posts
2,607
Media
0
Likes
111
Points
283
Location
seattle
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't straight, and was never going to be straight. I reached the point where I had been suppressing ALL of my desires for human intimacy because of my fear of being gay, and what it meant, that except for a few abortive, not very fullfilling, breif sexual encounters ( I talked about my 'first time' on other forums), that I was crying myself to sleep at night from the lonliness and need. I finally came out to MYSELF, and allowed myself to be social with gay guys. Within about a month, I had my frist relationship, ever. I was 31, It lasted for about 4 and a half years. Finding someone , gay or straight, is mostly about luck. THe only way you can imporive your odds, is to be as social with as wide a range of people as possible--this improves your odds of finding someone you connect with, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Hang in there, it seems like it will never happen, but then one day it will happen out of the blue. But when it comes, don;t fight it or reject it--just go with your heart and enjoy the experience the best you can!
 

hrconsulttex

Experimental Member
Joined
Aug 23, 2006
Posts
65
Media
0
Likes
20
Points
153
Location
Houston, TX
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I was 24 when I first came out to someone else. Nearly a year later, when I was 25, I met my first boyfriend and had sex for the first time. The relationship didn't last all that long, but it was fun while it lasted.
 

musclebutt2

Expert Member
Joined
May 23, 2007
Posts
450
Media
7
Likes
100
Points
163
Location
San Francisco
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
How long was it from when you come out to your first? how did you meet him? and how was it?? (how long aswell please)

Im not being pervy or anything i just have never been out with anyone really, i wasnt interested in girl growing up (now i know why) i come out when i was like 15 and i am now 18 and still single, thanks for all posts in advance xx


I started having man-sex at 17. Anything prior to that was a lot of experimentation. Nine years later I met a boy at the gym, we were the same age and he was straight at the time. I worked the graveyard shift and he used to come work out at random hours of the night to be able to talk to me (he later fessed up). We were 26 and each other's first boyfriends... it lasted 3 years. I never had a relationship prior to that and he had never been with a man before. We were head over heels in love with each other but it ended badly. I guess the timing was off and we both just needed more experience in relationships. He has subsequently gone back to dating women and I have chosen to eliminate further communication with him. It was wonderful and extremely painful at the same time; however, I am happy to have been in love. Prior to that I had thought there was something emotionally wrong with me because I never felt any intense feelings for anyone. I look forward to falling in love again, but after this harsh lesson, I have become gun-shy about getting involved with another straight or bisexual man. I prefer the company of gay men.

"It is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all" ...true that.
 

txquis

Sexy Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2003
Posts
1,682
Media
0
Likes
66
Points
368
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
first guy/guy experiment (mutual jacking off): 16-ish.
first guy/girl intercourse: 18 and a half.
first guy/guy intercourse: 23? 24? somewhere in there.

My first boyfriend, who i'll call 'jay' is the one who showed me the ropes, and encouraged me to come out.
Then he jumped back in the closet, and is now married with 2 daughters.
 

earllogjam

Expert Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2006
Posts
4,917
Media
0
Likes
179
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
My first boyfriend was actually a regular friend of mine since middle school. The friendship became sexual at 17 after we graduated high school. That summer before leaving college I seduced him late at night in his bedroom and we became very close. Lots o sex. It was liberating to act on my true feelings. He was so goodlooking and fun, and I was deeply infatuated with him. I went off the college and returned during winter break to find his feeling for me turned into disgust. I was heartbroken, angry, disillusioned. He took up dating girls and even invited me to some of his parties with his new found "girlfriend". It wrenched my heart. I started dating women and tried to convince myself that I wasn't gay. It didn't work. Just could not lie to myself and feel good. I lost all contact with him but later found out thru mutual friends that he is gay and has a male lover of 10 years who looks like me. Funny world huh?
 

musclebutt2

Expert Member
Joined
May 23, 2007
Posts
450
Media
7
Likes
100
Points
163
Location
San Francisco
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
Not so funny... kinda sad really how society supresses people's natural tendencies to be themselves. The loss of individuality for the sake of the collective can result in tragic consequences.
 

choney

Experimental Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2007
Posts
15
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
146
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I didn't become sexually active nor did I come out until I was 25. (I grew up in a very conservative religious family) The first guy I was with was a big whore and I just hooked up with him to see what the fuss was about. While I loved dick and loved finally exploring that side of myself, I really wish I would've waited for someone I actually cared about. Following him, I had a handful of less than good sexual encounters attempting to make up for the first time. Finally, in a relationship with someone I really cared about I had GREAT sex and actually shared something with them.
Nothing against hooking up, but if you are at all hung up about your first time, I say find someone you at least have a slight connection with.
 

thethickest

Just Browsing
Joined
May 25, 2007
Posts
3
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
146
Location
Washington, DC
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I think most if not all people here may find this impossibble, but I just now came across this site because I was doing research on the thickest on record. The reason is that, I'm gay, so if you're gonna get offended bow out now, I just now had sex with a guy who was 7X7.5 inches thick. I am NOT lieying. He and I havwe been wanting to do this for months. He is married. I am gay, but straight appearing. He said he had a 7 inches by 7.5 inches thick one and God damn if he did not. It was th thickest I have ever ever ever had. I did not measure it, but I know 6 inches, I know 6.5 inches I have had it, trust me. Once I had what I believe is 7 uinches but he died 20 years ago (he was white too like this guy I'm now speaking of. I came on this site because I just foun d it and heard people say they did NOT think anybody was more than 7 inches. Well, God as my freakin witness, this God was 7 and a half inches thick - believe me. I was blown away literally, and could not belive it. So, be that as it may, there are white guys with 7.5 inches thick. Belive me or not, but I would base my eternity on it if I am lying. I am still in disbelievf about it and it has been an hour since he left here. We will do it again too he said bec uase he said I was the best he's ever had for what he wanted me to do (on my knees to be direct). WOW, can't still freain belive it, just unbelievable, I am just blown away, I really am. That's why I'm writing here now. Thought you'd all like to know. choi

PS: I didn't know where the hell to post this, so if anybody has a suggestion, write to me. I am still getting over this experience frankly, shit, unbelievable. I'll never forget it until it happens next time.
 

KoolKat

Sexy Member
Joined
Dec 27, 2004
Posts
124
Media
8
Likes
25
Points
248
Age
36
Location
Hobart Town (Tasmania, Australia)
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
hey
i was 18 when i started to accept myself as a gay guy, i got my first bf about a year or so later, we were together 5 months before i realised that it wasnt working, and he and i both decided to split, we never slept with each other so im still a virgin too at 20 :confused: ah well its all good.

Matt
 

earllogjam

Expert Member
Joined
Aug 15, 2006
Posts
4,917
Media
0
Likes
179
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
Not so funny... kinda sad really how society supresses people's natural tendencies to be themselves. The loss of individuality for the sake of the collective can result in tragic consequences.

I think we suppress our own natural tendencies to be ourselves and often blame "society" for our unhappiness when the truth is - the sooner we accept who we are and start living a life true to ourselves our path to happiness opens. Takes some courage but that's how it is for everyone.

That self realization and self acceptance is a rite of passage for us and I think the older generation of gays have done a shitty job of helping the younger generation of gay men go thru this. Most teen suicides are gay youth- yes that is a tragic consequence. Hopefully this board will help bridge that void of isolation and feeling lost. It's a two-way flow of experience and wisdom that I never had.

I don't think anyone grows up wanting to be gay. We just grow to accept it. But I never lost my sense of self for the sake of the collective. I never really thought of myself of being part of the collective being a gay man.