Dear LSPG tops (and straight men), As a bottom who's currently with a man who is too thick for myself, I'd like to offer a little advice. Even though my top is too big for me sex is still amazing. Here's a list of things to learn from your bottom before you kill someone: 1) Learn the difference between "oh yeah" and "oww no." Sounds straight forward but really... if your partner says to stop or wait. Do it. It's not fun for either of you if one person is in agony while you're trying to get your sexy on. On the same note, "hang on" doesn't mean "I'm not interested." I, like many bottoms i know, am not a superstar bottom. I can't take a beating from a telephone pole for a prolonged period of time without time to adjust or recover. When something like this happens, you can refer to my second point. 2) Change it up. Speed, depth, position, location, etc. It doesn't matter how much you like a roller coaster, if you ride the same one too many times you're either going to lose interest or vomit. If you've done it cowboy style a lot lately, change it up and give the poor stallion something interesting. A good sucking off is a good way to show your bottom you're still in charge, and also give them a bit of a break from being broken. 3) For the love of everything sexy, remember that sex is a two way street. BUT having said that please note that your bottom needs attention too. Find something that stimulates both of you. Nothing is worse than a top who focuses only on themselves. As a bottom I've caught myself thinking "if I wanted to just jack off like this I could do it myself." And the guy I was with was rather large, so it can happen to even the big guys. 4) Finally, remember that size doesn't mean skill. You can have the biggest, longest, thickest most perfect penis is the entire history of sex, but if you don't know how to treat your partner you're screwed (and not the good kinda). There's a saying that I like to remind people of: "Sex is like bridge, you better either have a good partner or a good hand." Save on sore wrists and be a good partner. Sorry for the rant but it was on the mind! Thanks and let me know what you think.
You're absolutely right about sex being all about communication, both verbally and otherwise. I think to a large extent that allusive chemistry I refer to so often is really just a natural facility to communicate with a sexual partner. It's imperative that each partner go over his/her expectations and limits, too. Trust is another huge thing, and one that comes from honest communication, obviously. I'd never consent to play with anyone whom I didn't trust entirely, nor can I see why anyone ever would. Finally, regarding anyone being "too big": that's a product of your own mind, or a lack of sufficient foreplay (or probably both). I routinely play with guys who take my hand(s), and no, they don't wear diapers . There's a strange moment when fisting someone when you've already got the bridge of your knuckles (the widest thing he'll encounter) inserted and he'll insist on going no further (or ask for a complete withdrawal); this happens frequently, especially with novices. It's a mental barrier that prevents us from continuing (one they'll gladly admit to, BTW). Sometimes you can try again after a bit, sometimes you need to wait for a follow-up session and try again then. Sometimes that barrier goes away, sometimes not: it's up to the bottom and his determination to take it all. Of course, being a fisttop requires enormous patience, stamina and a profound ability to respond to cues both physical and verbal. It's certainly nothing you "just try" for shits and giggles. I'll also gladly admit that my inability to bottom is a mental and emotional response thing due to abuse my first partner inflicted on me when I was still a teen. I've just learned to compensate by being the best top I can be (and I can offer references upon request ).
Communication is absolutely the key to great sex. Being able and willing(!) to communicate (both verbally AND otherwise) is the difference between a selfish asshole and a skilled lover. All in all, the OP is right on and should be read by everyone. Yes even the receptive partners. Too many (male and female) don't understand that they have an absolute right to sexual enjoyment too and their partners have a duty to make sure that it happens. And if it doesn't, they need to teach their partner or find a different one. Communication is also essential to develop trust and that is extemely important for those of us on the larger side.
