To Wipe or not to Wipe... (_o_)

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

I once had a haemorrhoid, and discovered the joy of Tucks. Recommended for personal freshness as well as their intended fuunction.

When not Tucking, I'm definitely a crumpler like Kink Guy. Maximum ply between me and the matter.

OK, now we're definitely into TMI.

 

[Tim37]

I also fold.

 

[lapdog2001]

Always wipe until I'm clean of course!

Wipe only once? Only if it is a miracle 'Clean Poopie'.
Here is one version of the Poop list:

GHOST POOPIE:
You feel it come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet!

CLEAN POOPIE:
The poopie comes out and you see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper! Also see UPPER-CLASS POOPIE.

WET POOPIE:
Even after wiping your butt 50 times, it still feels unwiped. You end up putting some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear, so you don't get a nasty poopie stain.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE:
Happens when you stand up after poopie-ing and start to pull your pants up. You suddenly realize that you have to poopie some more.

"POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD" POOPIE:
A poopie that causes you to strain so much, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE:
The poopie is so big, you're afraid to flush without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE:
So noisy, everyone within earshot starts giggling.

DRINKER POOPIE:
Occurs after a long night of drinking. Most noticeable trait is the skidmarks in the toilet bowl.

CORN POOPIE:
Self explanatory.

NUT POOPIE:
Self explanatory.

"GEE, I WISH I COULD POOPIE" POOPIE:
You'd really like to poopie, but all you do is siton the toilet and fart a few times. Refer to WET POOPIE should you take Ex-Lax® to alleviate the problem.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE:
A poopie that hurts so much on the way out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways!

WET CHEEKS POOPIE:
A poopie that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with toilet water. Also referred to as a Power Dump.

LIQUID POOPIE:
Characterized by a yellowish-brown liquid that shoots out your butt andsplashes all over the toilet bowel. Also see MEXICAN POOPIE.

UPPER-CLASS POOPIE:
Leaves no odor and may also have the characteristics of a CLEAN POOPIE.

SURPRISE POOPIE:
You're not near the toilet and think you are just going to fart ... but oops! ... it's a poopie!!

THE DANGLING POOPIE:
A tough poopie that refuses to drop into the toilet, even thoughyou are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose. Also referred to as a Klingon.

 

[curious n str8]

I know Im gonna get in trouble for this one....Has anyone tried that new TP that Chuck Norris brought out? It does't takes any shit off of anybody!!!:lame: I know.

 

[10.5andproudofit]

i am a crumpler. think about it, the ridges create greater surface area!

 

[B_Spladle]

I know Im gonna get in trouble for this one....Has anyone tried that new TP that Chuck Norris brought out? It does't takes any shit off of anybody!!!:lame: I know.

Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time".

 

[nitsud]

wow...i thought i had to be the only nutcase in the world who had to shower afterward...guess i'm not so looney after all.

thats what i thought...now i feel normal

 

[Pecker]

If it's any consolation, Tiny Tim (Tiptoe thru the Tulips) showered after defecating, too.

 

[Rikter8]

Im a crumpler too, none of that fold stuffs for me.

I take a BIG OL WAD of Tissue and Wipe Wipe wipe till I have that fresh feeling.
None of that 1 ply stuff either. Gotta have double ply cushy stuffs.

Then I toss it all in the bowl and have the Plunger Handy.
If it dont go down, I SHOVE It down LOL

 

[Rikter8]

I have to say, this topic is both disgusting and offensive.

Yea, well buddy everybody has to do it.

Unless your one of those special people where your shit don't stink.

 

[randomness]

Now, the question is, do you wipe sitting down or standing up? My friends and I have had arguments about it, and it's pretty much split down the middle. Personally, standing up.

 

[Pecker]

Now, the question is, do you wipe sitting down or standing up? My friends and I have had arguments about it, and it's pretty much split down the middle. Personally, standing up.

I sit to shit.
I sit to wipe.

And you're right - I'm split right down the middle.

 

[cute5]

Leads me to another taboo topic-- how do blind people know when they're done wiping?

I've thought about that very topic before and did a little research. Try this: clean up as much as you think necessary without checking. Then use one more and see if you were correct. I've done that and found that I could tell, and now I almost never feel it is necessary to check.

 

[dufus]

A little hand lotion or moisturizer on the first fold of tissue does a great job. It also makes possible a much deeper cleaning than is possible with dry tissue. It can be followed up with a couple of dry wipes to remove the excess lotion. An additional advantage is the end of chafing.

 

[stiphphiphatumus]

about 8 sheets folded in 3, swipe from the back(not thru the legs), check, if necessary, fold in half, wipe, check, repeat till clean. max 3 wipes per 8 strip. being vegan, i tend to drop dook a few times a day; a shower after each movement would be prohibitive. occasionally, the not-so-fresh-feeling prompts stronger measures...

 

[luvscock]

You mean to say that you've never experienced the wonder and beauty of the Immaculate One-Wipe?

I am in awe of the one-wipe too. Sometimes I just don't believe it and wipe a couple of more times. Don't want that shit creeping up on you later.

 

[luvscock]

I've thought about that very topic before and did a little research. Try this: clean up as much as you think necessary without checking. Then use one more and see if you were correct. I've done that and found that I could tell, and now I almost never feel it is necessary to check.

I agree that would work most of the time. But in the rare case where it never feels clean, and indeed it takes so many wipes you are afraid the toilet will clog, even the last one feels dirty but the tissue appears clean. I hate it when I get those. It probably has to do with certain foods, perhaps spicy food with bad consistency.

 

[luvscock]

Now, the question is, do you wipe sitting down or standing up? My friends and I have had arguments about it, and it's pretty much split down the middle. Personally, standing up.

I guy I work with wipe standing up. I never saw that before. I almost asked him right then why he does that. It is so much easier wiping when you're sitting. The sitting position keeps the cheeks apart for easy wiping.

 

[hot4latino]

Sitting or standing... I sit
Do you wipe from the front or the back? I wipe form the front. With my left hand, I hold the boys out of the way, and reach in with folded paper and wipe. You can see whats still on it and drop it in. What/how do you guys do it?

 

[MsLulu]

I have to say, this topic is both disgusting and offensive.

C'mon, Donger... don't be a party pooper.


Also, I think I do a combo between crumpling and folding. Women are different as they have two orafices to contend with. We have special girly wipes just for us! And they smell all flowery too. I just need to find some that taste good... like pumpkin pie..... Maybe Jessica Simpson will oblige, since she does have that tasty make-up now. How about some tweeter-wipes that taste like apple pie?