told i am gay--frustrating

[DevonTexas]

That happened to me with a really cute girl I met in NYC. We spent a few days going out with mutual friends and after the work stuff, had dinner and drinks. She told me the same thing and said any guy that has the slightest bit of gay or bi, turns her off. I was surprised as I knew SHE was bi-curious with girls. She said, "that's different". That statement just pissed me off more. I've learned it's good to know this up front when scouting around for a mate. She's closed-minded, shallow, insecure and selfish (basically what it comes down to).

Good luck on your quest, it's a slightly more complicated life, but I'd take it over being someone different!

 

[formerex]

Guys, I moved on and I'm with this other girl now. She's great, and the sex is VERY good. Thanks for all your help/support.

 

[Ed69]

I would trust a bi guy over a straight guy any day. A bi guy knows what being in a relationship with a man entails; how difficult it is to get and keep a man's attention without acting like a whore or a possessive psycho.

Most straight guys think that a woman and a house and the freedom to roam are their birthright. And many of them think of gay guys as basically a tool for getting through dry spells and/or making them feel macho by comparison. Also for making their wives pretty and happy and being their wives' confidants when they don't wanna hear it.

A bi guy -- a good one -- actually is the guy the "Sensitive Guys" try to make believe they are. He understands and listens and he'll be honest with you and be a best friend in a way that the majority of 100% straight guys simply don't bother trying for.

Is that blanket(statement) nice and warm?You are so wrong on so many points.I hope it keeps you warm alone in your bed this winter.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Is that blanket(statement) nice and warm?You are so wrong on so many points.I hope it keeps you warm alone in your bed this winter.

She used words like many, most, and majority. No blankets there. In a blanket statement she would have left those words out.


ppboy, glad to hear you're happy :smile:

 

[ManchesterTom]

Thanks guys for the support. I feel great about myself and who I am, and it's great to hear y'all's support. Unfortunately this girl is going to start working at the same office as me. My boss is confused why I am uninterested in talking to her anymore after she introduced us. It's going to be a sticky few days, but in the end, not my problem.

What a great community. Glad to have you ladies and gents.

And to the gay guy who gets hit on by girls all the time, we need to find a way to swap positions cause guys won't leave me alone.

You could let the bad start become water under the bridge, and trust your initial instinct that she is a human worth getting to know. Some women have very keen GAYDAR. And maybe your friend had a bad experience somewhere in her life with a man who is less than 100% straight. My wife has "GAYDAR on steroids" - nothing passes or fools her. I my wife's case she is very attracted to gay and bisexual people.

 

[deleted3782]

Guys, I moved on and I'm with this other girl now. She's great, and the sex is VERY good. Thanks for all your help/support.

I hope you take the time to introduce your new squeeze to the co-worker that judged you...just for shits and giggles.

 

[kit_kat]

Personally I think relationships between people of the same gender are better, easier and more fulfilling. If I were bi I would choose to date women more than men. So I would guess that it would be easier for a guy to be with another guy for the same reasons, and hence choose a guy over a gal.

What's behind this and it is sad: such women feel like if they have (or ever had) to compete with a gay or bisexual man for a bisexual man's attention, the bisexual man will choose the other man over them. Hey, ladies, don't you think you have something to offer???

 

[kit_kat]

She likely got a vibe that you were bi, but people can get wrong vibes all the time. However this following bit didn't help you - you sent yourself direct to the friend-zone with this one:

I asked her to come out the next night, and she did. It was casual, we each had friends.

When you are interested in a woman you ask her out on a date first, not to come hang out with friends, that's too tentative. You can hang out with your friends once she has some idea that you do in fact want to sleep with her at some point in the not too distant future. Still she did jump pretty fast to that conclusion, maybe she thought you were too hot to not be gay and not have a girlfriend.

Feel better.

 

[Snakebyte]

Well, you have to realize one thing. Lots of woman think this way: They can do something about it when you leave them / cheat on them with another woman. But what should they do if you do it with another man. So I totally get why some women don't want to date or whatever a bi guy.

 

[TomCat84]

That happened to me with a really cute girl I met in NYC. We spent a few days going out with mutual friends and after the work stuff, had dinner and drinks. She told me the same thing and said any guy that has the slightest bit of gay or bi, turns her off. I was surprised as I knew SHE was bi-curious with girls. She said, "that's different". That statement just pissed me off more. I've learned it's good to know this up front when scouting around for a mate. She's closed-minded, shallow, insecure and selfish (basically what it comes down to).

Good luck on your quest, it's a slightly more complicated life, but I'd take it over being someone different!

I seriously hope you called her ignorant and/or a bigot

 

[TomCat84]

Well, you have to realize one thing. Lots of woman think this way: They can do something about it when you leave them / cheat on them with another woman. But what should they do if you do it with another man. So I totally get why some women don't want to date or whatever a bi guy.

I think that same thinking goes for gay guys dating bi men too. I'll admit to feeling a bit of that the few times I've gone out with dudes who identify as bisexual.

 

[EmJay]

As Foucault argued, labeling is a form of social control. The only issue you have to be sure of is that you're self-aware enough to know your own motivations in how you identify and feel about your sexuality. So long as you're sure that you're not in any form of denial or self-deception about what you like and why there's no problem here.

My only advice is that you examine why you were in a relationship with a man without feeling comfortable with having same-sex sex. Also, look at whether your feelings about what this woman's reaction was just disappointment about being shot down by someone you liked, or something deeper that touches on your own self-image and motivations.

very good post this one...I couldn't have stated this in the way you could.

But I was wondering as well if you (the OP) being upset about her labelling you as gay, because you have not really come to terms that you actually are..and that the whole bi-thing in your case is something you have just hidden behind because you haven't fully accepted who you are..

I know that sexuality is a personal thing and in today's world there are no simple answers to define who is what.. But in your case I was wondering about it i have to say..

Maybe you are just a gay guy in denial ..

That is what I was wondering..