Told my straight friend I have a crush on him

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MovingForward, Jan 9, 2009.

  1. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    So, I was on acid and extascy and I ended up texting a straight friend of mine, and I told him I had a crush on him. Then I also told him I did not want to be alone. I asked him if I could come over, he said yes. I went over and he told me that nothing is going to happen between us, and that he was straight. He then took me for a walk, in hopes that I would (sober up). Well anyway, He thinks that I look for people that are emmotionally unavailable. He thinks I only like guys that I can not get, because I am afraid of true love. Well now when I see him I can not look him in the eyes. I am not sure what he thinks, if just because he did not return the favor that I would stop having a crush on him. I still do, and thats my problem. How can I continue the friendship, while still lusting over him. I so far, have continued our friendship as normal as before, but everytime I talk to him and I look in his eyes. I lust for him. Help me LPSG folks
     
  2. Rugbypup

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    Well, other than little respect for folks on Extascy and Acid, I understand your situation.

    I had a crush on my best mate... long story short, I lost my friend for all time and I miss him still to this day.

    Not an easy thing, hmmmm.
     
  3. sykray

    sykray Active Member

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    Your friend may be correct in saying that you fall for unavailable guys. Maybe he's wrong.

    You lusted after him before you told him, so what has changed? Nothing, except that now he knows and has made it clear that you have no chance with him.

    He is still your friend and likes (perhaps loves you) but only as a friend not as a lover or sex partner.

    If you can cope with things remaining much the same as before then your feelings towards him will fade in time, especially if you fall for another guy.

    If you can't cope with the situation then you have blown it. You cannot be friends with him and must stop seeing him.

    Sorry, but we have all been in similar situations in the past. You'll get over it in time.
     
  4. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    If a gay dude said he had a crush on me and then said he didn't want to be alone and asked if he could come over.. I don't give a fuck how close of a friend he is. I would tell him in the text message that I'm not interested in seeing him that night nor any other time he wished to try to get in my pants.

    This is a sign that he may be somewhat interested or at least amused by you being attracted to him.
     
  5. MisterMark

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    Spoken like a true heterosexual male - not that there's anything wrong with that! :tongue:
     
  6. D_skeaflea

    D_skeaflea New Member

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    A lot of straight men are flattered to know that someone's interested in them; Men like knowing that they have variety and options, even if it's one they'd never want to act on.

    It sounds to me like your friend was trying not to be an asshole, and a lot more than I can say for 99% of people out there, gay, straight; man or woman. He sounds like a good friend to have, and it IS painful to lose a friend. At the same time, I highly doubt your feelings for him'll just disappear because you want them to. My best advice is to keep talking to other people, and to keep updated.
     
  7. Branleur49008

    Branleur49008 New Member

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    Moral of the story? Get the fuck off the acid and extascy. Maybe that will clear up your judgement?
     
  8. polesmoker

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    It must be differnet for girls. I once had a crush on my best friend, and drunkenly told her one evening. She reminded me we were best friends and she is 100% straight. We are still best friends and she was my maid of honor.
     
  9. Silvertip

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    I agree with the preceding comments about the recreational use of drugs. As for your relationship with your friend, I'm sure it is a difficult situation. How to deal with it would vary between individuals, but I would say that you should just continue lusting over him and maintain the non-sexual friendship as it's always been. We all lust over people that we cannot have and oft times they are close friends, I think in time you'll get over your embarrassment for the scene that you created.
     
  10. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Your friend seems really perceptive. Have you given any thought to what he told you beyond maybe a subtle hint that you should put down the recreational drugs?

    He has set some boundaries with you and made it clear that a platonic relationship is as far as it goes. I think if you let your lust get the better of you then you'll lose him as a friend. What isn't clear is whether or not the dynamics between you two will change. He may be cool about it and treat you as he always has, or he may try to put a little distance and dodge you a bit. You should be prepared for either response and not take it personally. And finding guys who might be more into you couldn't hurt either.
     
  11. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    We hang out every couple of days on the regular. This has not changed.

    Let me also clarify, that this was the first time I have done acid and the 2nd time I had done extacy in my 28 years of life. Do I plan to do it again, maybe if the right situation or circumstance is there, but most likely not.

    He is such an amazing person I do not want to lose him as a friend.

    Let me also say that he believes I am attracted to unavailable men, because my partner passed away 6 months ago, and he believes I am not ready to be in another relationship, but rather looking to straight men as a psuedo relationship to take its place. Does this make sense?
     
  12. killerb

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    Sounds to me like you already know the answers to your questions...

    The guy seems to be a good friend. If you don't want to lose that, you have to lost those lustful feelings & think of him as a brother...if you find that you can't do it, then you need to create some distance btw you until you can...

    you might also benefit by finding someone (professional) you can talk to about your loss...
     
  13. Principessa

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    Agreed, Though there have been many people who confessed their love for a straight friend while sober. :eek: :confused:
     
  14. LongandBigSub

    LongandBigSub New Member

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    Sounds like a nice friend but he cannot help you; you have to help yourself.

    There are a lot of other guys on this forum who are gay, like you, and have straight friends. Some of us work out at gyms, with straight guys, and even see those guys naked in the locker room, and it's nice to admire these hotties, but we don't necessarily lust over them.

    The only time you lust over someone is when you feel lack, meaning you feel a desire for love and sex, and you're not getting it. So you go to someone else that you find attractive, and then you say you lust for them, because you want love, and you want someone to send you some.

    I'll be honest, and not to hurt your feelings, but lustful people are not very attractive to be around. Straight guys don't hang out with gay guys that lust over them, because that is creepy. They will however hang out with gay guys that can admire them, without the lust, because that's just respect.

    Your feeling of dependence on your straight friend is just your way of thinking that you need someone to validate you. So, I'll be blunt, you need to work on yourself dude. You need to start liking yourself first, by directing how you think, that you don't need anyone to lust over. You need people to like you for being attractive, not needy and lustful.

    I recommend affirmations, and less time explaining why you feel lacking.

    Your straight friend can't always be there to validate you; you have to do it on your own.
     
  15. chrisj428

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    Couldn't agree more...been there, got the t-shirt. Kinda cloistered myself after that -- was very difficult.
     
  16. B_ClydeS

    B_ClydeS New Member

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    I hope you never have a friend in-need *OR* never need a friend. He didn't say he was trying to get into the guy's pants -- may have wished it, but didn't try it!

    It's not a sign that the other guy may be interested or amused. I think you don't know what a true friend is -- someone who's there regardless but who will respect him/herself enough to set boundaries when and where they may need to be set. I don't think this is any different than having a friend who is financially wreckless and setting a limit/boundary that you never lend him/her money!!!

    With that being said, I agree with a lot that has been said. The original poster needs to decide if the friend is worth it. (He sounds worth it to me!!! Friends like him are not easy to find!) If so, get over your lust -- re-direct it, think of someone else whenever a lustful thought of him enters your mind, do whatever it takes. If not, then move on with your life.

    Yes, we have all been here and made our decisions. I can't think of anyone I know who hasn't had something like this happen -- whether it's a male-to-male, female-to-male, male-to-female, or female-to-female -- and most have been on both the lusting and the receiving side.

    As for the drug use, I believe it may have exacerbated your emotional-sensitivites and, hopefully, your continued use will be nil or very infrequent. I do, however, applaud you being vulnerable and putting that in your post -- you didn't have to.

    Good luck.
     
  17. D_Tintagel_Demondong

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    You have an awesome friend! He let you come over even after you professed your love. Many, probably most, straight guys would be too creeped out to see you. The fact that he took you for a walk to help you sober up was also very sweet.

    As for his claim that you are afraid of relationships and thus seek unavailable partners, I've seen this phenomenon more than once. If it's true, then maybe he can help you with this also, and pull you out of a rut.
     
  18. D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse

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    MovingForward:

    Your friend sounds pretty damn cool if you ask me. And refreshingly blunt.

    He's made it transparently clear that he is not an option as boyfriend material. What that means is: cut your losses and, like your username says, move on.

    Keep him as a friend, absolutely. He's a keeper (he sounds mature & awesome)! Just don't spend a lot of time hoping and pining and thinking that somehow, something more might come of this friendship. Be content with friends.
     
  19. bstexas

    bstexas Member

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    MovingForward ... do u get the drift? Sounds like everyone on here basically agrees that you should keep this great friend and not lose him; redirect ur lust somewhere else. As for him thinking u go for people who are unattainable .. well, i don't. not knowing what happened with u and ur bf, how long u were together before he died, etc. if this best friend knew u when there was all this trouble going down (the death) and hung in there with u, supported u, comforted u, then maybe you have such an appreciation for all that which he directed ur way and are sorta feeling like it was what u want in a relationship (sans the sex). i don't think u are trying to reach unattainable guys, i just think u are misdirecting ur feelings because of everything that has happened. as the others have said, do not lose this friend ... they are hard to come by. also, get other outlets ... meet others (not particularly to do the drugs .... which may have been because u are depressed? just a thought), but meet people to redirect ur lust by being active, hanging out, etc. And stop avoiding eye contact, stop feeling beat down .... be the SAME friend you were before you told him because it sounds like he's trying to be the same. If u weird out then he's gonna notice and that's gonna but a big ol' wedge between you two. Hope i wasn't too harsh buddy.
     
    #19 bstexas, Jan 9, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2009
  20. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    I have to admit, he was there for me and was someone who let me ramble and cry when I needed to. I think you are right, and I took his caring for me in my situation and I think I am depressed and I just want someone to love. I know he loves me, just not in the way that I would want. I think in time I will overcome this. You guys are right, friendships like his are to valuable. I would never cross any type of physical barrier with him. I can't currently change my feelings, but I would never grope or touch him in anyway deemed inapropriate
     
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