Told my straight friend I have a crush on him

[B_ClydeS]

MovingForward,

Your last post sounds as if you're doing better. Good. I think you'll treasure this friend forever. He sounds like someone you need as a positive influence in your life -- we ALL need that!

Good luck.

 

[timothyology]

That boys a keeper, dude. I once had a friend (my first gay crush) who blacked my eye when I told him that I had a boycrush on him.

Friends like that are few and far between and you're to have him.

 

[Gnashin Teefe]

Earlier in my life I lost two very close friends in a similar way. They were loyal and caring, but in the end my out-of-control emotions (lust) drove them away from the friendship. Lots of regrets there, but youth was a time of extremes for me. Time and maturity seem to have a way of leveling things out. Now I live life with perhaps a little less passion, but sometimes that's a good thing.

 

[CUBE]

Moral of the story? Get the fuck off the acid and extascy. Maybe that will clear up your judgement?

True words...but maybe he will be the one guy in the world that uses with no problems...no gay guy needs to get into drugs, sorry for the lecture, but falling for a straight guy is the least of what is going on here. Be heallthy young man in mind and body and the guys will be also that you attract.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Ecstasy is the true drug, you tell the truth about everything. I think you're going to have to remember that you were on drugs, and you're mind was clouded. You may have meant well but, the situation you got yourself into, kinda sucks.

I would chat with your friend and tell him you only said those things because you were high, most people know the loving nature of E, so you might be able to save yourself. After things are okay that way, you can look at him. Getting over your crush on him is going to be harder and something you will have to work out on your own.

 

[squirt]

If this is the worst thing that happens while you are fucked up on acid, consider yourself lucky.

 

[StraightCock4Her]

I hope you never have a friend in-need *OR* never need a friend. He didn't say he was trying to get into the guy's pants -- may have wished it, but didn't try it!

This is such hogshit.

It's quite obvious what a person is saying when they tell you they "don't want to be alone" right after they tell you they like you alot in that way.


Friendship has nothing to do with it, and frankly, you might be a little retarded for thinking otherwise. But you're right it's about boundaries and about sending CLEAR signals. A CLEAR response to that question about coming over is: "No, I'm sorry, I know you're interested in me but I'm not interested in any male. You can't come over until you've dealt with your own feelings and can have just a friendship with me."

An unclear response is: "Sure, come on over. Maybe I'll make cake and you can hit on me some more!" Because you know that's exactly what is expected to happen. This is just a bad move all around.

He needed to leave NO hope. Which is why the OP is confused till this moment! It's a CROSSED signal. Clearly.

 

[B_just8inches]

there's a few things wrong with this

1. If you want to trip, you take organic shrooms, not chemical acid.

2. If you are going to roll(take E), do not take fuckin acid with it..

3. If you are doing acid don't take E......

4. And I'd be a little uncomfortable if a girl who I was friends with, but not attracted to, told me she had a thing for me.. would make the relationship awkward.

but mostly, dont take e and acid together...

 

[B_ClydeS]

This is such hogshit.

We'll just have to agree to disagree.

It's quite obvious what a person is saying when they tell you they "don't want to be alone" right after they tell you they like you alot in that way.

It's obvious? Are you psychic? Do you read people's minds?

Friendship has nothing to do with it,

No! Friendship has EVERYTHING to do with it.

and frankly, you might be a little retarded for thinking otherwise.

I'm VERY retarded when it comes to caring about friendship.

But you're right it's about boundaries and about sending CLEAR signals. A CLEAR response to that question about coming over is: "No, I'm sorry, I know you're interested in me but I'm not interested in any male. You can't come over until you've dealt with your own feelings and can have just a friendship with me."

I'm glad we agree on something, but I still don't think a secure person has to react that way, whether it's male-male or any gender combination.

An unclear response is: "Sure, come on over. Maybe I'll make cake and you can hit on me some more!" Because you know that's exactly what is expected to happen. This is just a bad move all around.

The friend wasn't unclear.

He needed to leave NO hope. Which is why the OP is confused till this moment! It's a CROSSED signal. Clearly.

I don't think there was any "hope" left at all -- not one iota. But, again, we'll just have to agree to disagree.

Thanks for not being polite in your disagreement. It's seriously and truly nice to encounter in discussions on here.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

there's a few things wrong with this

1. If you want to trip, you take organic shrooms, not chemical acid.

2. If you are going to roll(take E), do not take fuckin acid with it..

3. If you are doing acid don't take E......

but mostly, dont take e and acid together...

Thanks. Hippy Flipping, is fun I've heard, but bad shit happens then.

 

[Leche por mi cafe]

If you don't want to lose this guy as a friend, my suggestion is to seperate yourself from him for a while: no communication. It is almost as if you are breaking up with him, that emotional connection has to sever and be redirected to him at a different level. But the only way to do that is for you to communicate to him that you need to step away from the friendship for a while in order to heal. Then at that time is when you can revisit the friendship to see it at a different level...and I do believe the drugs are bringing out something much bigger than your crush.

A question for you...Are you falling for your friend because he's a convenience: he's around you all the time therefore giving little space for you to meet other guys that are gay?

Regardless, he seems to be really supportive and understanding to your needs, but if he's not on the same team, don't force him to be. You'll be without a true friend...and trust me...true friends are a rarity.

 

[WhiteZombie]

acid FTW!

 

[B_Think_Kink]

acid FTW!

I don't know what's so hard about that to understand. He's young lol lots of youngsters do drugs.

 

[KnightOMV]

While here, I just want to empathize with you and note that we've probably all been in situations like this, and they are really, really hard. The highs when you feel hopeful override everything else happening in your day, but so do the lows. Try to identify when that infatuation kicks in and recognize it for what it is, and do not trust it. Believe people when they tell you they're straight - for your sake, if nothing else.

If you're in a situation where you can find a therapist, I would highly recommend it. I had a similar situation to you during peak COVID where I latched on to a straight guy in my close emotional circle and it just sucked for everyone involved. I've since connected with a therapist who, like me, is a gay man and it's just so healthy having a safe place to fully talk out not just what I'm feeling, but how I fall into these patterns and where they might be coming from.

Friends are important, and friends should absolutely help each other when they can, but the burden of that emotional work should not fall on them. Let your friend be just that; a friend, who you can decompress with and have a reciprocally supportive relationship. Find someone else to help you sort out the internalized traumas specific to the queer experience.

Edit: Lmao, didn't realize I was responding to an older thread. Well, there are my thoughts, either way.

 

[deleted19713091]

I see the original post goes back to 2009 so would be interesting to know what came of the friendship.
I had a similar experience. I am straight but years ago had a best mate from work who was one of the best looking people on the planet with a body to go with it. At first he was just a mate then I realised I was falling in love with him (he was actually the one who told me I was in love with him). Weird thing is, it didn’t seem to bother him and he actually seemed to enjoy the attention. He was a bit double standards - he would clearly enjoy the attention and if we got too close he would back away. Kind of a tease I guess. There was one time when we were both drunk and other people at the party (who didn’t know my feelings) joked about how they thought we were going to kiss at one point. Clearly that made him back off for a while. Looking back on it now, I think his own feelings scared him - he knew I was in love with him and he enjoyed it, there was definite chemistry between us, he was perfectly happy getting naked in the gym changing rooms in front of me (bum only) and if we got too close as I said I think he scared himself. Once when I got changed I didn’t know he was around and looked up to see him having a very long stare of my privates. I caught him looking and he disappeared in a flash and was then very stand off ish with me, as if it was my fault. I can picture the dozens of times I saw his bum, 20 years later, and the one time I caught a glimpse of his penis - I genuinely went weak at the knees and had to sit down! Again, I think he knew I was looking and gave me a brief flash. Who knows. Only once did he suggest he didn’t like me being around when he got changed in a hotel room. But that was once. These days I don’t see him and have no desire to. I hope this has happened to the guy who made the original post - I look back on that episode of the my life and think “what the fuck was that all about, and with him?!” Yes he was hot and had a good bum, but he was extremely arrogant and self centred, treated me badly and the body I thought was good back then was nowhere near the physique I went on to develop myself later. All part of life’s rich tapestry!

 

[chrisrobin]

I have to admit, he was there for me and was someone who let me ramble and cry when I needed to. I think you are right, and I took his caring for me in my situation and I think I am depressed and I just want someone to love. I know he loves me, just not in the way that I would want. I think in time I will overcome this. You guys are right, friendships like his are to valuable. I would never cross any type of physical barrier with him. I can't currently change my feelings, but I would never grope or touch him in anyway deemed inapropriate

Move on, he's never never never going to have sex with you, so, stop using drugs and move on. If you want him to continue as a mate then get rid of the lust as its never going to happen no matter how you try and fool yourself.