Too big to take, possible relationship.. impossible?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Kanaye, Nov 25, 2009.

  1. B_Kanaye

    B_Kanaye New Member

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    Ok so I met this girl in the university bar a few days ago. Easily the best girl i've ever met, shes perfect for me. we see level on everything, she has -everything- I look for in a girl.

    She invited me over the next night, and we spent the whole night just relaxing together and talking, joking about and stuff it was -amazing-.

    The next morning it just happened, and she tried me and it pretty much instantly tore her, made her bleed and she was in pain for hours afterwards.

    So yeah... now she is adament that she'll never try again, and we just can't work because of that.

    Infact she's pretty much telling me to fuck off, with this "jog on" shit.


    This can't be fair, i'm not -that- big. I'm 8.5" long, and 6" girth, like just over 2" thick either way.


    How am I supposed to repair this?

    How does a girl -ever- get used to a big cock?

    What am i supposed to do to help her take it?


    I can't lose this person just because of this.
     
  2. helgaleena

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    Ask her to do other things with you than intercourse. You cannot force her to 'take it' before she is ready. And if 'she tore' it was probably because she was a virgin and she did not want you to know this because it would make you have extra power over her in some part of her mind.

    So many details left out! Did you use any birth control? Did you even discuss it before 'it happened'? Did you do any sort of foreplay for her to lubricate? Was it your first time too?

    The very best thing is to persuade her to have other forms of sex with you, petting, mutual masturbating, watch porn together, all sorts of things before she is again ready to try with you any kind of penetration. If your feelings for each other are sufficiently deep to overcome her feelings of failure to please you, and you to please her, that is. If she likes you enough to want to play in some other way.
     
  3. Bradylama

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    Umm... that is THAT big. That puts you in th 99.99% of men. That's like being 7'6". Don't let internet inches fool you.

    But I agree. Focus on non-intercourse things first.
     
  4. B_Kanaye

    B_Kanaye New Member

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    I couldnt care less if she cant please me man. What concerns me is that I want her, not just for sex i dont give a shit about sex.

    We didnt use lube because shes allergic to alot of it, practically everything. -.-

    She literally is just so angry that things never work out for her, but i am perfect for her until it comes to sex... she cant see it ever working.

    She says she just doesnt wanna try, ever, shes a little person and she can't take the pain. But i know she can, after a while. It just takes time right?

    I mean it has to be ok :| .. I want her =.=

    She keeps saying she doesnt want a relationship because in the past guys have always let her down. I know how it is i know you're all pigs and you think with your dicks even though quite frankly you dont have anything special to offer. I'm not like that.

    I can deal with her not wanting to jump into things, no problem at all. But I cant deal with the denial of even trying. Sex is an integral part of a relationship and we both understand that.. but she is literally terrified.

    It's been a matter of days, not enough to shoot into a relationship but we both think long term.

    Shes on the prog pill so yeah birth control.

    We didnt do alot of foreplay, so that probably didnt help either.


    Sooooo anything else? I cant think of any way to get past this. But I want to.

    There must be something we can do, help!
     
  5. helgaleena

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    She says you are a pig, and you still think she is perfect for you? I think you need to make friends with Mrs. Rosy Palm and her five daughters for a while and just be nonsexual friends with her for a bit.

    It is far too early for you to 'I want her' as if there is some reason why suddenly her body should be yours and not hers. Are you a duppy or a vampire that you can just annex her body because you like it? Back way off and don't ask for technical advice about it.

    Yes there are ways to stretch. No she does not want to do it and it may be months before she is ready to even Think of it as possible. She's not your property. There is no 'we' yet. Not until she agrees. Get ready in case she never does.

    Learn some gentling skills meanwhile by promising her a night of pleasure that you achieve without intercourse, as we all suggest, once she lets you fondle her again. Believe this old sex lover-- there are many pleasure centers in a woman's body and any one of them can lead to orgasm all by itself. But in imaginative combinations of stimulus, symphonies can be played!

    See if she is willing to please you that much. And meanwhile learn about some of the other pleasure centers in yourself. You have a whole body, not just that veiny monument.
     
  6. NotSoDumb_Blonde

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    Well, you could simply be there for her, talk to her, tell her how you feel and get to know her a bit better. Maybe encourage her not to use the 'them' and 'us' categories. And as corny as it sounds, did you apologize? Send her or bring her flowers? Did you offer to take her out to talk, hold her? Offer to simply back off the sex until she is ready? I think all these things, plus getting to know her more might help. I think it's great you are trying, but maybe if you concentrate on trying to ease her fears, like some of the other posts recommended, you know? Just be there for her. Was this her first time? Was she a virgin? And yeah, foreplay. Foreplay. Foreplay. Just chant it to your favorite tune and hold yourself under control. You sound like a decent guy, just try listening to her, and ask her to do the same for you.

    Good luck.
     
  7. dolfette

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    i've ended a relationship because he was too big.

    you might not mind going without a good, hard bang but that doesn't mean she's cool with it! an eternity of tiptoe sex in case she rips? nuh uh.

    she stated her case, you don't get a choice.
    move on and find a girl who you are physically compatible with.

    oh, and you sound desperate. desperation is unattractive.
    and you sound like you want to save her...sorry but we really, really hate that shit.
     
  8. B_Kanaye

    B_Kanaye New Member

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    That was like the least helpful post I could have expected. I'm not desperate and i'm not retarded, I know when i've got lucky and I know to hold onto things when you get that opportunity.

    Like I said, the sex is not a huge deal to me we can take that as slowly as possible. But when we do, i'm asking you people what the best way to handle it would be?

    Surely she must be able to take it, a few tries? Very slowly at first? etc? :|
     
  9. dolfette

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    no, it was a post that told you what you didn't want to hear.

    you are willing to not have sex or to have only very gentle sex.

    but is she?

    maybe she wants a dick she can bang hard and fast and often!
    if she likes hard sex then soft sex is bad sex.

    you're too big for her. she said she never wants to have sex with you again. that's just the way it is and you just have to learn to live with it.

    you can't make her change just because you love her so much and you think she needs a man like you to save her from the crappy men she always goes for...it's not a rational expectation, so you earn a patronising reply.
     
  10. dolfette

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    IF there's a tiny chance she'll change her mind.
    that this was just a reaction to shock and pain.
    that chance gets tinier every time you try to change it for her.
    leave the poor girl alone, just be warm and friendly and don't even think about bringing up sex unless she mentions it first.
    don't count on it working.
     
  11. D_Doewell Dadong

    D_Doewell Dadong New Member

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    Give it up as a lost job
     
  12. B_Kanaye

    B_Kanaye New Member

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    I don't see why I should have to give someone up because my cock is too big.

    That is ridiculous.

    We both like each other alot, I'm just asking HOW to go about making it easier on her, not whether I should bail or not.

    I'm actually asking for suggestions so she can take me, not random stuff like "give up" and that.

    Someone here must have had a similar experience, and needed to find a method of trying again and making it easier.
     
  13. Incocknito

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    "It's not your cock...it's you."

    You just met this girl. No one has a relationship with every girl they end up in bed with. Let her go...

    If you both wanted to have sex then you could. You need to start dating first of all and doing things that don't involve genitals.

    Then you need to start stretching her pussy out and turning her on. Start with fingers then use a small dildo/vibrator.

    When she feels ready, insert the tip of your penis. Ask her if it's okay. Then insert a little bit more. Hold it there for a minute or two and insert more. Ask her if she's okay.

    Continue until she can't take anymore. If there is some of your penis left then hold it in your hand to stop it penetrating her all the way.

    For a while you will have to have sex like that. Eventually she will be able to take you fully.

    But if she doesn't want to then she doesn't want to and there's not much you can do about it.
     
  14. dolfette

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    suggestions for how she can take you?
    SHE'S SAID SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TRY TO TAKE YOU!!!
    what the hell is your issue with that?
    why the hell would my suggestion make any difference?
    are you going to brow beat her with ''well this guy on the internet said you'd like it if...'' no reasonable person is going to tell you to go ahead and give you reasons to needle at her.
    you're acting like a pushy obsessive.
    SHE. SAID. NO!

    and if a woman fell in love with you, you were great mates, but you found her too fat/too ugly/too whatever for your tastes, we would tell her that she's just got to accept that you're not physically compatible. you said no. and no matter how much she likes you that won't make it ok to demand you say yes.

    grow the fuck up.

    IF, IF you back off and stop acting like she owes it to you, prove that you will back the fuck off if she needs you too, IF that gives her reason to change her mind? then you get to talk to her about how.
     
    #14 dolfette, Nov 26, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2009
  15. B_Kanaye

    B_Kanaye New Member

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    I got answers from some of the less stuck-up and more mature members of the forum, if you didn't notice. Infact it's only you being a jerk about it.

    It's not that she said no, she didn't. I spent the whole of last night on the phone to her, she's just scared that's all. After hearing what it can do and all that blah blah. I have not even once implied that she owes it to me, you stuck up pig. I also haven't demanded she tries, what made you think that? I've just asked for some suggestions while we build the confidence to try again. Jesus, i didn't ask for some bent slut to come and call me out on everything i'm not or haven't done, and be a douchebag to me just because you haven't had good luck.


    Well anyway, thanks to those that helped out. We'll get on it hopefully if all goes well :)

    Sorry we had to deal with miss bitch up there :/ Someone must have had a bad time.
     
  16. dolfette

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    So yeah... now she is adament that she'll never try again, and we just can't work because of that.

    Infact she's pretty much telling me to fuck off, with this "jog on" shit.

    She says she just doesnt wanna try, ever, shes a little person and she can't take the pain. But i know she can, after a while. It just takes time right?

    I mean it has to be ok :| .. I want her =.=

    yes, what could possibly seem pushy, demanding or insensitive about that? she sounds like a very vulnerable woman and you sound like a pushy git.
    if that's not the case and you're oh so sweet then it's your own damn fault for writing like a pushy, demanding, insensitive git.

    but i'd bet money on my assumptions being right.
     
  17. dolfette

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    i will also add that resorting to homophobic abuse doesn't make you look like the grown up here.
    there are a LOT of gay men on this site, and to use sexuality as an insult is disrespectful to them all. it actually proves my opinion of you.
     
    #17 dolfette, Nov 26, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2009
  18. B_Kanaye

    B_Kanaye New Member

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    You're just a troll, one of those internet personas that feel empowered by a keyboard.

    The jog on thing was nothing, it's just her vocab. By "I know she can" really i was thinking "dear god i hope she can cos otherwise i might as well just die" because lets face it if no one can take it then why the fuck should I even bother?

    "I want her" implies that I want her as a person.. not i want to bang her brains out. I know how common it is for people to say it but i genuinely know that there is no way i'll find someone quite like her again, and I won't lose that.
     
  19. dolfette

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    as an afterthought...

    the use of ''slut'' as an insult against any woman who angers you is indicative of a less than healthy and respectful attitude towards women.
    the use of ''bitch'' is entirely appropriate in an angry exchange, but you also used ''slut''...that says a lot about you.

    between that and the homophobic insults, you don't paint yourself as a mr right at all.
     
    #19 dolfette, Nov 26, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2009
  20. helgaleena

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    Young man, dolfette is no troll. I have noticed a definite lack of politeness and a sense of noblesse oblige in your attitude here. But as you are a youth I cut you slack, and for your sake I hope there is slack being cut by the young woman in question.

    You will get more cooperation with politeness, especially in romance.

    Technically there is no reason for intercourse to be impossible. But this is not the time and possibly not the person. Please try to entertain this eventuality even if you do not want it to be so. The thread is already stuffed with good strategies for you to try.

    I also wonder whether your definition of 'sex' might be too narrow. Why does it have to include something that leads to babies?
     
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