Too Late to have Kids?

B_debonair87

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ahhh, don't you just love the south? i'm pretty much a freak to all my people back home in orlando because i'm single and don't have any kids. after H.S. a lot of the folks i knew got married and/or starting popping out babies and i was pretty much the only one with goals in life. i'm sure if i go back home i'd be a freak of nature.

but anyway....just adopt if you wants kids so bad. unless you're one of those anal folks who believe your child has to come from your seed.

personally i couldn't give 2 fucks to have kids. i'd make a terrible father. i don't want to have to deal with a baby mama or a wife divorcing me and the courts rewarding her with child support and full custody while i get the kids on the weekends and have to live in a 1 bedroom apartment while she gets the deed to the house that I bought. When I'm older and I feel as though I want some juniors running around I'd just adopt.
 

B_debonair87

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Um... maybe I'm alone in this, but I think you should look for a 20-something gal. If you're financially secure, finding one won't be that hard. Post an ad on something like match.com saying you want to get married and have kids. You'll have slightly thick girls breaking your doors down.

I agree with you somewhat in that as men our value is society goes up as we age and womens value goes down. I mean as men the the older we are the more confident we are stable plus we are making money and have homes. Where as women's value in modern America is based on thier looks and ability to have kids. Plus men are just big kids and women are more mature at a younger age. SO it makes sence for the man to be at least 10 year older than his mate.

mmmk this is really bad advice. you're basically telling him to go out and find a gold digger. It's 2011. we are no longer in the days where women are to stay home and clean and cook and raise the kids while the husband works a 9-5 to bring home the bacon and women no longer have to wait around for men for a meal ticket. the doors have opened up for women. i wouldn't trust a chick who has no ambition in life and is just looking for a man to take care of her. that will screw you over in the long run.

and women are more mature at a younger age? dude seriously? i'm 24 and i can tell you that women in their 20s are insecure and still finding themselves. its very rare to run across a women in her 20s that has her head on straight and knows what she wants in life.

society is changing and men are no longer falling for a big butt and a smile to impregnate. established men are on the prowl for established women.
 
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Tattooed Goddess

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There are exceptions to every rule Debonair87. I met my husband in July and we were married by December. I was 18 and he was 20. We are still married 13 years later and have a daughter. We were both exceedingly mature for our age and still are. Some people are just naturally more mature than their peers. That's the type of person you want to find. It has nothing to do with whatever time period we live in that makes someone more mature or not for their age. It is what it is and it has always been that way because it's something that is promoted in childhood along with your personality type. Once you are that way it never really parts from you because it is who you are.

Whether you were born 500 years ago or 5 years ago. You are going to either be mature and have your head on straight or not. Now your desires to get married or have children are an entirely different issue that is not dependent on how mature you are. 15 year old promiscuous girls all the time want a baby to call their own. There is nothing mature about that decision. There are women who are 39 and want a baby before 40 who have been focusing on their careers the entire time. Nothing wrong with that.

There is a lot of complex psychology here. He just needs to find a mature woman who is of legal age who knows what she wants. I know I wanted 1 child when I was 18. At 31, I've pretty much lived out what I wanted at 18 and don't regret it one bit. Same goes for me getting married young. I'm the exception to the rule. But there are many exceptions being left out of the equation.
 

D_Pokin Joe Frazier

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mmmk this is really bad advice. you're basically telling him to go out and find a gold digger. It's 2011. we are no longer in the days where women are to stay home and clean and cook and raise the kids while the husband works a 9-5 to bring home the bacon and women no longer have to wait around for men for a meal ticket. the doors have opened up for women. i wouldn't trust a chick who has no ambition in life and is just looking for a man to take care of her. that will screw you over in the long run.

and women are more mature at a younger age? dude seriously? i'm 24 and i can tell you that women in their 20s are insecure and still finding themselves. its very rare to run across a women in her 20s that has her head on straight and knows what she wants in life.

society is changing and men are no longer falling for a big butt and a smile to impregnate. established men are on the prowl for established women.

I don't think she has to be a gold digger but what's wrong with a woman wanting to be as stay at home wife/mother and the husband making all the money and providing for the family?

As for established men on the prowl for established women I would have to disagree with you somewhat because if you look at Forbes top 500 riches men they are almost always with a younger hot woman granted there are exceptions to this rule but for the most part it's true.
 

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I don't think she has to be a gold digger but what's wrong with a woman wanting to be as stay at home wife/mother and the husband making all the money and providing for the family?

As for established men on the prowl for established women I would have to disagree with you somewhat because if you look at Forbes top 500 riches men they are almost always with a younger hot woman granted there are exceptions to this rule but for the most part it's true.

I hear a lot that women aren't about being a wife and mother these days. There is no doubt there was a time in history where that was our only option and women are reaching goals never offered to them ever before (who can blame them) but there are women who still love to be a traditional wife/mother and there always will be. You just want to be the type of man that woman is looking for to land her.

You also can't be so specific about every detail of her physical appearance or persona to the point where you rule out every possible good candidate.
 

D_Pokin Joe Frazier

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True mademoiselle rouge so it should be perfectly fine if a super hot girl in her mid to late 20's want to be a stay at home wife/mother and be married to a late 40's mid 50's man who wants kids now that he is ready for them?
 

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True mademoiselle rouge so it should be perfectly fine if a super hot girl in her mid to late 20's want to be a stay at home wife/mother and be married to a late 40's mid 50's man who wants kids now that he is ready for them?

I personally would not pick a man that much older than me. But there are a lot of women who don't have issues with that much of an age gap. I look forward to growing old WITH my husband, not being a young widow later. But to each her own.
 

mickstl

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it has always been my goal and desire to have children with an appropriately pratrician, blonde haired, blue/green eyed, tall, thin, athletic, outgoing woman. I thought I had found the right woman when i was 34. While she had two little girls from her marriage, she assured me she would have at least one more child when we got married.

Wedding was set and then she tells me she will not have another child. Marriage off. I was lied to for 2 years by this woman. She told me that i didn't need to have a child, that she could change my mind about that.

NOPE. I wanted children and she knew that from day one.

My point is this: it seems that a man who has been responsible throughout his 20s and 30s and used condoms and avoided pregnancies and STDs and child support payments ends up ready to have a child at 40 and somehow i am deemed too old? are you fucking kidding me?!

my options are 40 something year old GRANDMOTHERS or women of the same age who haven't had children or who have had children and won't have any more?

Growing up in new york, a man all squared away in his 40s and ready to settle down and have kids would easily find a 30something woman to do this with. In texas i may as well be a freak of nature. i don't care for texas. i want to go home.

Sorry you got screwed over... Just put it behind you and get out there with a positive attitude. You're a great looking guy -- you'll find someone that you click with. (Although, I might widen my parameters a little -- you don't want to miss any opportunities...)
 

dolfette

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with regards women who already have kids,

if i was with a guy who didn't prove his good parenting potential with my existing kids, i wouldn't have more children for/with him.
there is a chance this woman was deceptive from the start, but there is also a chance that she decided later on that you were not good father material. there may have been no intent to manipulate or deceive. it may have simply taken time to realise and then be sure that her conclusion was correct.

what is your relationship with her kids like?
 

B_debonair87

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There are exceptions to every rule Debonair87. I met my husband in July and we were married by December. I was 18 and he was 20. We are still married 13 years later and have a daughter. We were both exceedingly mature for our age and still are. Some people are just naturally more mature than their peers. That's the type of person you want to find. It has nothing to do with whatever time period we live in that makes someone more mature or not for their age. It is what it is and it has always been that way because it's something that is promoted in childhood along with your personality type. Once you are that way it never really parts from you because it is who you are.

Whether you were born 500 years ago or 5 years ago. You are going to either be mature and have your head on straight or not. Now your desires to get married or have children are an entirely different issue that is not dependent on how mature you are. 15 year old promiscuous girls all the time want a baby to call their own. There is nothing mature about that decision. There are women who are 39 and want a baby before 40 who have been focusing on their careers the entire time. Nothing wrong with that.

There is a lot of complex psychology here. He just needs to find a mature woman who is of legal age who knows what she wants. I know I wanted 1 child when I was 18. At 31, I've pretty much lived out what I wanted at 18 and don't regret it one bit. Same goes for me getting married young. I'm the exception to the rule. But there are many exceptions being left out of the equation.

this is entirely different. you and your husband married young when you both probably didn't have shit at the time and were able to grow and mature and become established together.

thats entirely different from someone pushing 40 or beyond that trying to pick up a sexy 20-something to call his own. like 9 out of 10 times its gonna be an already established man with a young girl who doesn't necessarily have anything going on for her and will marry that man not out of love but merely because he can give her the lifestyle she wants.

i'm not bashing anyone wanting kids later in life. thats all up to them but i'm just saying they should be wise about it and to really make sure that there is mutual love in the relationship and not just ulterior motives. that will back fire in the long run.
 

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this is entirely different. you and your husband married young when you both probably didn't have shit at the time and were able to grow and mature and become established together.

No doubt when people are together long enough they will grow. But growing up was something we were both able to do fairly easily and before/after getting together.

But then again, we knew what we wanted in a relationship and we were willing to do what it took to get there. But most people who get married young won't accomplish the same things we have. We were home owners by the time we were 20 and 22. Not because we were married, but because we were stable and able to do this. There are plenty of older people who aren't married that are not stable enough to make large decisions such as that and still maintain it decades later.

thats entirely different from someone pushing 40 or beyond that trying to pick up a sexy 20-something to call his own. like 9 out of 10 times its gonna be an already established man with a young girl who doesn't necessarily have anything going on for her and will marry that man not out of love but merely because he can give her the lifestyle she wants.

There are definitely stereotypes to a man being established just because he is older. Plenty of men (and women) these days are losing everything they have based on economics regardless of their age.

i'm not bashing anyone wanting kids later in life. thats all up to them but i'm just saying they should be wise about it and to really make sure that there is mutual love in the relationship and not just ulterior motives. that will back fire in the long run.

I couldn't agree more.
 

B_debonair87

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I don't think she has to be a gold digger but what's wrong with a woman wanting to be as stay at home wife/mother and the husband making all the money and providing for the family?

As for established men on the prowl for established women I would have to disagree with you somewhat because if you look at Forbes top 500 riches men they are almost always with a younger hot woman granted there are exceptions to this rule but for the most part it's true.

those men on the forbes list are barely 1% of the population. they're not your every day person. of course they won't find other females in the billion and million dollar bracket to marry. those men know the only way they'll get a female is because of their money and nothing else unless their wives were with them before they became rich and there is true mutual love between both parties.

and the entire housewife concept is stale and dry and not something i personally don't respect. maybe its because of how i was raised. all the women in my family (both immediate and extended) are all working women. my family also originates from a 3rd world country (Jamaica). they all went off to school and made something off themselves and then married and had kids when they were established. i come from a family with high expectations. my mom is a physical therapist and my sister is a doctor. i couldn't bring home a woman who has no goals in life and no ambition but to cook, clean, and take care of a household as i would feel like that would be an insult to the women in my family especially my mom who was a single mother. but different stroke for different folk, i guess. theres nothing sexier to me than a female who's working towards being successful (like me) or is already established. i know sometimes females take an extended maternity leave for like a year or sometimes 2 after having a kid but I'm not giving free rides.
 

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those men on the forbes list are barely 1% of the population. they're not your every day person. of course they won't find other females in the billion and million dollar bracket to marry. those men know the only way they'll get a female is because of their money and nothing else unless their wives were with them before they became rich and there is true mutual love between both parties.

I concur once again.

and the entire housewife concept is stale and dry and not something i personally don't respect. maybe its because of how i was raised. all the women in my family (both immediate and extended) are all working women. my family also originates from a 3rd world country (Jamaica). they all went off to school and made something off themselves and then married and had kids when they were established. i come from a family with high expectations. my mom is a physical therapist and my sister is a doctor. i couldn't bring home a woman who has no goals in life and no ambition but to cook, clean, and take care of a household as i would feel like that would be an insult to the women in my family especially my mom who was a single mother. but different stroke for different folk, i guess. theres nothing sexier to me than a female who's working towards being successful (like me) or is already established. i know sometimes females take an extended maternity leave for like a year or sometimes 2 after having a kid but I'm not giving free rides.

I was raised in a different type of household. My mom was like your typical 1950's housewife/mother in so many ways. Later in life my mom started a business that became very successful, I took over that business and morphed it into one where I could still stay at home with my special needs daughter and bring home some money for our family and for my spending money. We both managed to be successful entrepreneurs and still be traditional.

My point is, it doesn't have to be one or the other and you want to be sure to find someone that you like and could see yourself with (even if some things like the business/career options come later) and look for a good wife and mother possibility if that is what you are wanting out of life.

And I'm not sure what you mean by a 1-2 year maternity leave and not giving free rides.

Nothing wrong with an 18 year maternity leave. After all, your kid might need that. I know mine did and still does. And it's not a free ride if she is raising your children. She's putting in her part as well. Don't let the mindset of your family change your mind on what is acceptable behavior out of a woman. She doesn't have to be just like your mom, those are huge shoes to fill for anyone to be compared to their Mother-in-law. Maybe what you are trying to do is avoid her being unevenly compared in your eyes by picking someone who can be neck and neck with her. Maybe YOU would never hear the end of it otherwise?

That's a lot for any of us to think about.
 

dolfette

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when my ex married his new lady, he decided to be a stay at home dad for their first child. he lasted all of six months because, if you're doing it right, it's a fuck of a lot harder than going out to work.
 

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Goodwood,
Your situation hits close to home..on so many levels...as I live in Texas. By choice and not by necessity----Californian here by birth. Our stories are somewhat similar. When I was 27, my GF got accidentally pregnant. She was training to be a doctor when we were together. Then one weekend when I was out of town, she unfortunately had a miscarriage (or an abortion, which is what I am suspecting). That really messed me up with my subsequent relationships. I felt that I could have raised that kid if my GF did not want it. But anyways, life went on and I spent the last several years climbing up the corporate ladder. I was and am a workaholic and an entrepreneur. All of a sudden, I find myself alone but wanting to have kids. Because I have no lady right now that I am comfortable having children with, and sharing half of my riches (or debts) with, I decided to embark and explore gestational surrogacy. I have met ladies who never met Mr. Right and decided to have kids of their own, using sperm donors. Im my case, I am using an egg donor and a surrogate to carry the baby for me. The surrogate is currently 5 weeks pregnant and may be having twins, too. As such, I am both excited and anxious. If you dont care about your genetic progeny, you can just adopt but single dad adoption is not favored in Texas.
I also know of people in my family and circle that have had kids later in life. My parents had our youngest sibling when my mom was 45 and my dad was 46. They are both still alive and healthy, and my brother is very intelligent and doing his post doc in biochemistry. Two friends of mine had twins thru IVF after they got married. It was the first marriage for both of them. She was 44 and he was 49. They have beautiful 3 year old twins. I also know of two single dads that have had kids and another couple who had kids at 47 and 45.

So, there is hope, even for us single guys. If you want some info about surrogacy, I will be more than happy to share what I know. You can PM me.

A huge congrats to you. Keep us posted.