Too Late to have Kids?

[dolfette]

And they are..........................

some people improve with age and others do not. some becom clamer and others just become rigid. some stop playing around and others forget how to play.

it depends in the individual.

a younger parent is more likely be around for longer and in better health. an older parent is more likely to be financially stable.

you knew all this and you're just being mean because it's 5:30am.

 

[travis1985]

Of course it is not too late. As you know, men can have children up until they die. There are women your age who still want to have children, or more children, you just have to look a little harder. There are also younger women who want to have children and are attracted to men your age, another option you may not have considered.

Your situation, though, is becoming more and more common as people today delay marriage and family in favor of careers and other life choices, then suddenly find that there was something to the traditional M.O. after all. A friend of mine who just turned 46 is in a similar situation. He actively avoided having the children he wanted while he got everything else in his life set up, and now, less than a year married, it is a concern that his wife doesn't have much childbearing time left, and if they do manage to, they'll be in their 60's at graduation. You know what they say about putting things off until tomorrow.​

 

[hud01]

some people improve with age and others do not. some becom clamer and others just become rigid. some stop playing around and others forget how to play.

it depends in the individual.

a younger parent is more likely be around for longer and in better health. an older parent is more likely to be financially stable.

you knew all this and you're just being mean because it's 5:30am.

Actually it is 12:45AM........I don't like when people say, but don't provide specifics...

I believe you meant calmer.

You post that some stop playing around and others forget how to play, how about those who forget neither?

 

[dolfette]

nitpicker likes to nitpick.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Actually it is 12:45AM........I don't like when people say, but don't provide specifics...

I believe you meant calmer.

You post that some stop playing around and others forget how to play, how about those who forget neither?

Yikes.

It's pretty obvious why some men would want to stay home and others wouldn't and how some might not be as desirable for the job after they get into it. Let's face it, women carry the baby in their body and sustain them from the milk that comes from our body- not the men- so it's not weird to imagine that most men don't want to stay at home and be stay at home dads. It's just the way it works for a majority for a reason.

 

[hud01]

nitpicker likes to nitpick.

Absolutely. I have seen you do the same in the past.

 

[hud01]

Yikes.

It's pretty obvious why some men would want to stay home and others wouldn't and how some might not be as desirable for the job after they get into it. Let's face it, women carry the baby in their body and sustain them from the milk that comes from our body- not the men- so it's not weird to imagine that most men don't want to stay at home and be stay at home dads. It's just the way it works for a majority for a reason.

That was a pretty good reach, actually not. There was no point in my post that I talked about being a stay at home dad.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

That was a pretty good reach, actually not. There was no point in my post that I talked about being a stay at home dad.

Sorry. I must have skipped back to the wrong page in the thread if I thought that. I will go back and reread.

 

[houtx48]

My dad was 44 when I was born and I am not a poor kid. My oldest brother was 47 when his daughter was born, and my other brother was 45 when his son was born. Both kids are well adjusted, well-traveled, and get straight A's. In fact, I think older dads make better parents than young ones. They can be more patient, more settled, and have a clearer sense of priorities.

And all the children have mad wheelchair and walker skills.........I live in a neighborhood full of old parents and I not particularly buying your argument, the only thing is that they are more financially stable.

 

[Drifterwood]

Before you guys get carried away with yourselves, I understand that there is growing research suggesting that the genetic quality of our sperm deteriorates with age.

Scientifically there is probably an optimum breeding age for humans. This won't apply to everyone of course, and furthermore, we can do what we want, right?

 

[hud01]

Sorry. I must have skipped back to the wrong page in the thread if I thought that. I will go back and reread.

NP

 

[hud01]

And all the children have mad wheelchair and walker skills.........I live in a neighborhood full of old parents and I not particularly buying your argument, the only thing is that they are more financially stable.

:biggrin1:

 

[dolfette]

poopyhead

 

[Phil Ayesho]

it has always been my goal and desire to have children with an appropriately pratrician, blonde haired, blue/green eyed, tall, thin, athletic, outgoing woman. I thought I had found the right woman when i was 34. While she had two little girls from her marriage, she assured me she would have at least one more child when we got married.

Wedding was set and then she tells me she will not have another child. Marriage off. I was lied to for 2 years by this woman. She told me that i didn't need to have a child, that she could change my mind about that.

NOPE. I wanted children and she knew that from day one.

My point is this: it seems that a man who has been responsible throughout his 20s and 30s and used condoms and avoided pregnancies and STDs and child support payments ends up ready to have a child at 40 and somehow i am deemed too old? are you fucking kidding me?!

my options are 40 something year old GRANDMOTHERS or women of the same age who haven't had children or who have had children and won't have any more?

Growing up in new york, a man all squared away in his 40s and ready to settle down and have kids would easily find a 30something woman to do this with. In texas i may as well be a freak of nature. i don't care for texas. i want to go home.

Awww... Poor little middle aged boy, wanted to have fun fun fun when he was young, and now wants a family, but finds women close to his age are pretty much done with child bearing... Boo hoo.

How dumb/self centered are you?

Did you fail to notice all the hot, sexy 20 and early 30 year olds pushing prams as you were cruising uncommitted thru your 20s and 30s?

Did you ditch biology classes and health class? Where you might have learned about human reproduction?

Frankly, you ain't a catch... You're a procrastinator and one of those guy who put off adult responsibility and commitment to the last possible minute.


There's still hope for you... All you have to do is acquire the wealth and or prominence that will attract younger women into marrying someone their Dad's age.

 

[B_debonair87]

I was raised in a different type of household. My mom was like your typical 1950's housewife/mother in so many ways. Later in life my mom started a business that became very successful, I took over that business and morphed it into one where I could still stay at home with my special needs daughter and bring home some money for our family and for my spending money. We both managed to be successful entrepreneurs and still be traditional.

My point is, it doesn't have to be one or the other and you want to be sure to find someone that you like and could see yourself with (even if some things like the business/career options come later) and look for a good wife and mother possibility if that is what you are wanting out of life.

And I'm not sure what you mean by a 1-2 year maternity leave and not giving free rides.

Nothing wrong with an 18 year maternity leave. After all, your kid might need that. I know mine did and still does. And it's not a free ride if she is raising your children. She's putting in her part as well. Don't let the mindset of your family change your mind on what is acceptable behavior out of a woman. She doesn't have to be just like your mom, those are huge shoes to fill for anyone to be compared to their Mother-in-law. Maybe what you are trying to do is avoid her being unevenly compared in your eyes by picking someone who can be neck and neck with her. Maybe YOU would never hear the end of it otherwise?

That's a lot for any of us to think about.

your mom is from a different generation. i'm not disrespecting women from the baby boom era and before. these days women have just as much opportunity as men. the housewife concept is pretty much dead. the only ones who can afford to have a housewife are the wealthy. that hardly exists in the middle and working class anymore.

and I don't want a woman just like my mother. that would be hell all over again. I just want a woman who like me is passionate about something in life, someone who can pick my brain, someone who has dreams and goals someone who is not looking for someone to complete their lives but compliment it. someone who is not complacent.

and teaching kids to do things for themselves when their young helps prepare them for the future. my mom taught me how to do laundry when I was 9. she taught me how to cook when i was like 12-13. if me and my sister weren't taught to take care of ourselves we would probably have failed miserably on our own. I know some kids who's moms were housewives and when it came time for them to leave the nest they didn't do so great caring for themselves or ended up dating women who acted as their mothers.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

your mom is from a different generation. i'm not disrespecting women from the baby boom era and before. these days women have just as much opportunity as men. the housewife concept is pretty much dead. the only ones who can afford to have a housewife are the wealthy. that hardly exists in the middle and working class anymore.

and I don't want a woman just like my mother. that would be hell all over again. I just want a woman who like me is passionate about something in life, someone who can pick my brain, someone who has dreams and goals someone who is not looking for someone to complete their lives but compliment it. someone who is not complacent.

and teaching kids to do things for themselves when their young helps prepare them for the future. my mom taught me how to do laundry when I was 9. she taught me how to cook when i was like 12-13. if me and my sister weren't taught to take care of ourselves we would probably have failed miserably on our own. I know some kids who's moms were housewives and when it came time for them to leave the nest they didn't do so great caring for themselves or ended up dating women who acted as their mothers.

How old are you and how old is your mom? I didn't say my mom was a 1950's mother. She had me and my brother in the 1970's. During the female liberation time period.

It makes me sad that a guy of any age thinks that being a stay at home wife or mother is considered complacency.

Do you know very many stay at home moms? Not all of them are sweet and do every little thing for their kids to the point of handicapping them. I think you see things in a black and white way where there are only two polar opposites of one another. No inbetween. What you don't realize is the inbetween is actually the largest part of the bellcurve and not on either side entirely.

The best of a partner is someone who can encapsulate all of those great qualities in one. I have the same IQ as my husband, who was a national physics olympiad champion. Yet I relish in being a mother and a fantastic wife who can pick his brain, carry on great conversation, raise his child, be innovative and teach our daughter independence and confidence. I don't get where you see a person can only be a career-oriented worker outside the home to be intelligent and challenging.

All of that plus being my husband's girlfriend is what I try to be. I've been doing it for 13 years pretty successfully. Why? Not because I was ever career minded or home minded. It was because I was an overacheiver in many ways and can take what he is in his excellence and be his counterpart.

Are we rich for him to have gained that in his life? Hardly. When we married he made about 8$ an hour and I didn't work. Yet we were able to have a modest home, nice cars and a great retirement fund we started in our teenage years.

It takes planning and if you didn't plan before you got started, you should start to do so as soon as possible after getting together and there is absolutely NO reason why you can't live with a woman who wants to be your girlfriend/your wife and the mother of your children.

An occupation and goals are not the key to success in life. As the fellow who created this thread how he feels putting those at the top of his list his entire life. And have you thought about a woman who is the career-minded type might not have much time for you either? If those things are the most important things, they will be at the top of her list. That goes even ahead of your relationship. You don't get to be #1 and have her want her job to be #1 also.

It sounds very material minded, which is your entitlement in life. Plenty of hard-working couples who once had great careers might find themselves jobless, on unemployment or even disability and if you don't have much going in the relationship department- what kind of relationship will you have once you don't have the material ideals you had so much wanted?

Everyone wants to be rich. Plenty of people aren't happy being rich and would trade all of it for happiness. Too many people commit suicide everyday who had everything financially working for them but not good relationships with those they care about the very most.

On your deathbed you aren't counting your Louis Vuitton suits, you are counting those who are holding your hands.

 

[FuzzyKen]

Here is my dime on this issue.

I inherited and am in the process of legally adopting the biological son of a male relative best described as "non parental material".

I ended up taking one that had problems based on a very poor family life. Fixing the damaged is sometimes far more rewarding and giving a home to a kid that really needs good parenting, real honest love, and most of all an individual who will not give in when the going gets tough are the main qualifications.

Adopting is to me the finest gift you can give a deserving kid because it is the gift of a lifetime to that child to have family that was just out of reach without your help.

To some the creation of the life is the thing they want and then they kind of get a little lost when the real work starts. From a group like this the advice is going to be widely varied.

You do in fact raise an excellent point: "When is it too late for parenthood?"

If you are going to be nearing or past retirement age by the time your child would reach the age of legal majority that can have many complications and can create a situation where you have a negative impact on your child just as they are starting to move into their own lives because of your own failing health and aging.

Forget the wife part if the only reason you are looking at marriage is the birth or rearing of children. Go out and adopt! You would give a kid that needs your skills and love a chance that may not have it otherwise. It is easy to place babies in adoption. As children age they become more and more difficult to place. Go into it with an open mind and be the best parent you can by saving a life in jeopardy.

Personally if you want to parent and do the good thing, get the kid first and the wife second! If you get the wrong wife, the kid will definitely be far cheaper!

 

[helgaleena]

with regards women who already have kids,

if i was with a guy who didn't prove his good parenting potential with my existing kids, i wouldn't have more children for/with him.
there is a chance this woman was deceptive from the start, but there is also a chance that she decided later on that you were not good father material. there may have been no intent to manipulate or deceive. it may have simply taken time to realise and then be sure that her conclusion was correct.

what is your relationship with her kids like?

Agree 100%. She changed her tune when you didn't bond with her daughters. You failed her parenting standards, and her existing children will always get first priority in her heart. I speak as a parent. That is hard-wired. If it comes to a choice between spouse and offspring, a good parent of either sex will put offspring first.

 

[dolfette]

Agree 100%. She changed her tune when you didn't bond with her daughters. You failed her parenting standards, and her existing children will always get first priority in her heart. I speak as a parent. That is hard-wired. If it comes to a choice between spouse and offspring, a good parent of either sex will put offspring first.

uh huh.

if you want to start a family with a woman who already has one then you need to ask yourself if you can love all of the children. if you can't you'll create rifts and resentments.

it's in the best interests of your child to make their siblings feel like part of your strong, loving family unit. if they have strong bonds then, long after you've kicked the bucket, the siblings will always have each other to rely on.

 

[B_debonair87]

How old are you and how old is your mom? I didn't say my mom was a 1950's mother. She had me and my brother in the 1970's. During the female liberation time period.

It makes me sad that a guy of any age thinks that being a stay at home wife or mother is considered complacency.

Do you know very many stay at home moms? Not all of them are sweet and do every little thing for their kids to the point of handicapping them. I think you see things in a black and white way where there are only two polar opposites of one another. No inbetween. What you don't realize is the inbetween is actually the largest part of the bellcurve and not on either side entirely.

The best of a partner is someone who can encapsulate all of those great qualities in one. I have the same IQ as my husband, who was a national physics olympiad champion. Yet I relish in being a mother and a fantastic wife who can pick his brain, carry on great conversation, raise his child, be innovative and teach our daughter independence and confidence. I don't get where you see a person can only be a career-oriented worker outside the home to be intelligent and challenging.

All of that plus being my husband's girlfriend is what I try to be. I've been doing it for 13 years pretty successfully. Why? Not because I was ever career minded or home minded. It was because I was an overacheiver in many ways and can take what he is in his excellence and be his counterpart.

Are we rich for him to have gained that in his life? Hardly. When we married he made about 8$ an hour and I didn't work. Yet we were able to have a modest home, nice cars and a great retirement fund we started in our teenage years.

It takes planning and if you didn't plan before you got started, you should start to do so as soon as possible after getting together and there is absolutely NO reason why you can't live with a woman who wants to be your girlfriend/your wife and the mother of your children.

An occupation and goals are not the key to success in life. As the fellow who created this thread how he feels putting those at the top of his list his entire life. And have you thought about a woman who is the career-minded type might not have much time for you either? If those things are the most important things, they will be at the top of her list. That goes even ahead of your relationship. You don't get to be #1 and have her want her job to be #1 also.

It sounds very material minded, which is your entitlement in life. Plenty of hard-working couples who once had great careers might find themselves jobless, on unemployment or even disability and if you don't have much going in the relationship department- what kind of relationship will you have once you don't have the material ideals you had so much wanted?

Everyone wants to be rich. Plenty of people aren't happy being rich and would trade all of it for happiness. Too many people commit suicide everyday who had everything financially working for them but not good relationships with those they care about the very most.

.

Wow what a rant

I'm 24 years old. My mother is 55. When she had me she was just a registered nurse. After my parents divorced she worked full time, went to school part time and still found time to run the household. She wanted to make sure me and my sister had the opportunity to live a good life.

And yes it is complacency. To sit home and want to cook and clean is laziness to me. I can clean and cook for myself. I want a wife not another mom. I don't feel comfortable with someone spending my money. always 50/50 as far as I'm concerned.

Success and achieving goals may not be apart of everyones life but its a big part of my life. It aint just about money. I want the world to know my name. I want to go down in history. I wouldn't expect my wife to have big goals like that she has to have goals none the less. I also want to make a difference in this world and help people. I'd like for my wife to share that goal as well. Staying home and wanting to raise kids just isn't cute to me. And I doubt anyone my age would want that either.

We are in the times of equal income. I read an article around the time I finished college about people in their 20s becoming less intrigued with the concept of marriage and children and folks will wait until they are established to become married and the average age for marriage for both men and women will soon be early-mid 30s.

On your deathbed you aren't counting your Louis Vuitton suits, you are counting those who are holding your hands.

I was born alone and imma die alone. Don't really care who's gonna be at my death bed. I'd be happy knowing I lived life the way I wanted too. I don't have a fear of being alone. I have a fear of not achieving my goals.