FUCK FREDDIE
Fuck him now, fuck him plenty, fuck him royally, just fuck him. Long, slow, and hard.
Or, to paraphrase the cunt-breathing dragon:
Clearly, the only option is to instruct the bastard to fuck Freddie. Fuck Freddie totally.
Do not pass go, do not collect $200- just fuck Freddie.
And more than once.
That's right, fuck Freddie and make sure it's more than once, you slimy bastard.
Or, if so inclined, run outside and play the ever popular Hide and Go Fuck Freddie™.
Fuck Freddie on a train, on a plane, in a box, with a fox...
No matter what the method, the important thing is that you don't forget to fuck Freddie.
Fuck Freddie and eat beans, for all I care.
Fuck Freddie at your grandfather's house. Be sure not to fuck your grandfather... This is a common mistake. It is imperative that you fuck Freddie.
Fuck Freddie and send us the pictures, so that we can verify that you have, indeed, completed your mission. WE WILL BE KEEPING TABS ON YOUR "FUCKED FREDDIE" STATUS.
In that vein, allow me to mention the importance of the ensuing paperwork. You can write this off on your taxes if need be. Certain restrictions apply, but not the kinds of restrictions that get you out of fucking Freddie.
This is a tradition that is becoming something of a lost art, you see. We need as many young, fresh souls to speak the dead language (if you will,) of fucking Freddie as humanly possible. So, if you don't fuck Freddie, you will be just like the generations past that have made fucking Freddie an endangered species. Just like the pandas. You heartless, pandacidal bastard.
Do not confuse this order with Canada's declared Masturbation Month². This is something special, just for Freddie.
It is YOU that must fuck FREDDIE, you Capitalistic fucktard. How dare you come onto OUR site and try to make money?Stop sucking off soldiers in Guantanamo bay, and GO FUCK FREDDIE.