Too nice for my cock?

[D_Glauhouse Gooeypud]

you know...sometimes it's not just that girls don't like nice guys, it's that we don't like specific people. Case in point...I had a friend (with benefits), who I never considered more than a friend, and he proclaimed his love for me and I just couldn't return the feelings. Now, he's a doll, was great in bed, would do anything for me, funny, smart, handsome, etc. But, I just didn't *feel* it. Told him last July I didn't share his feelings and couldn't be more than friends. Told me he didn't care if I didn't love him back. He won't date anyone else. To this day he hasn't. I care about him. Even love him as a friend. But, I'm never going to be IN love with him but it has NOTHING to do with the fact that he's a nice guy. The chemistry is just not there. Period. Wouldn't love him any more if he were an ass. I love to hang out with him though because I truly enjoy his company...just can't be in love with him.

This is why so many men like THEDUDEofdestiny and myself have absolutely no clue what to think when a woman says something like that and we get discouraged when we shouldn't lol. I've heard the "didn't 'feel' it" line before but when you're great friends, the physical attraction is there, you enjoy each other's company, you'd do anything for each other and so forth, there is no reason in a guy's mind why the relationship cannot happen. I think men feel that all the components you mentioned are everything he needs to make a relationship work (I said "work" because maybe men believe a relationship is something that can be built if two people give it the opportunity and effort) while women don't weigh all those factors in as heavily and have some magical feeling that must "click" which apparently only women can feel in order for them to pursue something with a guy. It makes no sense! lol

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

well we hooked up, again. i really can't figure her out. she praised me post-intercourse for being the kind of guy that makes her feel better about herself and told me i make everyone feel better about themselves and im so smart, and yet? for what? she wont date me and never will. it is enough to get down, huh marcus?

 

[D_Glauhouse Gooeypud]

Sorry to hear you continue getting the run around. You should just quit her cold turkey. It's what she's asking for when she tells you you're too good, so prove her right. To answer your question, yes you are too nice for your cock but that shouldn't be any reason for you to get cynical and down on yourself. You're just especially unique with a head on his shoulders and as uncool as it may be these days, you don't need to have sex with anything that moves. That's something to be proud of. It's tough be a good guy, but if we don't do it, no one else will.

 

[Scarlet Thelema]

Sorry to hear you continue getting the run around. You should just quit her cold turkey. It's what she's asking for when she tells you you're too good, so prove her right. To answer your question, yes you are too nice for your cock but that shouldn't be any reason for you to get cynical and down on yourself. You're just especially unique with a head on his shoulders and as uncool as it may be these days, you don't need to have sex with anything that moves. That's something to be proud of. It's tough be a good guy, but if we don't do it, no one else will.

Totally right on all fronts. We need more good guys in this world :yup:

 

[tigolbitties]

Sorry... I'm with this girl. Guys with big dicks should be jerks. It'd be so helpful in our quests to find them.

Guys with small dicks should be nice. Then we can keep them around to be nice, but fuck the jerks behind their back.

'Tis the way life is... why sugar coat?

 

[the_reverend]

Sorry... I'm with this girl. Guys with big dicks should be jerks. It'd be so helpful in our quests to find them.

Guys with small dicks should be nice. Then we can keep them around to be nice, but fuck the jerks behind their back.

'Tis the way life is... why sugar coat?

so i either have to shrink my dick or become more of a jerk? can't do the one, unwilling to do the other.

 

[doubl]

you know...sometimes it's not just that girls don't like nice guys, it's that we don't like specific people. Case in point...I had a friend (with benefits), who I never considered more than a friend, and he proclaimed his love for me and I just couldn't return the feelings. Now, he's a doll, was great in bed, would do anything for me, funny, smart, handsome, etc. But, I just didn't *feel* it. Told him last July I didn't share his feelings and couldn't be more than friends. Told me he didn't care if I didn't love him back. He won't date anyone else. To this day he hasn't. I care about him. Even love him as a friend. But, I'm never going to be IN love with him but it has NOTHING to do with the fact that he's a nice guy. The chemistry is just not there. Period. Wouldn't love him any more if he were an ass. I love to hang out with him though because I truly enjoy his company...just can't be in love with him.

are you sure the feeling wasn`t there because he was a nice guy? That he was too "easy" to get?

I can really relate to this also. I`m pretty sure many women who knows me even think i`m not able to stand up for my self, and stuff, Just because I`m shy and sensitive.
well; I`m a sensitive and nice guy, but I`m also the kind off guy that never backs off when things really matter..
i may let other people sneek in line or just smile at somebody who`s rude, but if I feel somebody is purpously, continously rude or aggresive towards me or my friends, and won`t back off. I`m always the one up front, some times screaming mad. and the so called "tough guys" who`s usually cocky often run and hide..

anyone else who feels like that? that cocky guys are really gutless when things really matter. and the ones that stands up are the more quiet types?
yet the cocky guys gets all the action.. like they`ve got some caveman-karma or something. but it is usually just for show... men are usually cocky to hide their poor self-esteem (or small dicks:tongue. And the ones that have self-esteem feel they have nothing to hide, and are honest and open about their insecurities. But most women don`t like that. thats just the way things are.

another thing that may be the reason why many "nice guys" are unattractive to women, is because they often don`t play the game. they try to be romantic and show how mch they care etc.

you have to hold back, and be the one that`s in control. In other words you have to play "hard to get." If you`re always the one calling, and ends every sms with hugs and kisses, and what not...; don`t do it, unless you are dealing with a really shy person.. and even then you can`t show how interested you really are. that is part of the excitement of meeting someone and falling in love..: the insecurity. if the girl thinks she has the power and doesn`t have to do any work to get you, then you appear as uninteresting and desperate.

I don`t remember what the movie is called, but it is about casanova. and what he says is his secret to get women is: "be the flame, not the moth" that kind of sums it up..

and this works the other way around to..
I have resently had an opposite experience with a girl who always were the one who called. And I was always busy. she was really sweet and stuff, but I had to break up because I felt I became an asshole, And had no feelings. It felt like i had her in the palm of my hand from the start. and it just wasn`t exiting. I cared about her as a friend, and liked her as a lover, but she could never be my girlfriend.. so out of respect for her, I broke up, because I did enjoyed her company... its just much more fun to go out in the woods and shot a deer instead of just getting a steak for free... the meal tastes a whole lot better if you had to work to get it...:smile:

 

[Scarlet Thelema]

are you sure the feeling wasn`t there because he was a nice guy? That he was too "easy" to get?

I can really relate to this also. I`m pretty sure many women who knows me even think i`m not able to stand up for my self, and stuff, Just because I`m shy and sensitive.
well; I`m a sensitive and nice guy, but I`m also the kind off guy that never backs off when things really matter..
i may let other people sneek in line or just smile at somebody who`s rude, but if I feel somebody is purpously, continously rude or aggresive towards me or my friends, and won`t back off. I`m always the one up front, some times screaming mad. and the so called "tough guys" who`s usually cocky often run and hide..

anyone else who feels like that? that cocky guys are really gutless when things really matter. and the ones that stands up are the more quiet types?
yet the cocky guys gets all the action.. like they`ve got some caveman-karma or something. but it is usually just for show... men are usually cocky to hide their poor self-esteem (or small dicks:tongue. And the ones that have self-esteem feel they have nothing to hide, and are honest and open about their insecurities. But most women don`t like that. thats just the way things are.

another thing that may be the reason why many "nice guys" are unattractive to women, is because they often don`t play the game. they try to be romantic and show how mch they care etc.

you have to hold back, and be the one that`s in control. In other words you have to play "hard to get." If you`re always the one calling, and ends every sms with hugs and kisses, and what not...; don`t do it, unless you are dealing with a really shy person.. and even then you can`t show how interested you really are. that is part of the excitement of meeting someone and falling in love..: the insecurity. if the girl thinks she has the power and doesn`t have to do any work to get you, then you appear as uninteresting and desperate.

I don`t remember what the movie is called, but it is about casanova. and what he says is his secret to get women is: "be the flame, not the moth" that kind of sums it up..

and this works the other way around to..
I have resently had an opposite experience with a girl who always were the one who called. And I was always busy. she was really sweet and stuff, but I had to break up because I felt I became an asshole, And had no feelings. It felt like i had her in the palm of my hand from the start. and it just wasn`t exiting. I cared about her as a friend, and liked her as a lover, but she could never be my girlfriend.. so out of respect for her, I broke up, because I did enjoyed her company... its just much more fun to go out in the woods and shot a deer instead of just getting a steak for free... the meal tastes a whole lot better if you had to work to get it...:smile:

Great post, doubl

I agree with a lot of what you've said here. Regarding the recent relationship you described, where you broke up with the girl because of different feelings on your part, you did her a favour. Personally, I'd rather hear the truth than have someone lie to my face and tell me 'it's not you, it's me,' etc. It's possible to have a good time with someone and appreciate them from a 'friend / friends with benefits' perspective, while also acknowledging that they're not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. And if that's the case, both people should be honest with each other about their expectations for that relationship.

True, you have to keep some time for yourself and not give away all your secrets right at the start of the relationship (keeps things interesting with time!). But I don't believe in playing mind games, either - playing hard to get just seems like a waste of time, where both people try to continually fool each other.

Anyway, to me, honest and kind guys always win over macho ones I've noticed that often the so-called macho guys are the first to back down or run away when there is an actual opportunity for their voice to be heard. Machismo is usually a cover for lack of confidence in one's own abilities and inherent value. I'd prefer to be with someone who's laid back, calm and kind, but able to speak their mind when necessary

 

[doubl]

yeah.. the girl i was seeing, that i actually do care about, deserves to be with someone who are really into her.. I would just end up unintentionally breaking her self esteem..

and i do agree with the "hard to get" part and mind-games. that is just ennoying. And someone has to take initiativ as well, but in the beginning it is sometimes smart to be a little laid back, and not be a leach. especially for a guy, I think. if you throw a ball, you have to wait and see if the other person picks it up and throws it back at you. it is not smart to be impatient and just throw another one... that just annoying.....

 

[helgaleena]

Sorry... I'm with this girl. Guys with big dicks should be jerks. It'd be so helpful in our quests to find them.

Guys with small dicks should be nice. Then we can keep them around to be nice, but fuck the jerks behind their back.

'Tis the way life is... why sugar coat?

You need to get with that other cynic on here, Wally...the one with the The Thing as his avatar. Srsly you deserve each other. "The way life is' won't change if you insist on it staying crappy.

 

[SpeedoMike]

she wants to do a put-down on you. don't pay attention to her.

 

[Vagus]

the thing is she is right in that i can easily pull women i dont care about. not by being a jerk or anything but just because it is just sex to me. whenever i have feelings for a girl i screw it up by being too nice or over compensating and being too distant so they don't catch on that i like them. people hate people that like them.

You have to start being more calculating. You have to say and do the things that you know will produce the desired result, not what your heart wants.

If you want a relationship, even if it's just a semi-real one, make the girl work for it.
No dinner? no cock.
No strolls through the park? no cock.
No holding hands, no cock. No proudly declaring you her bf to friends,co-workers and family, no cock. no cuddling after cock, no cock.

 

[closetbi]

She defintely meant it, and you're lucky you found a girl honest enough to tell you. Don't be an asshole but never put the girl before yourself unless she genuinely deserves it. Just because she's cute, funny, pretty, smart, etc, etc, does not mean that you should treat and respect her better than yourself.

 

[fivesalive]

great thread, there are a lot of good points here. all i can say is the 'self confidence' issue seems to miss the point. if the girl that the OP is hooking up with is telling the truth, doing what she says will only attract more like her; girls that apparently on a basic level won't appreciate who you actually are. if you are looking for a long term relationship, you are far better served to find someone who compliments who you actually are, and not who you are acting to be.

if you can't be happy with who you are, work to change. if you can be, fuck 'em and find someone who can be happy with you.

 

[wellhung9]

You just can't win with girls. Some girls will be like, "why didn't you tell me you had a big dick?" or in your case want you to tell every girl that you have one, while other girls hate the idea of a guy telling them they are big and would rather find out for themselves.

Be yourself. If you're nice be nice, if you're a jerk be a jerk. I think it's funny how that one girl said guys with big dicks should be jerks and guys with small dicks should be nice. Sounds like a girl I would love to be a jerk to, because she deserves it. maybe girls like that could just wear a sign that says, "If you got a big dick, treat me like shit and I'll do whatever you want."

I'm more of a nice guy myself. Don't understand why a guy with a big dick is always expected to be a jerk. I have a big dick, it makes me happy, so I'm nicer to people.

 

[OCMuscleJock]

Well to be honest... I dated a girl like this and my advice is RUN. LOL You obviously like her for more than a fuck bud...but she cannot see you as more than that it seems. IMO, Drunk people actually speak from the heart. It may break their heart when they found out they said it...but as we all know...Drinking lowers inhibitions. Kinda like that Rhianna song "Take a bow" ... "don't tell me you're sorry, cuz you're not. You're only sorry you got caught." She's sorry she said it...doesn't mean it wasn't the truth. *in her eyes* Hell if she likes you for you and how you treat her...likes having sex with you as well...then whats the problem...I mean really. Girl has major issues... RUN!

 

[oldbrownshoe52]

I have a big dick, it makes me happy, so I'm nicer to people.

Hahahaha! Exactly

 

[helgaleena]

You just can't win with girls. Some girls will be like, "why didn't you tell me you had a big dick?" or in your case want you to tell every girl that you have one, while other girls hate the idea of a guy telling them they are big and would rather find out for themselves.

Be yourself. If you're nice be nice, if you're a jerk be a jerk. I think it's funny how that one girl said guys with big dicks should be jerks and guys with small dicks should be nice. Sounds like a girl I would love to be a jerk to, because she deserves it. maybe girls like that could just wear a sign that says, "If you got a big dick, treat me like shit and I'll do whatever you want."

I'm more of a nice guy myself. Don't understand why a guy with a big dick is always expected to be a jerk. I have a big dick, it makes me happy, so I'm nicer to people.

It's likely to be good advice for any size dick! Your dick can make you happy so let it....

 

[captainwhackit]

She drunk dialed you, why are you taking anything she said seriously?

When I think of all the crap I've said while drunk, I'm surprised anyone takes anything I say seriously, ever.

Ignore everything she said as complete nonsense.

 

[deleted161054]

Maybe she just gets off on feeling used, especially because of your penis?
I dunno.. it's as much as you make it.

But, you could perhaps indulge in her fantasy a bit though non-direct ways (like talking), if you ever cared to... that would be the ultra "nice" thing to do here, right?

This girl I like drunk dialed me yesterday to say that I should have more confidence in myself. She said she has no desire to hook up with me (she says this all the time we hook up all the time) because I am always nice and trying to help her out and how it'd be better if i was fucking a ton of other chicks and treating her worse. I said I can't be something I am not and she says "the thing is...i don't know if i should say this... you have a huge cock. you should let girls know right away when you meet them." i am pretty sure this is terrible advice as i can't imagine walking over to a girl and saying "i have a huge cock" being productive in scenarios outside of bangbros. in anycase this has got me thinking, how come girls think that you should treat them badly? why can't a nice guy also be hung? i mean seriously, wtf?

i feel like:

YouTube - Tupac Talks About Being Nice To Girls