Too old for men my own age?!?!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by PornForPatric, Oct 22, 2008.

  1. PornForPatric

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    I've been sadly single since my boyfriend of several years dumped me over the phone in April. So, the other night, I was chatting with a guy while we were all bowling. I asked him, what are you looking for and he told me intelligent, attractive, self confident...and under 30. Now, I'm 38...he's 38..yet anyone our age is "just too old to date".

    I'm not looking to date or fuck anyone right now, but after talking with my friends, checking the ads on Craigslist, Manhunt & Adam4Adam...well, yeah. I'm too old to interest a man who is the same age!

    What the hell is up with that? Has the youth obsessed culture finally rotted even the hearts of men? When I'm ready to date, am I supposed to start looking for someone 15 years younger than me?

    On the flip side, I'm being relentlessly pursued by a 26 year old who, everytime I see him calls me "Hot Daddy" and wants to go on a date. Fucking him would be fun, but I can't imagine dating someone 12 years younger than me.
     
  2. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!

    IT sounds as if the age factor depends upon whether you see yourself as the submissive or dominant member in the relationship. I am guessing if you have been the submissive partner there will be slimmer pickings than if you have been the dominant. It works similarly with women as they age. The older one becomes in some cases the more one has to bring to the table. As the commodity of age and beauty shift in order to keep the balance one must bring more to the table in terms of power, prestige , monetary resources, etc. An ugly fact but one that seems to reign true across the board...
     
  3. SSBrownBear

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    You're right up against what I've always called "The Gay Sensibility." Essentially, as gay men get older, their taste in men get younger and younger. I can't tell you how many lonely, unhappy men I've known over the years - men in that condition simply because other men in or near their own age bracket weren't a physical turn-on.

    Then we come to hook-up sites. I have to stop myself sometimes from sending an IM asking how the hell they came up with "Please be between 23 and 32". WTF?!?!?? Who thinks like that?

    Part of this, I think, is the internet. Because the net allows us to reduce people to just so many body parts and traits, many of us have fallen into a specialization trap. The fact that we occasionally get what we want is just like that one winning hand at 21 - just makes you want to gamble some more.

    I'm also surprised at the young men who pursue us "Hot Daddies" (I get that, too - I"m 48). This may be a huge generality, but based on my own experience as an 18 year old who entered a relationship with a man 20 years my senior and with whom I lived for 23 years, I'm suspicious. I have no doubt that the attraction is real, but I question what the attraction is about. I've found that just a little probing with these young men uncovers what the men's movement calls "Father Hunger." I think we gay men sometimes get it supersized.

    Your age peers are out there and plenty of them are looking for playmates their own age - it just takes a little digging. Likewise, why not date someone 12 years younger? 26 is about the time that the age differences start to minimize.

    Good luck!
    ssbrownbear
     
  4. hung

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    I may not be in the correct situation to reply to this topic, but as essential as financial security is to "happiness" in our greed driven society, the more age a person has is certainly a draw.

    By and large older people do have a more steady income stream.

    Just a thought.

    This also applies to the hetro community. Everyone is looking for financial security and also fun, thus the age difference can be a big, oh, make that a huge plus.
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    Don't worry, I'm sure you will find everything you want, but one thought is that maybe you are looking in the wrong places.
    One of my rules in life is that I WILL NOT lie about my age, however I choose not to discuss it, and change the subject whenever it comes up! Age is just a number anyway!
    And in closing...when I was in my twenties I preferred to date men in their thirties, because they were more experience with life and etc. However now that I am a man of uncertain age, I am dating someone who is about twelve years younger than I, There is no daddy business here, but I feel I have met my better half and I am pretty sure he feels the same!
    Good luck!
     
  6. Phil Ayesho

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    Just because you're gay does not mean you can beat evolution.

    Men evolved to be sexually attracted to women in their 20's and early 30's because those women are of child bearing age.

    It makes no sense to evolution for men to be attracted to women less likely to produce offspring.



    The fact that you dig guys does not exempt you from the basic male attraction to youthful looking bodies.

    How evolution has done this trick is to make men almost entirely driven by visual stimuli... and, let's face it... young men and young women are at their peak of physical attractiveness from a purely visual standpoint.

    Add to this the fact that younger men have notoriously stronger sexual response and are far more focused on sex... and you can see why older gay men tend to be attracted to younger men as more visually stimulating and a way to keep their sexual activity level higher...
     
  7. VRMan

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    I might not be an authority in this case because I am not gay, but I still I feel that it is kind of arrogant to expect something that you don't give yourself in a relationship. It's like a fat bald guy expecting his lovers to be slim and with full hair. Who is he to expect that?
     
  8. uncutblond34

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    I find the same thing, you aren't alone. But, I relish the fact that the older I get, the better I get... hehehehe...."the older the violin, the sweeter the music..." Besides, the twink boys will wind up as saggy, droopy, balding, truss wearing, BP med taking guys, just like most of the rest of us. What we can't give in quantity, we give in quality....I dunno bout y'all, but my sex drive and love life are better now than when I was in my 20's anyway.
     
  9. MarkLondon

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    Oh yeah, I'm 54 and have more pulling power now than I did when I was 24.

    But no, PhilAyesho, homosexual men side-step and operate outside of the obvious evolutionary pressures. Our contribution to the human race is more subtle than mere (re)production. In our interactions with younger and older humans (both male and female) we facilitate and transmit communication between males, to the benefit of both sexes and the species as a whole.

    When I have a relationship with a younger male it is not lusting after his young flesh or sublimating a desire to reproduce with a healthy and fruitful individual. It's taking care of him (NOT in a financial way, but attempting to pass on my own experience of life) and facilitating him to realise the potential for growth than I as an older and more experienced man can percieve in him. And that may include encouraging him in his sustenance of his wife and family, or in his potential to achieve that if he is single. As much as it might involve demonstrating to him that at the present historical moment it is possible to lead a decent and honest gay life in a modern western civilisation.

    When I have a relationship with an older man it's not just lusting after his more mature flesh and his advanced love-making techniques or sublimating a desire for a father-figure. It's about communicating with someone with more experience of life than I have. Someone who has learned more than me and has demonstrated a survival capacity. Someone who understands that beyond our early fruitful reproductive years we can still make a useful (essential?) contribution to what it means to be human.
     
  10. houtx48

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    38 over the hill?...................lolllllllllllllllllllll get over yourself silly queen
     
  11. StormyB

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    Omg :rolleyes: or maybe women 20ish just look younger and in present day society "young" is the image of beauty, i'm willing to bet that's what it is :smile:
     
  12. petetown

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    I have no answers for you but I will tell you my experience. I am a gay man about to turn 51. I have an incredible group of friends who give me all sorts of love, nurturing, etc. I also have an outlet for sex. Currently a young man who really digs this Daddy. What does this say about me? I choose good friends and a semi-regular hookup now. That may change....but, if I am honest, I am not ready to make compromises or take chances on any one person right now. That may be fear, I'm working on it.
    Stand up and be responsible for your choices, men. Don't blame others....it's not attractive.
     
  13. sdbg

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    It's no secret that young, hot, handsome, and fit = sexual attractiveness. I'm 57. Recently 2 gay internet friends close to my age came to San Diego and we toured Hillcrest, the gay part of town. We went shopping, walked around Balboa Park, did happy hour at several places, had lunch, etc.

    After my friends left town, I reflected on the gay bar scene as I experienced it. I don't enjoy going to bars very much, and on my own, would not have gone to the bars. My local friends are straight and have encouraged me to hang out in Hillcrest. Sad but true, if you're not young, hot, handsome, and fit, you're invisible. I would rather spend a few hours going for a bike ride up Pacific Coast Highway than sitting in a bar doing happy hour. If I'm going to date someone, I'd rather he be a cyclist than a big drinker. It's funny that one of my internet visitors was preoccupied with hooking up the entire time that he was here. It seemed really shallow to me.

    In the end, dating isn't that important to me. If someone comes along and wants my action, fine. Otherwise, I'll spend my free time doing the things that I like to do.
     
  14. Ethyl

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    As long as we keep promoting plastic surgery and do our damnedest to avoid death, our youth obsessed culture is here to stay. Obsessed with appearances obviously but we could also choose to rejoice in the spirit of youth. Like not worrying what everyone else says and doing what (or in this case whom) you want whether it's someone who's 25 or 55.

    Why not? If he's mature and wise you may have some things in common.
     
  15. Stephenmass

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    Sometimes PFP I find that older guys somehow feel younger when with younger men and are quite complimented that younger men may still find them attractive. If both parties enter into "whatever" willingly, to each their own I guess.

    But I also find that many older gay guys do want relationships with younger guys. Of course a younger guy in all probability has a YOUTHFUL attractiveness.

    For me personally? Age is not a barrier whatsoever. If the other guy and I click, I generally don't even ask how old they are. I don't get into the Daddy/son scene whatsoever. If I were with an older guy and someone referred to me as Daddy's son, I'd be quite offended. I'm with say that guy because of two things. One, I found him attractive, regardless of his age. Two, I also find some older guys to be so much more appealing than younger ones. Younger ones (generalizing here, hope I don't get bashed) tend to be more "get some and leave for good" kinda thing, nothing wrong with that if understood by both parties that it is simply a hookup. I prefer a guy a few years older than myself only because I find that they have more life experience and also have "sowed their wild oats" for the most part.

    It's not for us to judge anyway. If it makes THEM happy, f everyone else and what they think.
     
  16. Principessa

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