Top/Bottom/Vers... Ackward Turtle?

[liontheory2]

As I was learning the lingo in the new gay world I had allowed myself to enter, one question seemed to dominate the crowd: 'Are you a Top or a Bottom?'. I asked my only gay friend at the time what that meant.
"If you only stick it in, you're a Top. If you take it, a Bottom."
"And if you do both?"
"Versitile."
"And if you don't do either; what is that called?"
"Straight!"

While it was humorous at the time, it later became not-so-funny as the butt sex seemed to be what every guy I dated or had a fling with wanted. I told everyone of them that I did not want to participate in anal sex. And almost every one said, almost verbatim, said "Well, just so you know, I'm more of a Bottom." Several actually had the gall to say "Oops, it's in there." Looking back, this sickens me. Preacher moment: If someone specifically states that they don't want to do something and you force or coerce them into it; you're an asshole.

I digress.

The biggest, number one reason, I never wanted to be gay was actually not because of my deeply rooted religious beliefs, but because I never wanted to participate in anal sex. I did not want to "learn to like it". I did not want to put myself at risk (HIV, AIDS, Prolapsed Rectum, etc). I don't have a problem with others who do enjoy it and want it but WHY IS IT SO EXPECTED IN THE GAY COMMUNITY?
(Bold, not because I'm yelling but because I finally reached my point)

Hi, my name is Jacob and I am a homosexual; but not a sodomite. I joke that my boyfriend and I are both straight. But that is closer to the truth. I am a man who loves another man as a man. It is so hard to find men who don't want the butt sex; so I feel VERY lucky to have found a man who is like me. But my question is; are there more?

Hence the poll.

And this was me trying not to be long-winded.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

The biggest, number one reason, I never wanted to be gay was actually not because of my deeply rooted religious beliefs, but because I never wanted to participate in anal sex. I did not want to "learn to like it". I did not want to put myself at risk (HIV, AIDS, Prolapsed Rectum, etc). I don't have a problem with others who do enjoy it and want it but WHY IS IT SO EXPECTED IN THE GAY COMMUNITY?
(Bold, not because I'm yelling but because I finally reached my point)

Hi, my name is Jacob and I am a homosexual; but not a sodomite. I joke that my boyfriend and I are both straight. But that is closer to the truth. I am a man who loves another man as a man. It is so hard to find men who don't want the butt sex; so I feel VERY lucky to have found a man who is like me. But my question is; are there more?

.

What do you mean "why is it so expected"? Would you ask the same question of why Straight people would expect to have penetrative vaginal sex?


And btw, HIV and rectal prolapse are not common side effects of regular safe anal sex.


Though naturally I respect your personal tastes implying that rectal prolapse and dangerous STDs are somehow the inevitable results of an aspect of my sex life which is beautiful and the most intimate way I can express my self sexually with another man isn't cool, IMO.

 

[willow78]

I am still a virgin and I am worried that my first time receiving will be painful and difficult (I get zero interest so I'm pretty sure it's a looooong time away.....if ever) but I don't think I could want a completely sex-free life-style.

Despite my advanced virginity (Lord help me I'm in my 30's! ), sex is not the most important thing to me. It is something I want but I don't want sex for the sake of sex. I want it as part of a relationship. It will be one of the many ways I will show my partner how much I love him (and how he shows his love for me). It will be the purest act of love and intimacy between us. I am nervous about it, but I hope that my partner will be gentle and do what he can to make it as painless as possible. I hope that my partner will be patient with me and take his time.

 

[Pompeynate]

It's what gay guys do, get over it...

 

[B_VinylBoy]

There's no requirement to having anal sex in order to be in a gay relationship. I'm more of the versatile type myself, and usually adapts my sexual tastes & positions to the partner I'm with. If I know they're more of a bottom, I assume more of a top role and vice versa.

 

[Charles Finn]

yes I am a top and am very good at it but yes I prefer oral and j/o not really big on anal sex love foreskin nipple play and edging and just being naked

 

[jjsjr]

Hi Jacob,
Firstly, Welcome to LPSG.... Congrats for coming out!

Being gay has nothing to do with the desire for anal sex. Its simply an attraction to guys.

Anal sex is like ice cream; you don't know if you like it until you try it. With that said, I remember having that same mentality. I remember being worried about my sexuality for the sake of the responsibility and hygiene of anal sex. I tried to avoid the situation; and adamantly.

I was recommended by a friend to slowly and gently introduce my own finger, on my own time, to guarantee I wouldn't like it. I found my prostate and life changed. But this is also because I am a bottom.

You can be gay, be a top and no one will question that. I know plenty of men who don't want anything near their asses, but still enjoy sex. They simply enjoy it from a different role.

 

[Bbucko]

There are plenty of oral-only guys out there: to repeat what so many others have said, anal is hardly a requirement in gay sex, though it is extremely popular.

I tried very hard for the first three years of my being sexually active to learn to enjoy being anally penetrated, but it never happened, and have been a strict non-versatile top ever since. Anyone who says that I just need to find "the right guy" is just being an insensitive oaf. You'd never say that to a lesbian, would you?

 

[helgaleena]

Check out the "Frot is hot!' group here. As a female I completely agree that penetrative sex is not the only sort. So many persons writing in the forums here about being in a rut, or exhausting a partner, or having problems with achieving orgasm, are having their problems simply because they have too narrow a definition of 'real' sex.


Masturbation is sex. Oral is sex. It doesn't matter how many people are with you or not with you, or what leads to your climax, it's all sex and everybody has their different turn-ons and turn-offs. Phone sex and cybersex count too.

Hint: if you are serious about keeping your rear entry off limits, you could put a plug in and leave it in until you are by yourself.

 

[midlifebear]

Because I've got a large tool most have assumed I must be a power top. I learned how to be one. Fortunately, I was lucky to come out when most men were looking for something to ride and I was lucky to be able to accommodate them. However, with some older men I was expected to be a bottom. I usually begged off and told them "no." However, in those days we had a wonderful place to go -- The Tubs. You paid your $3 and everyone was a whore -- no exceptions. It was in that incredible environment of sexual parity that I discovered that with some men I enjoyed being a bottom. However, with most I did not enjoy being the bottom.

I'm still not certain what it was that convinced me I could enjoy anal intercourse. It just happened one day with a guy I'd fucked senseless for years. I'd lubed both our dicks with enough Vaseline that neither of us would wrinkle for 50 years and I found my self completely relaxed and very horny as I sat on top of him and slid the crack of my ass back and forth along his beautiful penis. Without much thought it eventually eased inside me and I had, for the first time, the best damn fuck of my life -- up to that time. Later that same evening I sought out the "top" services of a far too handsome man with a nice eight inches and when I helped him slide up inside me all I felt was pain. I think it has a lot to do with technique.

I've been told over the years that I understand and know how to pleasure a bottom. Most of the work is just regularly going to the gym so I can position myself with my arms holding up the majority of my weight as I fuck them. Most guys, when they sit astride me can't take me completely, which is just fine. I never force myself on anyone. It was at least two years before my current husband decided he wanted to see what it was like to have my cock up his ass. Prior to that moment, we'd both been happy rolling around naked sucking and jacking one another off, engaging in long sessions of frottage with lotion, and doing a lot of deep kissing. We still turn each other on with just a few seconds of deep tongue kissing.
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After about a year of me slowly entering him from behind with both of us on our sides (which is OK, but not terribly satisfactory because I'd rather rub and kiss) he gave me a deep long massage and attempted to fuck me. The only way we could get it to work was with me on my hands and knees. But with time, we've figured out how enjoy fucking each other.

Somehow both of us have avoided anal warts and all STDs except for one or two bouts of acquiring a yeast infection. And those two times were when we were traveling in countries where the water coming out of the hotel faucets wasn't exactly clean.

But if we were restricted to just oral sex and mutual hand jobs, as long as we can make out like teenagers at a drive in theatre, we're happy.

Anyway, there are lots of gay men who are neither tops or bottoms. It has a lot to do with how you are wired. You should be able to find plenty of partners who are not into anal sex, even though popular culture has propagandized that it is somehow a necessary right of passage. It isn't.