Tops And Sucking Cock

cnkckfil

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Hello all, I am a top who loves receiving blow jobs to completion. I have found that when inquiring about who wants to swallow a load other tops often respond with "I'm a top."

I am confused by this response because although I am a top for me as a gay man I still like to occasionally suck a dick to completion.

Do other gay tops feel that same way, that they can't or will not suck a dick? If so why? Does it in your mind somehow lessen you dominated role? Confused as fuck please enlightened me.
 
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ron88

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That whole discussion is so outdated. Why would "being a top" rule out to suck a cock?
Isn't it finally time for all the "100% top"-dudes to overcome their fear of appearing submissive due to sucking cock?
I mean, being gay comes along with a fascination for male bodies with everything that comes with them.

Why would gay men make their lives just more complicated and awkward by rejecting sucking or playing with other cocks?
I don't get it at all and for me such a mindset is very, very early 2000s.

We all have moved on.
 

Tbprivate

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This has always confused me too. I know this has been discussed in other threads.

As a ‘Bottom’ I’ve been frustrated by this reponse from some guys when I’ve wanted them to suck my Dick.
I’ve met many guys who expect me to do ‘all the work’ in bed until they’re ready to fuck.
A guy asked me to send xxx pics to him, and he said “I thought you were passive, why are you sending a Dick Pic?!”
As these guys are Gay they are presumably turned on by making love to a man, not just fucking a hole. Crazy to think that some guys feel less macho if they’re sucking or kissing.

Very sad indeed.
 

LevinZ

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That sounds like a lazy person regardless of role. A top can definitely suck their bottom and swallow his load, just like how bottom can rim their top without having to fuck him. The only thing that is decided by a role is who fucks whom, who puts his dick into whose asshole until both of them orgasm.
 
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i agree there is a lot of confusion of what being 'top' means - its literally just who fucks who and doesn't rule out everything else that the two of you agree to do with/to each other.

There are equally lots of 'tops' and 'bottom's out there who have very defined ideas of what each 'role' is, and thats before you start getting into dom/passive/sub/master etc discussions.

i don't have an issue with guys having preferences as to what they like doing, but to determine that any of them make a guy more or less a 'man' is ridiculous!!
 

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Hello all, I am a top who loves receiving blow jobs to completion. I have found that when inquiring about who wants to swallow a load other tops often respond with "I'm a top."

I am confused by this response because although I am a top for me as a gay man I still like to occasionally suck a dick to completion.

Do other gay tops feel that same way, that they can't or will not suck a dick? If so why? Does it in your mind somehow lessen you dominated role? Confused as fuck please enlightened me.

I don't really disagree with any of the responses here. But I do wanna chime in to say there are often other ways to interpret such statements as harmless, acceptable, self-expressions. Of course there are fucked up homophobes in the world, and of course it's flat out wrong to insist on any correlation between top/bottom sex acts with masculinity or gayness. But I think I would defend the statements you're describing.

You hear these "I'm a top" claims specifically as responses to a question you yourself put out there: "hey fellas...who wants to swallow a load?" Meaning your load, right? So these guys not are randomly announcing to the world: "I'm a top and would never suck a dick and swallow a load!" That would be weird and neurotic. But as a response to your question—doesn't it make some sense?

I'm also a top gay dude—can't help it, just born that way, and of course I love all all my gay brothers, from the jocks to the sassiest fags. I look for cocksuckers to hook up with online all the time, so I might message a dude, like:

Hey man—fine looking pix you've got! You interested in sucking some cock this evening? Maybe draining a huge load?​

And he responds:

Hey, man—Sorry I can't help you out. I'm a top.​

This makes sense to me, like he wants to explain: it's not that I'm ugly, or too old, or don't have a six pack, or the wrong race. It's just that he gets off on topping, not servicing my alpha throbber.
 

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I don't really disagree with any of the responses here. But I do wanna chime in to say there are often other ways to interpret such statements as harmless, acceptable, self-expressions. Of course there are fucked up homophobes in the world, and of course it's flat out wrong to insist on any correlation between top/bottom sex acts with masculinity or gayness. But I think I would defend the statements you're describing.

You hear these "I'm a top" claims specifically as responses to a question you yourself put out there: "hey fellas...who wants to swallow a load?" Meaning your load, right? So these guys not are randomly announcing to the world: "I'm a top and would never suck a dick and swallow a load!" That would be weird and neurotic. But as a response to your question—doesn't it make some sense?

I'm also a top gay dude—can't help it, just born that way, and of course I love all all my gay brothers, from the jocks to the sassiest fags. I look for cocksuckers to hook up with online all the time, so I might message a dude, like:

Hey man—fine looking pix you've got! You interested in sucking some cock this evening? Maybe draining a huge load?​

And he responds:

Hey, man—Sorry I can't help you out. I'm a top.​

This makes sense to me, like he wants to explain: it's not that I'm ugly, or too old, or don't have a six pack, or the wrong race. It's just that he gets off on topping, not servicing my alpha throbber.
I disagree, it would make more sense if he replied “Sorry, I’m looking to be sucked” !
‘Top’ specifically means he’s the fucker, not the fuckee.

The point of the discussion is that guys are capable of giving and receiving oral, whether a Top or a Bottom.
 

JasonPharae

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I disagree, it would make more sense if he replied “Sorry, I’m looking to be sucked” !
‘Top’ specifically means he’s the fucker, not the fuckee.

The point of the discussion is that guys are capable of giving and receiving oral, whether a Top or a Bottom.

The words "top" and "bottom" as used in contemporary gay vernacular are not that specific—at least not any more. They are used all the time to refer to a sexual personality. If you were referring to just a blowjob (like in a porn clip) you could say "I like the bottom," or "that top is hot," just indicating the guy sucking and the guy whose dick it is.
 

SkySkin77

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Personally I still think “top” and “bottom” are mostly anal-related. Most of gay guys are used to “oral versatility” and it has become prevalent even between bi and str8curious men.
It happened to me to encounter guys to give em head, its one of my fav things and I was specific online on date apps. Many times the other guy was curious about licking mine, or try suckin for a bit, or giving me a proper full blowjob - and this happened with bi-ish married guys too. My answer was always: sure go for it buddy! I like when the other guy wants to try something new, following his fantasy. Those experiences were always good.

it happened to me, I think, to meet 3 different guys who weren’t absolutely into reciprocation, 2 of them were gay, one has a girlfriend and he’s not into labels. I was perfectly fine and I had a great time, cause I really enjoy what I’m doing, I dont need to be sucked to enjoy a sex session and cum. I think it's just a preference and not them being “strictly top” but I must say, one of the gay guys is slightly alpha and into mildly dom stuff.
 

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I've noticed lately that a lot of guys on Grindr listing themselves as Tops, but when I talk to them, they are not into anal, just looking to get sucked. That really confuses me because to me, Top means the guy who is doing the fucking, not the guy getting fucked. Top/Bottom has nothing to do with oral sex to me.
 

cnkckfil

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I've noticed lately that a lot of guys on Grindr listing themselves as Tops, but when I talk to them, they are not into anal, just looking to get sucked. That really confuses me because to me, Top means the guy who is doing the fucking, not the guy getting fucked. Top/Bottom has nothing to do with oral sex to me.


Amen, swallow a load (oral sex) isn't an indicator of your sexual position. It is so confusing why someone would put I am a top in reference to an oral sex question. Like tops can't swallow a load suck a dick. I enjoy oral and can't imagine hooking up with anyone regardless of their sexual position if they don't as well.
 
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kamahori

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Perhaps we are being a bit quick to invoke internalised homophobia or throw around accusations of laziness.

I am one of those tops who don’t suck cock. I only like getting blown (and occasionally, fucking). I am 110% gay in that I have zero interest in women. I have sucked cock in my life obviously, but I have lost interest in it, for a few reasons
- I realised I am not good at it. Having met a number of really good cocksuckers, it’s humbling to see what they can do. On the other hand I know how frustrating it is to have a guy sucking you who just can’t do it. I am that guy, so I’d rather leave it and concentrate on what I’m good at - feeding.
- part of the reason for the above is my jaw has restricted movement compared to most. So it’s actually very hard work for me to give oral.
- most importantly, I find mutual encounters are distracting, with too much second guessing, the etiquette of taking turns etc. Having fixed roles from the start removes those uncertainties and allows us both to only focus on the cock in the maximum possible detail. Some cocksuckers find that more rewarding than getting their cock sucked.

If you resent your cock not getting any attention, fine - but I wouldn’t say you are a total bottom then.
 

Tbprivate

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Perhaps we are being a bit quick to invoke internalised homophobia or throw around accusations of laziness.

I am one of those tops who don’t suck cock. I only like getting blown (and occasionally, fucking). I am 110% gay in that I have zero interest in women. I have sucked cock in my life obviously, but I have lost interest in it, for a few reasons
- I realised I am not good at it. Having met a number of really good cocksuckers, it’s humbling to see what they can do. On the other hand I know how frustrating it is to have a guy sucking you who just can’t do it. I am that guy, so I’d rather leave it and concentrate on what I’m good at - feeding.
- part of the reason for the above is my jaw has restricted movement compared to most. So it’s actually very hard work for me to give oral.
- most importantly, I find mutual encounters are distracting, with too much second guessing, the etiquette of taking turns etc. Having fixed roles from the start removes those uncertainties and allows us both to only focus on the cock in the maximum possible detail. Some cocksuckers find that more rewarding than getting their cock sucked.

If you resent your cock not getting any attention, fine - but I wouldn’t say you are a total bottom then.
I understand your explanation about not liking to suck and not being good at it but your last paragraph irritated me as, like many people, you’re making presumptions, statements and generalisations; I’m a total bottom but I enjoy being sucked and feel that my partner is wanting to please me (and himself) prior to fucking.
 

JasonPharae

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Perhaps we are being a bit quick to invoke internalised homophobia or throw around accusations of laziness.

I am one of those tops who don’t suck cock. I only like getting blown (and occasionally, fucking). I am 110% gay in that I have zero interest in women. I have sucked cock in my life obviously, but I have lost interest in it, for a few reasons
- I realised I am not good at it. Having met a number of really good cocksuckers, it’s humbling to see what they can do. On the other hand I know how frustrating it is to have a guy sucking you who just can’t do it. I am that guy, so I’d rather leave it and concentrate on what I’m good at - feeding.
- part of the reason for the above is my jaw has restricted movement compared to most. So it’s actually very hard work for me to give oral.
- most importantly, I find mutual encounters are distracting, with too much second guessing, the etiquette of taking turns etc. Having fixed roles from the start removes those uncertainties and allows us both to only focus on the cock in the maximum possible detail. Some cocksuckers find that more rewarding than getting their cock sucked.

If you resent your cock not getting any attention, fine - but I wouldn’t say you are a total bottom then.

  • My sexual taste/identity is basically identical to this (nice to meet you, friend) so our perspective is probably represented on Grindr, etc., as well. I'm an outspoken critic of the homophobic/heteronormative notions of masculinity wherever possible. So I know for sure that the type of guy I represent is no threat to male homosexuality: I'm gay-as-fuck.
I've noticed lately that a lot of guys on Grindr listing themselves as Tops, but when I talk to them, they are not into anal, just looking to get sucked. That really confuses me because to me, Top means the guy who is doing the fucking, not the guy getting fucked. Top/Bottom has nothing to do with oral sex to me.
  • OK I would be exactly one of these guys. I'll try to clear things up, since it seems like this type of experience is not uncommon. In your profile you describe yourself in general, and that description isn't meant to be changed each time you go online. When you do log in, regardless of your reasons—whatever your interests and desires at that moment—your description stays the same. Now, say you log in today, because you're looking to get blown: your profile will not convey that specific information. It will say "Top," if that's how you describe yourself—or it might it say "Bottom," because you're a bottom. But right now you'd like some head. What if you, yourself, get a craving for some hot dick to suck, so you log on to look around. What would I find if I looked at your profile? Might it not say "Bottom"? I admit: that's a blatant assumption I just made, based on the experience you mention, but there's nothing negative or threatening about it. Regardless, that shouldn't be confusing for me, if you decline my message offering to rail that ass of yours!
  • If you think about it, on your assumption people who aren't really into anal sex (which is not entirely rare) wouldn't be allowed to use these terms at all to self-describe. That hardly seems fair!
 

JasonPharae

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I understand your explanation about not liking to suck and not being good at it but your last paragraph irritated me as, like many people, you’re making presumptions, statements and generalisations; I’m a total bottom but I enjoy being sucked and feel that my partner is wanting to please me (and himself) prior to fucking.
Actually I do agree with this—of course a total bottom would like getting his dick sucked! At least that's usually true—I'm sure there' are guys out there somewhere who'd smack your damn face if you try to go down on them. But that's not the meaning of "total bottom."
 

JasonPharae

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Amen, swallow a load (oral sex) isn't an indicator of your sexual position. It is so confusing why someone would put I am a top in reference to an oral sex question. Like tops can't swallow a load suck a dick. I enjoy oral and can't imagine hooking up with anyone regardless of their sexual position if they don't as well.
Wait, there's at least 2 separate things being described here, and the differ is actually important.
  1. The original poster says he DMs about oral sex, and the self-description as a Top comes in a DM reply.
  2. The poster you're responding to says label "Top" is in the profile, and the rejection of anal sex happens in a DM exchange.
The first experience is supposed to be at issue here, and it is somewhat unusual (even though I think it's reasonable). The second thing is probably just a misunderstanding on the poster's part, because it seems to be simply a guy who describes as a top but for whatever reason he's not DTF. That's totally normal.
 

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I listed as top, versatile. I thoroughly enjoy both receiving and giving. Theee have been occasions when I am with someone who only wants my cock in their ass. There are times when one only wants to suck or be sucked. There seems to be an infinite combination. Right now the present mood is to suck and serve a top to completion. Yet I primarily consider muself to be a top.