Torn about holiday plans (aka another Xmas thread)

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by B_Mademoiselle Rouge, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    May I pick your brains my fellow thinkers of LPSG?

    I am still torn about whether or not I should go over to my mother-in-laws for Xmas. She has her other grandchildren there (they are boys in every sense of the word but on top of that they are allowed to scream and yell over the adults and act any way they please) and I'm afraid I will die of an aneurism from all the stress. I usually have to take anxiety medication and smoke some marijuana to even be able to do it and even at that I'm afraid I'm not very good at dealing with it. It's pretty obvious that I'm the Frasier Crane of the party.

    My husband asked me yesterday if I plan on going. I am only 1 week post op today and I'd love to use the surgery as an excuse NOT to go. They would all understand. But Christmas doesn't come around for another year and people will be there from out of state that I normally don't see and haven't seen in a very long time.

    I am motivated by good cooking and it is literally hit or miss when it comes to what to expect. This is where the marijuana really helps.

    What do you all think?
     
    #1 B_Mademoiselle Rouge, Dec 22, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2011
  2. nudeyorker

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    Try calling ahead and say you would love to come and celebrate and see everyone but due to the stress and anxiety from the surgery and recovery you are still sensitive to loud noise and bright light and may need to leave early. This gives them a chance on their end to talk to the noisy children and if they don't and it's too much you have an easy out and can leave if it's unbearable. Hope you are feeling better!
     
  3. Charles Finn

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    I am very lucky i love my family and they love me go for a short time a few hours use the surgery to leave early
     
  4. achillesx

    achillesx Well-Known Member

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    You already know what you want to do, consider this post permission to do it.
     
  5. Joll

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    I'd say no or...go for a compromise. Could you go over for Boxing Day or the day after - when it'll be quieter but there may still be some folks hanging round who you haven't seen for a while?

    If not - just go as late as possible, for a short time? Or don't bother at all. :p
    Your health needs to come first this year tho, I reckon.
     
  6. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Not really. I miss out on a lot of family events for health issues. It's normally not something I am torn about. Mainly because there are people in from out of town that I won't get to see for another year or so and I haven't seen them for nearly that long already. Last year I had back to back surgeries that prevented me from doing things for Thanksgiving and Christmas. So when I say I'm not sure what to do, I honestly mean I am not sure.

    I could miss the event and no one else would mind, the thing is, will I regret missing getting to see some of the people? Should I just dope myself up to deal with the overwhelming sensory environment and suck it up or just stay home and wonder if it would have been worth it to go?

    My daughter doesn't take well to sensory stress and if she is stressed I am stressed. She is going either way because she doesn't get to avoid Christmas dinner at 9 years old like I do for my issues. She's held to a different standard. If I go, I have to be sure not to show that I am stressed as to not make her struggle more with what is already difficult. Sometimes it goes really well for her and sometimes not. It really depends on the day. So if I go she will be proud of me and have a better time because I was there to help her. And then other times me being there makes her act out because she knows I understand her wanting to go because she can't take much of the noise.

    After typing this out I'm pretty sure I want to stay home. I just hate sending her to go it alone. I guess one person stressed is better than 2 people stressed. She doesn't act like this whenever the loud kids aren't around and neither do I. But by the end of it I want to cry it was so much.

    Like I said, I'm the Frasier Crane of the family. I would rather live in solitude than to have to be around others. It's my issues in the end, not them. Most of them are seemingly normal. I'm the odd ball out.
     
  7. Joll

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    Come round to mine for some kebabs instead, Rouge - we don't even celebrate xmas, lol. :p
     
  8. Hand_Solo

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    Say a few hail marys and stay home.
     
  9. mickstl

    mickstl New Member

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    Just have them send some food home to you...!
     
  10. spoon

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    perhaps (depending how far away your mother in law's is) you can selectively have family members come over for a bit.
     
  11. aninnymouse

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    I'd go with what Nudie said. Call ahead, let them know that you're having issues with loud noises, bright lights, etc. That way, you can see the people you want, and if you get overwhelmed, which it seems you're thinking you will, you can leave early without any guilt.

    Good luck with it, whatever choice you make.
     
  12. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    I've been around this family for 13 years now, all of my light/noise sensitivities are not understood nor appreciated. They think I've made my daughter like this from some sort of bad parenting and it's not something I enjoy having and I'm doing what I can to deal with it but I will never be a social person when it comes to events I have to get ready for. Too bad I can't just maintain a relationship with them on Facebook or something.

    So calling and letting them know ahead of time is my normal routine. We just never end up leaving like we planned. Somehow we end up thinking we are too sensitive so lets try to tough it out a little longer. Maybe that is where my fears are coming from. I am going to want to leave and no one else is or someone else is going to want to leave when I am not ready. I'm such a whiner.

    It could be worse though, I could have married my ex boyfriend and had his family for inlaws. Maybe I should just remind myself that it could be SOOOOO much worse for me than it is. I might just go after all. I think I'll introduce liquor to the family events so we can all chill out a little bit, eh?
     
    #12 B_Mademoiselle Rouge, Dec 23, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2011
  13. hypoc8

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    I feel for you. My ex's family is the same way, LOUD! and oh the kids, screaming and in-and-out the door constantly. By the time I got home I was a nervous wreck.

    Is it possible to take two cars? This is what I started doing, when I got my fill of her family I left and she was able to stay as long as she liked.

    It seems they have already made up their minds about you so why should you worry about what they think if you leave early?
     
  14. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Hypoc, the two cars idea just might work actually.
     
  15. willow78

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    Kill them with kindness - instead of keeping the marijuana for yourself, (secretly) bake it in brownies then say, "Hey kids! Look what I made just for you!". That ought to shut those boys up for a while.....:tongue:
     
  16. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Stay home and recuperate. You may regret it if you don't.
     
  17. hypoc8

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    I'm glad I could help.

    Keep us posted on how things work out.

    Merry Christmas!
     
  18. petite

    petite New Member

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    It's okay to take care of yourself this Christmas. :hug:

    Maybe your husband can bring you home a plate (or Tupperware container) of all that great food. :biggrin1:
     
  19. HiddenLacey

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    Holiday time can be stressful, plus you are recovering at the moment. Honestly, go only if you feel up to going. If not stay home and rest, I'm sure your extended family will understand.
     
  20. spoon

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    this idea is awesome!
     
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