Total Freak in the bed question..do I stay and give it a shot or leave???

Melissa-Bird

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Hehe looks like you found yourself a little masochist ^.^

I agree with 'ScaredLittleBoy' it think that many girls like to be dominated...I know i do.

However, yes, the extremists are quite rare. Personally I dont like to cry, that i feel is rather odd!...but i love the whole asphyxiation and i thought that was rather popular.
In addition me and my ex would on occasion cut each other, blood letting and what not. Twasnt needed to have sex..but Bloods Always Good ;-) I have some websites if youre interested

Nevertheless, I think that, if you do like this girl talk to her in detail about it, find out exactly what it entails, say that youve never been in that position of extreme dominance before and what she tells you may be rather interesting, then, well have a go! I think even the sweetest of guys like to be dominant at sometimes and if you get yourself in the right mindset you may find yourself getting off at the thought..if not well atleast its a new experience under your belt!

Melissa XxX
 

Melissa-Bird

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I have to add something here guys.....Thanks for all the advice so far!



She is also the type of girl who said she cant and NEVER has gotten an orgasm through any kind of sexual intercourse. It's only been through foreplay.


Haha well i've just commented on my bloodfetishes and i quite like this girl as ive never orgasmed through intercourse either...:tongue: Uhm... i dont know what else to say on that actually...i just found it rather interesting. Maybe we should start a club.
 

B_houugadunor

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If its not something your comfortable with or something you want to do then my advice is to skip this one, but dont be cruel to her, she has been honest with you and you should be the same to her.
 

B_Italian1

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If you're game for that, fine. If not, run the other way. If she wants to be choked and hurt so bad she cries and cries, she is troubled in some way, and her not even wanting you to ask if she's okay is kind of weird too. You're right, she could have some kind of behavioral problem stemming from her childhood. Only she knows the answer to that, and possibly a psychologist.
 

psidom

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it sounds like you are interested in taking this further BMH.
if you ever have any questions feel free to pm.
 

jason_els

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If you decide to stay with her you're going to need instruction on how to do this stuff so that you do not do permanent damage.

Choking, or erotic asphyxiation as it is called, can be very dangerous. I have no desire to engage in it because of the dangers to both parties. If you go too far and she loses consciousness or stops breathing then you need to be skilled in CPR. If she dies, you get charged with manslaughter or murder.

If you have any interest in exploring this realm of sex then look for groups in the area who will help teach you how to do these things. Learning from one person is very helpful, but may not serve all your needs. Plenty of times the top has to be saner than the bottom in knowing just how far to go. She'll be in another world and it will be up to you to see to her welfare.
 

ruffboy

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RAMBLING SOAPBOX ALERT

always fun to see what a significantly high percentage of responders to threads like this hold as their advice to cut and run as soon as possible

i'd wonder if that percentage isn't quite near the divorce rate

apparently these days no one gives a shit enough, or has the stomach, to actually try and UNDERSTAND anyone else's needs anymore, or deal with anything. the moment its slightly hard or 'weird' (nice subjective judgements flying around, no one besides Bmh23 has ever even MET her but they know she's crazy) you want him to run.

ALL relationships deal with issues of this nature at times (though obviously not all are sexual in nature), along with determining if you actually have feelings for and want to be with the person, you have to develop the ability to communicate who you are (after first actually hopefully knowing who you are) and what you need, to your partner so they have a clue, and a shot, at helping you be your best. goes both ways, that should go without saying.

and i'm amazed by her ability to be so honest and forthright from the get-go about something she wants/needs in her life that is so, apparently, taboo and 'sick' and bad and weird to so much of the rest of society she has to live with. could it be that the crying, the pain is in response to some deep seated psychological issues her brain is trying to deal with? possibly so, and as such, way cool that so many of you feel she should just be abandoned by someone she apparently does care for deeply. THAT will surely make it easier on her to go through life and deal with the next guy she falls for.

IMO, if your advice to someone in this situation is pure and simple, dump the bitch, she's crazy, i'm guessing you've got some psychological issues of your own to deal with in terms of learning to love someone in the world who isn't perfect

all this being said, there are a few here giving some fantastically constructive advice, free from personal judgements of someone they don't even know, and that's awesome. y'all rock! and i'm in a mood apparently ;-)
 

Irish

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Okay....I met this girl 3 weeks ago. The topic of sex finally got brought up. So...she tells me last night....she doesn't like regular sex lol...she told me she wants to be 110% completely dominated...no decision making....and dominated to the point where choaked to almost passing out...and she wants it to hurt so bad she cries, and if she cries, she wants the guy not to ask "are you okay?" she wants the guy to keep making her cry harder and harder.....I've never met anybody like this...and I'm completely clueless on how to respond to this. I mean I could do it, but it may be hard for me to do at first. Is there some kind of problem that may go back to her childhood or something that could relate to this kind of behavior? Or is this semi normal today?? Do i give this girl a shot or is she a complete psycho freak?

She also told me she is partial bi....and would like to invite another girl on occassion(with some rules of course)
Different strokes for different folks and all that. If that's what she's into, you have no reason to feel bad about doing it. If you aren't okay with it, however, then don't stick around for it. Simple as that.
 

Bmh23

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If you decide to stay with her you're going to need instruction on how to do this stuff so that you do not do permanent damage.

Choking, or erotic asphyxiation as it is called, can be very dangerous. I have no desire to engage in it because of the dangers to both parties. If you go too far and she loses consciousness or stops breathing then you need to be skilled in CPR. If she dies, you get charged with manslaughter or murder.

If you have any interest in exploring this realm of sex then look for groups in the area who will help teach you how to do these things. Learning from one person is very helpful, but may not serve all your needs. Plenty of times the top has to be saner than the bottom in knowing just how far to go. She'll be in another world and it will be up to you to see to her welfare.

wow...yeah...so true about the passing out/murder thing...I mean IF i did do it at all...I wouldn't like the choaking thing..and if I did do the choaking thing for her pleasure, it would be for under 30 seconds or something so I know she wouldn't be too hurt from it.
 

Bmh23

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RAMBLING SOAPBOX ALERT

always fun to see what a significantly high percentage of responders to threads like this hold as their advice to cut and run as soon as possible

i'd wonder if that percentage isn't quite near the divorce rate

APPARENTLT THESE DAYS no one gives a shit enough, or has the stomach, to actually try and UNDERSTAND anyone else's needs anymore, or deal with anything. the moment its slightly hard or 'weird' (nice subjective judgements flying around, no one besides Bmh23 has ever even MET her but they know she's crazy) you want him to run.

ALL relationships deal with issues of this nature at times (though obviously not all are sexual in nature), along with determining if you actually have feelings for and want to be with the person, you have to develop the ability to communicate who you are (after first actually hopefully knowing who you are) and what you need, to your partner so they have a clue, and a shot, at helping you be your best. goes both ways, that should go without saying.

and i'm amazed by her ability to be so honest and forthright from the get-go about something she wants/needs in her life that is so, apparently, taboo and 'sick' and bad and weird to so much of the rest of society she has to live with. could it be that the crying, the pain is in response to some deep seated psychological issues her brain is trying to deal with? possibly so, and as such, way cool that so many of you feel she should just be abandoned by someone she apparently does care for deeply. THAT will surely make it easier on her to go through life and deal with the next guy she falls for.

IMO, if your advice to someone in this situation is pure and simple, dump the bitch, she's crazy, i'm guessing you've got some psychological issues of your own to deal with in terms of learning to love someone in the world who isn't perfect

all this being said, there are a few here giving some fantastically constructive advice, free from personal judgements of someone they don't even know, and that's awesome. y'all rock! and i'm in a mood apparently ;-)

great post...sounds like you really understand :) +1
 

jason_els

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30 seconds may or may not be OK for her. That's the problem. You have to look for physical signs of hypoxia and imminent collapse. Much depends on her health, blood pressure, and level of arousal. The best thing to do is have someone show you what to do and how to do it without crushing the windpipe and what to look for in physical changes. Someone in the throes of orgasm isn't a position to tell you these things.

Make sure this girl uses safe words/gestures. Tell her that not having them is not an option. Many people use "yellow" or "red."

There is a lot to know to make this advanced level of play safe for both of you. This is why I urge you to learn how to do it from someone experienced.

wow...yeah...so true about the passing out/murder thing...I mean IF i did do it at all...I wouldn't like the choaking thing..and if I did do the choaking thing for her pleasure, it would be for under 30 seconds or something so I know she wouldn't be too hurt from it.
 

jason_els

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Here's a list of BDSM groups in Wisconsin where you can learn in a safe group environment with experienced players. If you find BDSM at all interesting then check them out. If you're doing this just to satisfy her and you have NO interest in it then you may want to reconsider the relationship.
 

Principessa

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Different strokes for different folks and all that. If that's what she's into, you have no reason to feel bad about doing it. If you aren't okay with it, however, then don't stick around for it. Simple as that.
After reading the OP's initial post again I have to say I agree. He is decidedly reluctant and that's never a good sign.

Save yourself. Run. Don't ponder why she is the way she is. ...OB
Good point, wondering how she came to like this stuff isn't going to make it any easier for him to meet her sexual needs.
 

Bmh23

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Okay...so last night I had sex with her. Went for a straight 45 mins or so until she couldnt take anymore and threw me off haha....I really liked it actually, except for the horrible condom part. And birth control doesn't work on her, so I didnt really wanna try the "pull out" technique quite just yet lol. I just cant get off with a condom on at all, never have been able to. So she kinda felt bad because shes used to guys getting off from her and I didnt. But it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. She wasnt too nuts, she just likes to fantasize/role play a little bit.

I did do the choke thing. Boy that is not my thing. I seriously was picturing myself as a rapist or something, so I didnt do that long. Like I heard her almost crying and having a hard time breating, I just can't do that anymore to her, and let her know that. But I'll be game for the other stuff. Instead i just squeezed the back of her neck hard instead of the front where she breathes. And focused on other things like holding her down etc. Overall, I've never had wild sex like that ever in my life before.

I don't know what it is, but when you mix fear and arousal together, you get one crazy combination outcome.
 

DC_DEEP

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Different strokes for different folks and all that. If that's what she's into, you have no reason to feel bad about doing it. If you aren't okay with it, however, then don't stick around for it. Simple as that.
Handsome Irish man, I think you win the prize.

You actually get it.
 

Captain Elephant

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If you think you'd be interested in learning something new, then I'd say go for it, but know what you're getting into.

In my deep, dark past I happen to cross paths with a lass with darker desires. She sounded a lot like you described: "beat me till I'm blue and red, then beat me some more!" Well, I'll admit that my head wasn't all together back then, so I did a one-night fling with her to see what it was all about. I soon learned that she was quite serious, and the I was not interested in repeating.

Unfortunately, it didn't end there. She found a new playmate in me and wanted to do even more, scarier stuff. It scared the shit of out me. Scared me so much I put away the weed for a while because I needed all my wits to resist her.

So, go ahead if you want, but be warned that it's not going to get any more normal.