Total Freak in the bed question..do I stay and give it a shot or leave???
- Thread starter Bmh23
- Start date
well said snoozan and jason els...
i have taken CPR and 400+ hours of anatomy and physiology.
i also studied martial arts in my hometown,mostly aikido.
learning pressure points,takedowns,jointlocks,leverage,and meditation.
i also studied qi gong which is essentially what BDSM is.(how i use it)
look up "extreme qi gong" on youtube,you will see dudes
beating eachother with bundles of bamboo resembling a harsh flogger.
point is do not let popular opinion tell you what is ok and what isn't.
do not picture yourself as a rapist,that is the wrong idea.
i fuck my girlfriend pretty hard and i could easily transfer it to rape
but rape is something that is COMPLETEY different.
this is about a floodgate being opened...not taking it away.
i have taken CPR and 400+ hours of anatomy and physiology.
i also studied martial arts in my hometown,mostly aikido.
learning pressure points,takedowns,jointlocks,leverage,and meditation.
i also studied qi gong which is essentially what BDSM is.(how i use it)
look up "extreme qi gong" on youtube,you will see dudes
beating eachother with bundles of bamboo resembling a harsh flogger.
point is do not let popular opinion tell you what is ok and what isn't.
do not picture yourself as a rapist,that is the wrong idea.
i fuck my girlfriend pretty hard and i could easily transfer it to rape
but rape is something that is COMPLETEY different.
this is about a floodgate being opened...not taking it away.
i thought this as well. and who knows if her begging was part of the fantasy or she was serious? if the OP isn't 100% sure of that, there's a problem. i think BDSM is great, but knowing how to practice is safely and with pre-set boundaries is key. i don't think the OP did any of this and it's irresponsible and dangerous. it may have felt like rape because there weren't any guidelines set beforehand.
Yeah I did...I didn't mean to sound like I thought I was an expert or something. That is clearly obviously not the case. I meant I couldn't believe I was doing this (emotionally and mentally) because I didn't think I could bring myself to it.
I mean I feel I still am taking baby steps. When my hands hit her neck, it was not hard because I didnt want to risk anything there. I more of the lines just put them on her neck as "intimidation" for her to know at least I'm doing it. I am going to have to learn a lot of stuff before I can feel comfortable with myself choking her the way "she wants"
Exactly....I told her we should establish some key words, but she didnt want to talk about that yet...so I was kind of like hmmm?
I had an EXTREMELY rough time distinguishing between what was fantasy and what was real with her. Sometimes she'd like tap my arm, to me thats a key word saying lighten up, but I couldnt tell because she was seeming like she liked it so much.
Also the things she would say...I was confused. She would yell "no no no I'm scared" and all of a sudden I got extremely worried and thinking to myself..."is she really scared(because this is our first time doing this) or is part of her role play to intensify things?"
You know how many guys would jump at the chance to fuck a girl like that? If I didn't have a hot girlfriend at home, I'd be asking for her number. Life isn't just vanilla sex, experiment... do something other than the same old "in and out". Some girls like it rough. I've meet girls who want it more extreme than that, so her requests are not that bad.
Principessa
Expert Member
Bmh23,
Run far and fast this girl is trouble!
When engaged in BDSM safe words/signals are mandatory. Especially when doing the choking thing! This girl has dangerous written all over her.
If you confused fantasy and reality how do you think she felt with a lack of oxygen?
Run far and fast this girl is trouble!
When engaged in BDSM safe words/signals are mandatory. Especially when doing the choking thing! This girl has dangerous written all over her.
If you confused fantasy and reality how do you think she felt with a lack of oxygen?
yeah agreed...I hear ya. Reading all your posts, they have definitely helped me understand a few things
appreciate it.Bmh23,
Run far and fast this girl is trouble!
When engaged in BDSM safe words/signals are mandatory. Especially when doing the choking thing! This girl has dangerous written all over her.
If you confused fantasy and reality how do you think she felt with a lack of oxygen?
I cant tell you how much I've thought of this....seriously. She didn't say that "safe words" were off limits, she just more of down the lines of "lets talk about it later because I'm too horny right now" kinda thing.
But I'm definitely going to be telling her this will be mandatory if this happens again, no exceptions.
In some ways this is like having sex with someone but not feeling comfortable enough to talk about contraception. If you're going to do the BDSM thing, you have to establish communication first. This generalizes to any kind of sex, really-- you need to be able to talk about it, at least enough to establish some communication and boundaries.
This is how people get hurt, and why BDSM can be dangerous.
Seriously, this could get you into some real trouble.
I think that's very wise.
"Exactly....I told her we should establish some key words, but she didnt want to talk about that yet...so I was kind of like hmmm?"
and of course the DOM says "ok" and goes on doing what the SUB says?
WRONG.
as a dom...you stop when you like,if the sub doesn't like that
then she finds a new dom.(within reason like if she is just nuts or you are not matched right)
without safewords you are looking at tissue and nerve damage.
never forget how delicate her body really is, touch her neck lightly to sense
that delicate,human life feeling.
ALWAYS respect that,even if the sub is so far in subspace
they cannot see clearly...you as the dom must be clear.
this is what i call top space,kind of militant.
safe words are a HUGE requirement untill you get to know eachother
on a dom/sub basis...then you know the patterns of your lover,
OUCH is not a safeword...."fuck you" is my girlfriends safeword.
she likes it...it is the only time she can say that without sounding
out of character.
if you use a gag than have her bang her hands and or feet.(as a means to safeword)
a specific and direct,hitting/tapping on whatever your using,floor chair,table.
"But I'm definitely going to be telling her this will be mandatory if this happens again, no exceptions." (good man)
and of course the DOM says "ok" and goes on doing what the SUB says?
WRONG.
as a dom...you stop when you like,if the sub doesn't like that
then she finds a new dom.(within reason like if she is just nuts or you are not matched right)
without safewords you are looking at tissue and nerve damage.
never forget how delicate her body really is, touch her neck lightly to sense
that delicate,human life feeling.
ALWAYS respect that,even if the sub is so far in subspace
they cannot see clearly...you as the dom must be clear.
this is what i call top space,kind of militant.
safe words are a HUGE requirement untill you get to know eachother
on a dom/sub basis...then you know the patterns of your lover,
OUCH is not a safeword...."fuck you" is my girlfriends safeword.
she likes it...it is the only time she can say that without sounding
out of character.
if you use a gag than have her bang her hands and or feet.(as a means to safeword)
a specific and direct,hitting/tapping on whatever your using,floor chair,table.
"But I'm definitely going to be telling her this will be mandatory if this happens again, no exceptions." (good man)
*update*
^^^^^110% agree.
I told her tonight that I want to establish safe words
What does she say in response to this?
"I knew you were a pussy deep down, I just knew it. I don't care if you choke me, I've passed out before and it's fine. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it then. But I'll show you how to do it to me then."
My answer: *thinking in head shes nuts to say something so stupid like that* "I'm not a pussy, nobody should be called a pussy trying to make sure that nobody fuc*** dies from something like this nature. I mean I will do it to you and I like doing it to you because you like it, I just want to be safe about it so you do not get hurt because I do care about you Jen."
Ahhh so I am pretty upset right now from her not understanding where I'm coming from. I mean, and now she thinks I'm a pussy? WHAT THE FU**!!!!!!! This is not right. Shes then like... "fine! we'll make a stupid safe word then" I could definitely tell she was not happy from hearing all this.
I just don't know whats so bad about it and why shes getting upset over something so stupid. I think she wants a guy to totally abuse her or something to that matter and not care even if she passes out? I mean shes so hardcore about it and I feel she is trying to act like too much of a tough girl here, when I think in reality deep down inside of her theres this little something hiding that is this sweet little innocent girl.
Regardless, whether she calls me a pussy or not, I'm standing my ground and will NOT do anything in a choking matter with her unless safe words are established. And I let her know that.
^^^^^110% agree.
I told her tonight that I want to establish safe words
What does she say in response to this?
"I knew you were a pussy deep down, I just knew it. I don't care if you choke me, I've passed out before and it's fine. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it then. But I'll show you how to do it to me then."
My answer: *thinking in head shes nuts to say something so stupid like that* "I'm not a pussy, nobody should be called a pussy trying to make sure that nobody fuc*** dies from something like this nature. I mean I will do it to you and I like doing it to you because you like it, I just want to be safe about it so you do not get hurt because I do care about you Jen."
Ahhh so I am pretty upset right now from her not understanding where I'm coming from. I mean, and now she thinks I'm a pussy? WHAT THE FU**!!!!!!! This is not right. Shes then like... "fine! we'll make a stupid safe word then" I could definitely tell she was not happy from hearing all this.
I just don't know whats so bad about it and why shes getting upset over something so stupid. I think she wants a guy to totally abuse her or something to that matter and not care even if she passes out? I mean shes so hardcore about it and I feel she is trying to act like too much of a tough girl here, when I think in reality deep down inside of her theres this little something hiding that is this sweet little innocent girl.
Regardless, whether she calls me a pussy or not, I'm standing my ground and will NOT do anything in a choking matter with her unless safe words are established. And I let her know that.
The sex you have together should be mutually enjoyable, it sounds like you're not enjoying it, so say no.
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