Tragedy atrikes freind again

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Nicodemous, Apr 7, 2011.

  1. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Around thanksgiving I wrote about my friend's misscarriage. Now my best nate is facing the eminent death of his mom. She has been declining for the past five years with diabetes realted issues. Tuesday at 12:30am, she fell and hit her head on the bathroom counter, fracturing hr skull. She was rushed to the ER and has bleeding on the brain. She won't survive the trip to the neorologist (closest is in the next county) and the neuro saud that based in her med history (kidney and liver failure, amonnia levels that sky rocket even with dialysis and land her in short comas once a month, bones that won't heal from a break three years ago, unexplained blood volume loss that has her getting transfusssions once evry three months or so, and on and on) she wouldn't srvive the surgery.

    They thought she would pass within two hours, but as of writing this she is still clinging to life like grim death. The family is holding a vigil t her side.

    As all of this is happening my friend's wife is is worrying about her grandmother who has been given less than a week to live (recieved the news sunday eve). In fact she was down there, awaiting my friend to join her once the GM passed (he only gets 3 days berevement leave, an has no sick time left) when they got the news of my friend's mom two days after recieving the news about her GM. SHe is back up to support my friend (she lost her mom 7 years ago, when she was pregnant with her first child).

    I am trying to do everything i can to be there for them. I have offered to watch the kids, cook meals, do laundry etc.

    As someone who lost his own mom at 13, dad at 17, and GF (raised me with ny GM afetr mom passed) at 18, I can truely empathize with what he is going through.

    My heart is breaking for my freinds' pain. :frown1:
     
  2. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Sorry for any typos.
     
  3. Charles Finn

    Gold Member

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    you have my thoughts and prayers
    if you need to talk let me know
     
  4. SprinkleMe69

    Verified Gold Member

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    My prayers are with all of you.
     
  5. Q Vee

    Q Vee New Member

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    Your friends are blessed to have your friendship and support.
    I hope you all are blessed with strength, comfort and grace during this very trying time and the ones yet to come.
    Peace Be With You.
     
  6. baldyboy8000

    baldyboy8000 Member

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    I am praying for your comfort.
     
  7. B_Glib

    B_Glib New Member

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    Bummer man, but how does this concern us.
     
  8. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Just got off the phone with him. His mom`s breathing is slowing down (she was taken off everything last night) and her eyes are both swollen and bulging do to the cranial bleeding. The one had swollen the first day. He is having to help his dad make (and in sometimes just make, period when his dad has checked out) the arangements with the mortuary and cemetary.

    He says the hardest part is when he is not there, cuz he is afraid she will pass before he can get back. They are all heading down there tonight, as it looks like she will go tonight or early tomorrow. He said that he wishes they would just OD her on morphine to end it already. Instead they get to see her deteriorate further, and will have that as thier last memory of her. I felt like crying as I spoke with him. I reiterated that I can cook, watch kids etc, and he said he may take me up on that.

    He said they broke the news to the grandkids (his youngest sister`s kids) about how severe things were yesterday, and that they are all a bit shell scocked to say the least. His sis (their mom) has taken to locking herself in her room at night when she is home, so that they won`t see her just loose it, cuz she feels she needs to be strong for them as they breakdown.

    Thank you all for the comments and heartfelt sympathy. I will update as I get info.
     
  9. Rikter8

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    See the title of this forum you joined? Part of it says "Support Group".
    Not all content on here is about dicks.

    To the O.P. Hang in there. Thoughts and prayers.
     
  10. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    If it doesn`t concern you, you need not reply.
    Thank you Rikter8. I appreciate the support as well as defense. :hug:

    To anyone else (who like Glib) may be questioning as as to my reasoning for posting this in this particular forum? I had previously posted in november regarding their miscarriage (as anyone with even the most rudimentary understanding of the search funtion can find) as it affected the "relationship" between myself and he. See; "Realtionships,discrimination, and jealousy" has the word "relationship" right in it. Right there. Not all relationships are sexual in nature. As the mods didn`t move that one, I figured to post this one in thia forum as well.

    If the mods want to move it to "etc, etc" they are more then free to do so.

    Not to be snippy, but I really don`t have the time or inclination to be polite to people who want to offer back handed snipes or negative comments. I will thank you for the "bummer" part Glib, as that seems to be the closest thing to a supportive statement I am likely to recieve from you.
     
  11. shawnpaul2

    shawnpaul2 Member

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    my thoughts and prayers with you also, A friend in need is a friend indeed
     
  12. fire77

    Verified Gold Member

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    Our thoughts, love and prayers with you.
     
  13. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Thank you all.

    I just recieved a text from my freind`s wife; he is on his way back to the hospital, his mom has passed.

    I feel bad for him, as he was saying he was afraid he wouldn`t be there. I wonder if he was home getting something, or if they felt she wasn`t going to pass away tonight/this morning after all, and convinced him to go home to get some sleep.
     
  14. AlteredEgo

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    Odds are very good she would not have wanted to have him there at that last moment. The moments of their shared life are the important ones.

    You're a very good friend. Your love and support will mean so much to him.
     
  15. hotman911

    Verified Gold Member

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    Peace be with you and with your friend and his family.

    A Perfect World

    by Ron Tranmer ©

    In a perfect world,
    death would never be.
    Love would be forever,
    and last eternally.
    In a perfect world,
    you’d still be by our side,
    lighting up our happy lives.
    You never would have died.
    In a perfect world,
    sadness would not be found.
    Love and life, and happiness
    forever would abound.
    Perhaps that perfect world
    awaits us when we die.
    A world where eternal bliss
    is found in heaven’s sky.
    We’ll cling to faith and hope,
    for God is a God of love,
    and in His time we’ll join you
    in a perfect world above.
     
  16. helgaleena

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    because we are SUPPORT, glibskull. :doh:

    Typos at a time like this totally forgivable. Nic, you are in our thoughts.

    I am reminded of my mom in law's passing when she began to refuse dialysis. Human will caused her to hang on until we arrived and held her hand. Then she let go. She kept control until the last.
     
    #16 helgaleena, Apr 8, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2011
  17. GayFrog

    GayFrog Member

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    [FONT=arial, sans-serif]
    Sharing
    [/FONT]
    in your sorrow thinking of you and wishing I could be there to hold your hand


    Toujours dans mon cœur
    Marc.
     
    #17 GayFrog, Apr 9, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2011
  18. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Thank you all, for your words of support, moving poems, and just reaching out to me...which has buttressed me and enabled me to be there for my friend and his family.

    I dropped off some food, and let them have their space. He called me later and we had a great half hour conversation. We touched on the sad stuff, and I listened to him, and offered what I could. I got him to laugh, and let him know that it was ok to do so. We talked about how much we would miss her, and how there was that little part of us that thought, well, maybe she would pull through, and come home. And how we both knew, deep down, that it wasn't happening this time. And how he was going to stay the night/morning it happened, and how his family said for him to get some sleep. How he thought he had time; that she would hang on a bit longer. He was passing the maternity ward on his way out, and he said he paused and almost went back, but then decided to listen to his gut, and how he felt like someone said it was ok to go. I told him that maybe it was his mom, who always did worry about him, telling him to rest. He said it probably was.

    Then we were joking some, and remembering when she thought he and I were a couple, and that he was gay (he's not, lol) and how sweet she was about it, and he said she and his dad had it planned to move me in. That's just who his parents are and how she was. No rejection of her son, just, hey this guy seems to make my son really happy, and that's that. And how shocked she seemed when she realized he wasn't gay, lol. And we remembered her at his first wedding (I was best man) and smiling with her, and the craziness of it. And he said that when he and wife #1 divorced that he could almost see her thinking "well...maybe he is gay" (and how my invite from her increased exponentially around that point, lol). And how happy she was at his wedding his current wife (who truly is his soul mate in that regard) and her sorrow when they lost the baby.

    Just an hour and a half of talking and crying and laughing, him and me and his wife as the phone was on speaker (I am sure he got tired of us having him relay the parts of the convo the other couldn't hear, lol) He said he needed that.

    And I don't think I could have done that without the support of my friends, here and elsewhere. I kind of expect it from the friends I have had for years, but it is a nice surprise to have it come from people who I either barely know, know in passing, or not at all. The love and support you have shown me, is incredible, and I want to thank you all for that. Know that I was able to pass it along to him. So his thanks to me, I in turn pass to all of you.

    Thank you.

    :hug:
     
  19. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

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    Nic, you have been a tremendous support to your friends in their time of grief. You have done what a true friend does. If we in this supportive community can offer anything to you it would be our words of encouragement, friendship and peace to you. Ignore any others and don't feel the need to reply. Your friends on here will do that for you so that you can support and love your friends in the flesh. Peace to you and continued friendship even in this medium where all we can offer are words. I hope that they will at least suffice for now.
     
  20. SprinkleMe69

    Verified Gold Member

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    You're the man! Your friends mom sounds like a wonderful person. Great memories....:)
     
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