Tragedy atrikes freind again
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B_subgirrl
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It was so sad to hear about this :frown1:. Give them both lots of hugs and just be there for them. As friends, we can't make everything right for them, but just having someone there helps (or so my friend who recently lost her brother says).
If I had to choose just one of my friends to support me through something like this, it would be you. I'm convinced you're doing all the right things. :hug:
If I had to choose just one of my friends to support me through something like this, it would be you. I'm convinced you're doing all the right things. :hug:
Thank you again to all who responded. My friend (we will call him S) is doing as well as can be expected. Thankfully he has an amazing wife in J, who is helping him get through all of this. They just got finished making the plans for her Celebration of Life get together. After stressing over a formal memorial service, they decided to have a casual gathering of people (family, friends and coworkers) to pay their last respects and remember her as she was in life.
Poor S has had a rough time with the morgue, the funeral home, and the cemetery. He seems to have encountered everyone who is brusque, rushed, greedy and just plain rude. Thank God for J, who has basically helped slap the stupid out of said people! LOL!
J went through this 7 years back with her own mom's passing. She related this story to S and I as he was going on about how amazing she was in handling the a-holes ho were giving him and his dad a hard time (Psg and subgirrl I have already told you two this so you can skip ahead if you wish lol)
"When mom did we had her cremated, and the lady in charge of all this crap was trying to guilt us into getting an urn the most expensive urn there was, and we were tight on money and they were making us feel that if we didn't get the Taj Mahal of urns we didn't really love Mom. So I finally snapped and said 'You know what? How about I just go home, and get a Tupperware container, and you can just pooouuurrr my Mom right on in! And we will be on our way' and the girl looked at me all aghast and said they couldn't do that, and so I asked, all wide eyed, 'Why not?' and she said 'Because it has to have a seal' to which I responded in the straightest face I could manage 'Tupperware seals up nicely. You can turn it upside-down and everything, and it won't spill. Ya just got to burp it first!' and gave her my sweetest smile. She looked at me like I had pulled down my pants and rubbed a shit streak across her desk, and sputtered. I then said that if she didn’t want me doing that, she would just have to work with my father on getting an urn he wants that fit our budget."
S and I were cracking up. J is this sweet little thing (well not really little, as she is 5'11" lol) who is really quiet and all. And the thought of her becoming this sarcastic, snide person was just hilarious! I am so glad S has her to get through this all.
He spent Yesterday with his Dad and they had a really lovely time. Took him to see "Source Code" (which he said was ok) to get him (his Dad) way from the house and stressors. His dad 9who is rather reserved) was sharing all sorts of memories with him after the move, and then broke down, when he said that was the first movie he had seen at the theaters in 5 years, since his wife had fallen ill. S told me that his dad then proceeded to say he wished he could have taken her to one last time and then just broke down and had to go into the house. S said he had a total breakdown himself. It was the first time everything really sank in. I told him he has a pass for the next x years to have as many crying jags, breakdowns, whatevers as he needs. Well what I said was "I am personally giving you a pass to have as many breakdowns as you want these next few years. I am writing it out now" and he laughed and said I was weird, and thanks.
So that is how things are going. Thanks for listening :smile:
Poor S has had a rough time with the morgue, the funeral home, and the cemetery. He seems to have encountered everyone who is brusque, rushed, greedy and just plain rude. Thank God for J, who has basically helped slap the stupid out of said people! LOL!
J went through this 7 years back with her own mom's passing. She related this story to S and I as he was going on about how amazing she was in handling the a-holes ho were giving him and his dad a hard time (Psg and subgirrl I have already told you two this so you can skip ahead if you wish lol)
"When mom did we had her cremated, and the lady in charge of all this crap was trying to guilt us into getting an urn the most expensive urn there was, and we were tight on money and they were making us feel that if we didn't get the Taj Mahal of urns we didn't really love Mom. So I finally snapped and said 'You know what? How about I just go home, and get a Tupperware container, and you can just pooouuurrr my Mom right on in! And we will be on our way' and the girl looked at me all aghast and said they couldn't do that, and so I asked, all wide eyed, 'Why not?' and she said 'Because it has to have a seal' to which I responded in the straightest face I could manage 'Tupperware seals up nicely. You can turn it upside-down and everything, and it won't spill. Ya just got to burp it first!' and gave her my sweetest smile. She looked at me like I had pulled down my pants and rubbed a shit streak across her desk, and sputtered. I then said that if she didn’t want me doing that, she would just have to work with my father on getting an urn he wants that fit our budget."
S and I were cracking up. J is this sweet little thing (well not really little, as she is 5'11" lol) who is really quiet and all. And the thought of her becoming this sarcastic, snide person was just hilarious! I am so glad S has her to get through this all.
He spent Yesterday with his Dad and they had a really lovely time. Took him to see "Source Code" (which he said was ok) to get him (his Dad) way from the house and stressors. His dad 9who is rather reserved) was sharing all sorts of memories with him after the move, and then broke down, when he said that was the first movie he had seen at the theaters in 5 years, since his wife had fallen ill. S told me that his dad then proceeded to say he wished he could have taken her to one last time and then just broke down and had to go into the house. S said he had a total breakdown himself. It was the first time everything really sank in. I told him he has a pass for the next x years to have as many crying jags, breakdowns, whatevers as he needs. Well what I said was "I am personally giving you a pass to have as many breakdowns as you want these next few years. I am writing it out now" and he laughed and said I was weird, and thanks.
So that is how things are going. Thanks for listening :smile:
Sorry to hear about your friend. I've been through a miscarriage & the death of my mother & seen a lot of death in my life & imagine that your friend is hurting from both deaths right now. Best advice I can give is to not ignore it. Don't make it the thing you dance around. Even though you may not know what to say ask about how he is anyway. The people you expect to ask are often the ones that don't.
There is nothing that will happen to another human being that will not affect me. No one is an island who is able to withstand withering circumstances beyond our control.
Because you are there for your friends speaks more about your character than anything else. All of our successes and triumphs mean little if one cannot treat a fellow human being with a little understanding.
I hope during my time of trial that I have a friend like you, Nicodemus, who is at my side just to be there.
Because you are there for your friends speaks more about your character than anything else. All of our successes and triumphs mean little if one cannot treat a fellow human being with a little understanding.
I hope during my time of trial that I have a friend like you, Nicodemus, who is at my side just to be there.
You have always been kind to me despite not truly knowing me. Your friends are lucky to have you, Nicodemous. I wish you and your friends well. x
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