Tried Anal Sex - But Found It's Not for You?

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by earllogjam, Nov 9, 2007.

  1. earllogjam

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    I only enjoy anal sex with certain partners. Apart from the physical sensation there is a psychological aspect to the act which I am either comfortable with or not. It has to deal with submission and letting go of control for me which has a lot to do with trust and ultimately determines if I enjoy anal sex or not. I don't have any issues with being a top however.

    I was wondering if any others have these issues. Is there certain psychological aspect of being a top or bottom that you really get off on? What is that?

    What goes thru your head when you are getting or giving a fuck?
     
  2. zixxer

    zixxer Member

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    I guess the thought that there is no other way to be so completely dominated as having a cock up your ass is something you either love or don't. There is no greater submission, but that's what I like about it.
     
  3. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Being submissive is a huge thing. It takes complete trust in a person to submit to something as intimate as anal sex. For me doggy style (not anal) is giving up of a power trip, I give myself fully to the person fucking me. It's difficult for me to give that up but I consider it less intimate than missionary where the person could look me in the eyes and/or kiss me.
     
  4. BigLittleMan

    BigLittleMan New Member

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    a short, goodlooking guy with a nice ass pretty much makes me just batshit crazy. guess this pretty much makes me a top, huh?

    penetrating a guy is a very intimate thing for me and a lot of it is the closeness required to do so. i also get a high knowing he is vulnerable but trusting me enough to open himself up to me.

    (i've tried "receiving" but get absolutely nothing from it.)

    blm
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    Just not for me...I prefer to top!
     
  6. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    This is precisely the same issue I have. I have enormous trouble surrendering power to someone else. Much of that goes back to being abused as a kid. I've bottomed exactly twice and both times I had to stop because I became too anxious and the anxiety was causing so much tension in my body that the pain became unbearable. I also came very close to crying and wanted to just be left alone.

    Yet I also want to be able to give myself to a man in that way if and when the time comes. It may be something I will only reserve for special men or not.
    That's where a lot of the work I'm doing comes into focus. During my CBE course last week I found I was, for the first time, able to just lie back with my eyes closed and let someone pleasure me without focusing on anything but the pleasure. Maybe this comes naturally to some people but it does to me. Once again, it's a control issue. There's another Body Electric course that focuses exclusively on overcoming control issues with anal sex. I'm looking to take that one when it comes to New York. You may find that course very helpful. Something inside me tells me that I can't really accept myself for who I am until I learn to accept the expressions of my sexuality in all their forms. I want to get beyond the trust and control issues so that I can truly share myself completely and comfortably with someone else. Until then, I don't think I can use sex for much more than just fun. I'm looking for true union and I can't achieve that by exclusively being a top.
     
  7. earllogjam

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    Jason,

    I don't think being versatile in bed is a requirement for a fulfilling relationship. Some guys are exclusive tops and find mates who just like to bottom so it all seems to work out fine. I never feel I must bottom in order for any guy to like me or for a relationship to go forward. I have been in a situation where I didn't want to bottom for a top guy and the encounter bordered on feeling raped. The first and last experience with that.
     
  8. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    It isn't to get them to like me, at that point in the relationship (for me), I think the relationship would have to be beyond that. The goal is to be able to surrender something important and precious to me to someone else in complete trust and love. Maybe the intention behind the act outweighs the act itself in this instance. While I don't think it's necessary to a relationship, I want to be able to at least offer it honestly and be able to follow through with it if the offer is accepted. Right now a lot of my life is about breaking through barriers and this is one barrier that I need to to overcome even if I'm never asked to do it. The closest analogy I can think of at the moment is martial arts. I may never need to use them in self defense, yet the fact that I can do them if necessary is what will feed my confidence and enhance my growth as a person.

    I'm just horrified you felt as if you were raped. There is never any excuse for that. I hoped you stopped it as soon as you realized the experience wasn't for you and have found a way to heal that trauma :hug:.
     
  9. earllogjam

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    Jason, anal sex is like oysters. Some people love them and some hate them but for most it is an acquired taste. I prefer the oyster analogy to martial arts. But I suppose you need to try a few to see if you're going to like them, maybe prepared differently. No bid deal if you don't.
     
  10. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Yet if I hated oysters and my partner loved them I'd be happy to make oysters for him because it's a way of expressing my love for him.

    And, uh, I love oysters. Raw fresh oysters with a dash of horseradish and a little cock sauce. Mmmmmm.
     
  11. CUBE

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    I think you can feel different with different guys. Some dynamic with one guy makes me a top...different dynamic makes me a bottom. Some very attractive guys I would want to just jack off with. Just different tastes are present with different gents.
     
  12. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    "Did i lock the door?"
     
  13. Purplesaurus

    Purplesaurus New Member

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    I just realized, I'm out of my league in this thread.
     
  14. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    I guess you just have to be in the mood for it. The very first time it felt good for me was with a guy who I really liked. It hurt at first and all of a sudden it was really good. Skip a couple of year, and I run into the guy. I like him, the connection is there, but my feelings had changed. It didnt feel good at all and I asked him to stop.

    Once I met this really cute guy, and in my mind, all I could think of was I want this guy to fuck me. He did it was great, and I actually came when he came
    ( first time that has happened in my life )

    See the same guy a week later, and I guest my expectations were to high. I wanted to fuck him, but I let him fuck me, and it wasnt the greatest.

    I just have to be in the right mood I guess.
     
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