Trouble getting hard

[Likesoccer]

Hi, I don't know if this is the right category but here is my problem: I'm 21 years old and I've never had sex of any kind before because I wasn't ok with being gay and I didn't go on dates with guys.
Recently I've found this guy, we like each other a lot and we've been going out.
After a few dates on which we've been kissing we finally had the chance to be alone for an evening. We agreed that If I wanted we could have jerked off and maybe do a blow job. I wasn't anxious or anything like that because I trust him and while we kissed I had an hard on very often.
So we started watching a movie, kissed and everything was going fine, I had an hard on, than we started undressing and than he said he wanted to make me cum and than started sucking but it got soft. I also sucked him and enjoyed but than we stopped because I was still soft.
So we said goodbye, and texted later how we were both sorry and he was kind and said it wasn't a problem at all.
After this we went on a date, kissed and I got an hard on.
Than again today we kissed, had an hard on, went in his room and as soon as we undressed it got soft again and only got a bit hard while I was sucking him and jerking myself off.

That's all, now he is starting to think this is a problem and he's right. I mean i like him and while we kiss at first it seems to be ok but than it gets soft and I can't understand why! Has anyone had any similar experience? What should I do? I really like this guy!

 

[EdWoody]

Just sounds like nerves to me. Performance anxiety. You've built it up to such an event in your head that it becomes a vicious circle - you're worried about what might happen, and that in turn creates the nervousness that ensures it doesn't happen. Even if you think consciously that everything's fine and you're ready for this, your subconscious is still freaking out, and causing the problems.

Or, as Two and a Half Men put it, "When your psyche gets iffy, you can't get a stiffy."

I don't have much advice on how to fix it, other than to relax and enjoy and eventually you'll get through it. But I'm fairly confident of assuring you that it's not a physical problem, just a psychological one, and an perfectly understandable one at that, given the history you've described. It's nowhere near the end of the world, just a little hurdle that you will get over with increased confidence.

I'm sure there are many resources online to help you. Don't give up, it's a very solvable problem.

 

[dawnguys]

Yup, nerves.

 

[Petrolhead]

we're all agreed that it is nerves. why not take it slow, maybe spend the whole night together, or a few hours naked together just playing without any pressure to get hard and cum. Eventually you will relax and then it will all happen

 

[Likesoccer]

I hope so...The problem is that the first time we spent like 3 hours like that and at first it was hard but than it got soft. It's not like I felt I was nervous, maybe it's something I didn't realize.

 

[whutsup21]

I hope so...The problem is that the first time we spent like 3 hours like that and at first it was hard but than it got soft. It's not like I felt I was nervous, maybe it's something I didn't realize.

Just be patient n keep making out with each other... let him do things to you while u make out... youll get used to it... i think along with everyone else its probly nerves

 

[Likesoccer]

Even if I feel comfortable? I found out today about porn induced erectile disfunction...would it make sense that I'm used to jerk of to porn at faster pace and so when he jerks me off I don't "feel" it? It wouldn't explain why i get hard while kissing but it would explain why him jerking me off or blowing me hasn't lead to getting hard

 

[Blueshift]

I'm in kind of a similar situation. I've known for a long time that I was interested in men as well as women, but never pursued my interest in men until more recently. Both times I've been with men, I had trouble getting hard, even though I was immensely excited, having fun and feeling fairly alright with everything. I still was nervous, but I was absolutely enjoying myself and very turned on. I just couldn't get hard off what was going on. I had to jerk off to get hard and keep playing with myself to stay hard.

But like the rest of the responders, I feel like its nerves for you, and for me. I'm still very nervous about being attracted to men. It's still not something I'm open about, because of where I live and work and because of attitudes many people I deal with daily have. So, yeah, there's conflict there. The more time I spend with guys in a romantic way, the more comfortable I'm getting, though.

 

[rwirt20]

I also find if you let one guy do the other guy it all works better... 69 looks great --- but it is hard to concentrate on blowing a guy and getting blown...
relax --- enjoy each other one at a time...

 

[revengee]

Do you watch porn a lot?

This thing happened to me before, when I got all excited at the beginning of the kissing, all the touching and rubbing and so, but when it got into undressed, I just lost my erection.

Recently I've been reading a lot of articles on how porn may affect your real stimulation. If that's the case, u can take a break from it, take for a week and you should be fine.

But if it's not, then it's just your nervous system breaks down.

 

[timoakesfan]

I used to suffer from performance anxiety like this. It first happened when my boyfriend an dI were having sex, I began to get a little soft, he freaked out and made me feel bad...and after that it was on and off for a while (more often off). Then I read about natural supplements that are used to help erectile dyfunction (ED). I began taking pgynogenol and l-arginine 3 times per day and it really helped! I think it helped because it made me feel like I had a safety net of sorts - so even when I had anxious feelings, I was still supported by the supplements and I remained hard enough to continue sex, and everything was fine. Pycnogenol is pretty expensive though, and I now take grapeseed (this one: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Grapeseed-E...1404509688&sr=1-1&keywords=grapeseed+100+50mg) three times a day, with l-arginine, and never have any problems any more. The research into these supplements is pretty good, and others on these forums ahve reported great results. Even if you just take it for a little while to help you relax and not have to worry, it should help. Good luck!

 

[big8boner]

medications will affect your erections as well

 

[Desertrat222]

My Dicks super weird to and I go limp with oral unless I take a pill .

 

[Brodie888]

You are basically overthinking during sex. You need to relax and focus on enjoying yourself rather than being in your own head analyzing what you are doing.

The quick solution is to stop masturbating or watching porn all together until you get into a more normal pattern. Don't attempt sex for at least 3 days to build up some libido.

To help with the over thinking, initially you might find it easier if you take turns on alternate days to cum with your partner rather than both trying to get off at the same time.

After a while, you won't need to do any of these things. You just want to stop creating a negative pattern that will spiral out of control for now.

 

[chrisrobin]

take a little man made help before your next date, you'll be surprised at how it will help, not only to give you a great stiffy but to maintain in and shoot. Afterwards, once the beast has gone to sleep you'll feel so much better - its just a question of doing it and knowing that it works. I had the same problem one time in mid life, youngish lad needed always discipline before getting fucked. Enjoyed myself and then came the icing on the cake and my cock went down and I couldnt get it up. And the next time it happened again so I resorted to a bluey and fucked his brains out and also removed the nerves of fear that I wouldn't get an erection.

 

[Exbiker]

I don't know if people realise, but we've had a two and a half year break in the flow of this thread.

So, the problem has probably resolved itself, I would imagine?

 

[Brodie888]

I don't know if people realise, but we've had a two and a half year break in the flow of this thread.

So, the problem has probably resolved itself, I would imagine?

God, I really should check the dates.... Oh well, hopefully helps someone out there...

 

[Dutchstud]

All the overflood of online porn does not help, I am afraid to say. When I go to a gay sauna and -after a round in the dry sauna and the steam bath- I take a coold drink upstairs to a videolounge. I have problems to get hard because porn does little to me: *yawn*...

 

[chrisrobin]

All the overflood of online porn does not help, I am afraid to say. When I go to a gay sauna and -after a round in the dry sauna and the steam bath- I take a coold drink upstairs to a videolounge. I have problems to get hard because porn does little to me: *yawn*...

regrettably there are some whose sexual liberation is only possible with porn, the personal senses have been dulled so that a kiss on the cock fails to raise attention... that said porn is so available today that what with all this victual reality living via cell phones and tablets maybe real sex won't need to happen as guys can get their rocks of staring at blue screen

 

[Dutchstud]

regrettably there are some whose sexual liberation is only possible with porn, the personal senses have been dulled so that a kiss on the cock fails to raise attention... that said porn is so available today that what with all this victual reality living via cell phones and tablets maybe real sex won't need to happen as guys can get their rocks of staring at blue screen

There is a truth in that. Since I can jack of any time, with the newest porn direct on my curved 4k Ultra HD Television (Smart TV), the men looking so sharp they are in my living room, the search for real sexual encounters slows down because I can release my own sexual tension. After splashing my hot sperm, the libido and hunger for sex immediately disappears. So yes, I agree with you: the flood and availability of online porn has a negative effect on men visiting cruising areas, saunas, cinemas and bars.