Trouble Keeping Hard after Boyfriend Cheated

molotovmuffin

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Helga--you misunderstood the two parts on which you commented, but I am beginning to understand what my psyche is doing to me. To clarify, he has always been a total bottom, really into getting fucked. Now he says he is more into oral. Sudden change, unexplanable. Also, when I said keeping options open I meant three ways, voyeurism, etc. Not open relationship. I have been very clear about being together while exploring and nothing without the other. Furthermore, we recently went to Toronto and visited some male nude strip bars where the guys make their money with private "dances". We ended up having a stern discussion about the private dance thing because he was not happy simply being together watching nude men. Even though we had sex together (oral) every single day. I'm figuring that no matter how much I pamper him with attention, touching, and sex, I will never be enough for him. At this point I need to figure out how much I can really take before reaching a breaking point.

For the one that posted his similar experience (sorry, new here and can't figure out how to go back a page to get your display name) I, too, am having periodic dreams of him with other men and keep getting premonitions that he is continuing the destructive behavior. As a matter of fact I am sure that the few times he has been out of the house without me, he has returned to that Godforsaken park for a quickie encounter.

Here are the complications--we bought a house together, I have a 6 year old son who also loves him, and my business has slowed down considerably hindering my ability to move on singly...all not completely insurmountable, but very difficult nonetheless.
You do like to make excuses for him, don't you? The lack of anal sex is probably because he now has an STD and you should probably get tested.

He's cheating on you and you really need to move on.
 

MeinTeil

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Not only the occasional sex at a few other men's homes,

but also frequenting a local park with areas men jerk off and have sex.

He is 20 years younger

I am of the sort that wants to be around my partner al the time, sometimes smothering them

He had immigrated from the Philippines just a few months before we met

I spend alot of time and energy trying to please him

I'm figuring that no matter how much I pamper him with attention, touching, and sex, I will never be enough for him.

I am sure that the few times he has been out of the house without me, he has returned to that Godforsaken park for a quickie encounter.

we bought a house together

Assessment:

  • He's using you.
  • You're smothering him.
 

B_crackoff

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For God's sake don't watch Death in Venice!

"Passion as confusion & degradation".

I've seen an identical situation myself - it didn't end well & dragged on in chaos for years.
I feel for you, you must be going through some terrible emotions, but they won't mend or end until you move on. You've got a child to consider - that will last - you know yourself that this relationship won't.

Fear is worse than the truth; when something happens that you've been expecting for a long time it's almost like a pair of paralyzing pliers has been removed from your head. I'm hopeless at ending relationships myself, but you won't get back to the person you truly are until this has ended - & life is too short.

It's not like you don't have other people to turn to is it?
 
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