Trouble With A Friend

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Hello all I have a friend who recently got married but before that time we used to go out quite often and mess around sexually. He still wants to do it now and then but I cannot because he is married.

Any advice on what i should do?
 

sykray

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Since you phrase it as "cannot" then you simply explain to him why his marriage prevents the continued "messing around sexually" from your point of view. If it is "cannot" then I am unsure why you ask for advice. It suggests that you would rather decide that it's "maybe".

More than 30 years ago I had a similar situation. I said that the occasional sex could continue with his wife's knowledge and agreement. I didn't expect him to ask her or for her to agree. In the event, she agreed and the occasional sex continued until I moved and the distance made it difficult for him to continue with the fuck buddying.
 
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The thing is tho even though i know it should not happen i really want it to continue but if his wife finds out its all over literally she will most probs kill us and everytime we are around eachother its so hard to keep from touching one another
 

dandelion

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The thing is tho even though i know it should not happen i really want it to continue but if his wife finds out its all over literally she will most probs kill us and everytime we are around eachother its so hard to keep from touching one another
If what you post is true then I dont see why he just got married.
 
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Oh dont get my wrong he loves his wife and all that but he still likes the extra stuff on the side. So i dont know what to do probs just have a chat with him at somepoint and see what happens.
 

erratic

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Sounds like you are hoping someone's going to come along and say "Go For It"?

It may be hard to keep from touching, but you and everyone else know what the right choice is.

Exactly.

Wait long enough, OP, and someone will come along and tell you it's okay to fuck around with a married guy. Thing is, the only person who can make it okay is the married guy's wife.

If your friend's wife says you two can go at it, then by all means fuck like excited bonobos. But without your, his, and her consent all in place, you know damn well it's not the right thing to do. Your conscience is telling you that.

Without her consent to you two fucking around, my advice would be for you to cool things off with your friend and find a good, old-fashioned out-of-the-closet unattached homosexual to have fun with.

Good luck.
 

D_Ivanna_Wanka-Wang

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Agree with Sykray here. I think you said it yourself. You cannot do it. There's a line that gets drawn when you enter marriage. That line say something to the effect of: fidelity regardless of your past. Sometimes that hurts, but it's the way it has to be for a monogamous marriage to work. One person can't be monogamous and the other fool around. It doesn't work.

Welcome to the world of love unrequited.

And I agree with erratic too. It sounds like it's time to cut strings and move on.

Best of luck
 

gay2day

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I think you should not care that much that he is married... Try to enjoy him, not constrained about his marriage. Me, I find myself this even more attractive thing :)
 

southeastone

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Now he is married that is it mate, end of the road, IF you decide to carry on it can only end in tears, don't forget his wife is the unconcenting one in the deal, he wants his cake and eat it, that is not possible in real life. As advised move on to some new friends and let him get on with his marriage.
 

molotovmuffin

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I think you should not care that much that he is married... Try to enjoy him, not constrained about his marriage. Me, I find myself this even more attractive thing :)

There ya go...permission to fuck around with the married guy. Don't worry about him being married...it should make him more attractive and the sex hotter. See ^^^ he even said so.:rolleyes:


Don't go there. Let him fuck up his marriage without your help.
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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Here's my question.

Was he cheating on his now-wife through their entire relationship? You said it stopped when they got married, so I guess the entire time he courted her, ya'll were still having sex?

Personally, I don't think that it makes a difference whether he is married or not. Cheating is cheating. If he would do it while he were dating her he'll do it while he's married, whether it be with you or not. I'm not sure I understand why it was okay to be with him while he was dating her but not now that he's married.

Now, this isn't me giving you "permission" to be with him. All I'm saying is that I don't really see the difference. If you and him WERE together while he dated his now-wife, then that's equally as bad to me. And yes, it is bad/wrong/whatever. I had a very short (read: week-long) emotional affair on my boyfriend (no touching involved whatsoever) and I feel like quite possibly the worst girlfriend in the world. I don't understand what's going on in HIS head that allows him to sleep with another person without really caring. That isn't love, imo.

But anywho. I'm not going to be the one to give you permission. Don't do it.
 

travis7

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He will one way or another.. Best to play with a buddy then a stranger who may want strings attached.
I had str8 buddy n he had a wife n kids. No strings, just Jo n blow buddies...
 

Q Vee

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My feeling is that not all relationships are inherently alike. Each relationship dynamic is as individual as the people involved. The important part is to find what works best for the relationship. For instance, I have friends (gay & straight) who have said they know their S.O. messes around and as along as they keep it DownLow they are fine; and they act accordingly, as well.

On the other hand, many are traditional and do not want to "share" their S.O. with anybody else, nor feel the need to have outside interests.

Personally, I want/have an open relationship. Communication is the key and consensual activity is agreed to by all parties.

Plenty of married men (with wedding rings) and men (gay/straight) in relationships, have anonymous sex hookups. Some say their S.O. know, others are "cheating".

I try not to judge as I recognize I am no position to do so, therefore: To Each Their Own.

The best thing is to do your best to be honest to your own convictions. If your friend's marriage changes things for you and you are uncomfortable, placing yourself in a position of regretting future sexual connections does not seem in your best interests. If you can live with yourself if his marriage ends due to his wife's discovery of your sexual connection, then proceeding until apprehended could work. It does seem, however, that she could discover his bisexuality even without you two continuing to hookup and she may still end it. That may be something you want to come to terms with also.

This is your decision and a number of posters have given some really good advice. You have to decide what is best for you, what you are willing to live with and what you will not live with.

I understand how your friend's vows in marriage have affected your sensibilities to your sexual acitivies. You sound like a caring person and someone who is torn between your own sense of fairness and your desire. That is a very difficult place. I wish you, your friend and his wife the best outcome. Good Luck.