Truth In Advertising

Discussion in 'Large Penis Personal Ads' started by simplystephen, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. simplystephen

    simplystephen New Member

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    UPDATED: 11/4/2007
    Okay, here's the thing. I'm not perfect. I'm far from perfect. I have issues, I have baggage. I'm not Superman and I don't claim to look for Superman. But here's the thing: I own up to where I fall short. I'm neurotic. I need constant displays of affection. I build impenatrable walls around my heart so as not to get hurt. I'm overweight. I'm not an Adonis. And even though I work out 5 times a week I can't seem to get rid of this tire around my waist. I have fucking body hair. My hair is turning gray. My chest hair is starting to turn gray. When my pubes start turning gray I think I might jump off the nearest cliff. I'm 35 years old. It's been 5 years since I've had what I would call a real boyfriend. I'm HIV+, goddammit! I tend to put other people's feelings before my own. I make sure everyone is having a good day before checking in on myself to see if I'M having a good fucking day. I'm pagan. I'm a witch. I search for the guy that is spiritually minded. It would be FANTASTIC to meet a gay male witch here in Oklahoma that isn't taken but the only pagans I know here in town are either married or lesbians. I think outside of the box. I love fucking chick flicks and wish to GOD that romance would happen for me the way it happens for Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in every goddamned movie they're in together. I'm a fucking size queen. I have a laundry list of things I do and don't want in a relationship. I'm lonely. But not so lonely that the first guy that waltzes into my life I'm gonna drop my entire life and who I am for him. I ache when I wake up in the morning alone wishing that I had someone sleeping beside me. I put up a hard defensive exterior for survival purposes when all I want is to be vulnerable and not for someone to try to take me for a coward or doormat because of it. I'm a versatile bottom. And bottoms are a dime a dozen. Whip out your dick and yell, "I'm a top!" and you've got 20 guys with their pants down grabbing their ankles screaming "FUCK ME!" So I have to compete for the temporary affections of just not enough tops to go around. I want more than just a fuck buddy. But a man's got needs, so what do you do? I love sex. LOVE it! I don't believe that monogamy has the be all and end all of every relationship. But what some people call monogamy, I call celibacy with a sleeping partner. Hell, I don't even have a sleeping partner these days, so what's a boy to do? "When masturbation's lost its fun you're fucking lazy" is a line from an old GreenDay song that comes to mind. In these ads you're supposed to put your best foot forward. You're supposed to put on the whitest smile and have the biggest dick and have the perfect body and have no baggage and be everything any guy would kill to have. But you know what? Fuck it. I'm human. I'm tired of putting my best foot forward. I'm tired of putting on a front. I'm tired of trying so goddamned hard to find "the one". From now on, I can only be me. I'm Stephen. Warts and all, I'm just Stephen. Accept me for who I am. Get to know me. Take the time to say "Hello." I'm done hunting. I'm done searching. I'm done looking under every rock and pebble for "the one". If "the one" is truly out there then he will find me. And what's more, he will love me for me. Warts and all. I'm just Stephen. That's all I can be.

    If you've made it this far, you deserve the particulars: I am 34 years old, 5'10", 235lbs, black hair, brown eyes, clean shaven face, moderately hairy, pierced nips. I am predominantly a bottom. I've been known to top. I'd put myself in the 70%/30% bottom/top category. If foreplay and afterplay are foreign concepts to you then we certainly will not mesh sexually. If kissing sounds to you like something only aliens from the planet Neptune engage in for extended periods of time then we're probably no good for each other. If you cuddle only to keep warm as a means of survival in the winter, we're probably no good for each other. And finally, if you know how to use your entire body in sex (including elbows! LOL) please move to the front of the sex line!
     
  2. Cochranfan4life

    Cochranfan4life New Member

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    I would give you constant attention and fuck you anytime anywhere!!
     
  3. simplystephen

    simplystephen New Member

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    Thank you. I appreciate that. I want to update it a little bit, so here's what it should look like:

    Truth In Advertising

    Okay, here's the thing. I'm not perfect. I'm far from perfect. Which is a REALLY strange thing to say in a personal ad. In personal ads you’re supposed to put your best foot forward, flash your brightest smile, suck in your tummy a little bit if you have to and make someone think that you have your life together so well that he would be foolish to pass you by. That’s what we’re all here for, right? Even if you have someone special in your life, you’re on this website to communicate with other likeminded people. And to do that, with your words you have to compel the person reading your ad to make initial contact, right?

    Fuck that.

    I have issues, I have baggage. Which is ANOTHER REALLY STRANGE THING to say in a personal ad. Who wants to talk to someone that would freely admit to having “issues and baggage”? But the truth is, there isn’t a one among us that doesn’t have issues and baggage. We’re all human beings. Superman is a comic book and (sometimes) really good movie franchise. I'm not Superman and I don't claim to look for Superman. I think in my previous ads I may have made myself out to be superhuman in what I can “bring to the table” and what I want in another person. But the truth is, my expectations for myself and for the person I am looking for were WAY too much for one person to embody.

    Do I still look for the best in a guy? Of course. I still have standards and I would hope the person I talk to would have standards as well. The difference is nowadays I’m not just gonna throw a guy out of bed or out of my life completely because he doesn’t quite measure up to the million and one things I have on my laundry checklist.

    So I‘ve decided to give you a little taste of who I am as a person. Buckle up baby, it‘s gonna be a bumpy ride. Here goes:

    (Deep breath) I'm neurotic. I need constant displays of affection. I build impenatrable walls around my heart so as not to get hurt. I'm overweight. I'm not an Adonis. And even though I work out 5 times a week I can't seem to get rid of this tire around my waist. I have fucking body hair. My hair is turning gray. My chest hair is starting to turn gray. When my pubes start turning gray I think I might jump off the nearest cliff. I'm 35 years old. It's been 5 years since I've had what I would call a real boyfriend. I'm HIV+, goddammit! I tend to put other people's feelings before my own. I make sure everyone is having a good day before checking in on myself to see if I'M having a good fucking day. I'm pagan. I'm a witch. I search for the guy that is spiritually minded. It would be FANTASTIC to meet a gay male witch here in Oklahoma that isn't taken but the only pagans I know here in town are either married or lesbians. I think outside of the box. I love fucking chick flicks and wish to GOD that romance would happen for me the way it happens for Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in every goddamned movie they're in together. I'm a fucking size queen. I have a laundry list of things I do and don't want in a relationship. I'm lonely. But not so lonely that the first guy that waltzes into my life I'm gonna drop my entire life and who I am for him. I ache when I wake up in the morning alone wishing that I had someone sleeping beside me. I put up a hard defensive exterior for survival purposes when all I want is to be vulnerable and not for someone to try to take me for a coward or doormat because of it. I'm a versatile bottom. And bottoms are a dime a dozen. Whip out your dick and yell, "I'm a top!" and you've got 20 guys with their pants down grabbing their ankles screaming "FUCK ME!" So I have to compete for the temporary affections of not enough tops to go around. I want more than just a fuck buddy. But a man's got needs, so what do you do? I love sex. LOVE it! I don't believe that monogamy has to be the be all and end all of every relationship. But what some people call monogamy, I call celibacy with a sleeping partner. Hell, I don't even have a sleeping partner these days, so what's a boy to do? "When masturbation's lost its fun you're fucking lazy" is a line from an old Green Day song that comes to mind. (Exhale.)

    In these ads you're supposed to put your best foot forward. You're supposed to put on the whitest smile and have the biggest dick and have the perfect body and have no baggage and be everything any guy would kill to have. But you know what? Fuck it. I'm human. I'm tired of putting my best foot forward. I'm tired of putting on a front. I'm tired of trying so goddamned hard to find "the one". If "the one" is truly out there then he will find me. And what's more, he will love me for me. Warts and all.

    The red cape and tights have been put away. I’ve ripped the “S” off my chest. From now on, I can only be me. I'm Stephen. Warts and all, I'm just Stephen. Accept me for who I am. Get to know me. Take the time to say "Hello." I'm just Stephen. That's all I can be. And that’s enough.


    If you've made it this far, you deserve the particulars: I am 35 years old, 5'10", 235lbs, black hair, brown eyes, clean shaven face, moderately hairy, pierced nips. I am predominantly a bottom. I've been known to top. I'd put myself in the 70%/30% bottom/top category. If foreplay and afterplay are foreign concepts to you then we certainly will not mesh sexually. If kissing sounds to you like something only aliens from the planet Neptune engage in for extended periods of time then we're probably no good for each other. If you cuddle only to keep warm as a means of survival in the winter, we're probably no good for each other. And finally, if you know how to use your entire body in sex (including elbows! LOL) please move to the front of the sex line!

     
  4. Cochranfan4life

    Cochranfan4life New Member

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    I want to fuck you!!!
     
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