Trying to communicate with my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Showerbag, Oct 8, 2009.

  1. Showerbag

    Showerbag Member

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    so, for the past 9 months my gf and i have had a great relationship, sex aside. She has many problems, something wrong with her vagina not allowing us to have sex, not really a sexual person, shes had osteoperosis since she was born and is in constant pain in her hip, and has scoliosis and her pack is in a lot of pain. She puts up a really tough front, isn't mushy or anything, and keeps to herself. She lives with her uncle and cousins where shes going to school, and often does most of the chores and cooking. A very stressful life, being the only one that does all of these chores, but has never made any remarks or indications its been stressing her out. Last night we were on MSN and i helped her for 4 hours on an essay and a couple hours in she left to phone her mom, who i have very close ties with. Her mother called me this morning and woke me up to ask me if she has talked to me about what shes going through and how and how she feels, and i told her she hasn't said anything to me, she's not emotional at all with me. well apparently last night when she was gone she was on the phone with her mom, locked in her bathroom crying a lot, and couldn't stop but didn't say much as to why shes so upset. Its still basically a mystery and i dont know how to effectively talk to her and get her to open up to me. anyone with a similar problem that they remedied that can offer me any help at all? It's really bothering me, as she means the world to me and i didnt know this pain shes in.
     
  2. 8060

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    Hi, I think you should really try to put yourself in her shoes. Imagine what she's been feeling for all of this time, physically, and try to wrap your mind around what it does to her emotionally. Open yourself up to her and that may create the window that she's probably unconsciously looking for to talk to you.

    When you speak to her, make sure that your tone is one where she knows that you are listening and hearing her. Just pay closer attention to her. Be there for her when she think you're not available. Reiterate your love for her to her and hopefully you'll get deeper in her head and begin to feel more helpful and useful to her. Best of luck!
     
  3. dolfette

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    i find it easier to talk when i'm not face to face.
    cuddled up in bed, in the dark. curled up on his lap with my face on his chest. these are much less pressure.
    the trick is to make the right noises but not to talk too much...men often make the mistake of trying to offer solutions all the bloody time, when really we just need to get it off our chests.
    or ask her to write down how she's feeling...sometimes it's easier.
    don't plug her for information. just make it clear that you are concerned about her and open to listening.
     
  4. Showerbag

    Showerbag Member

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    good ideas. very good. Shes coming home this weekend for thanksgiving... I think were gunna get some alone time and im hoping she can open up. she never has. shes very secretive and doesnt like help. very independant but i think shes at thr point where she actually needs a big hug, and a cuddle and to just talk. no matter what it is. probably alot to do with me, and alot to do with her family. I dont care i just want it off of her mind and i want to help her as much as i can.
     
  5. Jason

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    Just a thought, but has the mother got something wrong here? It seems that all your angst has come not from something your gf has said but something her mother has said.

    Maybe ask your gf some open questions to open up if there is something she wants to tell you. But if she doesn't open up is it possible that there's nothing to open up about?
     
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