Trying to figure out what I am

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by lokican, Apr 1, 2005.

  1. lokican

    lokican Member

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    Hi this is a sort of bizzare question but i'm trying to figure this out. I masterbate to almost exclusively men or men with women or men/men and a woman. But never to women exculisvely, it's something about cocks that turn me on. However when I'm with a woman i'm usually all in to it. Haven't had sex yet but working on it (I'm turning 21).

    When it comes to it I wouldnt want to go farther than mutual J/O with another man, but the thought of Anal sex and even kissing another man doesnt really turn me on. I haven't told anyone I'm in the closet bisexual but I was wondering if this actually means I'm gay and havent excepted it. Just wanted your opinions.
     
  2. yaoifun

    yaoifun New Member

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    Your just curious, thats all. There is nothing wrong with wanting to explore "the other side". Even if you ended up liking men better, there is nothing wrong with being gay, you just have different preferences than some. If you explore, you might find out your are straight, bi, or gay, but unless you do taht you may not know for sure. It might be some weight off your shoulders to find out, as this does seem to be bothering you. I'd say your just as you said - bisexual. You like women, and like men, but just not as much. Perfectly normal IMO. Your fine.
     
  3. boston6_8guy

    boston6_8guy New Member

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    I agree with yaoi, I think you should explore, and find out what works. However, I did want to add my two cents! PLAY SAFE, whether it be with a man or a woman. Don't think that because a situation is hetero, that you don't need a condom! Regardless of gender and orientation, STD's suck, and you don't want to mess up your first experience.

    Your sexuality is whatever you want it to be. As so many good people on here discuss, there is a range of sexuality; not just gay, straight, or bi. It's whatever works for you. Try sex with a man, try it with a woman, and see what you like. And, be sure that you do only what you're comfortable with. Don't be talked into more than you're ready for.

    Regarding your desires, and masterbation, sounds totally normal to me! You're smart to take your time, ask questions, and research. If you want to start with mutual JO, accept only that, and only with someone you find attractive and are comfortable with.

    Soon enough, you'll understand your sexuality, which will develop in time. Don't rush it, don't be ashamed of it, and always take care of yourself and play safe! :)



     
  4. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    Are you sure you're bisexual? I mean I really am 100% straight and when watching porn of course I need a hot girl in and am kinda more into it if the guy is around my size, anything much bigger and I'm not as into it. But that's just to make it more realistic I guess.

    I've also had a mutual JO session (I think thats what youd call it) with a mate and myself. Told this story many times but basically I had a new porno (vid) which was very hot and I had been braggin about it, we were the only ones out. I said I really need a wank, I'm gonna go watch my new porno and he said could he watch it too so I said sure. We got to my house and decided we were gonna wank while watching the vid, and covered ourselves with cushions. Maybe a mutual JO would be without cushions but thats the closest I've ever been. We still joke about it a lot too.

    Now that doesnt make me gay, when I think of men, or see a male there is nothing sexual about it for me. I might feel inadequate or impressed (depending on my mood) by a guy's physical build or something but I dont think about sucking his cock or fuckin him or anything.

    Anyways thats just me...Its a hard thing to determine, your sexual orientation. If you wouldnt like to do more than JO with a guy then your maybe straight, or pretty near to it. Good luck, don't get worked up about it and just give it time, maybe a bit of experimentation but be safe and sure you want to do what youre doin :)
     
  5. steve319

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    Just my opinion here, but try not to be in a hurry to put labels on yourself and your feelings, lokican. You’re a human being, complex and full of potential and, from what I’m hearing, still exploring your sexuality. It seems a bit hasty to put limitations on yourself or worry about the variability of your tastes at this point. Besides, our culture puts enough pressure on us over this stuff without us adding to that stress ourselves, you know?

    I think you’ll find that a lot of men (straight, gay, bisexual, whatever label), if they are honest with themselves, have felt some degree of fascination about or appreciation for other men’s equipment. I think it’s probably a pretty natural thing to be curious about the way other guys’ equipment works (does it work like mine?) or to even experience a vicarious thrill at seeing another man enjoy himself, especially as we’re moving into sexual maturity and curiosity. There’s probably no time in our lives when we’re more in need of the feeling that we belong to the great universal fraternity of “Guydom." Even jacking off with a buddy is at least fairly common among totally straight guys.

    If I understand correctly, you haven’t yet moved into sexual behavior with a partner, so sure you’re very curious and, well, likely very horny! Of course you’re eager to know what it’s like, and being aroused at the thought of a penis moving toward orgasm is an appealing and beautiful idea, especially if we can imagine it’s our own! (Maybe all men are psychically connected on some metaphysical plane when we’re hard—some sort of erection of the collective unconscious. ;) )

    And the attraction you’re feeling doesn’t have to mean anything more than that.

    But, you know, just like yaoifun said, it’s totally OK if it does. If you find, over the course of your sexual exploration and growth, that you’re genuinely attracted to other men, well, that’s just who you are. It might take some getting used to, but you can cross that bridge when you get there. Again, probably no any need to categorize your feelings in any artificial way with names or titles.

    And you might find that your sexual attraction isn’t simply a “this or that” proposition. I mean, nothing else in life is that simple. How insane is it to think that matters of sexual attraction would be?

    So I totally agree with Knight’s advice: RELAX. Let life happen. Your future holds some incredible moments of pleasure and fun and happiness and unexpected revelation (and likely some sadness too, but that’s OK). Your sexuality is something that you’ll end up sharing with someone you care about and then you’ll know more. And boston6_8guy’s advice is right on target too: take the time to play safe !

    I hope you’ll stick around and continue to share your discoveries and feelings with the group. I think you’ll find a lot of guys who have been where you are and navigated through it just fine.

    (sorry about the long post!)

    steve
     
  6. Imported

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    greenTent: Some wonderful advice going on here. Thought I'd add some additional voice. Do you find yourself attracted to these people you watch or just fantasizing with them? Big difference. Curiousity and sexual maturity are interconnected and vast arenas of understanding, patience and willingness to explore potential results.

    For thought, I am not turned on by same sex porn. But I am turned on by intergender, and some interracial. Does that make me less hetero? No. For me the fantasy of the porn is watching, not participating. My wife and I have plenty of fun by ourselves. We have even considered a second guy. She wants to experience being the middle girl with me and one of her closest friends. I told her I'm all for it. It's clean. We know him. The experience I am sure will strengthen our relationship. No worries.
     
  7. jonb

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    Big shock: Few people are 100% straight or gay.
     
  8. DenBoy

    DenBoy Member

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    Hmm you never fantasize exclusively about women, that would seem to indicate to me that you are currently bi leaning gay. However my own desires seem to change over time, and I feel like I am leaning straight or gay at different times.

    <!--QuoteBegin-lokican
    @Apr 1 2005, 03:02 PM
    When it comes to it I wouldnt want to go farther than mutual J/O with another man, but the thought of Anal sex and even kissing another man doesnt really turn me on. I haven&#39;t told anyone I&#39;m in the closet bisexual but I was wondering if this actually means I&#39;m gay and havent excepted it. Just wanted your opinions.
    [post=295939]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/quote]

    I would guess that will change if you start experimenting. I started out where you are at 20 with man to man, but was ready to and did experiment with oral and anal aggressive first and then passive by the time I turned 22. I found out I like it all.

    I am currently giving serious consideration to entering into an exclusive relationship with a woman I have been seeing since January, so hopefully I will be able to fantasize more exclusively about women. Maybe she will be the one I am finally able to tell about my other side, and will be interested in exploring it with me she seems really open.
     
  9. B_HungSpermBoy

    B_HungSpermBoy New Member

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    Great response,Knight. I feel similar to you except that I don&#39;t think too much about other guys bodies compared to mine. I guess I like myself&#33; :D
     
  10. Kimahri

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    I would give something long, but the reality is...take your time, explore and decide for yourself what you are.

    Nothing is worse than being dragged kicking and screaming out of the closet (if there is one for you) by someone else.
     
  11. Freddie53

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    So you are all into it when you are with a woman and you are about to turn 21. At age 20 the dick will shoot almost with anyone. But when the dick is shooting what images are in your mind? When you are with a woman and turned on, in your mind are you seeing pictures of men, other women, or just that woman?

    If you are turned on, but in your mind you are seeing naked men doing whatever turns you on, then you are probably gay. But you may have some bi tendencies. Problem is when your sex drive declines with age, will there be enough desire for women? In other words, images in the head won&#39;t be enough to be aroused with a woman if you are completely gay once the sex drive declines.

    So, be honest with yourself. When you are with a woman what images are in your head? The answer to that question probably holds the answer to your sexuality whether it be gay, straight or bi.

    The above advice is given by my own personal experience.
     
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