- Joined
- Feb 24, 2008
- Posts
- 816
- Media
- 50
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- 1,406
- Points
- 248
- Age
- 49
- Location
- Tallahassee, Florida
- Sexuality
- 100% Gay, 0% Straight
- Gender
- Male
This past weekend, go further than that. The past week I have been in a bit of a funk. Not financially or nothing like that(grateful to still work in this time of uncertainty). For one, I visited some family..masked and social distance.... I got the "Looking like you putting on weight ". This was said by a few family members and a couple of coworkers. I do workout, cardio exercises and weight exercises and Yoga, not running as much mainly because I my knees swelled up and I couldn't do anything for a few weeks. This has me looking at myself in the mirror and I was critiquing myself harshly. Then I felt horrible and started hating myself. I don't even want to go on making an effort to date anyone. I tried shaking it off, saying things like. You're amazing, you're awesome. You look good. All types of affirmations. So, this weekend I wanted to do something to get my creative juices flowing. I went for a drive to the park..nothing, then down town..nothing, and any where I figured I could spark something. Nothing. I tried going online to find a recipe..I have a ton of healthy recipes saved..nothing. I'm not interested in being creative, eventhough I have a few DYI projects I can do for right now. All I can see is my body and how much weight I gained. Now, I didn't gain a bunch of weight. I am a bit more muscular, compared to what I was 5 years ago. I, sadly went down the rabbit hole and compared myself to others. I'm lie, I work out, Why am I still heavy and these people are in great shape. I am making to much of it, I know, but this seems like a lot to deal with. My emotions and feelings are all over the place. I was in therapy a couple years ago. This is my little rant if you will. I needed to let my feelings out, instead of holding it in. Plus, I am crying a bit more over songs. I can't listen to Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler or other 80s sad songs without crying..
