trying to fix my car.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by dolfette, Dec 3, 2011.

  1. dolfette

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    fixing from the inside went well. battery discaonnected, covers off, old stalk out, new stalk in, covers on, job done!

    tinkering under the hood lasting all of five minutes before a man looked out of his window, saw a woman tinkering under the hood, grabbed a handful of tools, ran outside, insisted on doing it for me, picked up his tools and ran back into his house.

    pondering this i have realised that, every time i have attempted car tinkering in public view, a man has run over to take over from me.

    is this universal?
     
  2. D_Fred Flintstones

    D_Fred Flintstones New Member

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    i guess he is just being helpful, yeah i would help a woman if she was doing physical work,i guess its being a gentleman,

    or its just coz ur hot lol
     
  3. Kotchanski

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    I had a similar experience a few weeks ago when I was cutting some thick bushes down at the front of the house.

    The house next door is being completely revamped by the landlord, so he was there are 3 builders...

    He came outside, saw me hacking away at it quite happily, went back in and sent "the boys" out to help me!

    I'd have usually been really pissed, but the biggest spider in the whole world (no, really is was!) was only feet away from me and kept moving closer every time I took my eyes off it, so I was kinda glad to be able to move on to a bush slightly further away!

    Is it universal? I don't know, but when it does happen, it certainly seems to be expected that we move aside and let them men get on with it.
     
  4. D_Fred Flintstones

    D_Fred Flintstones New Member

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    but isnt that just being nice. or do women see it a different way?
     
  5. Hoss

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    Being nice is saying "pardon me, would you like some help?" and then move along if she says no.

    Being an aggressive savage is coming along and saying "hey there little lady, let me do this, after all this is a man's job." and then refusing to let them do anything and possibly making more problems for the car.

    I offer help to both men and women but move along if they decline. If they accept the help, I leave them in charge giving me instructions along the way since it is their car.
     
  6. Rikter8

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    Did you kill the spider?
     
  7. petite

    petite New Member

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    I have a little chainsaw that I use to cut down trees. Several times I've spent all day long out in the yard cutting trees and hauling them to the curb, but no one has ever offered to help me. Perhaps the hard hat and the gardening gloves inform people that I'm serious and skilled with the tools I use? I don't know. Sometimes I stick a flower behind my ear, so I don't think I look unapproachable, but maybe men just don't like approaching women holding power tools.
     
  8. Kotchanski

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    Thank you for getting it Hoss, and for explaining it better than I would have!

    Erm, killing it would have involved going near it...

    The body of this thing was 2" round, easily, without legs. It's legs were think enough to be confused for bits of wool!
     
  9. B_Nia88

    B_Nia88 New Member

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    I think it is but in my case justified as i know nothing of cars. I just like to think of it as a man being polite and trying to be helpful even though it may come across as being rude in our eyes.
     
  10. ManlyBanisters

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    I wouldn't call it rude per se, unless they insist and try to butt in even if I decline. I have also seen men do that to other men, so it may just be there is a type of guy who does that.
     
  11. hsarge

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    Dolfie's, maybe he was concerned for the car.
     
  12. ManlyBanisters

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    Why would he be?

    Do you have some background about dolfette being an incompetent mechanic that the rest of us aren't privy to?
     
  13. alx

    alx
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    It's just a gentlemanly thing to do. Physical labour or dirty work is seen as a man's thing to sort. I wouldn't want my mum/sister/gf or whatever doing this kinda activities simply because I care for their well being.

    I don't tend to approach women I don't know simply because a lot of women interpret your kindness in totally the wrong way.... Saying that if I see them struggling ill help out.

    Todays society is crap, it really is. A man simply doesn't now where he stands.
     
  14. B_Nia88

    B_Nia88 New Member

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    Thank you Alx I so appreciate your chivalry.
     
  15. petite

    petite New Member

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    If someone offered to help me haul trees and brush, I would be grateful because that's a big job, although I might turn someone down if I thought it was asking too much, but I have to admit that if a man acted like cutting down trees was too dangerous for me to do so he should do it instead of me, I would feel offended by that.

    I think Hoss did a good job of explaining the difference between what is polite and what is offensive. Acting like a someone is incompetent or that a man ought to be doing what a woman is doing is offensive, but offering to help someone out who might need a helping hand isn't offensive. I believe they're the same rules for both men and women, regardless of situation.
     
    #15 petite, Dec 3, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2011
  16. ManlyBanisters

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    I appreciate what you're saying and your feelings about it but I think the thing you are missing is that a lot of women don't want men to think they are incapable of, inept at or repelled by mucky physical work. Some people enjoy that kind of work, some of them happen to be women.

    Like I say, I appreciate the good intentions and would never be rude about it but at the same time I don't like people making assumptions about me, especially not when those assumptions are based solely on what sex I am.
     
  17. Kotchanski

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    If my husband behaved that way with me, he wouldn't be my husband and chances are, he'd be in A&E while I was sat in a solicitors!

    Sure, if I'm clearly struggling with something, I'd appreciate the help, but if someone assumes, simply because I've got tits that I'm seconds away from accidentally killing myself or worst still, I could break a nail and burst into floods of tears, I'm highly likely to let them know in no uncertain terms exactly what I am capable of.

    Edit following MBs post:

    I do appreciate the kind offers, when they are kind offers and not assumptions based on my gender. I spent years of my life up to my knees in mud, walking through bogs, covered in bird shit, rabbit and chicken guts. I've built walls (using cement and stuff I mixed all by myself!) I've knocked down walls. I cart wardrobes and beds up and down the stairs, shove huge boxes up the attic... Help me if a spider comes near me, but otherwise, I'm pretty good all by myself and you're most likely just going to get in my way!
     
    #17 Kotchanski, Dec 3, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2011
  18. dolfette

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    truth is, i love tinkering! if it's something i don't think i can do i'll ask my stepdad, who is quite good at this sort of thing.

    when he first came out i politely stated that i was doing just fine. but he had that real man mode on, in a polite and non-aggressive way. and... shit... at the risk of sounding horribly patronising here... society leaves a lot of men short of opportunities to feel like real men. that is, strong, protective, chivalrous and adept at certain manly tasks. i see it less as a disbelief in my ability to take care of myself and more as a hardwired desire to to fulfil the real man role. men seem to glow when they're being warmly thanked for that.

    i watched, i chatted, i thanked him for his help and (aside from the loss of tinkering fun) it cost me very little to do so. and it was nice to know that there are still people willing to help out a stranger.
     
  19. redz_rule

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    Lol, I agree that it's hard to know where you stand. I am always touched by acts of kindness and I think your concern for the females in your life comes from a good place...but I would bristle if it were implied I couldn't do something because I'm female. Usually, I find it hard to be offended by an offer of help though.

    Slightly OT, but my job is male dominated and I sometimes run across guys who will try to do everything for me. On the flip side there are those who will stand back when they would've helped a guy without being asked, because they get a kick out of it when I occasionally struggle with the physical aspects of a 'man's job' and they want me to have to ask for help. Personally, I find the latter far more offensive than the former.

    I want my son to behave like a 'gentleman', so the best way I could put it to him was to offer to help anyone who he sees struggling - male, female, old, young, whatever if he is in a position to do so.
     
  20. alx

    alx
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    Thank you.

    I know what you are saying, thats exactly my point. Alot of women do tend to think that us men have an old skool attitute towards women. I'd like to think women could see these helpings as plain and simple kindness. A thing to bear in mind is the this is the 21st century and your typical 21st century man has typical 21st views.To auto assume men think women are incapable or inept is pretty negative.

    Ultimately it is both genders which are to blame for the social confussion as to weather one should help or not help a fellow citizen. Best thing to do is go with your instincts and also if your own intentions are genuine thats all that matters at the end of the day, even if it does offend.

    Again this seems to me as negative thinking. I think I find it just as offensive you assuming men must think women worry about damaging their nails and not wanting to get dirty as you do a man giving a helping hand.


    What do you want? a fucking medal!? :wink:


    I think that in todays society a man should only help a woman if she is obviously struggling or asks for help. Just for the sakes of not offending women.
     
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