at the risk of sounding horribly patronising here... society leaves a lot of men short of opportunities to feel like real men. that is, strong, protective, chivalrous and adept at certain manly tasks. i see it less as a disbelief in my ability to take care of myself and more as a hardwired desire to to fulfil the real man role. men seem to glow when they're being warmly thanked for that.
Interesting. I hadn't thought of it that way. In a way, that's similar to the reason why I would be offended if a man acted like cutting down trees was a "man's job" especially since with a power tool that is light enough for me to handle, mine's electric so there isn't even a gas tank, I consider the field leveled between me and a man, and having overcome my fears about using such a potentially dangerous and powerful tool and knowing how to use it properly and well and tackling jobs that are larger than I'm expected to accomplish is something that makes me feel proud of myself.
I hadn't considered whether or not doing those sorts of things for myself could be taking away a man's source of fulfillment, though. I just talked to TheBoyfriend about it and we talked about the difference between having one's masculinity threatened and doing something that makes you feel more fulfilled as a man, there is certainly a difference. He said that it's nearly impossible to threaten his masculinity, which I agree with, and that fulfillment for him comes from his many leisure activities that are the kind of sports that "real men" and "tough men" do. Boxing, for one example. Getting punched in the face and laughing it off is something he actually likes to do for fun. Of course, there are some women who do that kind of thing, too, so I can see how women are encroaching. A friend of his is in a mixed martial arts group that went to a tournament and he returned with tales of how this one young tough woman kicked everyone's asses. TheBoyfriend says that it doesn't threaten him or reduce his level of satisfaction. Besides, he thinks that it's hot. :tongue:
Slightly OT, but my job is male dominated and I sometimes run across guys who will try to do everything for me. On the flip side there are those who will stand back when they would've helped a guy without being asked, because they get a kick out of it when I occasionally struggle with the physical aspects of a 'man's job' and they want me to have to ask for help. Personally, I find the latter far more offensive than the former.
Yeah, that is offensive. Like I said before, I really don't think that there are different rules for men and women. If you wouldn't act like a man needed your help because he doesn't know what he's doing, then that's the wrong tactic to use with a woman, but if you'd ask a man if he needed a hand just because that's the polite thing to do, then you should probably ask a woman, too. TheBoyfriend always helps people who are struggling to carry large things down the sidewalk, and it doesn't matter what gender they are, he just sees a person struggling who could use a hand. Men who wouldn't offer to help just because it's a woman are misogynistic jerks, and I've run across those guys, too.