trying to fix my car.

[HiddenLacey]

truth is, i love tinkering!

Me too Well, not so much automotive tinkering. To be honest I hate any type of vehicle work. Hate it, loath it, would rather take it to someone else or buy a new one depending on what it is I need fixed. I don't really care what the whatever is called or how to fix it and no I don't want to help replace the motor in the XYZ... I just hate it.

However, I love to build things. I love the smell of fresh sawdust and refinishing antique furniture. I've drywalled, painted, put in bathroom floor tile, hardwood, I LOVED it. So much fun!

If it's something I can't manage on my own I try to do it anyway:biggrin1:, if I'm down to my last frazzled nerve I call my Dad and he helps me.

I don't really mind if a man tries to help me, sometimes secretly I think thank God because I REALLY didn't want to do that or it was heavy and I'm grinning through the pain of lifting it. I'm slowly trying to fix things at home and my neighbor has been a huge help. He's the only person I know personally that works more than I do, but if he sees me outside working he always comes over and asks if I need help.

I've never had a guy just take over without asking. But when they do ask it's quite nice to have some help if I'm struggling.

 

[Kotchanski]

Knock it down to the ground and squish it with your foot.

STOMP No more spider.

opworm: Now it might be under your bed... :theyareontome:

I can't do that either...

I'm terrified I'll miss and it will run up my shoe and onto ME!

(Yes, these are the things that go through my mind when faced with a spider)

 

[hypoc8]

It's just a gentlemanly thing to do. Physical labour or dirty work is seen as a man's thing to sort. I wouldn't want my mum/sister/gf or whatever doing this kinda activities simply because I care for their well being.

I don't tend to approach women I don't know simply because a lot of women interpret your kindness in totally the wrong way.... Saying that if I see them struggling ill help out.

Todays society is crap, it really is. A man simply doesn't now where he stands.

How true. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Blows my mind that people get so offened by someone trying to be nice.

A simple "no thank you" to the one offering assistance is all that's required if you're so determined to conquer the task at hand.

Getting all butt hurt over it makes no sense.

 

[alx]

i don't mean in the specifics of stranger & car situations.
i mean more that it feels right to do the heavy/dirty jobs for the women in your life.
i'm not talking about men who make it an issue. those would be told to go fuck themselves. i'm talking about guys who just feel better if they take the load off when it comes to certain tasks.

Well yes. In that sense I am. Its more about making them feel better which in turn makes me feel better rather than direct satisfaction, If that makes sense?

 

[petite]

Yes, you are right in that I wouldn't want my close female friends/family doing overly physical labour or dirty work.
I am not saying they CANNOT, I am saying in my view I would prefer it/make me happier if they would leave it to me. I personally think that they are better than that, and that their time could be spent doing things that they actually enjoy.
If they do enjoy hard laboring and dirty jobs then they are welcome to them. I however have never come across a time where they have chosen laboring jobs and dirty work over another activity.

I didn't take on the mucky jobs because I wouldn't rather be doing something else. I wouldn't have gone out and bought the little chainsaw if he had enough spare time to tackle the job himself or if I felt like he wasn't pulling his weight in the relationship, but the landscaping fell below a lot of other priorities, so I picked up the slack because it was work that needed to be done, not because I necessarily desperately wanted to do it. After I started, though, I found that I liked it, not the hard work part, but the basic satisfaction of Getting Stuff Done.

I can't do that either...

I'm terrified I'll miss and it will run up my shoe and onto ME!

(Yes, these are the things that go through my mind when faced with a spider)

These are the exact same thoughts that I have. :redface:

i'm not talking about men who make it an issue. those would be told to go fuck themselves. i'm talking about guys who just feel better if they take the load off when it comes to certain tasks.

Yeah, even though I said the stuff before, I think that describes him, too, but even more because of that broader and more general definition. Doing stuff like taking care of the car because he's the car guy does make him feel like he's fulfilling his role as a man. He feels better if he takes a load off by taking care of the baby all day long, too, if that's what I seem to need, or by cooking dinner so I can take a nap. I think for him that's also what a man does for his family, and that definition of himself as a man and a good husband and a good father is important to him, and drives him to do those things.

 

[molotovmuffin]

All I'm going to add to this is, that when I shoveled 19 tons of gravel and 8 truck loads of mulch, all with a torn rotator cuff some fucking help would have been appreciated, male or female.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

My ex was a class act at stuff like this - he was of the opinion that certain things a man just wouldn't let his wife do but we were renovating a house together so there was lots of mucky, hard work to be done. Of course I mucked in - mixing cement, moving rocks / gravel / sand, knocking plaster off walls, applying chemical treatments, clearing brambles, repointing, etc., etc.. To give credit where it is due he was more practiced at most of what we were doing and often took on the skilled work while I played 'mate' (at masonry, for example).

I quite enjoyed nearly all of it - the problem was that he felt embarrassed admitting to others that he had let his wife do all these things. I don't know why, practically everyone we knew was / had been in a similar situation and all the female halves of the couples were / had been mucking as much as or more than me - it's not like all the other wives were wearing white lace gloves and eating cucumber saaaandwiches with the crust cut off. I certainly did not feel bad about having to do it. I would not have agreed to renovating a house with him if I hadn't wanted to do hard work. Anyway, he was embarrassed, so more often than not he would tell people he'd done the work all by himself or that my contribution had been minimal. That put me in a difficult situation - I had the choice of telling the truth and making my husband look like an arse or keeping my mouth shut, having my contribution go unrecognised and looking a bit useless. I chose the latter, of course. Stand by your man and all that. Good job I have a better man to stand by these days.

 

[dolfette]

that's crappy and outright rude.

 

[185248]

Knock it down to the ground and squish it with your foot.

STOMP No more spider.

opworm: Now it might be under your bed... :theyareontome:

I'm always amazed, if you believe in the evolution thing we once hunted dinosaurs for dinner, yet many of us turn and run at the smallest of animals or insects. Probably came from those dark nights in the cave when they crawled up under the animal skins. Live and let live, or catch and release... unless they're determined to have a piece of you Maybe it's a western thing, many cultures roast and eat the little buggers.

On the car thing, it's a good feeling if someone offers to help, for both. The answer maybe yes or no, at least you know someone is there willing to help out if it's needed. It's better than being totally ignored. It's great you enjoy mucking about under the hood.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I know nothing about cars. I care not to know about cars. Thankfully my husband and father know a great deal about being car mechanics and I can refer to them for any problems I have or AAA if I get stuck on the road for any reason. So I don't feel the least bit bothered by someone who wanted to take over my car issues.

But I wonder if I'm stepping on toes when I'm in a lingerie store and I see a guy by himself wanting to buy something special for his lady by asking him if I could help him with what she might like best (comfort and fit-wise) based on my own experience with the stuff. Oh well, I like helping a man who is not sure what to get in the store (especially if I hear him struggling on the phone to understand what kind of hair product he is supposed to be getting her) then I say "Is it this stuff she is looking for? Does she have curly hair? How long is it?" since Lingerie, Hair and Makeup is my forte.

I also don't hesitate to use my knowledge in makeup, color palettes or products for women who are struggling in the store to find the ideal product. I enjoy it. I like being helpful.

So I might be making the opposite sex feel uncomfortable. I'd like to think I'm being helpful in my realm of knowledge.

 

[B_Hickboy]

You think you can just sashay back in here like that?

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

You think you can just sashay back in here like that?

Did I miss the protocol on how to sashay back into the forum.

 

[B_subgirrl]

My experience with this sort of thing has been interesting . . .

Skinny me changing a car tyre - men stop to help, women do not.

Very overweight me changing a car tyre - women stop to help, men do not.

If anything, my skill levels were probably lower when overweight because I had less muscle, and got out of breath more easily.

 

[FuzzyKen]

I have been a gearhead my entire life and though my formal education was in arts and business there is still a part of me that will not allow me to take it to the shop. I admire you for your efforts and congratulate you for being a person not afraid to truly get their hands dirty. As a male in my younger years I would have welcomed a person like you into my life. How great it would have been to have been able to share something with a member of the opposite sex such as this. After College I spent time in the auto repair trades and have done heavy line work. Keep it up and the learning of these skills or polishing of them is a great thing. Personally, I understand your feelings. There is something about some males that seems to think females incapable of mechanical things. They are wrong! One of my female friends drove a deuce and a half in Germany for the United States Army. She ran an entire detail that went out into the field and repaired military radios and communications equipment in a mobile shop in her truck. I enjoy knowing her and she is a capable female. This is something I like!

Your response to the 500 "volunteers". I appreciate your offer of help, but I am taking an auto repair course at the local (insert appropriate educational center or college offering such courses) and I need to do this job myself in order to learn. Thank You!

 

[EllieP]

I knew absolutely nothing about cars until I went to the Ellie's Dad's Automobile Boot Camp for Single Women. Now I know how to change a tire, change the oil, change a battery, inflate a tire properly, and even elementary knowledge in how a four stroke engine works. I only used the tire changing once in an emergency.

Before I moved to Atlanta, Dad made sure I knew everything I needed to know about my car. He was so afraid some shady mechanic would take advantage of me or I would be left on the side of the road.

 

[petite]

My ex was a class act at stuff like this - he was of the opinion that certain things a man just wouldn't let his wife do but we were renovating a house together so there was lots of mucky, hard work to be done. Of course I mucked in - mixing cement, moving rocks / gravel / sand, knocking plaster off walls, applying chemical treatments, clearing brambles, repointing, etc., etc.. To give credit where it is due he was more practiced at most of what we were doing and often took on the skilled work while I played 'mate' (at masonry, for example).

I quite enjoyed nearly all of it - the problem was that he felt embarrassed admitting to others that he had let his wife do all these things. I don't know why, practically everyone we knew was / had been in a similar situation and all the female halves of the couples were / had been mucking as much as or more than me - it's not like all the other wives were wearing white lace gloves and eating cucumber saaaandwiches with the crust cut off. I certainly did not feel bad about having to do it. I would not have agreed to renovating a house with him if I hadn't wanted to do hard work. Anyway, he was embarrassed, so more often than not he would tell people he'd done the work all by himself or that my contribution had been minimal. That put me in a difficult situation - I had the choice of telling the truth and making my husband look like an arse or keeping my mouth shut, having my contribution go unrecognised and looking a bit useless. I chose the latter, of course. Stand by your man and all that. Good job I have a better man to stand by these days.

I wonder if he might have felt like someone whose opinion he cared about would have been judging him, although you make it clear that that as a couple you were not behaving unusually compared to your friends, not that that has anything to do with a belief that one is being judged. It occurred to me that I would feel differently if friends or coworkers or family members of TheBoyfriend would treat him differently and that was the source of his anxiety, or if he believed that would be the case, not that he personally didn't believe that I shouldn't be doing something or that I was incompetent. It bothered TheBoyfriend a lot, for example, when I was pregnant and we were unmarried because he seemed to feel more social pressure than I felt about whether or not he was fulfilling his proper role, and I was sympathetic to that. Whether or not that sort of pressure is real or imagined, say if he simply believes that others would look down on him when they actually wouldn't, which may have been the case with TheBoyfriend, that's unrelated to the fact that it's a perceived outside pressure that makes him feel uncomfortable or distressed.

 

[D_PooNaHoe]

As a southern gentleman I find it tough not to hold doors, offer my seat, etc...but even I know that sometimes its not wise to interfere with a lady and her busy work. Maybe offer to hand her tools while shes leaned under the hood, but not take over.

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

As a southern gentleman I find it tough not to hold doors, offer my seat, etc...but even I know that sometimes its not wise to interfere with a lady and her busy work. Maybe offer to hand her tools while shes leaned under the hood, but not take over.

Maybe I'm different, but I find this attitude refreshing. I hope men never stop being gentlemen. I was very tomboyish as a child and learned about cars, tools, and grass cutting, etc. But when I married, my husband took over that type of work, and I gladly let him.

Like alx... I CAN find other things to do ... I know I am a bit spoiled on that end, and will be lost if the time ever comes when he is not around (or able) to care for such things as yardwork, auto care. He's such an all around handy-man.

I think it is universal for people to want to help others. I hope THAT never changes either. An "offer" to help should be respected. If you don't want help, a kindly "no thank you, I'm fine" should not offend anyone. I know there have been times in my life when I've been caught out in an emergency....and very thankful that someone (yes, they were men) came alone to "rescue" me.

In dolfe's case, I think you probably made the guy's day.... and there will be other days for you to tinker...

 

[D_Testosteroni]

well I guess I am old school, open doors, stop and help on road, always make sure they are seated first, etc. Always, always!!
As my Grandfather told me women first!!!

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I wonder if he might have felt like someone whose opinion he cared about would have been judging him [...] It bothered TheBoyfriend a lot, for example, when I was pregnant and we were unmarried because he seemed to feel more social pressure than I felt about whether or not he was fulfilling his proper role, and I was sympathetic to that.

The basic difference there, though, is the TheBF acted on his feelings. My ex didn't. Imagine if the TheBF had started telling everyone you were married but without any intention of actually getting married and without consulting you that he was going to lie like that.

The social pressure on my ex was in his mind, and his 'solution' was fiction too - I did put his needs ahead of the truth and go with the lie. I now consider that a bad call, I feel I let myself down and that, ultimately, indulging his paranoia like that was letting him down as well.