Where do I even begin.
I must admit that I have watched a bit of porno in my life. Though not regularly. (I'm strange in the fact I'll go off on tangents where its porno, porno, porno, then not want to see any for six months.)
I'll start with Gay porn, I've only ever seen about 20 minutes collectively, and thats when we forced a homophobic friend to watch. (It was on tv, and we flipped the channel from a straight porn.)
I'm not gay, and whilst I have no problems with Gays, I try to avoid watching it (downloading it).
I couldn't help but notice, that all the gay guys were bleached tanned adonis's that would make greek gods cry out in jealously. That they all seemed to work at tropical resorts, and just spontaniously began fucking without any reasons. (Like a bunch of monkeys with extreme jungle fever.)
Needless to say it was amusing for me, to see the horror on this guys face. The funniest thing for me though, was the sound of them getting randy to the tracks that they played in the background. I am now convinced they play that music in hell. (I wouldn't even expose the worst elevator crowds to that tropicano.) :biggrin1: It was just too, much. I'm sorry but there is no way that anyone is going to take a love scene serious with that sort of music!
Now onto the main event. What really Fucking annoys me in straight porn!
1) Remnant clothing, watches, for both male and female.
I absolutely hate it when men keep their shirts on, or have the big gold chains and watches. (So tacky.) If your going to fuck the girl, then at least commit to taking off all your clothes, she does for you!
For girls this isn't so bad, as long as we get to see the breast, etc. When she takes a load with her shirt on, etc. Its just not cool with me. Lingerie is ok.
2) Why women insist on having sex with nine inch stilletoes on.
I mean really, your taking the time to fuck this guy, etc. But you can't seem to find any amount of time in which to take your damned shoes off. I mean unless it was for some really kinky reason, they're is no way and average woman would wear her fucking shoes in bed.
3) When guys spit in girls mouths, and the like.
That is just gross, I mean if you want to exchange spit with someone, kiss the fucking girl and do it that way. Don't gape they're mouth open and horrkk down her throat. (I think this is more for guys, to just portray how much of a slut the woman is.)
4) Inconsistencies with reality and how it effects people in real life.
Like your going to instantly have sex with the pool cleaner, or the hot female lawyer, just because she feels horny. I mean who the fuck thinks up some of this shit really?
Porn situations tend to skewer reality. I know its meant to represent a fantasy, but still screwing the maid you just hired, and her turning out to be a total whore who's down for anything and wants it from you, rarely occurs in reality.
It can also tend to cause problems for some people, and some women especially because its a standard of porn that the woman is this fantastic model, who some woman could never aspire to look like. Thus giving them a bad image of themselves. (This happens in media to much also.)
5) Slamming away like she's a piece of fucking meat.
This annoys the hell out me. I suppose its because I like intimacy in sex. But the guy jackhammering this woman like a rampaging buffalo is not my idea of good sex. No normal woman can usually take sex that rough, especially not some of the anal scenes that float around out there. Unfortunately this also gives some guys the impression of what real sex is like. It is not.
Some of the hottest porn I've ever scene is where they actually go through some actual foreplay, kissing, touching, etc. Not just the complentary blowjob, eat out, five fingers, then slam dunk!
6) BDSM shit.
Shitting, eating shit, torture, needles, pins, etc. This stuff is extreme, and can kill a magnificient boner with me faster than you can believe. Ughh, not my thing, at all.
7) Abusiveness on film.
If she asks you to slap her ass, slap it. If she asks you to hold her throat down, hold it. If she asks you to bite, bite, pinch pinch, etc. If she doesn't ask you, then don't. I hate it where guys just start slapping this poor girls ass till its red for no reason, or when they hold her down until she gags, and starts her eyes watering.
8) Skanks.
Nothing turns me off more than to turn on a movie, and find a hoe bag, painted in makeup, that they picked up off the corner to be in their porn movie. Ughh. I wouldn't even touch these girls with a yard staff, and a hasmat suit. So what makes you think I'm going to enjoy seeing them get screwed.
9) Interacial films.
Yeah, sure negroe guys on a caucasian girl, caucasian guy doing a negress, etc, etc. We get it. Its nothing spectacular when a caucasian fucks an asian chick in porn, so why is it so important when its so called interacial blacks on white, whites on black.
Porn is porn, they'd be screwing if they were purple, gray, or green. (Again another part of the industry that caters to fantasies. I think they make these movies so KKK members can live out there fantasies in secret.)
10) So called reality porns.
Nothing makes me laugh louder when they have a so called reality porn, picked a girl up off the street, and I have another six movies of her. Or the ones with the couples, and the so called boyfriend is another porn star. It makes me laugh, more than anything. Still its fucking annoying.
11) The length of the scenes.
A porno should last about twenty minutes at the very most. I mean I'm all for the belief of these guys stamina, but them going at it like a pair of apes, for 15 minutes is not really possible. The sheer friction alone would be to much. (We seem to forget that they take cuts in between, time to cool down.) I have never met anyone as of yet who can pump for fifteen minutes straight without stopping. (They must feel absolutely nothing.) Yet after all that rough sex, he still needs to pull out and wank himself off in order to spooge on her. (I like it when the girl finishes the guy up.)
12) Ugly, fat, and overly large guys.
This is porn, we base things on fantasy. I do not want to see some fat ugly or old guy, fucking this beautiful young model. (Like this really happens in real life, unless she's a huge gold digger.)
Also, and no offense to any of you guys. But the whole, 12/13 inches thing gets to be annoying too. I mean I'm 8 inches, a little above average. But the porno industry seems to feed this whole monster cock thing. (Unless its Japanese, lol.) I mean most of us are big, but where not that big, and unfortunately it kind of paints an image of what women want. (Hence the reason they sell so many enlargement pills, etc.)
13) 20 minutes of rough sex, and all he can manage is a drop of semen?
I mean really, I blow large loads, when I'm really horny, they're even larger. But when you have this finale, the climax of the porno, and the guy dribbles a little. Its kind of dissapointing. And laughable, especially when you get large guys. (I know If I was screwing her, its would come out in droves.)
14) When she is unethusiatic, or gags, or is in pain.
This is pretty self explanitory, who wants to watch some un-interested hotty lie there getting done, while the expression on her face is something likened to picking the new colour of the blinds in her apartment. Also when she is in pain, or really doesn't want to swallow and gags, its not cool.
15) Ball/ass shots.
I'm watching for the women, not some guys ass, or balls hanging in the camera. Ughh..........
If I wanted that I could just as easily watch gay porn.
16) The lack of Red Heads, and the use of fakes.
I love Red heads, gingers, freckles, all is a really huge turn on for me. I absolutely hate the fact that they're are not many real red heads in porn, and the industry constantly uses fake red head. Like this one girl purported to be a red head, having blonde hair in another set of pictures. No way to tell for sure if the carpet matches the curtains since they are usually shaven, for obvious reasons.
It justs ruins the fantasy for me, when I know they're not a real red head.
I could go on, but I won't. Your welcome to disagree with me. I'd be surprised if you didn't, but these are my feelings towards some of the porn I watch.
