Turned On By Hearing About Her Past Partners?

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286798

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The guy I've recently started seeing told me that he gets off by hearing about other guys his partner (in this case, me) has been with... in detail, while he's with them. I'm not disparaging this, but I don't understand it. I don't want to hear about other women my partner's been with, especially not during the act of getting bizzaaaaayyyyy. I'm willing to consider it because I'd want my partner to be willing to consider my desires, but I don't understand and am afraid of unintended consequences.

Can anyone please explain why this works for you?
 

T0M

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I like hearing about my wife ex's and the more detail the better. At first she was surprised I wanted to hear about it but she started with a few tame stories but now doesn't hold back any details and is not shy about comparing sizes and good they felt. I've even seen some pictures of them in action which is a massive turn on.

She now uses these stories as playful teasing/foreplay.

I should also add that I am into SPH and cuckolding, so I really enjoy hearing/seeing her with other guys.

Feel free to DM me if there is anything specific you don't want to publicly ask about?
 

Hatt_101

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Wish I could help. But I don't really get that either I wouldn't really want to hear about, in detail, what my girlfriend has done with others.

I'm single right now and I have a fwb that isn't exclusively we tell each other about other things we've done but nothing in real detail
 
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286798

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Wish I could help. But I don't really get that either I wouldn't really want to hear about, in detail, what my girlfriend has done with others.

I'm single right now and I have a fwb that isn't exclusively we tell each other about other things we've done but nothing in real detail
I get that and would probably be similar if I were in a similar casual relationship. I am willing to share and hear about things that I've liked, or things that were funny experiences, but I'm trying to understand the being turned on by the details. I'm open minded and willing to consider most safe and sane things to make my partner happy.

My concern is that this is insecurity-based & things I say may do harm on a deeper level. Like if my guy says he likes my booty and I ask him to tell me what he likes & then says something like "you have such a fat ass", that's gonna be a negative in my mind while he thinks it's great. If I say a previous partner was good at a certain thing or was blessed, I don't want him to think he's not good.... and I also don't want it to be used against me later. I've had so many insecure men throw stupid & irrelevant things in my face... from previous vehicles to height to income to dick size... ironically, the dick size was from the biggest guy I had been with at that point. I want my partner to be happy in bed, but more importantly, I want him to be happy and healthy mentally.

I'm really trying to understand the turn-on. I do plan to ask him personally, of course, but it's sparked the question.
 

T0M

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It really falls within a fetish that height be into, maybe he's into more and is using this as a gateway to see how you react before opening up about more

I think you really need to talk to him and let him know how safe he is to be completely open with you, assuming you're ok with that. The fear of being judged or a realtionship ending can be a huge roadblock in opening up on these things.

For me the biggest turn on is the openness and honesty and there not being any secrets. It leaves us both exposed and vulnerable and greatly increases our trust and intimacy.
 
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Hatt_101

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I get that and would probably be similar if I were in a similar casual relationship. I am willing to share and hear about things that I've liked, or things that were funny experiences, but I'm trying to understand the being turned on by the details. I'm open minded and willing to consider most safe and sane things to make my partner happy.

My concern is that this is insecurity-based & things I say may do harm on a deeper level. Like if my guy says he likes my booty and I ask him to tell me what he likes & then says something like "you have such a fat ass", that's gonna be a negative in my mind while he thinks it's great. If I say a previous partner was good at a certain thing or was blessed, I don't want him to think he's not good.... and I also don't want it to be used against me later. I've had so many insecure men throw stupid & irrelevant things in my face... from previous vehicles to height to income to dick size... ironically, the dick size was from the biggest guy I had been with at that point. I want my partner to be happy in bed, but more importantly, I want him to be happy and healthy mentally.

I'm really trying to understand the turn-on. I do plan to ask him personally, of course, but it's sparked the question.
Maybe it's a kind of cuckold thing of he's really getting off to things pretty guys have done to you. Can't say for sure since it's not my thing but from what you described that could be a possiblity
 

Gj816

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I don't get it either. I had a relationship where her former partner was all she talked about. Not the sex part but everything else.

I was like I don't care what he did how he did it or anything else he did. If he was all that how come he's out there and I'm in here. Never could get out through to her that I didn't care to hear about him. If he'd been bigger than me i guess I'd have heard about that too.

She couldn't seem to comprehend that most normal men don't care to har about an ex of their gf.
 

6inchcock

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Usually your first instincts are always correct. I can see the allure for the role play thing but some stuff cuts to close to home without people realizing it until "shit gets real", does have unintended consequences and can be used against you later when someones feelings get hurt.

Recommend you watch porn while you play together and tell him "never had nothing like that, but that guy with the donkey dick is on my bucket list", then role play until his cuck / SPH itch gets scratched.
 
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286798

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It really falls within a fetish that height be into, maybe he's into more and is using this as a gateway to see how you react before opening up about more

I think you really need to talk to him and let him know how safe he is to be completely open with you, assuming you're ok with that. The fear of being judged or a realtionship ending can be a huge roadblock in opening up on these things.

For me the biggest turn on is the openness and honesty and there not being any secrets. It leaves us both exposed and vulnerable and greatly increases our trust and intimacy.
I've been very clear about my boundaries and what's ok/not ok for me. Everything else that's safe and sane is on the table. I'm strictly monogamous, so other people are off the table and he knows this. That's one of my few non-negotiables. It's early enough in our relationship that if he wants a non-monogamous lifestyle, he needs to rise up and get his goodbye on to save us both some heartache. (This isn't judgy- I have zero issue with non-monogamy, but it's not what I want in a relationship.)

I appreciate your response. I don't want secrets or judgment either. I can see where the openness/honesty to be vulnerable to share fantasies (either verbally or IRL) is a turn on... I hope to understand how the past partner part is.
 

Mike hung

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I don't mind hearing the odd story or reference from my wife and she's sometimes asked me about stuff from my past, I'm happy that we're both open and comfortable enough to talk about such but it's certainly not a fetish of either of ours and not something we'd talk about during the act.
Also outside of lockdown we often hook up with other couples for fun so it's by the by that we'd discuss those experiences afterwards.
 

T0M

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This isn't about being hung up on an ex and hearing her blab about him all the time. It's about a guy that gets turned on hearing his gf/wife talk about her ex's which may or may not be bigger/better and is something he asked to hear about NOT something she just won't stop talking about.

Check OP for details, it's all clearly stated there.
 
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deleted1547822

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Yeah, I'm going with the fetish thing too. I don't understand it.

If he likes thinking about you with other men, I wouldn't be surprised if he wants to experience you being with other men in a cuckold / swinger / hotwife sort of thing.
 
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286798

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Yeah, I'm going with the fetish thing too. I don't understand it.

If he likes thinking about you with other men, I wouldn't be surprised if he wants to experience you being with other men in a cuckold / swinger / hotwife sort of thing.
Yeah, that came up in a previous conversation. We were talking about unfulfilled fantasies... I said that I thought some fantasies were best left in fantasy-space and not actually acting on them. He asked for specifics and I said that I fantasized about being with more than one man at the same time, but since I'm strictly monogamous and my past negative experiences with jealousy and insecurity, that wasn't an option. Then I asked him if he had any unfulfilled fantasies... his response was that he wanted to see that fantasy come true for me. Uhhh.... no... that's not happening.
 
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seventiesdemon

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Fuck yes................But hey....a big cock comes along and it's all her dreams.............and..............what does a big cock do?

Join LPSG....and all the other sad big cocks :) :) :)
 

platinumswagger

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She and I openly talk about our sexes in just about every context. Me hearing about her exes don't turn me on at all. It's basically info that passes in one ear and out the other.
 
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