Turning 30 and still single

cece

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Hello Ladies of LPSG,
More and more I see people marrying at a younger age, and I can't help but think that I've missed the boat and am doomed to a life alone.

That's a surprise to me! On the contrary, I find that more and more people are settling down later in life by choice, especially in big cities. And more couples wanting to start their families in their mid 30s and early 40s. I don't think you have missed the boat at all and I believe that there are many men and women like yourself who have put settling down on hold to advance their careers and to live life a little first. There are also people from failed marriages who are looking for new relationships. So I think there are always people looking for love out there.

The bar/club scene is usually filled with women looking for one night stands......Ladies, what is your recommendation for as I turn 30 to venture out and find not just someone, but a person with a good foundation thats looking for the same in return?

Well, for starters, bar/clubs are hardly the kinds of places where you'll find down-to-earth women who are looking for serious relationships and commitments, as you yourself have realized. You're more likely to meet a woman of marriage material at a Bingo Hall! :biggrin1:

But seriously I think you're doing the right thing by putting yourself out there. The reason you may not have found someone is that you may have become considerably more choosy due to your experience in relationships over the years, and you now know better what you want and need. That's not a bad thing, because when the right person comes along, you will recognize the fit straight away. The point is not to give up. People have this misconception that things will happen the minute they decide they are ready. Life is hardly ever that complying! As long as you leave yourself open to possibilities, and are creating opportunities, you're more likely to meet a girl for you.

And don't discount joining groups or clubs that offer activities that interest you. What could be better than meeting a woman who shares in the same interests as you right off the bat! Even if you don't find your dream girl there, you may earn a few good friends who could introduce you to some of their "eligible" friends.

There's really no formula in finding the right person. Love comes knocking at your door at the most unlikely times and places, and you can't always choose who you'll fall in love with. Just have fun in the process, keep a positive attitude and project plenty of confidence to the ladies you meet. You have not missed the boat-it just hasn't come around to pick you up yet. :smile:

As a last resort, there's always the mail-order bride....:tongue:
 

MickeyLee

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is turning 30 and being single a big deal?

*schedules at least two weeks for a nervous breakdown around my 30th birthday*
 

helgaleena

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I am more concerned that OP is only living his life "for the sake of" women. Putting women on pedestals as if they are somehow magical untouchable beings is not going to end in happiness. One must first live for himself unless he wishes to be a doormat paying child support for children that don't belong to him.

I'm 29 and my life hasn't even started yet! If I never got married I'd have a lot of time to; I don't know, something called "living and improving my own life?"

I am amazed that you reached this conclusion about the OP's question. Doormat? As a former doormat, I did not get that vibe from him at all.
 

D_Humper E Bogart

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I am amazed that you reached this conclusion about the OP's question. Doormat? As a former doormat, I did not get that vibe from him at all.
We're on different sides of the fence really, no offence.

The OP states clearly that his sole purpose, his reasoning for so much wealth, hard work, commitment isn't to be a better person, or to be a good person to others, or even to be a selfish prick, but "so that women think he's really got his act together". He talks about how he has done so much so that women can have an easier life with him, how he joined LPSG so that he could get a wife, how sorry he is that he can't find a wife, yadda yadda.

NOTHING about how he is a good man.
NOTHING about outside interests.
NOTHING that doesn't say that OP is a good provider besides material wealth.
NOTHING that says he has ever dated or even talked to a woman, as a human being!

I want to add that OP is male, it seems alien that someone would be so selfish even against themselves?

I'm going to say that I don't want to be a flamer, so I should let the OP continue in due time. My attitude towards relationships is fairly noxious anyway, for that matter, but then again, I'm working to be a BETTER MAN and women notice that at least, even if I fail in amusing ways.
 

poultrygal

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I met my husband when I was 30 and he was well older ( it is for him to tell his age). We had both been married before, so marrying early isn't always a good thing. We both made mistakes in the spouse that we choose the first time around. Now I couldn't have choosen a better mate for myself.

What I am getting at is....don't rush it because you feel like you are under some kind of schedule and you have to keep up with your friends. When you meet your special someone, you will know. Enjoy life and have fun!
 

helgaleena

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We're on different sides of the fence really, no offence.

The OP states clearly that his sole purpose, his reasoning for so much wealth, hard work, commitment isn't to be a better person, or to be a good person to others, or even to be a selfish prick, but "so that women think he's really got his act together". He talks about how he has done so much so that women can have an easier life with him, how he joined LPSG so that he could get a wife, how sorry he is that he can't find a wife, yadda yadda.

NOTHING about how he is a good man.
NOTHING about outside interests.
NOTHING that doesn't say that OP is a good provider besides material wealth.
NOTHING that says he has ever dated or even talked to a woman, as a human being!

I want to add that OP is male, it seems alien that someone would be so selfish even against themselves?

I'm going to say that I don't want to be a flamer, so I should let the OP continue in due time. My attitude towards relationships is fairly noxious anyway, for that matter, but then again, I'm working to be a BETTER MAN and women notice that at least, even if I fail in amusing ways.

I just don't see where you get 'pedestal' out of that. Sure he admits he's got things to learn about how to meet people, especially female people; in fact that is why he asks for suggestions. Have you got any?
 

closetfreak

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Love isnt logic. Having specific things like a house and steady job are only part of the equation. I met the woman of my dreams just by being the best person I can be. I treated her like a best friend because she became my best friend. If you try to logic your way into a relationship then thats what it becomes: logic, not love. I guarantee if you go out and have a blast and not worry about finding someone to marry, you'll get more bites. Women can smell desperation a mile away. They want to be around someone thats happy and having a good time, not worried about being alone.
 

Daichii

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You wanna pick up a chick? Ok friday night we go clubbing.

*finds parking, after 20mins circling around*

*tanned, shirt collars popped up, shake out arm sleeves* alright let's do this.
 

B_JenniTalia

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Sweetie, you have nothing to worry about. What you are currently doing sounds like the intelligent path to voyage, and if it does not allow you to tightly adhere to societies timeline, so what?

I empathize with the pressure you feel to find a match before a set milestone, but there are so many ways that you could be with a partner and worse off than you currently are.

Sojourning from person-to-person can seem like an anticlimax to fulfillment, but if you know what you are looking for, and it sounds like you do, then keep that goal in mind while taking solace in the fact that you are ruling out the incompatibles.
 

D_Harry_Ballz

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The OP states clearly that his sole purpose, his reasoning for so much wealth, hard work, commitment isn't to be a better person, or to be a good person to others, or even to be a selfish prick, but "so that women think he's really got his act together". He talks about how he has done so much so that women can have an easier life with him, how he joined LPSG so that he could get a wife, how sorry he is that he can't find a wife, yadda yadda.

NOTHING about how he is a good man.
NOTHING about outside interests.
NOTHING that doesn't say that OP is a good provider besides material wealth.
NOTHING that says he has ever dated or even talked to a woman, as a human being!

I want to add that OP is male, it seems alien that someone would be so selfish even against themselves?

I'm going to say that I don't want to be a flamer, so I should let the OP continue in due time. My attitude towards relationships is fairly noxious anyway, for that matter, but then again, I'm working to be a BETTER MAN and women notice that at least, even if I fail in amusing ways.

Ok first off, your post clearly gives off the vibe that you are either a misogynist or very jaded due to past failed relationships, either way, I'm sorry to hear that.

The pretenses under which I have sought to work hard for the things I have is not for the purpose of being a "doormat" to women, but to actually do something productive with my life, to be a contribution to society. You can ask any woman if she finds a man thats career oriented and has his priorities in line is much more appealing than a man who brings nothing to the table, has no job, and lives at home with Mom and Dad. Those are the facts. The same can be said for a man looking for a woman. I don't care if she's a "Perfect 10", if she has no direction in life, no goals, no aspirations, that pretty face will only last a while. Having my priorities in line, having a nice job, and all that garbage is not for the sole purpose of a woman, but to me I consider it a selling point, and I think you should too.

Promoting that I am a "good man" is rather self-indulgent if you don't mind me saying so. Do I feel as though I am one? Of course I do. Do I feel as though I know how to treat and respect a lady? Absolutely. But to prod that I am a good guy and I'm worthy of any woman I desire is indeed very "prickish" if you ask me.

If you read my original post, I have had many dating experiences, and I will continue to have them, but my initial inquiry was for seeking advice on finding someone tailored towards my outlooks and aspirations as I approach a milestone in my life. Being a provider for a woman, children, another man, or even another woman is not geared towards "wealth or material posessions" as you deem them. A provider is someone who brings secruitey, comfortable, peace of mind, one who likes to make sure that everything is under control, does that mean he/she is a controlling person? Absolutely not, do some people who are providers attempt to control everything? Sure, but lets not clump everyone into one particular catagory.

Ironic that I created this thread seeking help, it seems as though you may need some of your own. So here:

Amazon.com: Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types (9780960695409): David Keirsey, Marilyn Bates: Books

Thats an excellent book to read in order to find out who you are and what type of people you mesh with as well. I found it to be extremely helpful for me because I firmly believe in the notion that you have to understand yourself before you understand someone else. For me sir, I feel comfortable with who I am, and now I feel ready to find out who certain women are, and if they are a good fit for me. I suppose thats why I created this thread in the woman's forum instead of the relationships forum. To be quite honest I'm glad I did because the majority of the feedback I have received has been insightful and informative.

Although you claim that I have "never talked to a woman", but yet I have specifically sought out a woman's opinion strikes me as sort of a contradictory statement, so please clarify.

I don't recall ever feeling sorry for myself that I'm not married, to be quite honest I don't feel as though I am giving off the "Oh woe is me" show. The bottom line is that while I am extremely proud of my accomplishments in life so far, it does hold a lot more significance to be able to have someone to share that with outside of friends and family.

Finally, to catagorize me due to the fact that I'm male is amusingly sexist considering its coming from another male. Unless you're a transgender in hiding, which there's nothing wrong with that.
 
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D_Humper E Bogart

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Ok first off, your post clearly gives off the vibe that you are either a misogynist or very jaded due to past failed relationships, either way, I'm sorry to hear that....
I think a good metaphor is to use the wolf analogy. If we consider a married male as an "alpha", you as a "beta" (as in not quite alpha) then I would be one of those wolves who grow quite scraggy and tend to do their own thing outside the pack.

I am going to apologise for my comments. Sorry for being that harsh, we are at different stages of personal development and I have been interacting with Anonymous far longer than any law-abiding citizen should! I think my best friend has started shouting at me "YOU GOT NO HEART, MAN! Otherwise I would have suggested throwing "The Book of Pook" in your direction, but that isn't what you need and ironically, it doesn't suit my purposes completely either.

Speaking of that, I am going to have to turn down the book suggestion for now. My biggest failing is that I am far too analytical and while I have covered some personality tropes through my own studies I am already at the stage where I am forced to double-guess myself just because I am prone to outside suggestion.

All things considered that does make it strange you are having difficulty finding a partner!
 
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D_Harry_Ballz

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I think a good metaphor is to use the wolf analogy. If we consider a married male as an "alpha", you as a "beta" (as in not quite alpha) then I would be one of those wolves who grow quite scraggy and tend to do their own thing outside the pack.

I am going to apologise for my comments. Sorry for being that harsh, we are at different stages of personal development and I have been interacting with Anonymous far longer than any law-abiding citizen should! I think my best friend has started shouting at me "YOU GOT NO HEART, MAN! Otherwise I would have suggested throwing "The Book of Pook" in your direction, but that isn't what you need and ironically, it doesn't suit my purposes completely either.

Speaking of that, I am going to have to turn down the book suggestion for now. My biggest failing is that I am far too analytical and while I have covered some personality tropes through my own studies I am already at the stage where I am forced to double-guess myself just because I am prone to outside suggestion.

All things considered that does make it strange you are having difficulty finding a partner!

Thank you very much your your kind reply. It's quite refreshing especially on a message board like this one where testosterone is high that conflict between two men can be either compromised or agreed upon that we each disagree.

One of the biggest challenges I think many people face, and I'm sure we've all done this before, is approaching relationships, or life in general with a fixed mindset. These are a few that came to mind:

1. If you have to Work at it, It wasn't meant to be
-People with a fixed mindset like this expect everything good to happen automatically. It's not that the partners will work to help each other solve their problems or gain skills. It's that this will magically occur through their love, sort of the way it happened to Sleeping Beauty, whose coma was cured by her prince's kiss, or to Cinderella, whose miserable life was suddenly transformed from a lost shoe.

2. Agreeing on everything
-It's strange to believe mind reading. But it makes sense when you realize that many people with a fixed mindset believe that a couple should share ALL of each other's views. If you do, then you don't need communication; you can just assume your partner sees things the way you do.

3. Problems indicate Character Flaws
-The big difficulty with this fixed mindset is the belief that problems are a sign of deep-seated flaws. But just as there are no great achievements without setbacks, there are no great relationships without conflicts and problems along the way. People with fixed mindsets who discuss their conflicts assign blame. Sometimes they blame themselves, but often they blame their partner. And they assign blame to a trait-a character flaw.

Now I'm certain that delving deeper into my views of how a relationship works despite the fact that I am single and seeking advice on finding someone is a contradiction, but nevertheless I'm sure most can agree with me.

Being analytical definetly is another thing that I must watch out for. I've heard many times "Women are not complex mathematical equations, we are very simple and straight forward creatures", however sometimes one can't help but play out scenarios in his/her head instead of "Just fucking let it happen".

In any event, I'd like to personally thank each woman that was kind enough to read or respond to my thread. I am considering keeping a blog on here of how things are going if anyone would be so interested in knowing. Nevertheless, cheers.
 

Crosz

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My life to this point has always revolved around me making every single effort to better myself and to create an environment and home that would be appealing to any woman to look at me and think "Wow, he's really got his act together". After graduating from college I have essentially put the pedal to the metal elevating my salary and career

Just a little perspective turning 40 in November....virgin,who's never dated and has yet to have his first kiss.Feel better about your situation ? :smile:

You are financially secure... your own home,
upwardly mobile & driven.Women find these
qualities extremely attractive & seek them
out in potential mates.Personally, I think
that it is only a matter of time before you
meet someone....Men like yourself...with
your qualities do not remain alone for any
extended period of time. Good luck.
 
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B_curiousme01

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You're accomplishments at 30 speak far more about you than words ever will. Be proud of yourself. I am!

Being a man, you are not on a timeline to have children as much as a female. Around 33, our chances of becoming pregnant diminish significantly. We also have to worry about birth defects such as Downs Syndrome. I am someone who has been through multiple infertility treatments and I can tell you personally how devestating it feels to have truly "waited to long."

Having said that, thirty is still young!!!!! Just keep your head up, shoulders back, walk with confidence, and smile often. One day, a lighting bolt will strike out of nowhere. It's so worth waiting for. Having your partner be your best friend in life's journey is incomparable. Yes. It takes time to gain trust but there can really be a happy growing older together and forever.

Oh! And do you have a cute dog to take on long walks? I know it's not a big dater-getter but many girls love dogs and will stop to pet one if he and the owner look friendly and "safe." Just another idea :).