Sorry for the spam guys. Wasn't sure where to post this.
---
Hi everyone,
I'm in an emotional pickle right now. I'm a bisexual millennial guy in love with another guy but now he isn't talking to me. I don't want to get into too much detail just in case he's lurking on this site, but I want your advice on whether I should try to win him back.
The first time I saw him I immediately thought he was gay even though all the ladies flock to him. He is very masculine but I sensed something. Fast forward a few months, we became friendly due to mutual friends and connected on social media. He started DMing me a lot and sending me funny videos and would text me every single day.
It got to a point where he would make blatant advances. This story can fill a novel but I'll give a few examples:
1) iMessage me then IG DM me right after. I'm like...why don't you keep the convo using one platform? He responds that he sends DMs so I "know it's real."
2) Dinner with friends and he would caress my thigh.
3) Holding doors open for me.
4) At one point actually finding an opportunity to hold my hand and caress my fingers.
5) Me saying I'm hungry and craving a snack to which he replies, "I'm a snack."
He's top tier handsome and to be receiving all that attention from him got to me in a good and a bad way. Who wouldn't like that constant attention from someone? In the moment I thought I was sending out strong signals too but in hindsight I really wasn't being clear that I had fallen in love with him. I wanted him to make the first clear move. He even felt the need to tell me that he catches feelings easily but he never makes the first move.
All of this has been going on for 2-3 years, so eventually I noticed he started cooling off. I can't remember what happened but I honestly started acting like a teenage girl (I didn't realize it at the time) and started ignoring his messages. I was mad at him and told him he needed to start using his words with me. He would send memes about 'stop being mad at me - I love you' sorta thing. I would ignore him in person and all that. Eventually he was like, "Can we stop doing this? It's driving me crazy and I miss you." I told him that was up to him so he said he's sorry and he'll start using his words. He then sent a quote about how certain guys have a hard time expressing their feelings but they are willing to compromise and make changes for the person they love."
That scared me so I danced around the issue and kinda played it off. I honestly changed the subject. Then I realized he started backing off again. I confronted him and he said nothing was wrong and everything was normal. But everything wasn't normal because he stopped messaging me everyday and showing me affection. That doesn't just stop without something happening to cause a shift. Eventually I sent him a voicenote asking him in no uncertain terms - "Do you have romantic feelings for me." Three days went by and he never answered me. That broke my heart so I DMd him and told him it's best that we don't talk to each other anymore because I can't play cat and mouse and I left it there. He THEN saw the need to say oh I'm sorry I just heard your message (he usually responds in 10 minutes tops but all of a sudden you heard my message 3 days later). And even after saying he heard the message, he didn't answer my question.
I coincidentally ran into him in person and he tried to make things seem normal but the tension was so thick between us. I was super awkward but he walked me to my train station. We talked there for about an hour and I asked him to respond to my voicenote in person. He's like what was the question?
Me: "You told me you heard the voice message."
Him: "I forgot."
Me: "Now you're insulting my intelligence."
Him: "Well I want you to ask my the question in person then."
Me: *after whining for 20 minutes* "Do you like me?"
Him: "No, I'm sorry if I made you feel that way."
Me: "Well it would be okay if you did. I hope you know that."
Blah blah blah
I blocked him on IG. He texted me when he realized and that sent him over the edge. He stopped talking to me entirely. We would see each other around and in mutual friend groups and he wouldn't even make EYE CONTACT. He was done with me. It takes someone's absence to realize what they mean to you. I know I painted myself like a villain in this story but it wasn't all like that. I just need you guys to see the story from his perspective as well. I unblocked him and re-followed him. Weeks went by and he never followed me back so I picked up the pieces and unfollowed him thinking it was over. (He was clearly keeping tabs cuz the moment I unfollowed him he followed me and DMd me to say "Hi FRIEND"
I wrote him a love letter confessing my feelings, telling him I always knew how he felt and explained why I was such a jerk -- I don't think I ever had anyone treat me the way he did and it scared me. I was scared of rejection. I was scared this was too good to be true. And I was scared because we're both men. He never responded to the letter and when I asked him about it he claimed he never read it. Anyway, I was forced to move on and meet other people and start doing my own thing. I noticed he was flirting with different girls and acting like a different person on social media. I started dating other people (privately) and started staying away. He slowly but surely started warming up to me again and he'd do funny things to make me laugh and I could tell his anger was calming down. But he still wouldn't text me.
Then COVID-19 hit and we obviously stopped seeing each other. We communicated a few times but every time it was because I initiated contact. But it wasn't just me. He fell off the map and everyone was asking me about him and if he was okay. He just disconnected from everyone.
But guys, I've met people..well someone who is "better on paper" than he is, but my heart belongs to him. I want him.
My questions are as follows:
Was I wrong for assuming he had romantic feelings for me?
Do you guys think I can ever win him back?
If so, how?
I'm the type to not give up on love...like...EVER, which is funny because I'm also the type that is clearly afraid of love lol.
Any feedback is welcome. Thanks guys.
---
Hi everyone,
I'm in an emotional pickle right now. I'm a bisexual millennial guy in love with another guy but now he isn't talking to me. I don't want to get into too much detail just in case he's lurking on this site, but I want your advice on whether I should try to win him back.
The first time I saw him I immediately thought he was gay even though all the ladies flock to him. He is very masculine but I sensed something. Fast forward a few months, we became friendly due to mutual friends and connected on social media. He started DMing me a lot and sending me funny videos and would text me every single day.
It got to a point where he would make blatant advances. This story can fill a novel but I'll give a few examples:
1) iMessage me then IG DM me right after. I'm like...why don't you keep the convo using one platform? He responds that he sends DMs so I "know it's real."
2) Dinner with friends and he would caress my thigh.
3) Holding doors open for me.
4) At one point actually finding an opportunity to hold my hand and caress my fingers.
5) Me saying I'm hungry and craving a snack to which he replies, "I'm a snack."
He's top tier handsome and to be receiving all that attention from him got to me in a good and a bad way. Who wouldn't like that constant attention from someone? In the moment I thought I was sending out strong signals too but in hindsight I really wasn't being clear that I had fallen in love with him. I wanted him to make the first clear move. He even felt the need to tell me that he catches feelings easily but he never makes the first move.
All of this has been going on for 2-3 years, so eventually I noticed he started cooling off. I can't remember what happened but I honestly started acting like a teenage girl (I didn't realize it at the time) and started ignoring his messages. I was mad at him and told him he needed to start using his words with me. He would send memes about 'stop being mad at me - I love you' sorta thing. I would ignore him in person and all that. Eventually he was like, "Can we stop doing this? It's driving me crazy and I miss you." I told him that was up to him so he said he's sorry and he'll start using his words. He then sent a quote about how certain guys have a hard time expressing their feelings but they are willing to compromise and make changes for the person they love."
That scared me so I danced around the issue and kinda played it off. I honestly changed the subject. Then I realized he started backing off again. I confronted him and he said nothing was wrong and everything was normal. But everything wasn't normal because he stopped messaging me everyday and showing me affection. That doesn't just stop without something happening to cause a shift. Eventually I sent him a voicenote asking him in no uncertain terms - "Do you have romantic feelings for me." Three days went by and he never answered me. That broke my heart so I DMd him and told him it's best that we don't talk to each other anymore because I can't play cat and mouse and I left it there. He THEN saw the need to say oh I'm sorry I just heard your message (he usually responds in 10 minutes tops but all of a sudden you heard my message 3 days later). And even after saying he heard the message, he didn't answer my question.
I coincidentally ran into him in person and he tried to make things seem normal but the tension was so thick between us. I was super awkward but he walked me to my train station. We talked there for about an hour and I asked him to respond to my voicenote in person. He's like what was the question?
Me: "You told me you heard the voice message."
Him: "I forgot."
Me: "Now you're insulting my intelligence."
Him: "Well I want you to ask my the question in person then."
Me: *after whining for 20 minutes* "Do you like me?"
Him: "No, I'm sorry if I made you feel that way."
Me: "Well it would be okay if you did. I hope you know that."
Blah blah blah
I blocked him on IG. He texted me when he realized and that sent him over the edge. He stopped talking to me entirely. We would see each other around and in mutual friend groups and he wouldn't even make EYE CONTACT. He was done with me. It takes someone's absence to realize what they mean to you. I know I painted myself like a villain in this story but it wasn't all like that. I just need you guys to see the story from his perspective as well. I unblocked him and re-followed him. Weeks went by and he never followed me back so I picked up the pieces and unfollowed him thinking it was over. (He was clearly keeping tabs cuz the moment I unfollowed him he followed me and DMd me to say "Hi FRIEND"
I wrote him a love letter confessing my feelings, telling him I always knew how he felt and explained why I was such a jerk -- I don't think I ever had anyone treat me the way he did and it scared me. I was scared of rejection. I was scared this was too good to be true. And I was scared because we're both men. He never responded to the letter and when I asked him about it he claimed he never read it. Anyway, I was forced to move on and meet other people and start doing my own thing. I noticed he was flirting with different girls and acting like a different person on social media. I started dating other people (privately) and started staying away. He slowly but surely started warming up to me again and he'd do funny things to make me laugh and I could tell his anger was calming down. But he still wouldn't text me.
Then COVID-19 hit and we obviously stopped seeing each other. We communicated a few times but every time it was because I initiated contact. But it wasn't just me. He fell off the map and everyone was asking me about him and if he was okay. He just disconnected from everyone.
But guys, I've met people..well someone who is "better on paper" than he is, but my heart belongs to him. I want him.
My questions are as follows:
Was I wrong for assuming he had romantic feelings for me?
Do you guys think I can ever win him back?
If so, how?
I'm the type to not give up on love...like...EVER, which is funny because I'm also the type that is clearly afraid of love lol.
Any feedback is welcome. Thanks guys.