two tops

[bigboy70]

i have just started my first relationship with a guy and have moved interstate for him. i have a few questions for the anyone who can help.

1. he is a top and so am i, all his friends know hes a top and i am worried that they think that i am a bottom. is it normal for two guys to be in a relationship and be a top? also do gay guys judge people people walking down the street and say he must be a bottom and he must be the top? my partner says that doesnot happen.

2. living in sydney the gay community is small and everywhere he and i walk he runs into guys in the street he has fucked and that does not happen in the straight communty on a regular basis. on average he will see 2-3 guys on a weekend. does this happen to anyone else and if so how do your partners react?

3. is there anyone else in a relationship that the two people are tops?

i have spoken to him about it and he says thats just the way it is and my friends dont think that your a bottom.

little help guys as i am feeling more and more out of place as time goes on.

 

[Matthew]

bigboy - my first bit of advice would be to worry less about what other people think. Second, I got the sense that, in your mind, there might be something bad associated with being a bottom. Am I right?

 

[Chuck64]

To answer your questions:

1a) Is it normal for two tops to be in a relationship? I'm sure it's happened before.

1b) Do gay guys judge? Yes. We judge everything. All the time.

1b-part 2) Do gay guys judge whether someone is a bottom or not? Yes, but who cares if we're right or not?

2a) Does my partner see people he has fucked out on the street on a regular basis? When I had one... usually not on the street, just in the bars. It's a small town. The smaller the community, the higher the odds that two gay men chosen at random will have fucked each other silly at some point.

2b) As many as 2-3 guys on a weekend? Sometimes. Some people manage to grow friendships out of a failed relationships. A few of them became friends of mine as well.

2c) My reaction? It can be awkward if the discussion turns to sex, but it's part of life. If he doesn't have a single previous relationship (sexual or otherwise), there's a reason for it, and it won't be pretty.

3) Anyone else in a relationship with two tops? I'm sure somewhere in the world, someone is struggling with that very same issue. It sounds like you two either need to get adjusted to a penetration-less sexual releationship, or become versatile.


Now, the real reason why you've posted:
#1 - There's nothing wrong about being a bottom. It doesn't make you any less of a man. And if it's really a deal-breaker, there's plenty of other stuff to do. Surf the internet for porn, bake cookies, knit a sweater...

#2 - Either you're not communicating effectively or your BF isn't taking your concerns seriously. <sarcasm>Since everyone already thinks you're "the woman" in the relationship, you might as well beat him over the head with a frying pan until he listens.</sarcasm>

 

[ultravires]

you guys can always have 3some.

 

[Lex]

I know a couple where both are tops and they are married and play separately and together. I also know that one of the husbands has slowly learned to bottom of the course of the relationship. It can be done.

My own personal feeling is that all "total tops" should try bottoming with a man that they care deeply for in order to discover the pleasures within, if possible.

To Quote a bud on BMB:

TOTAL TURN-OFF: Total tops. If I can work on being versatile, anybody can. They wear it like a badge of manhood. How about a sign around your neck that says, "I'm ignorant of the pleasure my body holds & don't want to learn"?

 

[tallguypns]

I think being worried about other people thinking you might possibly be a bottom is a perfect reason to put a kink in a relationship with some guy you moved interstate to be with.

 

[Lex]

See also:

Beyond Tops and Bottoms

 

[bigboy70]

thanks for the advice. will try and keep it in mind. i know i should care what other people think about me, but i am one of thoes people who cant stop thinking like that even tho i have tried so much.

 

[Lex]

thanks for the advice. will try and keep it in mind. i know i should care what other people think about me, but i am one of thoes people who cant stop thinking like that even tho i have tried so much.

You're welcome. Escaping the opinions of others is no easy task. It takes a long time and is a shadow that I think none of us ever fully outruns. Good Luck.

 

[bigguy7]

The best thing to ever happen to me was meeting my partner over six years ago. I was with another man (bottom) when we met and the three of us went on to have a very piggie but intense sexual relationship for a short while. Although we were fully aware that the other's preference is to top, the love and lust we felt for one another transcended any sexual role or position.

After our first year, we started having boys over to play and have continued to do so to this day. Our relationship is not 'open' as neither of us cares to venture-out apart from the other. We love chasing and fucking bottom boys but we only do it together.

We feel qutie fortunate to share this need to TOP because we complete understand what each other's sexual fantasies, desires, needs, etc. We are in no way competitive and revel in each other's sexual power.

My partner is one of the most handsome, sexy, horny men I have ever known. I honour that part of him and would do nothing to undermine his sexuality...it's such a huge part of who he is...and I love him for it.

I'm living a life I never dreamed possible in large part due to the fact that we're both top men. Individually, either of us gets plenty of sexual attention...but together, we complement the other and it works for us.

And that's just my opinion...I'd be interested to hear what some of our 'boys' would have to say...actually, I'm quite sure already ;-)

 

[BBB2.5]

If you two really care for each other, then why worry about what others think. I am sure that the two of you have already figured out how to please each other sexually. If you are both in need of someone to bottom, then I would talk about it in length. Decide if you wish to bring another guy to be a bottom for both of you. Be sure that you can handle seeing each other with another guy. This can cause some serious relationship problems.
At least this is how I think it should be dealt with.
:tongue:

 

[Lex]

bigguy7 -- You are your partner are well-built, handsome men and look hot in leather. WOOF!

As I said, I know of a few 2-top partnerships and they tend to do the same as what you have said: they play with bottom and versatile men while satisfying each other as they can (oral, etc.).

As a former total top, I can say that bottoming for a man I care deeply about is as intense as any of the other fantasies/sexual trists that I have had. When a man reaches your prostate and is staring deeply into your eyes--well, there are only a few things, if any, better than that.

 

[ml'spaulkeller]

i have just started my first relationship with a guy and have moved interstate for him. i have a few questions for the anyone who can help.

1. he is a top and so am i, all his friends know hes a top and i am worried that they think that i am a bottom. is it normal for two guys to be in a relationship and be a top? also do gay guys judge people people walking down the street and say he must be a bottom and he must be the top? my partner says that doesnot happen.

2. living in sydney the gay community is small and everywhere he and i walk he runs into guys in the street he has fucked and that does not happen in the straight communty on a regular basis. on average he will see 2-3 guys on a weekend. does this happen to anyone else and if so how do your partners react?

3. is there anyone else in a relationship that the two people are tops?

i have spoken to him about it and he says thats just the way it is and my friends dont think that your a bottom.

little help guys as i am feeling more and more out of place as time goes on.

Whoever bends over first!

 

[DC_DEEP]

I'm still not sure I understand the "humiliation" of everyone thinking that you are a bottom. If your relationship is exclusive, then it really does not matter. If your relationship is open, occasionally have a third over to bottom for the both of you. These "total tops" need to get over themselves and stop thinking of bottoms as somehow second class. After all, if there were no bottoms, what would happen with those haughty "total tops"?