1. D_Ernie_Eatsit

    D_Ernie_Eatsit New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    So i have been dating this girl for a month now, and yes i know that isnt that long of a time but we really hit things off and id say things were doing great if it wasnt for one BIG problem that ive been having.

    I recently moved a few towns over and now i live a lot closer to this friend of mine, and since then me and him have hung out a lot and we're becoming really close. I found out he was bi from a mutual friend of ours and im sort of developing this crush on him... a very strong crush acutally.... and judging from the things that he says to me i strongly suspect that he likes me back. (hes constantly complementing me in ways that could easily be considered flirting.. the most obvious one was when he randomly told me that my eyes are like looking at the sky.... now ive been told i have really nice eyes but never in that way haha) hes also said some comments that make me think he is jelous of me and her relationship (and ik he has no interest in her so it cant be because of that)

    he doesnt know that i know hes bi nor does he know that im bi myself. and even though im dying to tell him as i dont have any other bi guy friends to relate too, i dont know how nor whether i even should (scared it would complicate things even more than they already are).

    Ive debated whether i should break up with my current girlfriend over this. I really like her a lot, like i havent met a girl like this in a long time, but just the fact that i have a crush on someone else (a guy no less) makes me feel like a bad person. Part of me really wants to stay with her, shes a great girl and i think about her all the time. Shes already told me she loves me (and i reluctantly said the same) and i dont want to hurt her.

    i feel like whatever i do ill end up regretting. If i break up with her ill lose out on what could have been a wonderful relationship and i dont even know if anything between me and my friend could ever really happen for a multitude of reasons (even though im bi idk if i could acutally handle a relationship with a guy... never really tried it before)

    but at the same time if i stay with her, there will always be that other part of me keeping me from being fully in love with her, the part that wants to be with the guy down the street....
     
  2. luvmycock

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Messages:
    2,516
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    971
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Verified:
    Photo
    The best this to do is be completely honest with yourself. Thats the most important. What is it that you really want? And then be honest with your girlfriend and guyfriend, that way at least all your cards are on the table. You said that you are not sure if you can actually handle a relationship with a guy. To be honest you wont know until you have tried but you cant try until you figure out where you and your girlfriend stand.

    I dont know if this helped any but I hope it all works out.
     
  3. D_Ernie_Eatsit

    D_Ernie_Eatsit New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    i just dont want to hurt her, and also two of her ex's turned out to be gay supposedly

    if she find out that im bi AND have a crush on a guy... well im scared it'll fuck with her head
     
  4. luvmycock

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Messages:
    2,516
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    971
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Verified:
    Photo
    Oh man that sucks. This may sound harsh and I don't mean it to, but thats not your problem. She just happened to pick guys that didn't work in here favor. I think its sweet that you don't want her to fuck with her head, thats a real gentleman like thing to do. But is it worth staying in something that you may not really want? But on the other hand you still do have feelings for her so that only makes the decision harder.
     
  5. D_Ernie_Eatsit

    D_Ernie_Eatsit New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    I kinda wanna tell him that im bi at least, see what happens after that. would that be a good idea or no? and if yes how would u guys suggest i do so without causing a potentially awkward situation? (we're both very straight acting, talk about girls all the time, etc. hes me and him both only told a very select few amount of people although i think im more comfortable about it than he is... the only reason more people dont know about me is that i feel awkward bringing it up moreso than not wanting people to know... but i know hes hooked up with several guys already so he cant be in complete denial either)
     
  6. luvmycock

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Messages:
    2,516
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    971
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Verified:
    Photo
    To your question should you tell him, I say yes. This way that burden will be off your shoulders and it will hopefully allow you two to grow even closer. As for how to do it, I would say make it as casual as possible. That means there is no need for a candle light dinner, lol :) Just be honest and true.
     
  7. onenuttertoo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2012
    Messages:
    2,354
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    295
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Nebraska
    I'd tell him too. If its to uncomfortable to just come out and say it, you could always just comment on another guy sometime in conversation (hell...it could be about Beckham or someone well known..."that's a good looking dude..."). He'll get it if he is curious about you. Good luck if it works out that he's interested too. If that's the case...follow your heart when it's time to choose between your girl or him.
     
  8. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    11,912
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
    It's always a bad sign when a thread starts with "So".
     
  9. Infernal

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2008
    Messages:
    1,759
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    227
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Phoenix (AZ, US)
    Be honest with yourself about what you want.... in everything. When you've faced yourself and know what you want deep inside, then you can decide what to do outside.
     
  10. D_Ernie_Eatsit

    D_Ernie_Eatsit New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    i really think i like this guy, its weird, i have more crushes on girls but my crushes on guys tend to be a lot... stronger, i guess is the word...

    considering that i cant stop thinking about him and this whole mess. i just hope this isn't a "forbidden fruit" type of deal

    ugh im just so scared of messing things up with both of them and losing them both in the end
     
  11. D_Ernie_Eatsit

    D_Ernie_Eatsit New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    sorry for being so annoying about all this, i dont really have many people to talk to in real life about this kind of stuff and reaally needed to vent/ask for advice
     
  12. tamati

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2011
    Messages:
    1,969
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NorCal
    Verified:
    Photo
    And even worse when the thread title is totally nondiscriptive.

    Can I please have my click back?
     
  13. D_Ernie_Eatsit

    D_Ernie_Eatsit New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    lol, sorry? i didnt know how else to title it
     
  14. D_Bubba_Butter

    D_Bubba_Butter Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2012
    Messages:
    2,845
    Likes Received:
    13
    For what it's worth, I think the thread title describes stony's situation perfectly. It's exactly what went through my head when I read it...

    I can't tell you what to do, but can say what it looks like...

    (You think) you're bi, but haven't dabbled in any MM relationships yet. You like this girl, but have only reluctantly said the L word (to make her/you more comfortable in that situation), you're thinking about sparing her feelings & emotional turmoil if you get involved with your friend (which is admirable), and you've said,
    All of which sounds like you're more keen on the guy... But then he's the one you currently don't have, & it's a more taboo relationship, which might be exaggerating the way you feel about him - as you mentioned in that 'forbidden fruit' kind of way. It's difficult & I don't envy you.

    There are two ways to look at being bi: either 1) you have no special preference for men/women or 2) you aren't entirely happy with restricting yourself to only one sex. If 1 applies to you, you may well find the right person for you of either sex, be able to settle down & be happy with your lot. If 2 applies, then you're likely to have a 'grass is always greener on the other side' aspect to your relationships, & this kind of dilemma will crop up again & again.

    What you shouldn't do is mess either of them around. You could tell your friend that you think you're bi, like you want to talk about how that makes you feel wrt the girl & you don't know what to do, & if he isn't forthcoming you then have the opportunity to ask him if he's ever felt the same way. That'll allow you to test the water. With the girl, if you're uncomfortable saying 'I love you' & meaning it, then perhaps it would be best to suggest taking it a little slower & that you want fun rather than commitment. I agree that having 3 BFs in a row who end up with men is not going to be good for her psyche (even though it can't have been anything to do with her*), so wouldn't advertise what's going through your head...

    *we had a girl like this at school - we used to call her 'The Gaymaker'. :)
     
    #14 D_Bubba_Butter, Feb 22, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2012
  15. D_22

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2011
    Messages:
    2,429
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    107
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC
    Huh. Sticky situation. I've been in a situation where I was talking to a guy and a girl and I ended up going for the guy and regretted it. I even got drunk one night and hit up the girl telling her drunkily how I shoulda went for her instead of the dude. smh.

    But anyways, are you out to your girl or plan to be?

    Also, the friend isn't clear cut. I personally think your best bet is staying with the girl as things are going rather fine. This guy is a bit of an outside temptation. I fear in you maybe telling him, a move might occur between you two and cause even more issues. This is a tricky dilemma you're dealing with here.
     
  16. rtg

    rtg
    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2011
    Messages:
    1,204
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3,394
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Brisbane (QLD, AU)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Sounds like a pretty shitty situation....go with your heart. It's only a month in to the relationship, if you're unsure now then you're better off ending it while it's still fresh rather than letting it drag on.

    No one should ever say they love someone if they don't mean it. I don't actually think you can be in love with someone after a month either, it's more like a strong combination of infatuation and lust...
     
  17. D_Ernie_Eatsit

    D_Ernie_Eatsit New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2007
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    yeah the love thing kinda scared me honestly, i kinda regret saying i love you back cuz if i try to back peddle now she'll probably be hurt, and yes im planning on telling her im bi eventually, like i said the main reason more people dont already know is b.c i feel awkward bringing it up rather than because i dont want people to know.

    as for the bi thing in general, in responce to a previous post, i think its somewhere between the two extremes that were mentioned. I dont have a strong preferance to either guy or girl, but when i have a crush on a guy (which is rarer) the crush tends to be much stronger and i think its partially due to the "taboo" of it, cuz in past experiences when i had experiences with guys the feelings usually lessened a lot once they became reality. However, if anything were to become reality with me and this guy i feel like it would be different because its a lot stronger and has more substance than in guy crushes past.. so idk

    i dont get why both of these two had to become part of my life at the same time -_-
     
  18. D_Bubba_Butter

    D_Bubba_Butter Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2012
    Messages:
    2,845
    Likes Received:
    13
    Because life sucks. :)

    Better you than a lot of people, though... You aren't just thinking of yourself in all this - you're thinking about the effect on other people, especially your girl. So whatever happens, you can still have respect for yourself.
     
  19. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    There has got to be a reason why she is attracted to men who turn out to be gay or bi. Talk to her about the theory of a 3some. Talk to her about open relationships. You are obviously not so very in love with her that you want monogamy, or you would not be looking at anybody else, male or female.

    It is possible to love more than one person sincerely because every person is unique, and your love for them is therefore also unique. However you must be very clear with anyone you go steady with, what you both expect regarding the loving of others. And you both must agree.

    Since you have used the L word with her, it is only fair to get these things worked out between you. Talk about every possibility. And whether you are bi or not, are you ready to be monogamous or not? Will you ever be ready? There is no substitute for talking openly about these things with your girl.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted