Unable to ejaculate during sex and BJ's

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by coutter, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. coutter

    coutter Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    58
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    288
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast
    I have never been able to have an orgasm during sex, ever. However, I have been able to climax during hand jobs and personal gratification. During sex I am able to maintain an erection. During the initial act I'm enjoying myself but after any duration of time I mentally fade away. Are my partners holes not tight enough? Not sure what the deal is. Has this happened with anyone else?
     
  2. bigman420

    bigman420 Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    146
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Try a vagina. See what happens.
     
  3. slcnewlife64

    slcnewlife64 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2008
    Messages:
    139
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Salt Lake City
    did it happen to you before?
     
  4. crescendo69

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    8,142
    Likes Received:
    20
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Knoxville, TN
    Few people could get me off, too. They need to study how you masturbate and imitate those motions with their hands or mouth. Harder to do with their ass.:wink: Takes patience and dedication.
     
  5. slcnewlife64

    slcnewlife64 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2008
    Messages:
    139
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Salt Lake City
    sometimes level of hornyness count too
     
  6. matt121matt121

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2007
    Messages:
    1,409
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    77
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fort Lauderdale, Florida
    I have issues ejaculating with a partner during sex, its more common when the person is new before my body gets to know them. I know that sounds weird but once my body gets to know them and trusts them then it becomes much easier for the guy to bring me to orgasmic pleasure.
     
  7. D_Betty Beanbags

    D_Betty Beanbags New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2009
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    I could never get off with a guy fucking me, not that this is the same as what you are experiencing but... it took forever for me to find a guy that even made me wet, let alone could get me off during sex. How old are you and how many partners have you had? Sometimes when you are accustomed to yourself and how you get yourself off, sex with a partner is a letdown. Or at least it was for me until I tried women and then my clock started ticking. Eventually I fucked enough guys that I found one that turned me on, then things changed dramatically for me. However, it took a lot of guys before I found that *one*. HTH
     
  8. biz4two

    biz4two New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Messages:
    105
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Albuquerque
    Here is an idea...might want to try using a vibe butt plug in you while you are fucking your partner. What this will do...is stimulate your prostate...and encourage a strong ejaculation. Give it a try...and see if it works.

    HINT: It worked for me!!! Now...I don't need that...but it is good to know it is there if I did.


    biz
    :wink:
     
  9. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
    It sounds to me as if you might have a little bit of performance anxiety. I have found that the best way to deal with that is:

    1) Only have sex with people whom you trust and who really turn you on; I only fade out now when I compromise on that and try to expand beyond my comfort range;

    2) Be as clear as possible with your sex partner(s) about your expectations and limits;

    3) Only have sex when you're sober.

    FWIW, I've never been a big blowjob fan. 95% of the people out there are really untalented at fellatio, especially on a larger cock.
     
  10. steelepole

    steelepole New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2009
    Messages:
    16
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Diego
    Concentrate! Why are you fading away? Figure out what makes your attention fade and try to focus!
     
  11. hud01

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2009
    Messages:
    5,262
    Likes Received:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    new york city
    This is anti everything you normally say, but you can try this. Jerk off until you are getting really close to cumming and then enter your partner. You have to make sure your partner knows this is what you are doing and why.

    The whole intent is to get you to be able to cum inside someone, not to make this an every time event.
     
  12. open501s

    open501s Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    645
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    I use to have this problem too. Still happens from time to time.

    It is kind of like being "pee shy".

    Just make your goal in making the other person feel good, and get them off. You might try something like a "flesh light". Don't use your hand with it; fuck it.

    When you are to the point you can cum hands free with it use a condom with it. The cheeper thicker condoms worked best for me and the flesh light.

    Save the good condoms for your real life partners.
     
  13. needjobud

    needjobud Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2009
    Messages:
    52
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sacramento (CA, US)
    I used to have this problem when I was younger. I think there were a number of factors at work:

    1. I jacked off three times a day, every day (occasionally more) and almost never used lube. My dick was used to my hand and was probably somewhat desensitized. I never varied my technique, which also couldn't have helped.

    2. Sex was a novelty and was maybe a little nerve-wracking and usually done in less than ideal circumstances.

    3. It never occurred to me to have someone use a lube while jacking me off and I wasn't very good at saying "That's not quite it, could you try it this way?"

    At an age when stereotype says I should have been shooting too soon, all my orgasms waited until I finally took over myself. It wasn't the end of the world, but I definitely wanted to be *made* to have an orgasm just to see what it was like.

    It finally happened one night when a friend stayed over. He woke up around 5:00 in the morning and went to the bathroom, which woke me up. We started fooling around, but he didn't really seem to want me to do anything to him and instead just started orally concentrating on me. Didn't take long and it was *intense*. I think it finally happened because I was very relaxed at that hour, hadn't jacked off in a few hours and was being helped along by someone who really seemed to want to help me along.

    It didn't happen again for something like four years and I can again think of how it was a special situation: It was a rare occasion where I had the apartment totally to myself without my straight roommate, the "date" had been set up several days in advance so I made a point *not* to masturbate after it had been set and, once things got under way, he asked me with what seemed like a totally sincere desire to get me off, "How would you like to come?"

    It got easier after that and happened more often over the years, but it took time. Now I find I can kind of take or leave it (don't get me wrong, it's great when it happens, but as my nick implies, I *love* masturbating) and it's not such a big deal.

    I don't know if any of that's helpful or not...I guess I mostly want you to know that you're not alone. I've also known guys who don't necessarily have a problem being brought to orgasm by someone else, but they swear they just enjoy it more when they do it themselves because they know exactly what they want. There was a time I found that kinda crazy, but I sorta get it now.

    Probably the most important thing you can do is relax. And if it's something you really, really want to have happen, tell your partner. I don't think anyone is going to be upset by it and they may really get off on the challenge.
     
  14. Stephenmass

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,886
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston
    Only advice I have is to jerk off less than you do. Could be that your dick wants your hand over anything else. Or stop jerking off all together and only have sex with your partner or if you don't have a partner anybody that you may be having sex with.

    I also agree with the stop thinking about "I can't cum"...... The more you think about it, as said above, the more you will probably fail because you EXPECT to, not because you want to. I think what is happening the way you describe it above is this. You are fucking someone, and you mentally begin to think it's taking you a long time. Once this thought enters your head your dick responds to your mental fade away.

    Enjoy your "staying power" instead of thinking it's taking a long time. It could be a lot worse man. You could be shooting a few seconds after you enter, and then you have a totally different problem. Stop thinking "it's taking a long time"; most partners probably enjoy the fact that you can go on and on and totally please them before you eventually shoot yourself (which once you figure that out you will become a very pleasing partner to have!!)!!

    As far as BJ's go guy, a LOT of guys can't cum from BJ's. I think it may be for the same reasons as above to be honest instead of allowing yourself to relax enough to simply enjoy the sensations the giver is giving you. Don't worry about how long it takes. If the giver's mouth "gets tired", take breaks as there is no time clock during sex; as a matter of fact I LOVE LONG SESSIONS that are not in a rush to get off.



    Good luck!
     
    #14 Stephenmass, Mar 22, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2009
  15. Luvalarge-n-thick1

    Luvalarge-n-thick1 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2007
    Messages:
    110
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Denver
    Hi. There is a missing connecting in there. You are able to do it by yourself, not a problem there.... The problem might not be the problem but the manifestation of a deeper problem. I think there is a deeper connection you are missing. I have not read any of the previous posts try to find a way to find out what that deeper issue is.
     
  16. MickeyLee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    11,782
    Likes Received:
    1,787
    Location:
    neverhood
    not really. just a lil while on LPSG has learn'd me the perils of Penis Death Grip, Over Wank, Cum Shy, Too Many Expectations and every other speed bump a guy hits on the way to Happyville. his only issue is finding out where the snag is and working it out from there.

    i'm guessing the OP is a younger guy and he might not have figured out what makes him pop with another person. everyone excepts the idea that you need to learn how to please your partner, learning what you enjoy and how to relax enough to enjoy it is the same idea.

    OP just calm down, enjoy the moment for what it is, focus on the experience and not your orgasm. sex is going to feel wildly different from masturbation for more than the obvious reasons. put your focus on the touch/taste/feel of being with someone, all the skin contact, the body heat, the give and take. in time everything will work out, promise.

    ml
    not everyone needs therapy, sometimes a guy just needs you to play with his balls.
     
  17. Average_joe

    Average_joe Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Messages:
    124
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minnesota
    It has happened to me. I've orgasmed with another person only once, the second time I had sex. Otherwise, I've had no success in getting off with another person unless I stimulate myself. Oral, vaginal, anal, handjobs, nothing seems to trigger it. I can feel pleasure, it feels good, but after a while the physical pleasure starts to fade away. Sometimes when I'm lucky, it will feel really good and I'll think I might be heading towards an orgasm, only for the pleasure to plateau and nothing happens.

    I'm pretty sure it is mostly a mental block, but beyond that I don't know how to deal with it. My lover of the last three years has been incredibly sympathetic, patient, and helpful; I feel incredibly comfortable with her. Yet I haven't moved any closer to having an orgasm during sex.

    To the OP; you have my deepest sympathies. This problem is frustrating, potentially embarrassing, and above all confusing.
     
  18. coutter

    coutter Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    58
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    288
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast
    I appreciate all the good feedback. This gives me some things to think and try. Again, thanks for the feedback. It's nice not to feel alone.
     
  19. Capitolhillguy

    Capitolhillguy Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2007
    Messages:
    645
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    i have frequent sex with other but almost never cum with others. It pisses some people off, but I can only cum with really good head. One runs into really top notch head in only about .05% of people. If they don't want my cum in their mouth, I couldn't be bothered. The last time I came with someone else was a year ago at Steamworks in Chicago with a master fellatrix.
     
  20. Unwizened Wizard

    Unwizened Wizard New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2006
    Messages:
    6
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Definite penile dysfunction. Chop it off; it is no good.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted