unable to orgasm

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by missbec, Jun 13, 2006.

  1. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    Sadly enough i found out that some women cant orgasm then sooner found that i was one of them. I've had a couple of sex partners that were unable to make me "come" (yet it is not necessary to come and orgasm at the same time). I definitely was relaxed and into it, i have absolutely no idea why. I will get it checked out soon enough and get back to you, in the mean time does anyone have an suggestions?
    Thanks,
    -bec
     
  2. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    i take it not many people experience this?
     
  3. smally

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    Hi Bec,

    When you say "can't orgasm", do you mean through intercourse or by any means?

    Have you tried "appliances" (vibes, washer on spin, etc), manual, and oral? I wonder if techniques such as Tantric could help.

    Good luck Bec


    smally
     
  4. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    by any means at all smaly, ive tried most things, giving up hope:eek: :mad: nevertheless everything else is great
    -becss
     
  5. shocked

    shocked Member

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    most of women can't reach to orgasm with penetration. Most of them can reach with clitoral stimulation. G spot orgasm is rare.
     
  6. Gisella

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    Hi Missbec

    I do understand how u may feel because i thought i was frigid for a "long" time...but the truth was that i was ignorant about my own body plus "traumatized" by my first sexual experience...i did not knew that i had clitoris and where it was but still today the clitoris is not my love button...i have to have penis inside plus do my own thing to cum...

    In my case no men gave orgasm but i give orgasms to myself...and i discovered i cum just by vaginal penetration or vaginal divice masturbation...it took a while to learn to "move right" in the postions that i cum is me on top and missionary...i learned too cum in my mid 20's and in my first long term relationship too (i discovered i needed to feel "secure" with a loving attentive man and etc to erase bad first sexual experience).

    Its interesting because im very excited athletic participative and hyper most men that i had never knew i did not cum..because seemed i was having a great time with them and they said i was hot and etc..well i was for sure but did not cum...yet...:tongue:

    For sure u will cum!!! I know u will! take your time!

    Kisses and give us updates, ok?
     
  7. Gillette

    Gold Member

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    I know what you are talking about. You shouldn't feel that there is anything wrong with you for not having an orgasm, not should the guy think that there is anything wrong with him.

    For some women it is more difficult to orgasm than it is for others. Just as there is a large variation in penis size and shape, there is also considerable variation in womens genitalia. The clitorus varies in size and proximity to the vagina and I'm sure there are internal differences from woman to woman.

    I'm actually glad you brought this up because I have a message to all men...

    Lack of orgasm does not equal failure !!!

    For either party.

    As I'm not trying to reassure anyone just after the fact I hope this will be heeded.

    Some of the best sex I've ever had ( the kind where you become obsessed ) occured without an orgasm happening.
    The worst orgasm I can have, IF I can have it is the "Cum on Command"
    The best orgasm (the ones that seize me by the spine) happen by surprise.

    My least favorite words are "Cum for me". When I hear that I go from a state of wildly unfocused bombardment of sensation and snap to "Oh, shit, now I have a specific goal". The experience that up until then had been "Oh, God, this is amazing!" becomes "what will accomplish the task". Stop saying it !

    You can't pretend you didn't hear, I have NEVER heard it said just the once.

    And what happens if the orgasm doesn't?
    Bruised ego?
    Subconcious resentment because you "held out" on him?
    Or worse, the dogged determination that "By God, she will next time !"

    That can create performance anxiety for us ladies.

    P.S. If the winning combination were just unique moves and manual dexterity we would all be dating jugglers.

    Whew, what a load off !
    You can do everything right and not have it happen.
    You can do everything that made it happen last time and not have it happen.
    We are not guaranteed to cum.
    It happens.
     
  8. G4Girl

    G4Girl New Member

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    Hi Bec,

    Sometimes it's just a matter of being with the right person. Someone you can openly communicate with, and be honest with about what's happening with you.
    Men know how to 'fix' women...communication is key.

    I remember having my own struggles with achieving an orgasm, at a time I was feeling alot of stress. And although I highly believe that sex is the best 'stress reliever'....not being able to orgasm actually brought on more stress...(which kinda kick the 'reliever' part out the window)
    I thought there was something wrong with me. It got me down, made me feel inadequate and insecure, and the whole time I was experiencing this, I didn't realize that all I needed to do was ask my man for help.
    Get it out in the open.
    I didn't realize how much pressure I was putting on myself unnecessarily, until I started talking about it.

    Most men, (I believe)...that hear they're faced with such a 'challenge' ...... will go that extra mile to be the 'Champion'.
    Relax and enjoy! And if anything, you'll learn alot more about the importance of intimacy in a relationship.
    It doesn't always have to do with achieving that orgasm.
    (But just don't give up the goal..)
     
  9. Jessica

    Jessica New Member

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    Hy Bec.
    Do not feel bad. First of all, you are perfectly normal. Many women do not orgasm. Most women are capable of orgasming, but, perhaps, you have not found the way.
    I did not orgasm untill I played with myself. I cum by clitoral stimulation, and, dildo penetration.
    With a guy, I orgasm through oral sex, and, usually, I have to " train" my lover so he does what turns me on.
    I suggest you first try masturbation, and, clitoral stimultation, and, play with dildos. Once you orgasm, then, you will open the door.
    One posibility, you may have low testosterone count. Testosteron is the male hormone, but, we have a small amount that drives our sex drive . Men have a small amount of estrogens in their bodies, we produce small amounts of the opposite hormone.
    Talk to your gyn , she will be able to take an easy blood test , and , determine if there is anything that is preventing you from achieving orgasms.
    Not reacing orgasm is not that uncommon. In the past, women did not even know there was something like a female orgasm. We have to find out how to bring it out. Some women achieve it through clitoral carresing, some others through penetration...some requiere oral sex by their lovers ( like me..:rolleyes: ) .
    Talk to your gyn about it, and, start playing w yourself girl.
     
  10. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    Firstly id like to thank you for your brilliant advice.
    I still have yet to make the appointment with the gyn, and am thiking a blood test is something simple to go through, its not that embarassing yet ive had to tell lovers that i cant and they seem to feel inadequate when they, themselves say ofcourse you can yet they dont get me there!
    I have my head held high and am thinking yeah, i may have to make a couple of changes!
    thanks again
    -bec,
    i will keep you updated, in a couple of weeks time
     
  11. Pirate Wench

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    Don't know what prescriptions you may or may not be taking, but anti-depressants suppress sexual responses and orgasms in many people.

    And actually quite a few other drugs can suppress sexual responses and they don't usually mention that side effect in the printed info you get with a prescription.

    It's not right that they leave that out....leaving those affected to think there's something really wrong with them ....and don't know it's the drug's effect.
     
  12. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    i do wish that was the reason, but im afraid im not taking any drugs, never really did like taking headache tablets or prescriptive ones. Yet i have been on the birth control pill, now off that too, that may or may not have something to do with it!?
    -bec
     
  13. Doc

    Doc New Member

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    Antidepressant, and a whole range of other drugs can depress the sex drive. But I think you might have a problem for experience and not one of physiology. I posted some time ago about an ex that I couldn't have orgasms with me. It wasn't that she couldn't come, but how she couldn't. When she got close, she would start to have what I thought was an orgasm but she would feel pain all through her core. That was physiological problem. After that I read up on the low rate of women that don't reach orgasms to find out why. It seems most of the severe cases have irriversible physiological differences. Some from childbirth, etc. But that rate is very low. Most women that can't attain an orgasm can do appropriate exercises to strengthen the muscles in their womb, cervix, etc. to help with general alignment so that everything works as it should. The rest is all psychology. If you feel comfortable with your partners you will have a greater chance. If you have fear related to reaching an orgasm, because of childhood experiences or stress and pressure, you have to learn to eliminate it. If you have for example never explored your own body, you need to get to it, so you find out what is pleasurable and what is not. I'm sure alot of this is common sense, and you probably have already gone over most of it yourself, but an orgasm is not something that needs to happen, especially with a woman.

    When you, and it wants to, it will show itself. With the right partner of course, male or female. You never know. But check with you GYN and make sure nothing is physiologically wrong, and if it is how you can go about improving the situation. Then you should be fine. Good luck.
     
  14. Lordpendragon

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    Way back in the mists of time, I started a thread called something like learning to orgasm - most people didn't understand what I was talking about, but Gisella's response to you enforces to me anyway that some people need to "learn" and recognise their responses and the development of an orgasm. Then it becomes like muscle memory - of course its then nice to be surprised.

    I suggest taking a weekend somewhere with the sole purpose of learning to pleasure yourself. Now that can't be bad.

    Without wishing to be too controversial - I don't think that the female orgasm is a man's responsibility - well that's what Germaine told me to say.
     
  15. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    I do understand your view on the man not having the reponsiblity to make a woman orgasm, yet they somehow think they do, most if not all, i guess thats what sex is, reaching climax then its all over if not for a second time around making climax really the ending point. Some comments are made more or less with couples such as when the male says something like "come for me baby" etc. When given thought to what you did say, it makes sense that it is not a guys responsiblity
    -bec
     
  16. Lordpendragon

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    So - have you booked the weekend?
     
  17. Love-it

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    If I may, a person needs to be comfortable in their own body.

    I found it hard to believe that the first blowjobs I ever received, from my future wife, were not successful from my standpoint. I did not know how to receive or interpret the new sensations even though I was very eager for the act.
     
  18. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Personally i have no problem with orgasms during sex but when it comes to masturbating..i just cant let myself go enough to get there.

    I get just to that peak where even my legs are shaking, my whole body is tingling, my lips are quivering and my back is arched..and i have to stop :confused:
     
  19. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    missbec,

    It sounds like you're doing it wrong.
     
  20. lonely7473

    lonely7473 New Member

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    oh do i know what you´re talking about!!!

    I´m 38, have a daughter on 13, and have NEVER got an orgasm togheter with nobody!! and I have been very active when it comes to having sex and i LOVE it! In fact, I´m a lil nymfo really!!
    It feels sooo good most of the times but i just dont get an orgasm. Dont ask why cause i really dont/didnt know! i have thought hard about it thou now lately and realized that it has probably with my selfconfidence, not feelin loved, secure and safe with my partner. It just has to be that, cause i can get it on my own, thats no problem!!

    now i have "met" someone from this site, but not in person yet! Allthou I´m looking forward to it alot!!!!!
    I think that with this guy I can relax and feel that calm, nice secure and loved feeling!

    This is my thougts and experiances

    lonely
     
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