unappreciated, what would you do?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by cocksure, Oct 21, 2004.

  1. cocksure

    cocksure New Member

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    Bare with me on this but here’s my story and problem. I am currently in a relationship now that started out supposed to being a one night stand. That was almost six years ago we are currently living together with two children in a married state although I have not been able to ever set a date and make it legal. We love each other very much but our sex life is horrible. The problem I believe stems from her not liking penises of any sort. She is not a lesbian by any means she has just had really bad experiences with a man (step-dad) starting very young. So I do really feel for her. Now this becomes my problem. I was very shy growing up and not until college did I realize that I had something to be proud of …. No, not a mammoth but a very respectable piece of equipment and my biggest turn-on became receiving positive comments on my tool from the woman that I shared it with. Now here I am in a relationship with a woman that not only has no appreciation for me in that way but also a relationship with a lack of intimacy of any kind. I think I could be happy in this monogamous relationship if she would have the same appreciation for my member as I do but it doesn’t look that will happen so I fight daily with my conscious trying to rationalize having an outside relationship. To me the best part of sex is when I get the “Oooh! You’re hung like a horse” comments. I used to consider myself a very caring lover but find myself knowingly thrusting a little harder at times to elicit the ouches! Out of her. Which I know is horrible for the intimacy part of our situation but it helps me get off reminding myself what I have. I guess I am just looking for an outlet for my sexuality that won’t hurt her or our relationship. If anyone has any insight or even in the same boat I would appreciate just knowing. I already feel superficial enough as it is so before anyone flames me for being a selfish jerk I will just admit to that already. Besides I can’t imagine many here that aren’t at least a little bit proud of themselves. Now if you’re not in the same boat as me. First of all thank your lucky stars, then secondly try to imagine what it would be like being a pro golfer and married to someone who hates to golf.
     
  2. Max

    Max New Member

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    For myself I don't think you are a selfish jerk at all ... or superficial either for that matter.

    For a start, quite a few women never get the message that their man needs verbal appreciation just as much as they themselves do. So they miss out on building up their partner (and his ego) and therefore they also miss out on all the rewards that would bring the relationship ... they just assume, very wrongly, that men are tough and need no reassurance, appreciation, etc at all. A wise woman knows just how important and fragile the male ego is — exactly the same as a woman needs her beauty and everything else about her to be appreciated by her partner. If he forgets he is on a hiding to nothing ;)

    Sometimes it is more that they don't realise how much a man needs physical appreciation ... size, stamina, performance: if she forgets to praise him in that way, no matter how much she appreciates everything else about him, his personality, his looks, his success, etc., it could in the end undermine him, or leave him feeling cheated.

    I had a girlfriend once who I know loved me very deeply, but to whom my size and sexual charge, for instance, was a definite turn-off. She acted as if it was something she would have to endure. In the end this attitude was part of the reason I broke off the relationship.

    If you have something special about you, even if it is only a few extra inches of cock, you need to have it appreciated. So I don't think you are out of order at all. Is there any way you can get the message across to her?

    But it does seem to me that her problems are no reflection on you and your relationship with her at all, rather they are probably a result of problems from the past. Just maybe you should together seek some professional help about this.
     
  3. jeepwranglerboi

    jeepwranglerboi New Member

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    I agree a lot with what Max had to say. Yes we all want to be loved and have our ego stroked to some degree. It does sound like she may need some therapy (let's face it who doesn't!) dealing with her issues with penises and perhaps some might be good for you to deal with the ego/penis size issue. You obviuosly really love this lady so I think that you can work it out and both come to a positive solution. I cannot imagine being in your position and I am sure it is very difficult, just remeber it takes time and patience. Keep us posted on everything and I wish you the best! :)
     
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