unapproachable

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Vestigial, Dec 19, 2006.

  1. Vestigial

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    To me it is you.
    To you it is me.

    How I arrived here:
    I found this place when searching for clothing that would support my size. I somehow linked this place with large egos and thought it would support and resolve mine, so I joined in hopes of becomming a better person. I came here hoping to make no friends, so that I wouldn't care enough to leave before badly hurting them.

    Maybe an ego of my magnitude... requires an Evil Genius Support Group.

    unapproachable
    We probably cannot approach each other yet, but most who start this journey do so with small steps. Expect many more failed attempts from me, try not to judge me on them.., even if I suddenly burst out through hatred and anger... I rarely judge you. I cannot feel any ill blood in regard to you all..,

    approach
    You may reply in any way, in any form you wish. Honesty is a hard thing to encompass.., if you wish to help, point at the words and sentances that fail. I'll... try to start with where I sit, not in reality, but in life..,

    ...

    My position:
    I have locked myself in a room.
    It has been 3 weeks.
    I want enough control to exit.
    I do not want to hurt those I care for.
    I require control.

    My senses:
    Birds call from outside. I smell... little, I have grown accustomed. My feet are cold and my nose slightly stuffy. A ballad plays... Elle's Theme for Terranigma (lovely console game). This seat appears to be faux leather, of executive nature, and as damaged as the rest of my room.
    Books and empty containers are amongst the chaos of my table.., a baby blue iPod mini rests quietly.

    My intent:
    To solve the problem.
     
  2. vinny_spiruccino

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    Why'd ya lock yourself in your room?

    And, btw, when I return in the next life as animation I fully intend to fuck your avatar in the ass.
     
  3. Onslow

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    So just keep shuffling your feet forward, it's the first part of it and a huge accomplishment. don't knock yourself down for failed attempts.
    Keep in mind that often timess reality and life are one in the same. I haven't seen any failed sentencdes on your part yet so I can't point them out.
    ...
    Well, you're here so enjoy. Everyone is approachable, just make the move forward. Pull the door open rapidly and get outside. The longer you are inside the harder it gets to get outside. This is on both a physical and a mental level. If your feet are cold put some socks on.

    To get control when going outside focus on one thing and then move forward. DOn't let sounds or sights frighten you back or push you into a rage. Ignore them.
     
  4. Vestigial

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    Hehe...

    I tend to do things. Like try and lift old giant ship engines out of the beach while they are still half-filled with sand. Moved slightly, but failed to uproot it. I just get strange desires to try the impossible...
    I love doing the impossible. It's a strong desire within me, and the occasional victory spurs me further.

    Also, lust... the lust from others built within me. I have almost solved greed and jealousy... but now lust nearly claimed me as one of it's own. So, back to the room, to sweat it off with fellow netters who'd choose a bar of soap over me.

    Though it is stopping me from helping others out there (I work much better on a physical and musical level).., I feel I will do less damage behind a screen. Certainly I cannot accidentally knock people over as I rush through a shopping mall with Eye of the Tiger blaring in my ears.

    The avatar was the closest resemblance I could find of myself on the internet. Though, I am fully natural, which allows my body to change (sometimes markedly) with mood. I still love metal. :)
     
  5. Male Bonding etc

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    Frankly, Vestigial, I have found many of your posts too distant for me to hook into. However, I am interpretting this thread as a call for help from a very depressed man. Perhaps I am mistaken, I certainly hope I am, but on the off chance that I am not, I offer the following:

    After I graduated from college, I was living in a big US city (Houston) in an apartment. I had a job, I had a girl friend, I had friends, but life was not turning out quite as I had anticipated. I remember realizing I was depressed and had been depressed for some time. I wondered if I would ever, EVER, feel happy again, if there was any way to rise out of the depths of that depression and carry on. It seemed impossible. Nonetheless, I forced myself to move on, see the things that were indeed positive in my life, and make some difficult, but rewarding decisions... Eventually, I realized I had moved beyond my depression, and life was indeed good.

    Then I married a woman I loved. I lusted after the life we were going to share. I loved the life we were sharing. I had never been happier. We were both very happy. She died. I, not surprisingly, went into deep depression. I didn't care if I lived or died. Again my instinct to survive, along with the love of family and friends, and perhaps the spiritual support of those no longer in this life carried me beyond the darkest months... I still miss her intensely, I still find myself less enthused about things than I might wish, but I do enjoy life.

    I look forward to new friendships, new loves, perhaps even parenthood. The impact I hope to make on this world is still a glowing challenge before me. There are infinite opportunities to choose direction, inspiration, love and pleasure.

    In short, I've been in my rooms before, looking out the window and thinking I'd rather stay in. It turns into inertia, the tendancy of a motionless body to remain motionless and a moving body to remain moving... and the cure is to move. Go out the door, face the people, play on the beach, climb the mountain, build the relationship. Even though you don't feel like it, go outside.

    I am not sure where you are in Australia, but it should be a wonderful time of year there. Allow yourself to appreciate what is going on in the world and your place in it.
     
  6. Vestigial

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    I beat myself up alot, but try not to damage.
    And failed as in where I failed to approach you. My points may or may not be valid, but unless they reach you, they are worthless.

    My mental move forward is made to odd levels.
    I haven't slept in over 24 hours, though I may still burst out.
    And.. I tolerate the cold. The more cold I tolerate, the more I can further tolerate.

    Explosions and the Police freak me the most often. These are childhood phobias. But I move constantly. I feel as long as I move, anywhere and in any form, I am not stagnating, I am not dying inside. I often leap to help others, even if I cannot help.

    One little psychic problem i've gifted/cursed myself with during my development... Empathy... I feel things. I feel others. I feel their lust. I feel their rage. I do not want to push others away. Even if I must close every other door in my existence, I do not want to close myself to feeling.

    And... I struggle to ignore. I have fated myself to accept everything, with as much honesty as I can. As such, my 'care' has spread thin.
     
  7. Matthew

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    In LPSG as in life, when I'm having trouble communicating, I will often listen more and speak less. That sometimes helps to bring things back into balance.
     
  8. vinny_spiruccino

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    How bouta steel pipe? And does this mean I should set my sights on fucking the real you in the ass during this lifetime?
     
  9. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    Like Male Bonding, I don't know how seriously to take you. You don't seem to want anyone to 'get' you ... and that wish is an easy one to achieve, for better or worse.

    To me it is you.
    To you it is me.
    No, to me, you are indescribable and unknown ... and not necessarily all that interesting. Can't be any other way.

    I somehow linked this place with large egos and thought it would support and resolve mine, so I joined in hopes of becomming a better person. I came here hoping to make no friends, so that I wouldn't care enough to leave before badly hurting them.
    What is a 'better person'? Definition, please.
    Came here hoping to make no friends? Naked lie there, boy.

    Maybe an ego of my magnitude... requires an Evil Genius Support Group.
    It's kind of funny to be so egotistical about your egotism, but where does it take you?

    Even if I suddenly burst out through hatred and anger... I rarely judge you. I cannot feel any ill blood in regard to you all..,
    How could you burst out in hatred and anger while feeling no ill blood?

    Point at the words and sentances that fail.
    Where do I begin?

    I'll... try to start with where I sit, not in reality, but in life...
    This is a sentence that fails.

    I have locked myself in a room.
    It has been 3 weeks.
    I want enough control to exit.
    I do not want to hurt those I care for.
    I require control.
    The only control you can get is through deciding to give up control.

    Birds call from outside. I smell... little, I have grown accustomed. My feet are cold and my nose slightly stuffy.
    Leave the room, take a bath, blow your nose. Take care of business. It's very simple; you know that.

    A ballad plays... Elle's Theme for Terranigma (lovely console game). This seat appears to be faux leather, of executive nature, and as damaged as the rest of my room.
    You are exquisite. Now, fix up your room.

    My intent:
    To solve the problem.
    The problem is your wallowing, assuming that this is not all a joke.
    But you know all of this.
     
  10. Vestigial

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    Thankyou. I am not depressed anymore (I was before, some months ago) but you offer the honesty I desperately seek in others.

    I know a psychic warrior who collapsed when his wife died. His powers... just shut down. But he could still hold a sword and a mean fist, so he endured. I've lost many things too. I but I endure.

    Unless I do.., I will not know if there was a chance for me to succeed.


    My life is the best it's ever been.., and any low I may feel now will probably help swing me into the next greatest high. I have changed... I love to move (I currently spread across the internet), the people I face are often far more decent than the few hard cases, the watery beach is nice to wade through for hours upon hours, I am a good mountainclimber,..

    The relationship. Bam. I wish to build a relationship with Nature, but I am hesitant. She has helped me so greatly, but I can do little but relocate spiders across paths and rescue paniced flies from the inside of cars. To help her I will have to change humanity. To do that I will have to change myself.

    I really do... want to go outside, I feel exhausted.. but happy just thinking of it. *yawns as he leans on his desk*


    This post is being typed in Altona / Melbourne / Victoria / Australia / Earth. *rechecks his post once more before clicking Submit Reply*
     
  11. Vestigial

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    Excellent advice. Study others so I can realise the way they communicate with themselves..?

    Haha. Err... I like steel pipes, but I can get a bit frisky and damage them. A weapon in my hands, or aimed at my hands... is almost as good as destroyed.

    *pats the sledgehammer beside his desk before clicking Submit Reply*
     
  12. novice_btm

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    You can't be a marginalizing prick, offensively dismissing others pain in one thread, but beg for everyone's understanding, by peddling your pretentious bullshit of wounded pain in this thread, you pathetic passive-aggressive self-proclaimed troll.
     
  13. D_Gunther Snotpole

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    Thank you, novice.
     
  14. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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  15. D_Gunther Snotpole

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  16. D_alex8

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    Ideas above your station on both counts, clearly. :rolleyes:
     
  17. JustAsking

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    Vestigial,
    If you sense people are hesitant to respond to your posts it might be because most of them are unfathomable. You are an enigma wrapped in a mystery. I don't think anyone is offended, and in fact, I find some astonishing imagery in what you write. However, I am pretty sure most people don't know how to respond to it.

    Now if you are not in trouble, physically or emotionally, I invite you to keep posting your opaque but highly lyrical prose. I am very entertained and fascinated by it. I try to fathom it like a secret code, looking for a pattern in your posts, but I am beginning to think your words are coming form a creative and capricious intellect that will always confound me. Anyway don't be too surprised at the blank stares you are getting from other potential responders. Don't take it personally.

    On the other hand, if you are in some kind of physical or emotional trouble, then I especially invite you to post, but don't let this be your only avenue for any kind of help that you need. We are sometimes good listeners, but we are also preoccupied with our own stuff, so sometimes we can be insensitive. But, when we are at our best, there is some real caring conversation that goes on here.
     
  18. D_Gunther Snotpole

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    JustAsking, I feel chastened by your display of kindness.
    Thank you.
     
  19. novice_btm

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    Personally, I just see it as way too much credit given, where none is really due. :rolleyes:

    Clarifying: That is, JustAsking's generous comments give Vesticle the undue credit.
     
  20. D_Gunther Snotpole

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    Problem for me is, I can't really tell.
    He does have some good imagery, and he could be an infinitely sensitive person who needs good treatment, not bad.
     
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