Unbelievable Craigslist ad (funny? bizarre? offensive?)

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by FleshlightMouth, Oct 4, 2007.

  1. FleshlightMouth

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2004
    Messages:
    2,355
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    392
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Providence, RI • Fort Lauderdale, FL
    I usually browse through the personal ads on Craigslist with bemusement but this one left me shaking my head in disbelief. So many things wrong with this.....
    Get ready, here it comes:


    Experienced fister needed - 40

    Date: 2007-09-10, 2:57PM EDT

    You are small handed, know everything you need to tell me about fisting, have anything we may need as I am new to this and have no idea what I'm doing. I do not have any lube other than some KY, I don't know how to clean out my hole, I've only taken small to average dicks and have no toys so you have to supply all of this. All toys need to be clean, not having been in someone else's ass and I expect to see the original wrappers and receipts dated on the day we play. I do not have a lot of time to waste on multiple emails but I do have many questions and you have to have a lot of patience as I am tight and do not know what to expect. You will lube me up, all safely, clean me out, I'm not sure if this part is done with a bag, a hose or your hands, you will open me up with fingers, then toys then your hand, at least that's what I'm told is the way it's supposed to happen, so if you think you know a better way, you are going to have to prove to me that it would work. Although you will be teaching me, I may not remember everything, including your name, when you're coming or what you look like, so it is your responsibility to make sure I remember this but do not repeat yourself as I get bored with that very quickly. If you are on your way as we have everything all set up, you are required to know that I still have questions as I am very nervous about this and will be answering my mail as you drive to my house. If we have everything set up and I start asking more questions you will answer them, no matter how many times you already did or how annoying they may seem to you, even though anyone else in their right mind would find them annoying, I am the one asking them so just answer. This is even if I've told you in the first mail to come on over, do not be surprised if I keep talking to you for at least another hour. I DO NOT travel, so you have to bring all the supplies out to my place in West Warwick but I am worth it. You will not be given my address as I do not want freaks knocking on my door, but you will be expected to find my place. You are completely disease free, not just because I'm telling you, but because you are, and you do not have sex with anyone that could EVER have a disease because this is my life you are playing with so DO NOT think that you can go and play however safe you play thinking that you can then put you hand in my ass. Don't think you'll be able to blame it on any of the guys that have fucked me in the last few months blaming it on a leaky condom from one of them even though that's possible and even though you exchanged no fluids with me. You will wear at least two pairs of gloves and saran wrap on your wrists, I'm not sure if that's as safe as you can get, but whatever else you can do, that is what you will do. You will not have any cuts or hangnails and all your supplies will be sterile. I do not know how to keep everything clean during this, but you will bring whatever you have to so my house does not get greasy and if there are any lube stains you will take full responsibility for all and any laundry, including dry cleaning. You will not be seen by any of my neighbors coming to my house, there is a quarter mile path from a parking area to the back entrance that can be found if you bring a flashlight, but any light will attract neighbors attention so you need to know every step before you show up for a given date. If I ever catch a disease after we play you will be sued and take full responsiblity for not only my medical care but my income as well in addition to pain and suffering. I also detest any stray lube anywhere but my asshole so don't even think of playing with my dick if your hands are greasy. You will be fit, in shape, between the ages of 18 and 32, go to the gym at least 4 times a week and trim any and all stray hairs because I find that unsightly. You are going to have to deal with the four cats in my home even if you are severely allergic and if they get in the way or get lube on them, you're going to have to deal with it. If you have any freckles in odd places, moles, scars or blemishes you will be sent home and don't even think if coming here if you've ever had eczema or nose hairs. Your income is at least $62,000/yr and have had a college education, that is a Bachelor's degree, not just some piddly associate's degree from a community college. Although this takes place in my home, you live in a nice neighborhood, Fruit Hill or Elmhurst preferred, but if you're in one of the better areas of Edgewood, that will do. You will show up well dressed and groomed. If you have any fungal toenails you will be sent home, you'll be wearing your shoes and socks the entire time anyway, but this is a necessity that I will not budge on. If we are discussing a hookup and I decide I want someone else that I'm talking to simultaneously, you will be told not now and you'll have to expect a later date, even if we have already made plans to meet. Your middle initial is "A".
    Also, and most important, I am looking for someone knowledgable and authoritative that can teach me everything I need to know about this, so no wimps that have just done this a few times expecting me to do any work or make any decisions. You will take the role play very seriously, Doctor/patient scenes are required, Dad/son will follow, and you will tell me what a sleazy bad boy I am, you are completely in charge calling all the shots and I am totally at your mercy the entire time. I do not have a Doctor's exam table, so you will bring one and figure out how to get it to my home, this is necessary in order to get me in the mood. You'll also have all the necessary exam tools, giving me a full physical prior to ever touching my ass.
    I am a kindhearted very nice boy, very friendly, obedient, and can act whatever way I want but do not ever question any of this as I am not just some ignorant demanding fool like a lot of the other bottoms out there and I am always the center of attention.

    End of ad!


    I'm still amazed that somebody would actually THINK he might get a serious response :biggrin1:

    P.S. There have been many ads like this by the same guy over the past few weeks, and although it is so outrageous that it smells like a joke or a college prank, I really think he is serious about it.

    Check the other ads here, just for variety LOL

    rhode island craigslist > men seeking men: search for "fisting"
     
  2. pleasureboy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2007
    Messages:
    641
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    22
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Orleans
    Verified:
    Photo
    Where the hell do you get those kinds of specifics anyway?

    And why 62 thousand? WTF kind of number is that? Is there a magic change in sexual prowess above $61,750?

    This has got to be a product of boredom in a Brown dorm room.
     
  3. matticus201

    matticus201 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2007
    Messages:
    490
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    19
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dallas, TX
    This has to be a joke. "I'm not giving you my address, but you are expected to find my house." "You can find my backdoor with a flashlight." Suddenly I feel much better about myself. =)
     
  4. mww

    mww New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is definitely a prank. His next reply states he has two cats, while his initial post counted four. As a cat lover myself, I certainly couldn't forget any of my furry friends.
     
  5. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2006
    Messages:
    6,378
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    where the sun never sets
    One ex of mine was very happy that I was willing to try fisting with her. All of her other partners had been too afraid of hurting her. She quite enjoyed it, in spite of my enormous hands.
     
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    Yikes...
     
  7. Willy_the_Wonka

    Willy_the_Wonka New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    449
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Orange County, CA
    Maybe two of them went missing after an inexperienced fister came over and stuffed them up his dirty hole. :frown1:
     
  8. dreamer20

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2006
    Messages:
    4,492
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    N.Providence
    No he is not serious. This is a joke.:rolleyes:
     
  9. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    11,908
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northumberland
    Or used them to clean out his dirty hole.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted