Unconditional Love

sagayboy

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To the OP, are you familiar with Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love? You stated that you did some research on your feelings and you may have come across this particular theory.

Just in case you aren't familiar with the theory, I'll do a quick explanation. Sternberg asserts that there are three sides to love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Love can be comprised of any combination of these sides.

When intimacy and commitment are both present and there is an absence of passion, it is called companionate love. What you described sounds very much like companionate love. You obviously have a commitment to each other as friends and it sounds like your friendship is emotionally intimate.

I developed a very close friendship with a guy last year while I was in the midst of a 7 year relationship. The friend and I spent a lot of time together, if not in person, then on the phone. We did everything together (non-sexual) and shared everything about ourselves. I was closer to him than I had ever been to anyone (including past partners). I was convinced that I was in love with him so I broke up with my partner of 7 years. I revealed my feelings and his reaction was very much like the reaction of your friend - he had no romantic feelings for me. I was crestfallen and it took me weeks to get over the rejection. BUT after I got over the rejection, I evaluated my feelings and came to the realization that my love for him was purely companionate. Sure, I wouldn't have minded a physical relationship with him, but I was more interested in providing him with "unconditional" love and support. He had become my best friend in every sense of the word and I was so overwhelmed by the magnitude of our friendship that I mistook my feelings for a more romantic kind of love. The guy and I are still best friends and the love I have for him grows stronger everyday. AND after breaking up with my partner, I didn't know where to turn to meet a new fella so I jumped on match.com and found the probable love of my life. I have a best friend who I love and a man that I am madly in love with - I just love them both very differently.

Hope that helped. At least a little. You'll get through this!


Thanks mylonenickel!!!!
 

dreamer20

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I don't think there's such a thing as unconditional love. I think it's a romantic notion invented by religious people and self-help gurus to try to convince us all to be monogamous.

Re:Christianity: unconditional love is not about monogamy. It is not exclusive, but inclusive in that you are to love one another.